What would you do: DH's friend

Amanda's approach makes most sense to me.  Just go, tell him to knock it off, or decide you want to deal with it.  You have to decide  - confront an issue, or accept being treated badly.  He may surprise you - he may actually be nice!

BlackLabbie

OK, but what do I do? Because I'm at DH's families house...I don't really know anyone (I mean I know his parents but....I'd prefer to hang out w/ friends, lol) and I'm not familiar w/ the area (rural upstate NY), no malls or stores anywhere near. No coffee shops. And DH doesn't like me walking/running w/ Apollo because it's so rural and there's a few questionable people who live in the area (sex offenders).

 

Good question.  Often when I'm w/ DH's family I do stuff with his mom and sisters.  DH golfs with his dad which I hate, so sometimes I just stay home and read.  Usually I do bring a dog or two along for company, but with GSDs I have no problem walking in ANY neighborhood, lol!

I guess to me there's a difference between DH's friends that I don't really get along with/don't care to be friends with myself, and people who are just plain mean.  If it's the latter, then I would expect my DH to grow some balls and tell the friend to cut the $*** or get a new friend.  If it's the former, I either go and keep my mouth shut or don't go. 

Liesje

BlackLabbie

OK, but what do I do? Because I'm at DH's families house...I don't really know anyone (I mean I know his parents but....I'd prefer to hang out w/ friends, lol) and I'm not familiar w/ the area (rural upstate NY), no malls or stores anywhere near. No coffee shops. And DH doesn't like me walking/running w/ Apollo because it's so rural and there's a few questionable people who live in the area (sex offenders).

I guess to me there's a difference between DH's friends that I don't really get along with/don't care to be friends with myself, and people who are just plain mean.  If it's the latter, then I would expect my DH to grow some balls and tell the friend to cut the $*** or get a new friend.  If it's the former, I either go and keep my mouth shut or don't go. 

 

Same here.

As for entertaining yourself, how about a movie? Either in theaters, or a rental to take home? Give DH a good timeline to get back (a 2 hour lunch should be plenty of time to catch up with this sort-of friend), and if you're watching with the in-laws, gives you brownie points for in-law bonding time plus you don't actually have to talk to them very much! 

Or find somewhere with wireless and get some good internetting in! Hulu + headphones = easy way to kill an hour or two!

BEVOLASVEGAS

I'm a bitch. 

 

Wait just a minute Amanda . . . . . . I'M supposed to be the subtle one around here !!!!

 

Deb W.

Cita

Liesje

BlackLabbie

OK, but what do I do? Because I'm at DH's families house...I don't really know anyone (I mean I know his parents but....I'd prefer to hang out w/ friends, lol) and I'm not familiar w/ the area (rural upstate NY), no malls or stores anywhere near. No coffee shops. And DH doesn't like me walking/running w/ Apollo because it's so rural and there's a few questionable people who live in the area (sex offenders).

I guess to me there's a difference between DH's friends that I don't really get along with/don't care to be friends with myself, and people who are just plain mean.  If it's the latter, then I would expect my DH to grow some balls and tell the friend to cut the $*** or get a new friend.  If it's the former, I either go and keep my mouth shut or don't go. 

 

Same here.

As for entertaining yourself, how about a movie? Either in theaters, or a rental to take home? Give DH a good timeline to get back (a 2 hour lunch should be plenty of time to catch up with this sort-of friend), and if you're watching with the in-laws, gives you brownie points for in-law bonding time plus you don't actually have to talk to them very much! 

Or find somewhere with wireless and get some good internetting in! Hulu + headphones = easy way to kill an hour or two!

 

I like this idea.  The other thing is if he doesn't like you walking in the neighborhood,  have the friend pick up DH and you take your car and go to a park.  Or drop your DH off somewhere to let him and his buddy catch up, then pick him up in an hour or two.   

Like someone else said, I say let him have time with his friends.  I would much rather let BF go out with a friend I didn't care for, then go along and not have fun.

sharismom

Sounds like the "friend" is still stuck in the high school mode.  He's jealous you "took" his friend away.

No doubt in my mind this is what's going on.   

Amanada and I could be sisters - I agree totally.   I wouldn't want to cause a riff between DH and friend but I would be having fun my husband and friends and telling friend to get over it all at the same time!

The last thing I would do is give him free time with hubby (unless DH wanted boy time). 

I fit in in with all my DH friends and he actually always wants me around (even when I don't want to be) BUT we were all one big pack of friends prior so I am part of the crowd and his friends are happy for him.  Good luck and don't stress about it, sounds like the friends loss anyway-your a nice person and he shouldn't be such a child.  If you just hang in there it sounds like your hubby will take the stance for you and thankfully you don't have to be around this guy more than twice a year!!

If I were in this situation, I'd likely stay back and hang out with DH mom, or his sisters. I have no need to be around people I don't like or that don't like me, I never have. My fiance has a few friends in his bird club who I can't stand, and I've pretty much stepped right back from helping them out and socializing with them. If they aren't going to thank me or show any appreciation for what I've done, then I won't do anything. They remind me of high school. I had no time for the crap in high school and I have no time for it now. He also has this one friend, that for whatever reason didn't like me, I asked fiance about it and he said, oh thats him, he doesn't like anyone unless they prove they deserve it. WTH? Who does that? So I stepped back and just let fiance have boy time with said friend, I pretty quickly won out, as soon as we moved away, they pretty much stopped talking and didn't keep in touch. Pretty much all of our friends are friends that have met fiance first, then I met them and became friends. I fit in well with his friends when I first met him - which was nice.

Here's a spin for you.  My life long BF, totally acts like your DH's BF - except for the sleeping with sister part, that was just rude. 

Basically it came down to this:  she was jealous that DH took me away from her and that I had a life she knew nothing about.  That bothered her alot.  She said she always liked him, just didn't realize what she was doing (making rude comments, acting aloof, etc.).  As a result, we stopped going out with her and her DH.  Fortunately, when she asked me why I told her and she realized what she was doing.  Same thing happened with DH's brothers, unfortunately even after he told them they didn't stop being idiots.

If it were me, I would just go with the flow since it is only a couple times a year, but let your DH know how you feel.

yep yep. I am more familiar with this phemon with women...they are TERRIBLE about sharing. Anything really. LMBO. I agree Lisa...if it's a couple times a year sheesh who cares? I mean my in laws are a PITA a lot more often than that. dh knows how I feel and how much I bite down on when we visit. He appreciates it so much...and he shows me that, and that is enough for me.

 OMG!!  Are you sure that you and I aren't married to the same guy?!!!  Dh and I had a big issue similar to your's!  His friend was ALWAYS around and he would tell Dh that he didn't like me because I am 6 years younger than they are.  Well whenever Dh would have his friend over, they BOTH would completely ignore me.  I could get up and leave for hours at a time and Dh wouldn't even notice.  I finally got pissed and took my wedding bands off and handed them to Dh.  He said "What are you doing?"  I told him "You might as well give these to Kevin because you spend more time with him than you do me."  That opened his eyes really fast!!  Now, Kevin and I get along a lot better and get this, he is now dating a girls that is 10 years younger than him!!  Go figure!

Liesje

Usually I do bring a dog or two along for company, but with GSDs I have no problem walking in ANY neighborhood, lol! 

LOL, can I borrow Kenya then? This friend is pretty scared of GSD's. When DH mentioned to him last summer that I would like to own one someday he was like, "Don't let her! If the dog is hers it will attack you! It'll turn! They do that once their hips get messed up, they turn mean!".....yeah, right. DH (who really likes GSD's and wants one too) was like, "Ohhhhhh, you must not know anything about them........". His friend (who has 2 nice Labs, but w/ no training/manners at all) was like, "Seriously dude!!"

It's funny to listen to people get all worked up when talking about something they know nothing about!

luvmyswissy

The last thing I would do is give him free time with hubby (unless DH wanted boy time). 

That's another thing; DH doesn't want boy time! When we visit his family and friend(s) everyone goes out together (to a bar/restraunt or cook out or house party). Everyone usually brings their wifes/gf's. I hate to be left about because of one person, you know? And I get along very well with all his other hometown friends (and their wifes/gf's). It'd be different if they were going fishing or something (where wifes/gf's weren't going), or if DH didn't want me to go, but he does.

BlackLabbie

luvmyswissy

The last thing I would do is give him free time with hubby (unless DH wanted boy time). 

That's another thing; DH doesn't want boy time! When we visit his family and friend(s) everyone goes out together (to a bar/restraunt or cook out or house party). Everyone usually brings their wifes/gf's. I hate to be left about because of one person, you know? And I get along very well with all his other hometown friends (and their wifes/gf's). It'd be different if they were going fishing or something (where wifes/gf's weren't going), or if DH didn't want me to go, but he does.

 

Then screw 'im! If you would be left out of a group-friend-hangout situation, don't let the one lame-o spoil your fun. If he's being aloof to you, you can be aloof right back. If he comes over to talk to your DH, you can go talk to someone else.

BlackLabbie

When DH got pissed his friend blamed DH getting mad on me and told a few people I "changed him, he used to be cool". IDK what gives.

 

I haven't read the other replies so that I can give you my first impression. Your DH needs to lay down the law with his friend. If he can't be friendly and respect you or his family, the guy needs to hit the road and not look back. Seriously. If I were DH, that's what I would do. You can respect my wife and family, or you can get the heck out. Don't let the door hit you in the backside.

This friend either needs to grow up or realize that his attraction to your DH is stronger than just friends and deal with it. And I don't mean that as an insult. His friend needs to do some serious soul-searching and then behave like a gentleman, regardless. Or he would have no place in my life, nor should he in yours. DH needs to stand up, just a little.

I might be old but someone disrepecting my wife is going to find themselves waking up on the floor.

 

ron2

DH needs to stand up, just a little.

I totally agree, Ron. My DH is a push over, to be honest. Extremely easy-going. Sometimes (like w/ this "friend";) I wish he wasn't. He's totally non confrontational. This year I have a feeling is going to be different because DH and I have been talking (a lot) and hopefully I lit a small fire under his ***, lol.