boyfriend trouble. help!

bear in mind I am old and married.

Let it go...let him go...plenty of others. I have seen pics of ya and cute as you are, there's no need to keep trying if someone is not interested. Others out there will be more than happy to call themselves your BF at some point. IMO let him go...give him space...enjoy your space...enjoy yourself. Nothing turns a guy off faster...or a girl for that matter than clinging on when the thrill is gone.

Straight talk here, because I know you can take it. You probably weren't ever in danger of marrying this person or being with them the rest of your life at your age...so let it go...keep your good memories and enjoy being single a while. You have so much time ahead of you and there is likely someone around the bend more worth effort. ((hug))

I can only give straight talk - no man (or women) is worth the effort, if they are not willing to put any effort into making a relationship work - I echo Gina's advice.  Let him go - since it would seem that is what he is doing (though I have issues with people who just can't be up front and honest).  Your young, and there ARE plenty of others out there more worthy of your time and affections. 

This coming from someone whose been there at one point.  When you find the right person, a relationship is still work, but your not alone trying to keep it together.

I totally agree with everything Gina said (but I'm old and married too ). I'm not so old that I can't remember how tough it can be to go thru stuff like this. He may not mean to play games with your head and heart, but that's what it feels like to you, and it stinks. Take good care of yourself and try to find something else to focus on. I don't think you need to rush to break up with him before he breaks up with you. Unless you want the relationship to end, that'd just be playing another game and it might backfire on you. I'm betting that you'll hear from him later today and know more of what's going on. Whatever it is, you're stronger than you think and you'll be just fine. {{{HUGS}}}

 Have you ever heard of the book "he's just not in to you?" If you can get a hold of copy you should read it. Not only for the situation you're in now, but to save you from a lot of heartache in the years to come.

 With regards to his behavior right now. If you follow him like a puppy, call him a lot, text him a lot, keep asking him why and such - it's only going to push him away more. If you act aloof, he'll wonder why and come running. That is if he really wants the relationship to continue. If he doesn't, then he'll just go away and you'll have your answer. It's tough having to figure these things out. Girls are usually more straight forward about these things. Guys usually don't want to hurt your feelings so they'll beat around the bush and wait for you to break up with them. 

Jewlieee

Guys usually don't want to hurt your feelings so they'll beat around the bush and wait for you to break up with them. 

Sometimes.

Other times they are playing games and keeping the sure thing hanging on, til they need them.

But both sexes play the above game at times. Agreed with the comment you made about the clingy stuff.

We went through this before a couple weeks ago and things went back to normal. The hard and confusing part is even though I know things may be over and think I dont wanna be with him anymore is once he randomly calls and we talk for a couple hours everything feels back to normal and my love for him gets stronger. And it goes on for a couple days like this until things go right back to normal. But for some reason I have a feeling things arnt going to get better...hopefully when he calls I can be strong and talk with him about it, but I dont know how that will turn out...

My stomach hurts so bad from crying, I feel like I'm going to throw up. ): 

 Then you're at the point that you shouldn't take his calls anymore. Seriously. You can't get over someone if they are jumping in and out of your life all the time. Tell him not to call you for at least 6 months. After that you should be good and over him.

corgichick

We went through this before a couple weeks ago and things went back to normal. The hard and confusing part is even though I know things may be over and think I dont wanna be with him anymore is once he randomly calls and we talk for a couple hours everything feels back to normal

Honey you gotta be stronger than that. When a male is causing you pain even if only emotional, and then soothes you and makes you feel things are now okay...and then the cycle repeats that's not always a healthy way to be in a relationship.

A relationship, takes work yes...but it shouldn't be the kind that makes you physically ill...it's a two person kind of work that both people partake in and turn out the better for having done.

((hug))

Jewlieee

 Have you ever heard of the book "he's just not in to you?" If you can get a hold of copy you should read it. Not only for the situation you're in now, but to save you from a lot of heartache in the years to come.

 With regards to his behavior right now. If you follow him like a puppy, call him a lot, text him a lot, keep asking him why and such - it's only going to push him away more. If you act aloof, he'll wonder why and come running. That is if he really wants the relationship to continue. If he doesn't, then he'll just go away and you'll have your answer. It's tough having to figure these things out. Girls are usually more straight forward about these things. Guys usually don't want to hurt your feelings so they'll beat around the bush and wait for you to break up with them. 

I havnt been texting him or calling him alot recently and I'm usually never the first one to send a text or call....I wait for him to call/text me because I'm paranoid I'll annoy him and scare him off...so Im guessing thats not the problem...

Absolutely, what everyone else said (and there are gems in EACH post!!)

Men don't change much even as they age.  A group of girls trying to break you up?  Yep -- happens FOREVER.  Sometimes it's jealous others, sometimes it's work sometimes it's just a persistent "one" person -- but you know what?  If he LISTENS to them -- you can't prevent it.  If he isn't going to make you a priority?  If he's going to listen to the drops of poison that fall from another's mouth (girl, guy, man, woman, etc.) then he IS gonna listen, and you might just as well learn now to do what Gina says and "let go". 

It takes two to have a good relationship -- and learning to figure out when you aren't at fault and "let go" is a skill you are best to learn NOW. 

As much as your heart hurts, and as painful as it is now -- it only gets worse.  When you're a teen, everything "feels" bigger, meaner, more horrible and awful  -- part of that is because experience hasn't dulled the edges for you yet.

that's not a bad thing -- it's just a YOU thing right now.  You aren't stupid, dumb or bad -- you're pretty darned normal.  In fact, SO normal that all of us who have replied have "been there, done that, FELT IT" so we understand.  But I'd bet we all agree that one of the hardest things to do in this life is learn when someone else just isn't good enough for you and let them go!!   It hurts, BIG time -- but you'll get better at it. 

But don't let him make you 'sick' or stay home from school.  He's not worth the absent day, make up work, and absent mark on your record!! 

Getting 'tough' isn't easy -- but ultimately it's easier on you than feeling miserable for no good reason!!  *hugs* you GO girl!!

corgichick

paranoid I'll annoy him and scare him off

More straight talk...

You should not be worrying about it. As I said...you are a very pretty gal with a good head on your shoulders. WHY on earth are you walking on eggshells trying not to scare some guy? You need confidence in yourself...that should be your goal...this is what's going to help you so much with your life and any future relationships.

Might be time to stop worrying about the BF situation and work on the "memyselfandI" type stuff. That can be fun too!

rwbeagles

Honey you gotta be stronger than that. When a male is causing you pain even if only emotional, and then soothes you and makes you feel things are now okay...and then the cycle repeats that's not always a healthy way to be in a relationship.

Its too hard. I wanna be with him and I still love him, but I'm sick of always worrying and such. Its going to take me so long to get over him....and if it hurts this bad just thinking about breaking up with him...I cant imagine the pain when its actually over....

 You should have no reason to be paranoid about annoying him or scaring him off.  How can you annoy a person who truly cares for you enough to scare them off?  There's the truth, girl.  You don't need this guy.  Get your self confidence back and start having fun again.  you've done your crying for him, now let go of your fear and live your life.

corgichick

I cant imagine the pain when its actually over....

It'll be bad sure...but really, in the great scheme of things...in your life of over 70 years...is THIS situation, the only one who will ever cause you pain? Doubtful...is he the only guy who'll ever prove himself unworthy? Unlikely. Is he the only man in the universe in your entire life, that could make you happy? Highly, HIGHLY unlikely. 

You deserve better, and any pain you have will be fleeting in the great scheme of things...try to see it in that perspective. Life is lonnnng...and many opportunities for pain and pleasure, both sweet and sharp abound...IOW...pace yourself lol