I'm DONE!

 Well, my dad has a saying... "When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll do something about it."  Sounds to me like you have made a wise choice for yourself and your children.  I know how you are feeling with the money worry and having to deal with the children and it is stressful and it is hard but as stated above, you WILL make it through this difficult time.  As far as the children go, they will adjust.  If Tyler wants to see the children then let him but if he chooses not to put forth the effort to visit them, don't push the issue.  It's HIS loss.  Hon, if you need anything just let me know.  ((((Hugs))))

Bullymom

If Tyler wants to see the children then let him but if he chooses not to put forth the effort to visit them, don't push the issue.  It's HIS loss. 

And the kids' loss too - unless he is a completely inhuman monster who they are wholly better off without. 

It can cause a lot of ugliness years down the line when the dad wants to get to know his kids, or vice versa, especially if poor ole mum gets the blame for not allowing access - even if that's not how it happened! 

 Candace, I sorry you are going through this. It is always very painful when a family breaks apart even if it is the right thing. It is especially hard on children so I hope you and Tyler come up with a plan that has the best result for the children.

Best of Luck 

Candace, I have no real advice but I just wanted to let you know you and your kids are in my thoughts.  It's tough to face change, even when it's the best thing, so good for you for making a decision that will be better for you and the kids. Best wishes.

Candace, I have no advice.  Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you, Kale, Kali, & Kelci.

I am hoping for the best outcome for you and the kids.  You are a smart, strong, intelligent woman and I am confident that you will find a way to make ends meet for you and the kids.  If there is any sort of government assistance there you should definately check into it.   

I don't have any advice either, but just want to include my support for you as well as everyone else that's posted so far.  You are such a strong woman to have come to the very hard decision you have made, and we're here for you.  It won't be easy, but if it is what is right for you and your family, then please rest assured you are not making a mistake.  Don't be afraid of change just because it's challenging.  You and your kids deserve to all be happy.

And, if you ever need anything...vibes, hugs, venting, even dog food/supplies, whatever, to get you through this, just give me a holler.

(((hugs!)))

 Thank you so much for all your good vibes, best wishes and cyber hugs.  It really means alot.  Those that have said it has been a long time coming, are completely right.  And it means alot that you remember that. 

I want to mention something about the job thing.  I have a job.  It just doesn't pay much yet.  My parents and I are building a business and currently its barely making enough to support itself.  My dad pays my mortgage for me, but that's it.  Still, at least that's one thing I don't have to worry about.  But I'm not willing to leave it at this point.  I want to see it succeed, especially since one day it will be mine(mine and not my sister's I was surprised to hear from my mom).  But right now it means I need to be there from 11 am till as late as possible or 8 give or take.  Kale comes there whenever he wants right now with school being out.  He's off on his own with friends half the time so he's not an issue, plus he'll be back to school in September.  The girls are in daycare full time and I'm subsidized for that so I only pay $105 a month, which is crazy cheap for full time daycare.  I can't complain.  I currently bring in about a grand a month outside of my mortgage, so if I have to I can survive.  T will have to contribute some as well so...

In any event, babysitting is kind of out of the question except on weekends maybe.  As is dog sitting.  Crusher isn't fond of other dogs on his property and if I'm gonna be walking a dog its gonna be mine.  A roommate isn't practical either since my girls already share a room.  I only have 3 and I can't afford to move out of this place.  Perhaps I'll just win the lottery hmm?

Chuffy, I have no plans of hooking up with anyone else in the near or even distant future.  I've been with someone most of my adult life and I just need some time to myself.  And if someone does come along, he will be Mr. Right because he is great with my kids(among other things).  Oh and yes, he does know, though he refuses to believe I've really made up my mind.  Doesn't matter though.  He can't help what he is.  Eg.  I came home from work 3 hours after him and the dogs were frantic.  "Have you let them out yet?"  "Oh!  No I forgot!"  HOW ON EARTH????  But its just one of those things he does on a daily basis that I am done dealing with.  If the dogs have to wait to go out till I get home, there'd best not be anyone else in my house capable of putting them out.

I don't have any ideas on the moneymaking (but when you figure it out, will you let me know? ) but I want to send strength and support vibes to you and the kids. ((hugs))

Well is there the possiblity of child support?  Just set a date and kick him to the curb, like you said if he only adds to your stresses than what good is it to keep him around, you might just find it easier with him gone.

My SIL goes to garage sales and then sells the stuff on ebay, she makes about 2K a month doing that.  Glassware and things like that.  Good Luck.

 I wish you luck and strength during this time.  It's a hard decision to make and even harder to carry out.  It sounds like what you might need to do is have a sit down with Kale and the other two and ask them for help.  Let them know what is going to happen and ask Kale to help you, that you will need his help with the dogs, cleaning, whatever.  But ask him for his help so that you can all stay a family (minus the BF) and make things work.  Set up a plan with him or ask him to get the dogs/kids ready in the mornings and then he can go back to bed.  I don't know how old he is but if he's old enough for those kinds of responsibilities and you ask him for his help, I bet he will be willing to do it as opposed to forced too.  Good luck!

I know this situation must totally SUCK, but it sounds like despite the trials and tribulations right now you will be happier in the long run for having made your decision.

Yes, I believe the ideal situation is a loving 2-parent family taking care of their children together. HOWEVER, it is just SO much more damaging for children to live in a household where the parents have a bad relationship... it's stressful and unpleasant for the kids, plus it sets up such bad role models and patterns of behavior... we all naturally try to sort of emulate the environments we grow up in, unless we take specific steps to do otherwise. And you don't want your kids growing up to think a dysfunctional relationship is "normal," or the ideal they should strive for.

As for this:

tashakota

 I wish you luck and strength during this time.  It's a hard decision to make and even harder to carry out.  It sounds like what you might need to do is have a sit down with Kale and the other two and ask them for help.  Let them know what is going to happen and ask Kale to help you, that you will need his help with the dogs, cleaning, whatever.  But ask him for his help so that you can all stay a family (minus the BF) and make things work.  Set up a plan with him or ask him to get the dogs/kids ready in the mornings and then he can go back to bed.  I don't know how old he is but if he's old enough for those kinds of responsibilities and you ask him for his help, I bet he will be willing to do it as opposed to forced too.  Good luck!

I think in general it's a good idea to ask for their help, BUT asking for help from young kids can also feel extremely burdensome for them. (Ask me how I know. ) You don't want the kids to start feeling like they need to take care of you, too, you know? While I think it can be good for all involved for them to help you and take some responsibilities, you still need to let them know that you're still the grown-up and you will still take care of them, instead of vice versa.

When I was a kid (about 6), my parents went through a really messy divorce and my mom was just a wreck. I felt like it was my job to "take care of her," which caused me a great deal of emotional distress, because how much can you really take care of someone when you're a little kid? I had no power to actually do anything significant, but still felt like my mother's distress was my responsibility. Know what I mean?

I don't mean that you're going to put your kids in a similar situation, since it sounds like you really have your stuff together. Just wanted to share a kid's perspective, to provide a little extra caution. I think as long as you're asking for help with concrete tasks (like getting the dogs out in the morning, or picking up his dishes, or whatever) it can be a great lesson in responsibility. Just as long as he doesn't feel like it's too much, too fast.

I think your decision is very brave, and I wish you and your family all the best.

I've been there, left a jerk, and handled working, two kids and A dog.  And yes, it's very hard, and yes, sometimes I had to ask for help, but I made it, and I know that you will too.

A relationship should be a partnership.  If it isn't, well, one person is doing all the hard stuff and the other is enjoying the ride.  If you've gotta do everything, well, gosh?  What's he for?  That's my blunt comment and I'm not gonna say another negative thing.

Just know that we'll all be sending you every STRONG vibe we've got.  You'll  get through this, through the tough times, and you'll come out even stronger and better.  You're WOMAN...go ahead and roar just a little!

 Thank you Cita for that insight.  I agree that asking too much might not be a good idea.  Kale is a big help already though.  Despite what Tyler thinks.  He helps a great deal with the girls when I'm say, making supper or taking a quick bath.  He lets the dogs out when he gets home, on his own.  (if he beats us home after school I mean).  He keeps his own room clean.  He's a pretty good kid. 

huskymom

He's a pretty good kid. 

He sounds like a GREAT kid!

Could youn loan him to me so that he can be a role model for my two???