Suggestions on activities...

DH and I sometimes listen to audio books together, like when we are camping or on a road trip.

If we don't go to a movie, we watch one at home.  Generally the protocol for movies and dinner is that one person picks three choices and the other person picks one of the three.

You could go to the beach, go fishing, go to the mall and people watch....

 No mall for him. To crowded. He's claustraphobic.  Hmm.. Fishing would be good too. He enjoys that!

We need to get some more movies. Lol.

 I know you live in a small town, but you might want to see if there are any local wheelchair sports leagues - it would let him be active, get used to a wheelchair in a positive light, AND you could go spectate and play cheerleader. :)

oranges81

We need to get some more movies. Lol.

The library! My public library has movies, pretty new stuff, too. And FREE!

My husband and daughter are doing Lego's right now...there are some REALLY complicated Legos out there...including robotics.

Also...those little soldiers and such you paint...dragons and knights and whatnot, I guess you paint them then you play some sort of game with them?

Also...poker, strip or otherwise. You can do simple ability appropriate yoga as well...might helps him a bit with mobility? Indoor container gardening...?

I think there are lots of good ideas around, boating and yoga are great suggestions. You said he was a wrestler, so he liked to exercise. A great way to feel and get better under the circumstances of his condition is to develop his body and strenght. This is the man you love and live with, I think to help him to get out of the house will be great for him and you. To make him feel tired and to refresh his mind with views and life around will get him good perspectives. He is almost 30, he has a good long life ahead, why waste the time he has?

BTW can't wait to meet you and Sandy

oranges81

He's not willing to use a wheelchair yet cuz it scares him. We both know that a wheelchair is a very good possibility in his future. Once the back yard is done, he wants to get a pool back there to use

Oh man, I SO understand that.  David likes to "go and DO stuff" -- in fact sometimes it's difficult to rein him in.  He likes to travel, to do everything  from go to art festivals, museums, plays, shopping, and zillions of other things.  We used to spend a small fortune on renting ECVs for me at the theme parks because then I could keep up with him.

One thing that helped in the beginning was I got a folding stool and kept it in the car.  I can't walk even 10 minutes ... and standing is a HUGE no no for me.  Instant horrible pain.  However -- taking my little folding stool with me -- I could walk 50 feet and sit for a minute.  Walk a bit further and sit.  See something I like?  Stop and sit while I look at it.  I've done this for YEARS.  I actually have both a folding chair (just a plain black metal folding chair) AND a folding stool I keep in the car.  The stool is easier for me to carry.  But if I have to spend much time sitting then the chair is better.

But it enabled me to keep "doing" things ... David understood it was a sacrifice and he was good about helping me but it was essentially a compromise.  It helped me to do the things HE liked ... but it also helped him realize I needed some help. 

Finally -- we decided (and I resisted this -- oh man oh man I RESISTED IT) to get me a wheelchair.  Mostly so I could have the wheelchair to go to movies (movie seats absolutely kill my back) and so that I would be a little more portable.  I'm a big lady and I had a REAL problem with letting David push me.  He's not a huge man and it pushes every negative button in my head to be that dependant. 

But he will let ME get out and walk when ... for example, we come to a hill.  I CAN walk ... not well and not for a long time, but I surely can walk up an incline and I don't want him pushing ME.  And having the wheelchair as 'balance' it makes it easier for me anyway to have something to push.  So ... I'll get out and walk if the ground is rough or if it's an incline.  But wow -- it's helped SO much for us to be able to do things.

The darned wheelchair stays in the frigging CAR.  I hate it -- I hate that i Have to use it ... BUT I also realize that it makes "living" more possible for me.  Yeah, I can go TO the library and enjoy it when I have something to sit down in. 

But for me it was a difficult step but a good one to make IN PART.  I refuse to use it all the time.  Because when I give up walking I won't be ABLE to.  I can't let that happen.  But this is simply a compromise that I made to be able to keep up with Davey and do what he likes.

what about a nice picnic in the park? you can sit, relax, and be alone - all while doing something together.

There are MANY folks who have lost a lot due to "stupid accidents", myself included.  And, ya know what?  We just have to get over it and move on and find other stuff we enjoy that is within our physical limitations.

One of the things we like to do is go for a drive, explore the "road less traveled".  We almost always take a picnic and drinks so the ony thing we are spending money on is gas.  And I've never been in a city or town anywhere that  I couldn't find a decent park for a picnic.

The Public library is awesome and they have tons of stuff more than books.  Activities and so forth.  Books on tape or CD are really nice.  I like them for long trips.  My DS is dyslexic so he always listens to books rather than read them.  And all the stuff at the library is FREE.

Churches?  Religion aside, they are a great source of fun things to do with other like minded folks.  Also free or cheap.

Probably the best thing to do is to TALK to the man and come up with things you would both enjoy.

 Glenda: As soon as I get a car on the road, he wants to do road trips, just us and the dogs.We have talked about activities before but some of the stuff he suggests is stuff he can't do and then he gets depressed.

I'll have to suggest Yoga to him. I have a Wii so I can get the exercise stuff for that and we can do it together cuz I know he ain't goin to no class. Lol. I asked him about fishing, and he likes the idea so it's just a matter of us getting our lisence and the poles. Lol  I'll have to look in to boating. I know some people here offer day cruises around the inlet and he's never been up there so that's an idea as well..

erica1989

what about a nice picnic in the park? you can sit, relax, and be alone - all while doing something together.

OH! I've been wanting a picnic! I can pawn the dogs off on my neighbor for a few hours.. *starts to plot*

Calinisima

 He is almost 30, he has a good long life ahead, why waste the time he has?

 

BTW can't wait to meet you and Sandy

He just turned 26 on Monday. Lol. And I made sure he enjoyed it instead of moping about his disability and age.

Same! Once I get my dates down, we should set something up and get Sandy and Thor together. 

Sorry if this sounds negative but unless he is motivated to do something, then all of your ideas and suggestions are going to be met with excuses.  Like Callie said, SHE was the one who knew she had to swallow her pride or whatever you want to call it and use a wheelchair to keep active and doing things with her husband.  It sounds like he is depressed and until he can get some help with that he will continue to use his disabilites as an excuse.  There are too many severely disabled people who get out and live life despite their limitations.  Push, push, push him to get some counseling or to see a doctor and talk about depression. 

Oh man.  I'm sorry.  I do know from personal experience how tough it is to loose the ability to do the things you enjoy doing, but, HE NEEDS TO GET OVER IT.  He needs to focus on what he CAN do and find ways to incorporate bits of what he'd like to be able to do in a realistic manner so he can have more fun. Growing up would be a good start.

From everything you've said this guy needs some serious help to pull him out of his selfish, self serving pity party.  If you have someplace to go for a few weeks, I'd be tempted to tell you take your child and just go. Tell him he needs to figure out how to get over himself and stop thinking of JUST himself.  I know I sound like a major witch here, but, seriously, what is in this relationship for YOU??  You have a partner who goes to work and earns money and then comes home and completely disengages?  No conversation, no shared time, no intimacy??  You are the one making all the effort and as I see it, you aren't the one who's messing up here.

OK, scurrying back to my corner to find my shield before the rock throwing starts.....

 Uh....Glenda?  Wrong thread maybe? 

What about taking up photography?  You live in a very beautiful part of the world.  You could take advantage of that easily.  Bring a couple folding chairs and hit up a nice park.  

How about camping?  Do you have a good campsite nearby?  Or even a nice stretch of crown land?  Er...you may want to wait until the fire restrictions are lifted...I'm sure there's a fire ban on right now out there?

You could get a little fireplace for your backyard and sit and roast hotdogs and marshmallows.  Maybe have a little drink or something.

Cook a gourmet meal together at home, or do a fondue.  Fondues can take a good long time and you get to sit around and eat and talk.  Follow it up with a movie from the library and you're set for the night.  

Could he ride a recumbant bike?  Maybe you could build him one?  I'm assuming he can't ride a normal bike.  But maybe one of these.   I totally want one to run my dogs with!

I'll try and think of some more stuff.  But I gotta head out soon.  Good luck!