What is THE most Romantic thing you have experienced??

Cita

What intrinsic factor makes a rose more romantic than a toaster, anyway?

I don't know - I can see this viewpoint.  Roses are useless.  You can't eat them, you can't wear them.  They are ***just because**.  The ONLY reason you give flowers is "just because".  Just because you were thinking of that person.  NO OTHER reason.  Just to show that you thought.  (lets not get into the "just because you feel guilty"!)  There are a lot of gifts like that - teddies is a good example.  What use is a teddy to most adults?  It's a "just because" gift.  Not "because you need it". 

It follows then, logically, that a gift on Valentines Day is usually the least romantic gift of all (unless the person has gone WAY over and beyond with it).  It's a "because it's Valentines day" gift.  "because I HAVE to get this otherwise I will look bad/they will be mad at me." 

So, by THAT logic, (which is how I think a lot of people define romance) then a toaster is not a romantic gift.  

Also - if romance is about connection - what happens when you "connect" with a parent or friend very deeply?  That's not romance is it?  Romance is reserved for couples, right?  So, also, by that logic, if your parents could have bought it for you then it isn't very romantic.... is it?

Not saying I agree with all that - I can just see that it is how a lot of people think, and I can sort of see why.

BF lived down the street from me and went to work hours before I did. So randomly, before dawn, he would stop by my car and leave a card with a sweet note or a single perfect flower. I am soooooooo not a morning person, but that was a great way to start the day.

Chuffy

Cita

What intrinsic factor makes a rose more romantic than a toaster, anyway?

 

I don't know - I can see this viewpoint.  Roses are useless.  You can't eat them, you can't wear them.  They are ***just because**.  The ONLY reason you give flowers is "just because".  Just because you were thinking of that person.  NO OTHER reason.  Just to show that you thought. 

See we're all so individual.    Soyeah, some folks don't need to be "thought of".  FINE -- that's why they hook up with someone of like needs.  That's not wrong -- it's just *YOU*.

I have to tell another story on myself.    First I have to say that Valentine's Day with my ex was simply a guaranteed fight.  He would literally PROVOKE a fight on Valentine's so he didn't have to feel like he needed to do anything, and yeah, that was exactly how he was.  Manipulative.

So I admittedly had some "wounds" there  which David has been really good at healing.  Now when it comes to flowers I'm PICKY. *grin*

yeah -- I really don't care about "bouquets".  Now if you picked them outside GREAT.  But to go  to the store and just grab a bouquet?  Not really MY thing.  but I absolutely LOVE red roses.  I love the itty bitty ones, I love the long stemmed FAT ones.  I just plain LOVE the color of red roses.  And frankly?  I don't really give a flying flip about white, yellow or pink ones.  But man -- I LOVE the texture, the smell and the color of red roses.  I don't care if it's one or a dozen --  with me you get as much mileage out of ONE as a dozen.  But oh man I LOVE them -- I'm known to buy one for ME.  But I love to buy them for others -- my Mom, a friend anyone.  I just plain LOVE them.

*sorry I'm laughing cos this is SOOOO funny to me*

About 5-6 years ago -- we'd been actually *married* like 5-6 years, and had a few "valentines" under our belts.   and I was actually sitting at home at my deskl kind of reveling in the fact that it WAS Valentines and  *sigh* I KNEW David had left work "early" so whooo hooo he's probably getting ROSES!!! whoooooooooo hooooooooo!!!!!

I was actually sitting there all happy and anticipatory about it.

Then Hootie chirrups -- David is HOME!!!!   I admit it -- I'm ALL excited wondering what he's done this year.    He comes in ... slowly ... and he comes around the corner from the bedroom with this ...

 GAWDAWUL HUMUNGOUS ARRANGEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh ... my .... gosh.  It was one of these really "artsy" kind of long ... low .... "arranged" ... things with ostrich feathers and bird of paradise in it.  REally "artistic". 

My stomach went to my toes.  I immediately tried to put on a "happy face" and I said "Oh ... WOW ... that's .... reallyu ..........................................................................

REALLY .... (trying to buy time to find WORDS)

***INTERESTING**!!!

(Oh Callie could you NOT have found a better word than "interesting" nooooooooooooooooooooo -- out of my mouth it came!!!)

He stood in the hall and laughed

 "Wow -- you REALLY ***HATE*** this don't you???"

I almost burst into tears.  I was SO disappointed (my own freaking fault!! No where in the "rules" does it say heh ad to buy me roses!! Come ON!!!)

I said "noooo, I don't hate it -- not ... nooooo, it's really .... artistic!!" (a lightning bolt should have come down out of heaven because i DID **(HATE** it.  I HATE loathe and despise "bird of paradise" -- they give me the williess!!!)

The rest of the story was, David hates being "predictable" -- and he got TO the store to GET me roses, and saw this ... to *him* "beautiful arrangment" that was SO ....

• Unique
• one of a kind
• colorful
• someone spent TIME arranging it and making it  aforementioned "one of a kind"
• nothing lke he'd ever done before!!!

 We had a LONG talk.  I wasn't ratty about it -- in fact I felt SO bad and SO guilty about how much I honestly detested this "arrangement" -- but that night we learned a LOT about each other!!

Please laugh at me -- David and I STILL laugh about that stupid thing.  (and one thing I bought for HIM that he hated too -- part of the shared joke)

He learned that sometimes being "predictable" isn't bad -- particuarly when a person enjoys the anticipation of a thing (like me being excited all day long about roses) and we both learned a lot about each others likes and dislikes!  He learned that the whole deal with me is my love of RED roses.  Not the number, not the size or cost -- but the color.  A d who knows where that impression was made on me??  I don't know ... I've just always loved that color -- in roses, in sweaters or ANYTHING.

But I also learned  in that same night -- that to please HIM I had to be more of a risk-taker.  To step out of myself and buy him a book or something that maybe he would and maybe he wouldn't "like" but that part of HIS enjoyment was the  absolute "unexpected" quality -- that even if it wasn't something he would have bought for himself, for Davey part of the enjoyment is in the "surprise".

Look back at these stories people have shared.  Even those who don't like "romantic" things -- it might seem shallow that they don't want to "do" anything -- but it's not.  It's about meeting each other in that place you enjoy.  Sometimes it's about things that DO happen or things that "don't" (thanks Chuffy!!)

But when we fail to appreciate each other -- When we just fall into the assumption that each day is going to be like the last -- unfortunately that's where mis-steps happen.  Some of you aren't as old as Bonita and I are.  Bonita has shared some difficult stuff.  And so have I (in the 9.9 years I was married to my first husband he was never faithful and I was terrified to ever admit that).  But I spent a lot of years wasting my time *thinking* all was "ok" when it wasn't and he just let me think that until I finally had no choice but to admit it. 

Failed relationships are no fun ... and keeping your balance is a learned art I think. 

calliecritturs

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee BONITA !!!!!! (*jumping up and down waving at her*) THEY'RE GETTING IT!!!!!!!!!!

Ok folks -- NOW you're getting it. 

Sadly they aren't... so many are so busy screaming  "WE DON NEED NO STINKIN ROMANCE"    I could just weep.

Romance is the connection by stressing it is not hallmark , flowers, candy or poems all they are saying is HE never connected with ME. NOT that the manner was wrong, unless they thought THAT was the only manner out there??

Romance was not defined in the question only cautioned by Mods.  So if someone wanted to say having an expensive vac bought because he knew how much I hated the old one.......... NO ONE was going to argue. That answer was cool with the true Romantics.  He Got YOU.... queue the cheering section!!! Heck for Me it was that He chose me and knew he needed to reinforce that feeling... screw the affair I WON !!

I have been the object of seduction worthy of Hollywood, Hey it was fun but never won my heart.  I have been the goof wearing the Bunny tail and ears because I knew it was a fantasy for a special friend, I did not mean to make it his life goal so I talked several others into joining me keeping it lighter and less personal.  Sexy , Fun and an adventure Hellll Yah but NOt and Never intended to be Romantic.

Having a man sit next to you while you wait for a child's name to be called before a judge and holding your hand when you could not stop shaking...  TOTALLY ROMANTIC. Having a man buy you a used bunny wabbit in a street market in Australia cause he found the look on your face too funny.  ROMANTIC. Having a man ignore your dragging a concrete goose from a friend's front porch all over while you are on vacation may not seem Romantic but the fact he mailed the randsome notes and helped frame the photos of said goose in jeopardy too fun and Romantic

THERE is NOTHING wrong with poems, wines, flowers and jewelry it just isn't what we all need every 2/14/09   If that is the only time you got it  shame on both of you cause you stink at Romance and you are willing to settle.  But having flowers pop up just because, or that candy bar bought without a hint of how big your butt has been looking ??? ROOOOOOOMMMMMMAAAAAANNNNNCCCCEEE !!!!

We love good food and choose to celebrate with a meal away from dogs and kids from time to time... romantic, taking the whole famdamily to dinner tommorrow??? Romantic , period end of subject!!

If as a woman I defined myself only by the number of cards, posies or bon bons that is MY personal issue.  If that was the best he could manage...MY BAD.  Since I had not let him in enough to see ME. and I thought him unworthy of sharing dreams and fantasy with.

Worst gift I ever got from my DH was a hundred dollar bill wrapped around a totally "male point of pride".... he thought it was going to be funny I fell apart.  He could not apologize enough and has NEVER attempted such an ignorant concept again...apparently a good friend had given the same to his wife and she was thrilled, boys being stupid ( sorry Ron) he thought " wow what an easy gift to "give" ......    Uh Yeah not a smart thing to do and nearly blew a very expensive vacation.   Of course for a long time he tried to make it about my poor sense of humor....  Hey if he wanted Funny it should have been at least a grand.... and 10 minutes later we could have both chuckled....

ROMANCE is a connection.  Being there when and how the other person needs you.  And by needs I don't mean a new sweater, or aftershave. I mean,  riding the golf cart and ,making the right faces and noises when he is playing his idiot friends.  Or designating a perfectly lovely day of vacation so he can play yet another sport, I was often the only wife away from the stores and spas to cheer him on while he played some of the best games of his life.... that he hugged me and said he'd done it for me... SWEEET, that I hugged him back and BOOOYAHED the opponents in several different languages... (GUY) Romantic.... He knew he was My Champion because I showed him.  He wanted to be a Champion.  Setting up a story you have heard a hundred times??? Romance.   At some point it was funny or thrilling to you, keeping it that for him ?? Sheer Old School Romance .....

If it folats your boat to say I do not like flowers cool that is your thing NO ONE cares but the TWO of you !!  BUT if you say I am not into Romance then that is just sad.... every , And I mean EVERY person in a relationship NEEDS to feel os valued they get a little head spin... Tell the guy it is not needed and I will never want it and shame, shame shame on you for being so un imaginative.   NO ONE says  your value or his view has to be the same as theirs so to pooh pooh anything that made someone feel important, special or loved ??? Shame on you , you are being the grinch of romance and that is sad no matter waht time of the year it is..

Sadly we Romantics did not ask you with the appliances, computers, cup of coffee what evers... to justify it... WE saw the value in what made you feel special.  BUT   YOU.... ( shaking head and sighing) You need to dump on what our connections felt like..... Next time just skip the thread OKAY???  If you have not felt Romance or think you have to justify your brand ... chances are we were not speaking the same language anyway....

Arrrrghhhhhhhhhhh    Love is niether free or earned...it is a gift that only the lucky are allowed to embrace and cherish. The rest... just  life.

Bonita of Bwana  Who will be using the infamous words of the B-52 s      "Roam, roam around the world, It starts with a kiss... " to sign my ard to the Hubs................... who knew the donut shop next to our neighborhood laundrymat could make such a connection??

Romantic:"imaginary" "visionary" "having an imaginative or emotional appeal"  Pretty broad and leaves room for everyone, IMO. 

Wow, I feel chastised and I'm not even one who said "I don't need no stinkin' romance."......  WHERE IS THE LOVE?!?!

In all honesty, "romance" has been a black hole definition for me.... I never really understood what truly defined "romance".  It's been interesting to see others' take on it.  My old roommate asked me what was the most romantic thing I ever did for a boyfriend... and I didn't know how to answer.  I do "nice things"... but what constitutes it as romantic?  It seems to be the "romantic" assignment is placed by the recipient and not the person offering it.... or anyone else observing it.

JackieG

Romantic:"imaginary" "visionary" "having an imaginative or emotional appeal"  Pretty broad and leaves room for everyone, IMO. 

Oddly enough I do not disagree...at all... nope not one little bit. what floats my boat may not the hubs.  or you or caller number 34.... Romance comes down to that connection, a moment when you think Good Grief how did I score this???

 If we were to be discussing "Sexy men"  there would be dozens of different types, some we would all oooh over, others we would politely ignore because Seriously THAT guy ??? Sexy??? Uh. No.

But to invite folks to offer THEIR most romantic experience and then have any one pooh pooh it is just wrong.   he connection is fleeting at best, and in most of our lives if we screw up we ignore that feeling that whoa "something" special, for ME just happened. Why? because folks may be too busy worrying over weather they have had that feeling or if your feeling ranks up there with theirs.... Nope. Don't. Think. SO.

Some discussions are simply invitations for sharing good things. I simply don't have an issue with your good thing and how it ranks next to mine as long as we aren't talking about getting your PETA membership card in the mail...then yesssss I would be among the ones trying to re educate you on what is real, right or vauleble....

It is a moment... unto possibly just you , and this will never decrease the value of the feeling.  And as the invite to chat was on YOUR most romantic experience, no one can define it for you. So statements that decry the exisitance of Romance, let alone what it meant to one person... just are not on topic, these are folks not getting IT.  And that is cool, I don't get Bunnies as pets, cute?  yes, Fluffy? yes.... trainable for a specific task or reaction... uh not really....   then I go get a tortise in my life again.. the same damn tortise I was not unhappy to be rid of years ago... But then he is Del and therefore unique to my life experience.  I would so understand if a kitty lubber looked at him in his hard shell and adverting gaze and thought  WHUT?? WHY A  Turtle??  On our list we rarely confront each other when basking and glowing in our pet's ID... yet allow a chance for folks to share a deeply personal moment that may be eluding another and this is acceptable room for disclaimer and poohpoohing....

.................as crappy as the economy is........ there are few things we can always own. Our own special thoughts, memories and questions are ours to be true to or silent about.  as a community wouldn't it be wonderful if we could agree to that?  If we could read something that simply does not "compute"  but some how know...it is true for them. That moment they shared..... 

Gadz it isn't like we are discussing BSL, fluffy or flat, woof or meow....... it is just the feelings of folks who would drop everything to offer you a shoulder when you hurt, a scolding when you are being silly and a place to stop when you are passing through..... 

sigh ...good things the Mods made us keep it clean my personal adventures could make Ron Blush !!

Bonita of Bwana

I think we have all enjoyed reading each other's "moments" and I never felt anyone was pooh poohing anyone else's idea of what is romantic, just defining their own notions of love and connections.  It's all good, as the saying goes, unless that saying is already gone. LOL 

Ironically I would have agreed...but there were some PMs from some folks who felt differently.  sigh... 

Bonita of Bwana

Bonita of Bwana

Ironically I would have agreed...but there were some PMs from some folks who felt differently.  sigh... 

Well, then, let's let the "P" in "PM" stay that way and enjoy the thread for sharing what is meant for open sharing and leave the rest in "private".

I have to say my favorite so far was nursing twins with her husband in the darkness - that was extremely touching to envision and really did help define my notion of "romance" - so thank you for sharing it.

At the risk of being part of the "old broads club" (WHERE is Glenda when I need her *grin&?) at least for *me* a huge chunk of this is about 'learning'.  Learning things I did wrong before and things I'm hopefully doing better in THIS marriage. 

For those of you who don't "get it".  Read if you want to, ignore if that's better.  "Chastised" isn't going to work -- that's not going to change anyone's mind.  So don't bother to *feel* chastised -- just shake your head and walk away. 

But part of the human condition is that we all need some sort of reinforcement -- and I hope those of you who insist you can just go on the same day after day  ... I hope you can still say that in 40 years. 

Men and women go thru cycles of life.  For some it's about "aging" and for others it's about finances, or job satisfaction and for others it can be about the "wandering eye".  but when two people walk down the same path in life if you don't 'grow' you diminish.  And the huge trick is for both of you to continue to 'grow' on a parallel path and be happy there.  And when you don't -- it's really often that pain results.

Some of us have tripped and fallen flat on our proverbial faces on that "path" (looking at my own very scubbed, scarred knees and chin) and one of the things I, in particular, have walked away with is that it radically changed my own personal definition of "romance". 

For me, this thread has been about encouragement -- and broadening definitions.  I've probably not made any friends at Hallmark!  (I hope not)

But we're all so incredibly human -- which makes us all so different.  And like someone said above what one is going to say is "hot" will leave another of us "ewww".  Heaven knows -- David certainly didn't pick ME off a shelf for my looks or inate sexiness.  But we certainly have fun.  And as long as he stays interested ... I win! (at least I 'win' what I want!)

sorry to pooh pooh on your thread... i wasnt the one who PM'd you but i guess i shuolda stayed out of this thread anyways...

yeah, i'm young. BIG DEAL... some people just ARE different, regardless of age. frankly, i never saw were anyone pooh pooh'd on your thread, except maybe you...

over and out.

 I think maybe this is like the infamous trainer debates... perhaps it's hard to believe that what doesn't work for you could work for other people.

Pit_Pointer_Aussie

 I think the best thing DH does is bring me lunch and run lunch-time errands to lighten my load. Every day without fail he will IM me to see what I need. That thoughtfulness reminds me every day how lucky I am.

My DH is like this too! 

My DH is only teaching two classes this semester, so his schedule is very flexible.  He has taken on all of the day to day household chores.  He cooks, cleans, deals with laundry, & the dogs evening walk.  During the day, he checks in to see if I need anything while I'm at work. 

I'm not sure if this is romantic, sweet, or just something that he does because he knows that if our positions were swapped, I would do the same thing for him.

OK, you all will see I am truly WEIRD after this post (like you didn't know that before!). As you know, I am totally into cars.  I am a gearhead from waaaay back.  Some of the most romantic presents DH has given me were...for my car.  Yep, you heard me right!

One year, my rear intake manifold gasket blew just before Christmas. DH took us all in to work on a Saturday (they were closed and DH had permission to be there) and he replaced the gasket on his Saturday off. I was touched.  Another time (at Christmas again!) I got my favorite present that year: driving lights for my Subaru. He knew I needed these to see decently at night and I HAD asked for the for Christmas, but honestly did not expect to get them.

Y'all remember that last March, I bought my dream car.  Could I have bought a cheaper car? YES.  Would I have been so blissfully happy? NO. Set aside the fact that I bought a like new used car for HALF what the new one would have cost.  DH KNEW I wanted this car.  I had lustful thoughts over the 300C (I kid you not!) from the day it came out.  I test drove another car.  DH turned to me and said, "You KNOW you want this one.  GET IT". We would have saved several thousand dollars if I had bought the other car (a Charger).  However, he knew just how badly I wanted this and that I would be deliriously happy with the 300C and knew we could afford it, so it followed me home and I got to keep it! LOL

My birthday is this Sunday (FEb 1st).  DH worked very hard to find a present he knew I would like. Some of his presents are OK at best.  This time, however, he outdid himself! I looove a hotel on the coast baout 75 miles from us, the Old Wheeler Hotel. We went there for his birthday in October.  I could NOT stop raving about how wonderful it is. Check it our for yourselves at oldwheelerhotel.com qnd see what I mean. Any way, a letter came in the mail for him from them.  I assumed it was an ad and opened it.  He bought me a gift certifiacte!  We are going Valentine's Day weekend (the only time we could both get off!).  I could not be happier.  He really thought this out and knows just how much this means to me.