Today is a sad sad day. (alieliza)

Allison, I have a daughter that is going thru these same emotions after 7 years also.   Like I tell her, its ok to care.  I dont know your story but she was an "enabler" without meaning to be.   She just tried so hard to break the cycle, til the cycle broke her.  Its hard to move on, and you will find a peace and you will soon feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders.   The thin line you mention is there not only because you care but also out of habit.  Once you get settled, begin finding out who you really are, as opposed to who you tried to be.  My prayers and good wishes and lots of {{{hugs}}} go out to you.  Good luck with rediscovering Allison!

 I'm sorry to hear this and I know it will be tough at first.  I am going through couples counseling now because I can't decide if it's time to draw that line.  Part of me wants to, the other part, not so much but things will have to change and it will be hard.

Sending all the "be strong" vibes I can.

Strong vibes to you too.

alieliza

Shadows gin, am I your daughter?

 LOl, uhh not that I know of, ha!  My daughter lives in OKLA !  But If you need a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to bend, I have one left!

If it makes you feel any better, I moved out the 1st time and only made it a few months before I moved back. I hoped things were better but they weren't. I moved back out 6 months later and that's when he started seeing a counselor on his own. He really seemed to be making progress and we agreed to couple's counseling. Things were better and the counselor encouraged me to move back home, so I did. I stayed almost another year before I realized that things hadn't really changed at all and moved out for good. I don't recommend anyone peel the bandaid off that slowly but by the time I moved out for the last time, I no longer had doubts about what I was doing and I could move on without looking back.

When you've been in an enabling, caretaking relationship, it's not always comfortable or easy to focus on yourself but it does get easier

So sorry to hear you are going through this. I think one of the most painful lessons in life is learning that you can love somebody with everything you have, and it still won't make the relationship work.

I learned that once, and while I was heartbroken at the time, ending that relationship opened the door for me to meet DH  and find a different relationship that was a much better fit for me and my ex moved on and find a relationship that is much better for him.

Sending all the be strong and love yourself vibes I can. Before too long, there will be new light shining into your life and that will help refresh and invigorate you.

Allison, I have been kicking around this planet a long time and there are a few 'gems' I have learned along the way. Most relevant being that people rarely change and when and if they do it is usually precipitated by a crisis in their life. Of course you love and care about your friend, but as long as he has that in his life, he will not change. He will not move forward. This move is right for you on a personal level and it could be a godsend for your friend. Losing you may be his catalyst for change.

I hope that through this he finds happiness in life. He has had a slew of unfortunate things happen to him in his life, and he hasn't been able to turn any of it into positivity. Its terribly hard to do that, I know, but with me in his life he had grown to accept that, value me as "the only positive thing in his life" and just go on as things were, with me allowing it all to happen. I have made it far too easy for him to just take life for all it had handed him, and not push for more.

I hope hope hope for happiness for him, and for me.

alieliza

He has had a slew of unfortunate things happen to him in his life, and he hasn't been able to turn any of it into positivity. Its terribly hard to do that, I know, but with me in his life he had grown to accept that, value me as "the only positive thing in his life" and just go on as things were, with me allowing it all to happen.

Wow, that's a terribly large burden to put on you, being the only positive thing in his life.  It's no wonder you are exhausted.

Take care of yourself, the rest will come.

sharismom

alieliza

He has had a slew of unfortunate things happen to him in his life, and he hasn't been able to turn any of it into positivity. Its terribly hard to do that, I know, but with me in his life he had grown to accept that, value me as "the only positive thing in his life" and just go on as things were, with me allowing it all to happen.

Wow, that's a terribly large burden to put on you, being the only positive thing in his life.  It's no wonder you are exhausted.

Take care of yourself, the rest will come.

I know it is a large burden, and yes, I am exhausted. I'm going to try to take care of myself, and I know I sound like a broken record, but its just so hard when I've been caring for us for so long...

I, too, am a classic caretaker.  I learned to allow myself the freedom to be a little selfish one step at a time.  It's not a bad thing!  I have my relapses, but the less I take care of everyone else, the more irritated I feel when put in that position again.  Or allow myself to be put in that position.  The word "No" really is a complete sentence - you don't have to be everything to everyone.  You'll feel fewer resentments that way, too.  Detaching w/love is the key - you can care, but let him fix his own life, whether you are in it or not.  You are not responsible for his happiness or lack thereof.

Alison, I don't have any pearls of wisedom for you right now.  What I do have are a ton of hugs & strong vibes for you.  Grady said he'd be your bff if you want.

I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm sorry to hear that.And we're still here, in your corner.