Is it selfish to elope?

Maybe we should just have a civil ceremony with just us two - and then a reception somewhere.

 
Why would your parents not be able to attend this?

Well, I would just feel bad making them travel twice. Unless they're on the same day, I didn't even think of that... boy I've had a long day. [sm=lame.gif]

Is it selfish to elope?

 
Yep it sure is. We did it in 1973 and regret it. You don`t have to have a 30K wedding. Our one Son did it fairly cheap and the other had a simple ceremony and cocktails after. My neighbor did a pig roast in our backyard.
Both my boys are very practical and married very down to earth girls so money wasn`t out of hand and stress was minimal. It`s memories that I`ll never forget.
 
I have boys and it was special, I can`t imagine the pride and love of walking a daughter down the isle.

PS: have the wedding where the bride and her family live. After all you`re going to live near the groom`s family. DON`T ELOPE

We had a simple church ceremony that lasted about 20 minutes and then a potluck at my now ex's cousin's house afterward.  We changed into shorts, played games in the yard, and swam in their pool.  It was all of his family because I have only one brother and a foster family who wasn't speaking to me at the time.  Having them there would have made it uncomfortable because they were very against me being with the guy, let alone marrying him.  We did what worked at the time.
 
Now that I'm older, my son is nearly grown, and I have finally found someone who I would like to marry, I'd still be inclined not to get too fancy.  It would be all lopsided since I think I could only muster about 5 people, and my b/f has a huge family.   I'd spend money on a nice vacation/honeymoon and put some away for a different house someday.
 
 

I'm currently in the same situation..sort of.  Part of me wants to elope and get it all over with.  Plus there are issues with my fiance that would best not be discussed.  My family loves him, it has nothing to do with that, I just don't feel comfortable airing his business.  Anyways, I hate taking that much money from my parents and I know that I can't pay for it on my own.  Plus, I'm a little sentimental as I am the only child for either parents.  I was actually adopted by my stepdad when I was 23 years old.  It was my Christmas present to him.  He had always wanted to adopt me but my bio-dad didn't want to sign over his rights.  When I was a lot younger I was engaged and it all fell apart 2 months before the wedding.  The dress had been bought, depsits had been made...all that stuff that you can't get back.  So I feel bad for doing it all over again. I think my parents might prefer that we elope as the first engagement was more than hard on me.  But, part of me really wants this bonding experience with my dad.  We are talking about having the reception when we get back , and I think that it is an excellent idea.  I had a friend who did this and loved it.  Plus she still got presents, []!

To answer your question, I don't think it is selfish to want to elope.  I've asked around, and all my friends who didn't elope wished they had.  All my friends who did elope wish they hadn't.  I think that you will have regrets and good memories either way.  So, do what feels right for you.  If you start to feel stressed about it, you can PM me anytime and I'll listen to you vent.  It's nice to have someone around who is going through the same thing.

P.S.  Why are you stressing out over it if you aren't even engaged??   Oh, and my fiance asked my dad for his blessing.  My dad was really honored that he did this.  And you can always tell you Dad to save the money for his granchildren.[]

I will admit, I didn't read through all of the posts, but this is my [sm=2cents.gif]. 
 
Of course it is selfish to elope...but who cares, this day is about you and your soon to be husband.  Not everyone else.  If you want to invite a few people like your parents or whatever, invite them.  If not, then don't.  Have a reception when you get home and have everyone there for that if you want.  Or just have a destination wedding and invite way less people.  I can tell you only close family will show up if even that.  Then have the big reception when you get home if you want.  DH and I talked about eloping forever but then we decided it was really important to both of us to have our parents and family there.  We both have large families and invitied mostly just family and had less than 50 people at our wedding.  We paid for it ourselves and spent $5000 tops, maybe less than that, by having it in a beautiful historical mansion here and having the reception there too.  We didn't even have to decorate at all. 
 
I say do what really makes you happy.  I can tell you that today, looking back, I am so glad I had a wedding b/c it is a wonderful day with my family that I will never forget.  We are both really close with all of our family though and it was a good reason for us to get everyone together.   

I plan on walking through a drive-thru chapel in Vegas when I get married. Everyone knows of our plans and if they want to witness it, they need to buy a plane ticket/drive down to Vegas. I'm not interested in having a big wedding despite some members of my family telling me otherwise and I'm going to get married the way I want to get married. Is it selfish? Damn skippy it is but it's my wedding.

Here's another little weird thing about me--I've never wanted "a wedding." I don't care about the dress, the ceremony, the little flowers, etc. So, of course I say elope/civil ceremony followed by a reception is FINE! Sounds great to me!

I was married three years ago.  And, we had a big wedding and at first it was mostly for my parents.  He'd been married before so he'd already been there, done that.  I always said at the time that if it hadn't been for my family we would of done something really small. 
 
And, planning it was a huge pain.  I'm not a girly girl and hated the dress fittings, the registering for the shower, etc.  But, the day came and went and it felt like five minutes!  And, I'm so glad we had our day now.  It's a memory  that is truly a happy place for me whenever I think about it. 
 
[linkhttp://www.labellewedding.com]www.labellewedding.com[/link]
 

Erin, I didn't know about the geography thing, how about you two get married then do a small dinner/lunch whatever with each family separately, you do the traveling

DH and I had a destination wedding in the Virgin Islands. We tried to plan the whole "traditional" wedding thing but family problems and money put a stop to that. And if we had the wedding we wouldn't have any money for an awesome honeymoon...something DH and I felt was really important.

We spent 10 days on St. John, got married on the beach and rented a private villa with a pool. It was just the two of us and I don't regret it one bit. It was so much less stressful and we spent far less money than having a wedding/reception with 70 family members. They got to see the video when we got back anyways [] 
 
Here are some pics: [linkhttp://community.webshots.com/user/magikal_dragon]http://community.webshots.com/user/magikal_dragon[/link]
 
I say if eloping is what you and your boyfriend want to do - go for it! If it's important for you to have your dad there or other "close" family members then take them along with you...there are so many options now adays when choosing how to get married. Vegas, tropical destination, a cruise, courtroom...and almost all of them are cheaper than going "traditional"

I'd say yeah...a bit. It's really the "official" sendoff into big kid land for parents it seems...and they should be able to see it happen IMO.
 
I used to want to elope but my DH explained to me that he'd feel he was depriving his Mom and Dad...who gave him so much in life, from seeing a very important part of his life. SO....I grew some sensitivity and we did a SMALL wedding...under $3000 which is amazing considering what some people spend.
 
We elected to save money and do a small wedding with NO honeymoon because I was pregnant and we wanted to have more to put into our home and baby...which was slightly more important to me than a $2K dress I'd wear ONE time []
 
We rented a pavillion in the park he proposed in, a tent for our backyard and had the reception there....we splurged and even got a KEG much to the delight of his frat brothers []

Erin use the money for your honeymoon, and a down payment on a house. Everybody will live through it, it's one day, a lot of money and tons of stress. Have a nice civil ceremony and invite both parents and siblings to a nice lunch after. You will be thrilled about the decision when you are 40 trust me.

Hmmm...Erin, that's what I did, and I was glad at 34!  Ex is no longer here, replaced later, thank goodness, by a great doggy dad, and I didn't have to throw out tons of wedding photos and keepsakes from the $$$$$$ I wasted.  Still have the house, and the lunch was lobster, so no regrets there LOL.  And, if it turns out that you stay married for fifty years, there's nothing wrong with remembering an intimate little wedding and a having great family home to leave to your kids)

I just tried to reply and got booted, let's see if it works now.
 
We're not engaged but I'm not sure we are going to get officially engaged or just get married... again the whole traditional proposal is not really our thing. I guess we are pretty nontraditional about most things and should just try to think outside the box a little more when it comes to the wedding. I like the idea of a destination wedding/ family vacation for just the immediate families and us - I think that would be a lot of fun!