glenmar
Posted : 6/9/2007 6:51:34 AM
When I was home full time, I made it a priority to get the stuff done that needed to be done during the week so we could play on the weekends. And it didn't matter what the stuff was...cutting the grass, painting a room, building a closet (yes, I too have power tools and you can make me a very happy lady by buying me MORE...forget jewelry...give me tools).
Maybe our situation is different because when we met I was a single working mom, used to having to handle everything on my own. When we got married it took all of ONE time for him to ask what he could do to help. I calmly told him that I didn't really like that question. Helping implies that its ALLL my job and that he's being a big man and lightening the load. Any relationship should be a partnership and that means sharing the responsibilities.
With the exception of several years recently I have always worked outside the home...even when our kids were little (ok, mine lived with us, his was here part of the time). It was never a matter of sitting down and diving up the chores and responsibilities....it just kind of evolved naturally based on abilities and enjoyment. For example, I've always enjoyed the yardwork. He sees it as a chore. Now, well, after the summer of the snakes, yeah, he has to do that "chore" because I'm flat out afraid to do it.
When I get home from work, I start dinner, tend to the critters and hop on the puter. IF I start a load of laundry I have to TELL him that I did so that one of us will remember to move it from the washer to the dryer and HOPEFULLY get it out of the dryer as well. I rarely do laundry during the week because I'm tired at the end of the day. I don't do the dishes very often. Now and then I get into a cleaning mode and wipe everything down, wash up the few dishes from the morning (we have a dishwasher but it's more work to empty and put stuff away than to just wash the few dishes we have)...it all depends on my mood and my energy levels. But, doing dishes after dinner isn't something that is considered my "job". I cook, he cleans up.
There are some pretty standard things that we always get done on the weekend so they just happen. While I'm downstairs making dog food, he's usually getting the dusting out of the way, doing laundry, etc. It just happens. When there are OTHER things that we need to do, often we WILL make a list....and note that I said we. It's often a "honey we need to do X this weekend.....help me think of the other stuff so it doesn't get forgotten and left for Sunday nite in a rush after we get home." Sunday being the "spend the day with Mom and volunteer at the old folks home" day.
I think that it comes down to respecting one another, and truely SHARING the responsibilities.
Now, I will say, when we first got the RV there were some issues. To the point that I finally said either you guys carry your share of the load, or this thing will sit 'til it rots.
No matter how well stocked you keep one of those babies, they don't get ready for a trip on their own. Nor do they get cleaned back up after the trip on their own. However, once that was realized it became a non issue.
Now, for my adult son still living at home, I DO leave lists. He does NOT see things that need to be done and just do them. He is one of those people that if he doesn't do it NOW, it won't get done because it slips his mind. He was only working on weekends for a long time, and by golly if he's home all day I expect to do NOTHING when I come home other than make dinner. But that doesn't happen without the lists. Recently he's been traveling and doing a lot of computer work away from home and I really notice the difference in the house by the weekend when he isn't home to catch some of the slack during the week.
I think the bottom line has to be that things get fairly and equally divied up and that no particular thing is anyone's specific "job". Works for us. But "helping" me??? You can only "help" me if something is all my responsibility......and that's not the way it should be.