Is it selfish to elope?

I had the big wedding with about 80 guests. It cost a fortune, we paid for it ourselves. I wish I had of used the money for a deposit for a house and just had a small garden party. It's a very stressfull time.
 
My freind decided she wanted to get married in fiji, she invited family and freinds, but they had to pay their own way. They had a great time.
 
It's your decision, your family will get over whatever you choose to do, it's your day not theirs. Alot of people see it as a free feed and free alcohol that they don't pay for.
 
I say go away get married come back and tell everyone and have a party. Put the money towards a house. Thats if you are not into the big full on weddings.
 
Remember it's all about you and your other half, want you want not everyone else.

ORIGINAL: jones

I just tried to reply and got booted, let's see if it works now.

We're not engaged but I'm not sure we are going to get officially engaged or just get married... again the whole traditional proposal is not really our thing. I guess we are pretty nontraditional about most things and should just try to think outside the box a little more when it comes to the wedding. I like the idea of a destination wedding/ family vacation for just the immediate families and us - I think that would be a lot of fun!

 
Sounds like my relationship. When I tell people I'm getting married they always ask "Can I see your ring?" and they look horrified when I tell them I don't have one. I don't wear jewelry so it would be insane to expect my boyfriend to shell out big time money for one. And when I tell people that I plan on walking through a drive-thru chapel in Vegas on a Halloween dressed up in a costume, they're convinced I'm out of my mind. Not that I disagree with that one though LOL!! []

ORIGINAL: meilani

Sounds like my relationship. When I tell people I'm getting married they always ask "Can I see your ring?" and they look horrified when I tell them I don't have one.

 
When DH & I got engaged we really didn't have alot of money (needed to spend it on better things like the dog), so we just go a really small ring (which I love).  Everytime anyone asks to see my rings I get the same comment.  "Wow, its so petite".....
Ahhhhh  Thanks....

Mine is *petite* too.  [] It's 1/4 carat and I wouldn't trade it for anything

Joyce

ORIGINAL: meilani

I plan on walking through a drive-thru chapel in Vegas when I get married. Everyone knows of our plans and if they want to witness it, they need to buy a plane ticket/drive down to Vegas. I'm not interested in having a big wedding despite some members of my family telling me otherwise and I'm going to get married the way I want to get married. Is it selfish? Damn skippy it is but it's my wedding.

 
That's exactly what I wanted to do! DH and I were in Vegas a month before we got engaged and I said "can we please just get married here and get it over with?" He is actually the one who insisted on the wedding. He was worried that his family would be upset if we didn't have a traditional wedding. I am not a wedding person and I struggled to plan it for a whole year. Every day I'd ask him "can't we please just elope?" We paid for our own wedding, but my parents supported my idea to elope. It was just the inlaws that were causing the problem.
 
In the end though, our wedding was beautiful. It was a time for our whole family to be together and see friends we hadn't seen in years. There were quite a few things that went wrong. I discovered that no matter how long you plan, you will always be scrambling at the last minute. But it was a day that we will never forget.
 
My favorite memory is right before my dad and I walked down the aisle, he looked at me and started crying. He was so proud and happy to be able to "give me away", which is not something that I thought he would even care about.
 
But I think each couple has to decide for themselves what is important. It is your day, do what feels right.

Remember it's all about you and your other half, want you want not everyone else.

 
And that pretty much sums up todays family values and our hedonistic society.

I had a traditional wedding, but I secretly always thought it would be really cool to get married in the *Chapel of Love* by an Elvis impersonator. [] I'll save that one for #2.

Joyce

And that pretty much sums up todays family values and our hedonistic society.

I have to respectfully disagree with you on your statement.  The wedding is about the COUPLE getting married. It is THEIR day, not the family, not the friends - it should be about what makes them happy - not everyone else's wishes.

I am glad when my husband and I got married, that we did what we wanted, not my grandparents.  It is a very special memory for us. Had we done what everyone else wanted, it would not have sweet memories, but regrets that we had to do it someone else's way.

I say do what makes you happy for your wedding - it is your life.

Yep, it's about the couple.  But its also about the OTHER people who love the couple, who raised and loved and nurtured them.
 
My parents paid for the traditional Church wedding the first time around.  I never asked the second time.  By then my Mother was a widow and it meant the world to her to be able to see me marry my soulmate after the first butt wipe.  DH's parents, especially his Dad were thrilled for him and wanted to be part of "our" day as well.
 
We had a simple wedding, outside next to the fountain in Forsythe Park in Savannah, GA.  And yep, we had a preacher.  Then we had a simple cake and punch/coffee reception at the club house where my inlaws lived.  Didn't cost us much...probably not even a couple hundred dollars, and it meant a LOT to others, including our three children to be part of our special day.

Speaking from experience, SU & I felt the same way.  Neither of us was into the planning, etc.  My mom told me that no matter what she wanted to be there!  I went back & forth, then one day SU asked me 'are we going to get married or not?"  Well, I just decided to go for it & deal w/ the rest later.  Yeah, mom blamed me, what else is new?  I, too, am the older of 2 kids & always expected to act a certain way, etc.  But, the bottom line, it's MY life & I decided to do what was best for me.  Plus, the money we saved in wedding expenses went towards a down payment on a house.  []
There are a few "friends" that no longer speak to us, oh well, guess they weren't friends to begin with.  Hope this helps.

But its also about the OTHER people who love the couple, who raised and loved and nurtured them.

 
You must be a little older and from a different generation than many here, I won`t ask your age though.

Yep, I admit it.  I'm an old coot. []

ORIGINAL: hdkutz

Remember it's all about you and your other half, want you want not everyone else.

And that pretty much sums up todays family values and our hedonistic society.

 
I disagree with this as well. If the wedding expenses are coming out of my pocket and of my future husbands pocket, I'm going to have the wedding *I* want to have. I cannot justify paying $5000+ for one day when I could use that money as a down payment on a house or towards my sons college tuition. Not only that, *I* am not interested in putting on a big show in order to impress people. That's how *I* feel about a big wedding. I've met so many people who've had big weddings and they didn't get to enjoy it. I don't want that. I want to enjoy my wedding and I know when I tell about how I got married I won't be able to keep a straight face. My family knows of my plans and while they think it's nutty, they respect it. The one person who I didn't think would appreciate my plans but when told of them thought it was absolutely hilarious was my old fashioned grandma.
 
I also don't think the type of wedding one has, has any bearing on family values. I've met many a person who's had a simple wedding who have good morals and I've met many a person who had lavish wedding and have the morals of a sewer and vice-versa.

I also don't think the type of wedding one has, has any bearing on family values. I've met many a person who's had a simple wedding who have good morals and I've met many a person who had lavish wedding and have the morals of a sewer and vice-versa.

 
The values have nothing to do with the cost of the wedding. Heck it could be a back yard pig roast. The question was should she elope. To friends and family the chance to see a loved one get married and share in the celebration is something of value. When my boys got married it was very important to me. To share in that day and welcome their wives into the family was an event I`ll always cherish.. You can die with the biggest house and live your life your way. Me, I want a different legacy.

Eh... maybe I just feel differently when it comes to weddings. If someone chooses to have a celebration where everyone is involved, good for them. If they decided to have something private, I'm won't feel slighted. I think it's important for people to celebrate the day they commit to someone in a way that they feel comfortable whether it involves everyone and their mother, just a few select people or just themselves. []