Help - Mrstjohnson is worrying again!!

Lisa:  breath.

My little brother was probably around 4 before he said much of anything.  The doctors said that since he had his older brother and sister around all the time, the minute he would try to say something we would anticipate what he wanted and say the word for him.  For instance, if we were eating cookies and my little brother would just about get "k" sound out and we were all over him asking if he wanted cookies.  He never had to say the word because we said it for him!!!   When my brother and I went off to school - he had no one to speak for him so he started talking for himself. 

I know Riley spends most of the day with your hubs.  Is there a local Y or something you can get her involved with so that she spends part of her day with other kids and would have to vocalize her wants/needs on her own??? 

You are not a failure - everyone develops at different rates, so maybe she's just not a talker.  Mayber she'll be a brilliant mathametician or something.  I do think getting her involved with other kids outside the presence of yourself or your hubs would be beneficial though.

Deb W.

Lisa, you aren't a failure.  Don't think that you are because it isn't going to help you or Riley deal with this. 

Just a random thought...have you had her hearing checked?  I have a cousin who isn't deaf, but has some hearing impairment.  His parents thought that something was wrong with him because he was very slow to talk, & it seemed difficult for him to learn new words. 

 How old is she exactly? My son was a late talker, on his second birthday he wasn't saying anything beyond the standard mama, dada, byebye....I wish I could remember exactly when it all came together for him. He was at least 2 1/2 if not closer to 3. Once he started talking though his speech was very good, very clear, just like a little man. My daughter on the other hand was talking much sooner but now she sees a speech therapist (provided by the school) because at age 8 you can't understand all of what she says....just a side note, DD also failed a hearing test at school this past week even though we had no indication prior that there was any hearing problem with her (and her hearing had been tested by her pediatrician in the past as part of routine check ups)...I don't have much info yet or know if the hearing and speech issues are related, but it may be worth looking into.

I have a nephew who didn't talk until he was around 3-4. He would say basic words, but that was it. Like you, the doctors weren't concerned, they just said he would talk when he was ready. I think with him, he just decided to start talking one day and can talks up a storm now. This was also the child who was mountain biking at age 2, but not talking. hehehe. His sister on the other hand, when I first met her, she was 1 1/2 or 2 and FH and I babysat her the first night we were there. I had brought a princess wand for her, so she dressed up like a princess and got her pretend microphone out and put on literally a TWO hour concert for us - non stop signing, all different songs, she knew all the words. She has always been an incredible talker.

 My friend didn't say a WORD until she was 3.  Not even "mama" or byebye or "no" or ANYTHING.  Then one day, she just.... started talking.  Not words either.... whole sentences.  She told me she can REMEMBER the time when she didn't talk, but she could remember every word everyone said around her.

William gets NOTHING from me if he throws a fit.  These days, I say to him "Well you are going to have to think of a better way to ask than that, if you want soemthing."  He calms down and comes back and tries again.  If he COULDN'T say what it was he wanted I'd settle for an attempt, or even a point... but screaming has never got him anywhere, not since he was so small he could hardly do anything else.

 My step-brother barely talked at all until about age 3, when he started talking in full, complete, gramatically-correct sentences. Go figure!

Take a deeeeeep breath and remind yourself you are NOT a failure, and it's all going to be okay. 

One of BF's best friends told us that when he was a young child, his mother threw out all of the "Baby's first"-type books because he didn't reach a single one of the developmental "landmarks" when all of the books said he should. His mother thought he was disabled and cried and cried and took him to tons of specialists. Turns out he was fine, just slower to develop. He's an actuary now, does a lot of statistics work. He says he turned out okay! 

mrstjohnson

Sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Amazing when I am with her.  These are the two songs we sing every night.  She will belt them out (obviously not in perfect speech) but if anyone else is in the room she clams up.  DH can hear her in the room, but if he walks in or I try to video tape her - nothing.

She will count when prompted up to 13.  These are the number of steps in the library and she will count them with me.  Some come out better than others, but she is counting.

She will sing random songs from the two shows she watches.

She will answer you, Good, if you ask her how she is

Misc:  Oh no, wow, bye bye, Dada, Charlie, I do it, Do it again, ABC when prompted with the letters, ready set go, and a few other things

She screams A LOT.  When she wants something, when she wants to do something, etc.  She definitely understands what I am saying because she reacts appropriately (i.e. call her to dinner, time for bath, lets play with...), its like she is refusing to talk = not a hearing problem.  She will stand at the counter and scream for a banana but won't say it.  I try to prompt her and she just gets frustrated and throws a fit.  I let her fit it out trying to talk to her and then she gets all huffy and walks away.

Now -- just for a moment, pretend she's a dog (no I'm not being nasty -- there's a point here).

pretty well behaved UNTIL doesn't get what it wants.  Obviously understands questions and commands but DOESN'T like being put in a position where she's forced to do something (talk).  so ... she screams (substitute "barks";) but when you try to not cave and wait for the appropriate response she shuts you out.

If this were a pup we'd say "Nothing in Life is Free" -- hand-feed one kibble at a time until the dog sits and takes it **Nicely**.  Don't give attention when it is **demanded** ONLY when it is asked for **nicely** (by sitting or whatever your chosen behavior is).

Getting me yet??

You summed it up completely in your equation:

mrstjohnson

its like she is refusing to talk = not a hearing problem.  She will stand at the counter and scream for a banana but won't say it. 

That IS exactly what she's doing.

So -- break it down to smaller behaviors.  I'd explain to her (and use the dog AS an example -- in fact, why not put HIM on solid "NILF" for a while and have her help.  "Oh no -- let's wait for him to 'sit' nicely ... GREAT!! wow whatta goood boy!!"

Emphasize that because he CAN **NOT** talk, for him 'sitting' is his 'word' for it. 

Make a game of it at first -- use a cereal or something she likes that's ok for him and let her "sit" next to him.  But then say "but hey -- you're a little girl NOT a doggie and we don't want everbuddy to laugh at us, right??  Soooooo people say words that are **nice** words. 

 (rather than going for 'banana' -- go for "please, Mommy?" -- cos when she goes to school that IS a biggie. 

THEN you graduate to "Please + item".  She says "Please" but doesn't say "banana" -- so she gets .... hmmmm, a dish towel instead.  (you might have to set this up -- set other items "near" things she is gonna want to "point" and scream to).  You don't know WHAT she's asking for without the word!!

Now Dad's gotta cooperate with this. 

The other good alternative for her would be to teach her the "pretty please" song.  To the tune of "Mary had a little lamb" you sing "Pret-ty please can I have ...."

If she can sing she can talk ... but first you have to break down the stubborn barrier.  Somehow she's decided she doesn't want to "perform".  She doesn't want to say THE WORD just because ... well *just* because it's expected. 

So -- she has to see that you gotta ask or people get confused.

However -- you have to be willing to let her have a snit fit and IGNORE IT.  Completely, utterly -- see every time she pitches a fit somebuddy gives in and lets her have whatever she wants.  She's independant enough to want to challenge (she's two, after all!) and 99.999% of the time she's winning because you give up.

 Also -- make sure she sees you and your husband do this.  "T ... pass me the pepper, please? Wow thanks!!"  But at the same time -- play the ridiculous with him -- Deliberately set each other up -- Just generally imitate Riley and POINT at a thing.  Then your husband picks up something absurd (like a napkin or the centerpiece and hand it to you.  Then saying "Oh gosh -- you didn't SAY 'pepper' so I didn't understand you!!"

Mostly you gotta disarm it and step back and NOT give in when she just demands and points. 

I'm going to add the "P.S." here tho -- she's smart and she knows she's yanking your chain.  But she may also be picking up on the "worry" and your desperation to MAKE her talk.  And ... it simply makes her more stubborn.

Do you read to her?  Is she beginning to sound out words? 

checking hearing is important -- not just for actual hearing, but recognition. 

Cita

One of BF's best friends told us that when he was a young child, his mother threw out all of the "Baby's first"-type books because he didn't reach a single one of the developmental "landmarks" when all of the books said he should

My pediatrician also made me throw out every baby medical book I had as I was diagnosing my daughter with all these weird diseases everytime she hiccupped. 

Deb W.

Chuffy

My friend didn't say a WORD until she was 3.  Not even "mama" or byebye or "no" or ANYTHING.  Then one day, she just.... started talking.  Not words either.... whole sentences.  She told me she can REMEMBER the time when she didn't talk, but she could remember every word everyone said around her.

Honestly it's like the old joke -- the kid who said NOTHING ... NEVER ... years went by and he never talked.  One day it was just a horrible day, and Mom burned the oatmeal.  She just plain put the yucky oatmeal on the table and the kid looked up and said "Mother, this oatmeal is absolutely and completely inedible!"

Of course the whole family was shocked beyond belief not only that he DID speak but that it was a full sentence.   Someone looked at him and said "WHY have you waited all this time if you knew all those words?"

He replied "Well, up til now everything has been ... fine!"

 Lisa a couple of thoughts:

I would if it hasn't been already test her hearing, not sure how they do that at 2 but get it checked

Check with DH and talk to him about how they communicate - may be he is doing too much for her and he should be more patient and let her speak things (like the banana - don't give in to the screaming)  It is true that if not asked to communicate verbally kids don't they use what gets them what they want.  If adults anticipate the child's needs they don't' need to ask.  Simple little things

I didn't talk hardly at all well past two.  Then I just said hippopotamus to everything then I just started with full sentences and by kindergarten was a great speaker and had taught myself to read.  Sometimes kids just go on their on chart not the prefab model.  I was a third child so I probably tagged along but the fact that many later kids have delayed speech has been attributed to not having to ask for things

Don't panic.

If she likes singing try using the Wii if you have it.  My niece loves to sing along with the Wii.  I don't have it but I bet there are activities for little ones for it

good luck and breath!

OK Lisa - deep breath.  She says some things, so you know she has the ability to speak.  She responds to what you say, so you know she can hear you.  Wasn't Einstein somewhere around 5 before he said anything? I think Callie hit the nail right on the head.  She screams because it gets attention ... fast.

Joyce

I haven't had a chance to read through all the responses but wanted to make a few comments.  I know you say you don't think it is hearing, but I would ask the Dr to have it checked, just to rule it out.  It could be that she can hear, but just not well.

 Also, I think it can be perfectly normal for kids to not talk.  I wonder however, if it would help both you as parent's and her as a child to learn some of the baby sign language.  At the very least, it would help her to communicate what she wants without screaming and might help with the frustration on both ends.  I have heard great things about Signing Times DVD's.  The shows used to be on PBS but aren't anymore but you can purchase the videos.  I saw one at the library recently and rented it and I LOVED it!  Devin really doesn't watch TV so I haven't bought them yet, but will if she ever shows an interest in watching the TV.  For now, I am just trying to remember to use the ones I know when we do things I know them for, like milk and drinking etc. 

I know this might sounds crazy, and even feed her behaviour, but it sounds like she likes to sing.  Can you make some thigns into songs?  LIke a banana song, or a song about fruit in general.  It would possibly help develope her speaking of more words even if she doesn't use them to ask for things.  Like " I like to eat, eat, eat, apples and bananas" etc.  There are tons of those songs out there already. 

Just sending you good thoughts... raising kids is HARD!

I also agree about not giving her something if she screams.  I have a 3 yr old dd who will scream and screech and throw a fit and then expect you to read her mind for what she wants and to give it to her NOW.  She can talk, she is quite advanced with her sentences and words but she can m a n i p u l a t e me like no other!

My neighbor's 2 boys were late talkers, one started saying his first words at age2 and the other was not until 3, but they are both chatty as can be now.

My nephew Zeke didn't really talk until he was 3. He didn't even say "mama" until 2-3. He's almost 3.5 now and is doing great. He still has some pronunciation issues, but I think that's normal for 3. He talks in sentences.

My niece Maggie, Zeke's sister, is 5 weeks older than Willa (19-20 months now) and her speech is amazing! She says so much, including "Wha you dooooing?" It's so cute. She can repeat just about anything you say.

Willa, on the other hand, only has a handful of words and is also behind for her age. I had her evaluated and she didn't qualify for the free "birth to three" program because she wasn't behind enough. I'm not really worried about it yet. I know she's behind but I know that she hears fine (we had that tested), babbles a lot and can repeat a lot of sounds.