Dog Community

Is it selfish to elope?

Posted : 8/29/2006 4:30:19 PM

What do you all think?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years and we're really happy together. We would like to get married but the idea of planning a wedding, having a wedding, spending $ on a wedding does not excite either of us. However, we know my family, particularly my dad, would be disappointed, though outwardly supportive, if we just skipped the wedding. We (BF and I) keep going around in circles... first I will say "let's just elope" and he'll say "no, your family will be so sad," then we switch places and take the other point of view! [sm=crazy.gif]

I love my family and am close with my dad. I'm the oldest kid in my family, the oldest of my cousins on my dad's side too. My dad has told me "money shouldn't be a factor" because he's saved up some money for a wedding... even so it just seems wasteful to me! I'm so not into flower arrangements and hiring DJs and all that hoopla. But it is just too selfish to not have a wedding? I wish someone else would make this decision for me, LOL. It might even be easier if my BF had a strong opinion one way or the other but he feels exactly the same as I do.

janobonano

Posted : 8/29/2006 4:35:12 PM

Could you elope on a vacation and have a reception/party at home? That's what I'd like to do someday. [

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Caprice Christian

Posted : 8/29/2006 4:36:05 PM

Weddings are stressful!!! I sometimes wish that I had eloped! Our wedding was really basic so it didn't cost too much, but it was still a lot of money for just one day. Could you elope and then just have a little reception for just your families when you get back???

probe1957

Posted : 8/29/2006 4:44:05 PM

Are you guys living together? If you are, it seems pointless, to me, to spend a lot of money on a big wedding. On the other hand, I don't think you should disappoint your dad. Are you your dad's only daughter?

I have 3 sons and no daughters. If I had a daughter, I don't think I would want her to elope.

Vinia

Posted : 8/29/2006 4:49:05 PM

Personally, I don't think it is selfish at all- after all weddings are meant to be all about/for the two people getting married, rather than everybody else (IMO).

I second janonbanano's idea- elope and then have a reception/party for all the family and friends afterwards.

probe1957

Posted : 8/29/2006 4:54:48 PM

I have been re-thinking this and have concluded that, of course it is selfish to elope. The real question is, do you care enough not to do it?

fuzzy_dogs_mom

Posted : 8/29/2006 4:57:55 PM

Or ... you could have a very small, intimate wedding at home with just moms, dads & siblings and then have a huge party sometime later. I had less than 72 hrs. notice that DS #1 was getting married at my house, and we managed to pull it off without much stress.[]

Joyce

A little Bailey's in the coffee for 3 consecutive mornings helped.[]

jones

Posted : 8/29/2006 4:59:26 PM

I do care enough not to do it, otherwise I wouldn't even be waffling. I am not my dad's only daughter (he has four actually, the poor man) but I'm the first... and my dad is pretty sentimental. [

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The reception idea is another one we were toying with, maybe we will do that, I don't know.

The other factor I forgot to mention is that my entire family is here on the East coast but I am moving to the Midwest next month (most of BF's family is there). I was thinking of having a wedding there (Midwest) as a way to cut the guest list - ie, everyone's invited but fewer would come - but BF doesn't think that would work, and he would rather have it where my family lives. Bleh... we're not even engaged yet and already I'm tired of thinking about weddings. [&:]

probe1957

Posted : 8/29/2006 5:02:44 PM

Joyce, if my son ever did something like that to his mother, I have a hunch that he would physically be unable to consumate the marriage. [

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loveukaykay

Posted : 8/29/2006 5:10:15 PM

Are you planning to go away and elope? If so you could just invite those few and then have a party with everyone when you return.

fuzzy_dogs_mom

Posted : 8/29/2006 5:12:10 PM

It wasn't hard at all, Billy. The first thing I did the next a.m. was to get the dog in for an emergency bath so he wouldn't be scratching himself in inappropriate places during the ceremony. We went to the grocery deli and ordered a cake. Then to the *Wishing Well* for paper goods and silk flowers. The next day we went to the commissary at McClellan AFB and got rolls, meats, cheeses, wine & beer etc. DH called a retired traffic court judge to come marry them. (Almost every guy there had been sentenced by her at least once []). I told DS he had to call his friends because there wasn't enough time to send invitations ... and he somehow managed to get about 50 friends there. It worked out pretty well. I think it's actually too much planning that causes stress - and we sure didn't have any *planning* time.

Joyce

Debbie R

Posted : 8/29/2006 5:23:42 PM

Erin use the money for your honeymoon, and a down payment on a house. Everybody will live through it, it's one day, a lot of money and tons of stress. Have a nice civil ceremony and invite both parents and siblings to a nice lunch after. You will be thrilled about the decision when you are 40 trust me.

probe1957

Posted : 8/29/2006 5:28:27 PM

ORIGINAL: debv53

You will be thrilled about the decision when you are 40 trust me.

Or maybe even before then, if the marriage goes down in flames, like most of them do. [

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Debbie R

Posted : 8/29/2006 6:17:04 PM

Or maybe even before then, if the marriage goes down in flames, like most of them do.

Ah, youth is wasted on the young Bill. It really is.

Although, hubby and I got married in a civil service my second marriage his first, it's 26 years and nobody was mad.

jones

Posted : 8/29/2006 6:42:15 PM

Well, we're not that young as far as getting married goes... I'm 28 and he's almost 33. [

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I just wonder if I should consider the wedding fund a gift and if it would be ungrateful not to use it on a wedding... but I would much rather use it to buy a house! BF and I are both really pragmatic people who like to spend money wisely. The geography is really a monkeywrench in the works, because wherever we have the ceremony and reception someone's gonna have to travel a big distance. Maybe we should just have a civil ceremony with just us two - and then a reception somewhere.