Today is a sad sad day. (alieliza)

I called him today (its been 4 or 5 days since we broke up, and we hadn't spoken since...) to check in on him, and to work out some business (we've been together for 7 years, lived together, and have a lot of shared property/benefits/bank accounts/car insurance,etc...).

I was very apprehensive about calling him. I know I didn't want to call and say "I miss you, I love you...." even though that's what I'm feeling, because I'm also feeling a lot of other stuff that is far far away from that... but... It was REALLY good to talk to him.

He assured me that even though he was hurting like crazy, and the first two days for him were hell, that he is trying his best to look at this in positive light. That maybe this is for the better for both of us. That its an opportunity for him to take care of himself and work on loving himself. He also has a lot coming up with doctors, workman's compensation, etc. that he should stick around his hometown for also. And, he's got a plan for himself in terms of where he will be relocating to, starting anew, etc.

He offered to do things like leave me some of his tools (which is a BIG deal), help out in the new apartment if I need anything handyman-ish done, etc. because I'll always be in his heart.

I'm crying as I write this because this is all so so hard. But...

It was very, very bittersweet to have such a nice conversation with him... but so reassuring that we're both going to be ok.

 My heart is breaking for you. I've been through this also and its never easy. Its easier if you make everything separate and do it all on your own.

I know it will be easier to do it all separately, its best, really, and I know this is annoying to hear... but its just so hard! :(

He offered today to pay me monthly if I let him stay on my health benefits, but one of the reasons for this breakup is so that he can learn to do/get that kind of stuff for himself. It breaks my heart, with all of his health issues, to take his benefits away, but there are certainly ways for him to be covered (medicaid!)... right?

Oh man, that made me want to cry. He sounds like he's doing amazingly well and I'm sure that gives you some relief...but yeah, it's still got to be so hard just to hear his voice. I think the conversations I had with my ex that turned ugly were easier than the ones where he seemed so calm and together. This is such a tough time and I know for me, the weekends were the most difficult. I can remember driving to Target to buy some lamps one evening and bawling my eyes out at a stoplight and turning around and going home. (((HUGS)))

 Yes it does! I was on his ins. also.(hes a teamster), but now I'm on medicade. He'll try to make you feel bad for him, like you already don't, but be strong. It took me about two years to realize I have to do this for me.