Help - Mrstjohnson is worrying again!!

First, thank you everyone for all of your responses!  This is why I love this place :)

I am going to get her hearing checked again.  I honestly don't think that is it, since she can hear me talking in the other room about dinner, or nana's house etc and she comes running.  But you never know.

Regarding the banana thing, yes it is hard to have the patience.  TBH, I try not to give in, but by the end of the day DH's patience is on thin ice from dealing with it all day so, well, yes she does get her way every now and then.  I know we have to be consistent and we are working on it.

I have looked and looked for programs for kids her age where they interact, but really there isn't much outside of full time daycare.  Around here, unless you want to pay for full time daycare there aren't many options.  Right now she is in swimming and gymnastics, but at age 2 all the activites are with other parents and most of the kids keep to themselves.  I take her to the library 2 days a week for group reading, but that's quiet time.

Callie - your suggestion about treating just might work since she sees us to that with Charlie - in fact, she knows how to do that with Charlie.

I guess what set me off this weekend, is someone asked me if she was mentally challenged except they didn't use the PC word.  I let loose the raths of hell, let me tell you.  First correcting her for speaking without using her brain and 2nd for just being an idiot in general.  But, then I got worried that we were ignoring something.  I don't know.  I will type more later, have to leave for home now.  Thanks again!

Just a couple ideas: 

Does she go to the SundaySchool/Nursery at your church during service?  Do they have a Mother's Day Out program that might be for a few hours once a week?  How would your hubby feel about going to a MOPS group?  Maybe even check at the local YMCA for some inexpensive options. 

Hang in there.  Some people just don't think before they speak.  She is probably far smarter than anyone gives her credit for yet.  Just b/c she doesn't express herself in the same way that the rest of us do, does not make her challenged.  You will be laughing in all of their faces (including your MIL) one day!

mrstjohnson

I guess what set me off this weekend, is someone asked me if she was mentally challenged except they didn't use the PC word.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??? this made me want to reach thru the puter, find whoever said this and snatch the woman baldheaded!!

SHEESH!!

Lisa...good advice on this thread. I am right there with you having a kiddo that's a lil bit different. Elias didn't talk much, and still doesn't...but he CAN...he just isn't someone to fill the empty space with words. Just talk to your hubby a lot...to the TV...to your food...talk to Charlie, talk as much as you can. My dh and I are super quiet people and except for our kids we seriously would not say much in the course of our day! Elias did talk more once he got into organized sports...and school. He doesn't like to say anything until he has rehearsed it and knows he can say it properly as well...

Anticipating his needs and his endlessly...ENDLESSLY talking sister were key factors that we could pin down...

Speaking as someone who has "been there, done that" -- don't panic, but do insist on getting her evaluated.

More than likely, there is some kind of birth to three program in your area that offers services, either free or on a sliding scale, to children who are . . . birth to three.  In our area the program is run through the county mental health department (don't let that scare you, it doesn't mean a thing).  You'll probably need a referral from your pediatrician for an evaluation, but he/she should be familiar with the process.  At three years old, children who need speech, occupational or physical therapy can receive it through the school system free of charge.  But I bet dollars to doughnuts there's a birth to three program in your area.

Not all speech problems in young kids are developmental, so do not let your insurance company convince you that speech therapy isn't covered until you get a diagnosis!  There are many speech issues in children that are due to physical problems, although insurance companies (of course) don't want to admit it.  My youngest DS had such an issue.  The insurance company initially and automatically denied coverage.  I immediately appealed the denial.  The appeals board ruled in our favor and covered twice weekly therapy sessions for three years, until the therapist declared DS's speech to be normal.

Just as a general comment -- please remember, Lisa --

Millions and billions of years ago when *I* was a kid (you know -- silver dollars were "silver", Captain Kangaroo was still on TV ... those "olden days"??) if a kid didn't talk " on schedule" it was ... well, "a quiet kid". 

But -- people generally were less inclined to "give in" to kids like that.  But today?  You're out in public with your child -- or heck even at home where neighbors might hear -- and you're **scared** to let a child just rant, rave and scream because someone will think you're abusing them, or being cruel --

AND

Parents are lectured, cautioned, and generally beaten over the head not to lose their temper, not to "hit" a child, but mostly in today's life it has translated into "never make it LOOK like you've been mean -- even just give in if it's what it takes to not upset them". 

This is no criticism.  And as a former teacher who HAD abused students in homes I am not advocating corporal punishment. 

BUT -- it has had this effect on the general public who are now pretty much afraid to have a child BE upset, and then have to deal with their own temper in response.  So rather than being creative to find a solution, it is simply way way easier to give in "this time" rather than deal with a screaming, crying, major-handful child when you are tired, or otherwise prone to snap.

Cos ... we can *not* snap -- that's a given.  But -- it makes it darned hard to figure out how to deal with a child throwing a major hissy fit without losing your own temper in the process.

But every time I see a child pull the "Oh, I'll pitch a fit and I'll GET what I want" card -- whether at a restaurant, in line at the grocery store, or just anywhere -- David and I always look at each other and say "well, that parent just taught THAT child that any time he pulls a hissy fit he'll get exactly what he wants in short order."

But -- in a LOT of ways it's very like training the dog.  That stash of nylabones that I keep by my desk at home so ANY time the pug starts chewing on something inappropriate or dangerous, into the mouth goes a nylabone.  Or the two of us playing off each other -- David will say "WOW -- **good choice LUNA!!!!**  wasn't that a GREAT sit, Mom??" and then I'll jump on the exaggeration bandwagon and reinforce whatever he just  set up.

Then ... there was always my mothers FAVORITE response to me every afternoon:"Ok -- *I* am tired -- it's time for YOUR nap!!"

"But Mom -- I not tired!"

"I didn't say that -- I said *I* am tired -- so it's time for **YOUR** nap!!"

"oh".

There really wasn't anything I COULD say to it. *grin*

Right, I had to dash before to put Wills to bed, and didn't get chance to finish my post... and now there have been too many replies to just go back and edit, so I'll finish off here:

Does she know any sign language?  Teach her a few simple signs and see how you get on with it....  Don't be concerned that it will slow down her speech more because she will use signs instead of words - as far as I am aware (and I did look into this before doing it with Will) this hasn't happened with any other hearing child that signs.  They do signing at Wills nursery and there are lots of chatterboxes in his group.  If anything, it gives them "the bug" - they discover the thrill of communicating and being understood and even "bossing" the grown ups around and it encourages them to talk MORE....

I also want to add - Callie gave some great advice, but really?  I am not sure I would do all of it, because it would be too hard for ME to stick to.  And that, I think, can just mean the whole thing backfires and makes it worse.  Another thing to be careful of is that all this "worry" is likely having an effect.  Turning the whole thng into a battle (because you can't have a banana until you SAY something) is also going to have a poor effect, imo.... and I'm guessing there's going to be A LOT of those battles... not nice for you and not nice for her.  A great idea, but in PRACTISE, a hard, hard thing for a mum to do.  (Well, a soft touch like me anyway .)

So I have been thinking and I have had a brainwave.  You know I said about the "thrill" of "bossing" grown ups around?  I wonder if any of us can remember what it is like to be a child so small, where it is nigh impossible to make changes to environment?  How frustrating it must be. 

Stay with me.....

Now, Will is a bossy little so-and-so when the mood takes him.  For example, He has a specific idea about where he likes everyone to sit.  When he has a bath, Mummy sits on the toilet (ha ha, not like that) and Daddy sits on the floor.  We have our "own" places at the dinner table, from habit.  We have our "own" places on the sofa, also from habit.  The same in the car.  If we mix it up.... he tells us to move, until we are in the "right" places. 

Now, when he was younger this was endearing, and many of us often indulged him.  And you know what?  I think that is one thing that has helped him come on so WELL with his speech.  I believe there are few things that feel more satisfying for a child so young, than to have the tables turn and to be the one that tells he grown ups what to do for a change, instead of the other way round!  It's like the ultimate jackpot, and once they have a taste, they want more.

So, here is my brainwave.  Does this kid know "Simon Says"?  Get HER to be "Simon". 

Indulge her a little.  No, indulge her A LOT.  Any time she communicates in a positive way, see that she gets something for her trouble - even if sometimes it can "only" be just praise from YOU for asking so nicely.  Once she realises that communicating has a profound impact and gives her "power", I think she will CHOOSE to use it.... just watch for your opportunity to let her realise this.

OK - back from work.  I tried the sign language thing a few times, at different ages and honestly she isn't interested.  I can barely get her to sit still to listen to a book.  She has two speeds running and sleeping.  We watch her diet to make sure she isn't getting extra/too much sugar, she is just go go go.  My mom says I was like that...play hard/sleep hard.

She loves singing and songs so we do that instead.  I know all of the words to the songs she likes so we make up dances and hand motions...maybe, just thought of this...I could make up signs for some of the words.

I do praise praise praise praise when she says anything. It's just getting those first words out of her mouth.  She will now run to DH saying Dada, so that's an improvement.

I will definitely talk to the pediatrician about the birth to 3 program.  We have excellent special programs in our school district I just didn't think they started that young.  She will be going to the 3 year old program at our Catholic school next year but something now would be perfect!

Wonderful suggestions and encouragement, thank you all so much and keep the suggestions coming.  I am keeping track of them all so we can create a game plan!!

Will she sing?  I have old tapes of me singing on and on and on, lol.  It's funny b/c I was VERY shy as a little kid and now I am not a singer, self conscious about singing.  But my mom taught us so many songs and then had us sing them into the "machine".  I remember singing words I didn't really know, or thinking LMNOP was one letter ("elaminopee";).  We also read the same stories a lot, so that we would recite them as toddlers.

 Lisa, my granddaughter at 2 1/2 is not completely potty trained yet either.  She is going to our church preschool 3 mornings/week for 3 hours.  There was nothing in the handbook that said the children must be potty trained.  In fact, they are working on it!

We do not let Meri watch too much tv. But there is one show that I HIGHLY recommend. Its on PBS kids and is called Word World. All the animals and objects on the show are animated to be spelled to what they are. I know that Meri picked up a lot of words just from watching the show. Its helped her to learn letters too. And I don't want to claw my eyes and ears out when its on. Here's a link so you can see what I mean:

http://pbskids.org/wordworld/characters/dog.html

I bet you anything that she is just on her own timeline and any day now she will start talking full on sentences. But definitely pursue having her hearing checked. And if after the 6 months is up then insist on having her evaluated. I know many doctors that are too laid back and well, it definitely doesn't hurt to evaluate her and see if she might qualify for speech therapy through the state(that would be free of service and likely in home). A friend of mine just when through this with her 2.5 year old who had virtually no words. He qualified for services and after only a few weeks is starting to sign some new words. So definitely push the doctor if you are concerned.

Chuffy

I also want to add - Callie gave some great advice, but really?  I am not sure I would do all of it, because it would be too hard for ME to stick to.  And that, I think, can just mean the whole thing backfires and makes it worse.

ACK!!!  Didm't mean for it to all be done at once!!  It's that 'teacher' thing in me -- you get TONS of ideas, write them down on cards and keep them in a box and then when you hit the brick wall one day and can't figger out what to do NEXT you go back to your card box and pick out a "new" idea!!

And Lisa -- what you were talking about above putting finger motions to songs?  Those are called "Finger Plays" -- so you can go to Borders, the library, Amazon -- and search for "Finger plays" and you'll get whole BOOKS of them.  And you can substitute any motions for them you want.

marty_ga

  Lisa, my granddaughter at 2 1/2 is not completely potty trained yet either.  She is going to our church preschool 3 mornings/week for 3 hours.  There was nothing in the handbook that said the children must be potty trained.  In fact, they are working on it!

Wow!  That's great.  Yeah, it specifically says that they have to be completely potty trained before they can go (mind you this is next September and she will be over 3 years old), no pull ups no diapers.  School is actually at my old grade school so I am really hoping she will be ready.  I can't wait to see her in that little plaid jumper...but I am getting ahead of myself.

I honestly plan on working on the potty training thing when we are on shut down for work over Christmas break.  That will give me a good two weeks.  I am not even doing the pull up thing.  We are going straight to underwear - the old fashioned way LOL.  I am secretly hoping my mom gets her potty trained while we are in Mexico at teh end of the month since she's trained about 20 kids, in her lifetime.

potty training in Summer was always my preference because the kids just wore less naturally...anyway. If they ran around in a shirt and underwear and we needed to run out to do something, or they had an accident it wasn't as horrible LOL.

Winter potty training esp in Michigan doesn't sound fun. Don't y'all like...live in Igloo's, and wear fur round the house, or sumpin? LMBO & hiding.

I have heard going straight to underwear is the way to go...but what do I know...I will probably be back here in a couple years asking for potty training advice myself!  If you do end up doing it while it's cold, invest in some baby legs.  We just got some for right now when it is chilly in the morning but warm by the afternoon and even hubby thinks they are great.  They are little leg warmers.  You could even make some out of a pair of long socks, that would cover her entire legs so it will be easy for her to go potty when she needs to with less taking off.  I hear lots of people say they stay home for a week and let their child go diaperless. 

Good luck!

boneyjean

I hear lots of people say they stay home for a week and let their child go diaperless. 

Yep that works great but really if you have carpets it's rather frightening. If you have tile or hardwood tho it would be a good thing to test out! You...not me. Mine are already done...*pointedly ignoring the fact that her boy still pees on the seat sometimes because even grown men to that*