Dog Community

I'm DONE!

Posted : 7/8/2009 9:33:10 AM

I need to find a way to make an extra $1200 or so a month. Any ideas? Getting a regular job is not an option unfortunatley.

I'm sick of raising 4 kids. I'm going to wittle it down to 3. Just Kale, Kali and Kelci. No more Tyler. I'm just so very tired of it. (for those that don't know, Tyler is my BF and the father of Kali and Kelci)

This weekend I took the kids camping. We were gone Saturday, Sunday and most of Monday. Tyler was off Sunday and Monday and had the house to himself all weekend. What do I come home to? A counter full of dishes, a dirty BBQ, a slightly tidy livingroom(which he is still bragging about) extra laundry, and the burgers I bought for next week all gone. All 12 of them. And then he pulls a huge hissy fit because I have to go to work right away. So my friends got a nice show of that. Him slamming doors and swearing. I was so embarrassed.

This is not the first time this has happened. It is the first time my friends have seen it. The other thing is that he treats Kale like he's the worlds biggest brat. Nothing he can do lately is good enough. Tyler's step dad did that to him, and he hated his step dad. But his mom chose the step dad and kicked Tyler out as soon as she could. No freakin way I'm going to do that. My kids come first.

I am so done. Oddly enough I feel better now that I've decided. I do feel a little guilty. Everything we have is mine, and he has no chance of going to a lawyer. He's going to have to get his own place, and if he wants to have his girls there at all, he's going to have to get a 2 bedroom place. That's gonna be tough if he stays her. But he may end up going back to the city in which case he'll hardly ever see the girls. That's sad, but I'm not going to hound him about it. He's going to have to make the effort himself. I'm done holding his hand. Still the girls will miss him.

Oh, and I wonder if anyone has any tips on how to handle 3 kids, and two dogs that need tons of exercise? I normally walk them at night or before the kids get up if I can drag myself out of bed, but if Tyler isn't here, I won't be able to do that. I guess I'm going to have to get them used to walking with the stroller again. Joy.

l.michelle

Posted : 7/8/2009 9:40:51 AM

I'm sorry that it has come to this. But stay strong! It can be done. If you need anything, please let me know. You are a strong woman and can get through this

glenmar

Posted : 7/8/2009 9:46:14 AM

Wow. In light of the "online communities" thread I'm gonna be very careful to dull my bluntness!

Hon, if this is what you want, if this is what is best for you and your kids, stay strong and go for it. And, if you need to talk, I'm here.

sharismom

Posted : 7/8/2009 9:53:27 AM

Candace, it'll be tough with 3 kids and 2 huskies. Heck, it was tough for me with one kid and one husky (and two jobs). But you can handle anything - you've got family and friends who will support you.

I know you were at this point, sort of, with Tyler prior to Kelci, but you tried and you deserve a lot of credit for that. If you've finally reached the point of DONE, then it is what it is. Make plans, move forward. And above all, be sure to take care of *you* along the way. (((Hugs)))

Liesje

Posted : 7/8/2009 10:28:06 AM

Hmmm, as for the making money....do you know anyone else with babies? I have several friends with little kids and babies and they have this swap where they each watch the other kids so one or two can work. So then it's a trade-off, you don't have to pay for daycare and you get to work, everyone has a day or two.

Do what you have to do to take care of yourself. A friend is in a similar situation although her kids are older and she already has a job but it's still hard and a hard decision to make.

rwbeagles

Posted : 7/8/2009 10:43:45 AM

No idea on the money thing...Tupperware? Pleasure Parties? maybe? Babysitting...but heck you already have 3...I think one goes to school tho? Dog sitting if you can get somewhere with facilities for that. I suppose you might qualify for gov't assistance? No idea if your country has stuff like that or not.

I wish you luck with your decision.

iluvjamison

Posted : 7/8/2009 10:43:47 AM

Candace: sorry you're going through such a hard time, but only you can decide what's best for you and the kids.

Deb W.

fuzzy_dogs_mom

Posted : 7/8/2009 11:21:19 AM

Candace, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this but you know what's best for you and the kids. The one situation that you absolutely cannot allow to continue is him treating Kale differently than the other two. All that does is set up a situation that will result in the kids resenting/disliking each other as teenagers and adults.

Glenda, there's a big difference IMO between bluntness and unkindness. I've never known you to speak unkindly to anyone.

Joyce

willowchow

Posted : 7/8/2009 11:45:15 AM

Candace, no advice here but we are wishing you the very best with whatever you do.

JackieG

Posted : 7/8/2009 11:48:13 AM

Candace, it's obvious from your words and the tone of your post that you are hugely relieved to have made the decision. That alone says it's the right one, IMO. It won't be easy but it's not easy being unhappy day after day. I don't mean that you will be instantly happy but at least all your work and effort will not be undermined by someone who doesn't seem to share your goals. Good luck, you can do anything you set your mind to do and I believe that completely.

calliecritturs

Posted : 7/8/2009 12:18:20 PM

Candace, this HAS been a long, long time coming, and yeah, I understand "complicated". But I agree 100% with Jackie -- the tone of "I'm DONE" says it all -- and I think it's awesome that you've finally made the decision.

All my hugs, best wishes, and yeah, holler ANY time vibes for you. And I mean that -- holler ANY time.

janetmichel3009

Posted : 7/8/2009 12:25:25 PM

I have no advice, sorry.. but just wanted to say, you are strong and i admire that about you and you will do just fine on your own! Life ain't always easy, but you'll find a way! We're here for you!

Calinisima

Posted : 7/8/2009 12:29:25 PM

The hardest is to take the decission. After that, you would do wathever you have to do that would be good for you, your kids and dogs and you will succeed. You are a great mom and a great person...

I'm sending you all my good vibes and best thoughts to you. (((HUGS)))

Chuffy

Posted : 7/8/2009 12:36:19 PM

Oh help. Are you OK? Does he know yet?

Good luck - it's going to be a toughie and no mistake. And unless you plan on staying alone, the next one will have to step-parent three instead of one, which is harder. If it's what's best for you and your children, then you have to do what you have to do and you have my best wishes.

TheDogHouseBCMPD

Posted : 7/8/2009 12:46:12 PM

I can totally understand where you're coming from, with both the $ worry and the sense of relief. That's exactly how I felt when me and the STBX split. ((((hugs)))) You WILL be OK. If this is what is best (and I'm sure you're instincts will tell you if it is or not) then it will work out someway. Maybe you and one of your friends could be roomates?

Best of luck, and again, I know you'll pull through just fine. I'm here if you need/want to chat.