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 Isn't there a religion that teaches something like.... if you want to know what THIS life's lesson is, look for that which repeats....

There are people who are not predisposed to lifetime or long term relationships. It doesn't mean they are bad or selfish or mentally unbalanced. They can actually just be normal people who have a hard time committing. I'm sure most of them have let some "keepers" slip away. Being in a long term relationship is not easy. We all change over the years. My husband will attest to the fact that I am quite different than the girl he married. Fortunately as a couple we accepted the changes in each other. Obviously the longer you are in a relationship the better the odds it will survive.

As for passion in a relationship, all I can say is, if your are longing for the passion you felt at the beginning of your relationship, where you are all tingly and breathless - forget it. You will not maintain that passion in a long term relationship. There are much deeper passions that come with time.  But maybe for you it is that physical passion that you miss. Another man would certainly offer that, but it won't be permanent.    

Women think about religion, culture.

Men think about sex.

Women think about hearth, home, health.

 Men think about sex.

Women think about education, the future, and a number of other things.

Men think about sex.

Are ya'll detecting a pattern here?

I've trotted out that list a few times and it is guaranteed to offend two groups of people. Men and women.

 Novelty seems to wear off and usually the women doesn't have as much desire as the man does. Remember Harrison Ford's description in "7 days and 7 nights" about the male's version of foreplay? The woman shows up.

That's one of the reasons why it is important to really know a person before you get the passionate phase because the passion can wane after some time. What are you going to do with someone you were never really friends with but had a passion for, at the time?

To me, I don't think passion takes work as much as compromise does.

Kidding aside, I still desire my wife as much today as I did when we first met, Dec. 19,  1993. Between then and now has been a lot of learning and having been through some rough financial times recently, we also rediscover our commitment and admiration for each other. It doesn't necessarily translate into physical passion, per se, but we find ourselves just as happy to be together as when we first met and that is something special.

I suppose it takes some self examination. And I surmised a long time ago that the grass is not greener on the other side of the pasture, so to speak. So, I like it in this pasture, just fine.

Then again, I may be the last of a dying breed. Loyalty and honor are paramount.

 Do little things for each other. As a guy who learns, it's okay to bring my wife flowers or something in addition to the traditional times like anniversary or Valentine's Day. And vice versa. She will get little things to surprise me, too.

And have patience. Sometimes, things change.

And you can do different things. Our wedding anniversary is April 29. Normally, we would go to Scarborough Faire, where we had a renaissance wedding. This time, tomorrow to be exact, we are going to the germanfest in Muenster, Texas with our friend and her grandson. He's turned into quite the little rock and roller. So, I shall subject him to the album Chinese Democracy.

Relax and have fun doing what you do and realize that together you can survive anything.

denise m

There are people who are not predisposed to lifetime or long term relationships. It doesn't mean they are bad or selfish or mentally unbalanced.

No.  I think most, if not all, humans are more suited to being serial monogamists.... having several relationships which last maybe 5-7 years each.  Getting "the itch" after a few years doesn't make you "bad or selfish or mentally unbalanced".  It makes you normal.  BUT - maybe I'm just an old fogey at the age of 26 - it is our choices that define us more so than our desires.  There are those who act who act on their desires and those who don't and you can CHOOSE which type of person you want to be.  When you get married you solemnly vow to forsake all others.  All the others that catch your eye, even AFTER you get the itch.  Marriage is, in not so many words, promising to acting on that "itch" by working on your relationship, rather than abandoning your sworn partner.    Yep, I'm an old fogey.