Dog Community

Posted : 5/18/2007 7:59:04 AM

And, Ed, I'm going to suggest this, and I'm SURE you're aware of this already, but it's very true: Don't go looking for something unless you are willing to actually FIND something.

Some of the truest, harshest words of reality I've ever had to deal with when it come to relationships. And are you prepared to do something if you find something out?

I wish you luck!

sharismom

Posted : 5/18/2007 8:30:54 AM

Maybe this was your wife's cry for "help" before it's too late, so that you can fix whatever the perceived problem is together. My first thought was if she thinks you are too involved with your dogs and are ignoring her? I don't know if she goes with you and the furkids to events and such or interacts with them. Does she consider them to be "your" dogs? Perhaps that's why she goes on shopping trips with her mom - you spend money on the hounds, she'll buy clothes (or whatever).

Hopefully you find some resolution.

g33

Posted : 5/18/2007 8:40:26 AM

I've stayed out of commenting in this thread - not for any particular reason, just didn't have anything to add - but have been following it.

I just wanted to say, now that I DO have something to add - is that this should not stop with just canceling the phone. Ed, you need to have a conversation with Stella. Otherwise you are holding onto all this suspicion. What if it DOES turn out to be nothing? It's a poison that's festering inside you that will do absolutely nothing good for your relationship.

Talk to Stella. Ask questions. Speak your truth. If she is aversive or doesn't answer your questions, I would head straight to marriage counseling, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. If you feel that your marriage is worth saving, do it - and do it alone if you have to. Otherwise, contact a lawyer. Transformation can only occur in conversation and I wish you both all the best.

Benedict

Posted : 5/18/2007 9:36:16 AM

Ed, dear, you know I have your best interests at heart and it is with that that I say this:

Obviously if you are even asking this question, your trust in Stella has ebbed. Only you can decide whether it's worth trying to get that trust back, but I think it's very difficult to do that. I know you've had issues in the past, and I am glad you've held strong and *not* given in to Stella's desire for a baby. That won't fix anything. Continue to be strong, confront her. Communication is key.

Kate

Xerxes

Posted : 5/18/2007 10:05:01 AM

Stella hasn't said anything about the phone thing yet, and I won't see her until Sunday night when she gets back from yet another trip to NYC. So for now I'm uncertain.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions and support. Some of you know that she and I have had our ups and downs. We've done the marriage counseling thing- twice. Part of it is related to my long standing bouts of depression and the way her family treated me-and to some extent still does treat me.

Sorry, I don't mean to burden everyone with my troubles. Thanks again and if anything happens I'll post about it.

probe1957

Posted : 5/18/2007 10:09:42 AM

ORIGINAL: Benedict
Communication is key.

Or perhaps, if it's more to your liking, a high-end call girl and a bottle of Glenlivet. [

]

Xerxes

Posted : 5/18/2007 10:17:36 AM

ORIGINAL: probe1957

Or perhaps, if it's more to your liking, a high-end call girl and a bottle of Glenlivet. []

I can't afford the bottle of Glenlivet, and besides I've been sober for a long time.

As far as the high end call girl-the last "madam" of high end call girls in this area is under federal indictment and just turned over her list of names to ABC news last week. Not sure if I want to be sharing girls with the likes of DC politicians.

probe1957

Posted : 5/18/2007 10:22:24 AM

ORIGINAL: Xerxes

As far as the high end call girl-the last "madam" of high end call girls in this area is under federal indictment and just turned over her list of names to ABC news last week. Not sure if I want to be sharing girls with the likes of DC politicians.

Well, if you want to fly to Denver, I can give you a "safe" number. [

]

MissMandy

Posted : 5/18/2007 10:29:49 AM

Ed, I just caught this thread. I completely agree that you have every reason to be suspicious. I'm glad you cancelled the phone. Obviously, she does know SOMETHING about it if the phone number is calling hers all the time. But this isn't anything that you didn't know already. I think it would definitely be wise to confront her again about the issue and demand some answers. As her husband, you're entitled to them when something suspicious like this is brought into the marriage.

I truly hope that it works out for you. Keep us posted, and we're all here to offer any help and support you may need.

jjsmom06

Posted : 5/18/2007 10:35:03 AM

Well, if you want to fly to Denver, I can give you a "safe" number.

Ed, if this is who I think he is talking about.. you might wanna take him up on his offer.. it might be fun.. just practice safe sex![

]

DPU

Posted : 5/18/2007 12:00:34 PM

ORIGINAL: Xerxes

Sorry, I don't mean to burden everyone with my troubles. Thanks again and if anything happens I'll post about it.

As I said in my post I don't think you should look for an issue until there actually is an issue. Can I ask why you posted this family matter to a public forum where anyone can see this including DW, MIL, co-workers, other family members, etc. What were you seeking?

MissMandy

Posted : 5/18/2007 12:25:28 PM

Can I ask why you posted this family matter to a public forum where anyone can see this including DW, MIL, co-workers, other family members, etc. What were you seeking?

Well, I would imagine he was seeking opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and support from a neutral third party of friends/people that he talks to on a pretty much daily basis. Seems pretty self explainatory to me.

Xerxes

Posted : 5/18/2007 12:37:30 PM

ORIGINAL: DPU

ORIGINAL: Xerxes

Sorry, I don't mean to burden everyone with my troubles. Thanks again and if anything happens I'll post about it.

As I said in my post I don't think you should look for an issue until there actually is an issue. Can I ask why you posted this family matter to a public forum where anyone can see this including DW, MIL, co-workers, other family members, etc. What were you seeking?

I wondered if I should post at all. I really did. What I was looking for was a bit of reassurance, possibly some comfort, maybe even someone that identified with me. DW, MIL and other family members don't read the forum- co-workers all know what's going on.

I was also looking for some reassurance and suggestions that maybe this particular incident was nothing to freak out over. But you're pretty much free to ignore the thread if you don't want to read about it.

DPU

Posted : 5/18/2007 12:55:46 PM

ORIGINAL: Xerxes

I was also looking for some reassurance and suggestions that maybe this particular incident was nothing to freak out over. But you're pretty much free to ignore the thread if you don't want to read about it.

Me ignore a thread, may be silent within a thread but never ignore.

My original message to you was to convey that there was nothing to freak out over. What prompted me to ask this question was how you would interpret the responses. Yes, there was a general consensus that was different from mine and to me that consensus could possibly create a little anxiety. I guess I just wanted some feedback and now I got it. Thanks and I do hope all works out.

sharismom

Posted : 5/18/2007 1:26:53 PM

ORIGINAL: Xerxes

ORIGINAL: DPU

ORIGINAL: Xerxes

Sorry, I don't mean to burden everyone with my troubles. Thanks again and if anything happens I'll post about it.

As I said in my post I don't think you should look for an issue until there actually is an issue. Can I ask why you posted this family matter to a public forum where anyone can see this including DW, MIL, co-workers, other family members, etc. What were you seeking?

I wondered if I should post at all. I really did. What I was looking for was a bit of reassurance, possibly some comfort, maybe even someone that identified with me. DW, MIL and other family members don't read the forum- co-workers all know what's going on.

I was also looking for some reassurance and suggestions that maybe this particular incident was nothing to freak out over. But you're pretty much free to ignore the thread if you don't want to read about it.

Ed, it's okay to ask for advice. Certainly if there is any one thing we idoggers are not short of it is opinions.

I was sorry to read that you may not know anything until Sunday. When something is bugging me, I know the additional wait time would drive me crazy, but it does give you ample time to go over every possible scenario and how to broach the subject with Stella.

I understand what you mean about the marriage counseling. My ex wanted to go to counseling and we tried two different therapists, but he only wanted to "fix" me, not us, so I decided it wasn't worth the money. It wasn't long before I moved out.

Take care of yourself. BTW, did I ever mention that I think your cat's name Dodo is pretty cool?

Should I be suspicious?