Why is it so hard to have a little peace and quiet? *vent*

((hugs)) Have you talked to Alex about all this?  Guys are kinda dense when it comes to reading body language and so they truly don't get it when we're feeling hurt/annoyed/etc.  We need to just tell them why we feel the way we do and what we'd like to see happen to change the situation for the better.  Remember to be clear, but offer compromises too if he doesn't think your solution will work for whatever reason - it doesn't have to be black and white and written in stone. ;)

I'm working through the body language barrier with my DH currently - he doesn't get when to drop something or tone it down or leave me alone until I'm yelling and then we're both POd so I'm trying to be more verbal (in a nice way lol) and I do try to sit down outside of the tense situation and go over how I was feeling and what triggers my reactions with him.  I think it's helping some.

We all deserve our own space and time to ourselves and I think it's helpful to verbalize that when you're not getting what you need for a good state of mind.

 We have talked about this. And I'm trying to be more vocal but since I'm not a talkative person to begin with, it's hard for me. 

Alex is the same way. Lol. He won't back off unless I'm pretty much yelling and even then it's hard.  I've got a comfy chair in the kitchen *no room elsewhere. Lol* that I retreat to with a book to calm down and usually that helps except when I'm followed and pestered about why am I in the kitchen, why aren't I socializing with everyone else.. *sigh*

He always says is gonna get better once the bedroom is fixed but we don't know when it's gonna get fixed and I'm afraid we're gonna push so far and something is gonna break.

Lotsa hugs and Harry sends mucho puppy kisses!!

I know how you feel.  It took me a few years to get BF to actually *listen* when something was bothering me.  I am a vocal person, but he seemed to not understand English whenever I was upset.  I hate yelling with a passion, so it bothered me to have to resort to yelling to get my point across, but sometimes it felt like the only option.  After a few years and several good discussions, we have a pretty good understanding now.  My advice would be to just sit down with him one-on-one and explain very calmly how you feel, and be sure to stress to him that it is an open discussion, and as hard as it is for guys to do, he should be able to express his opinions to you as well.  Maybe say something like, "I know you didn't want to be rude to your friends, but at the same time, this is how I felt (fill in the blanks here)."  It shows that you understand or are trying to understand his side, and men seem to respond better to that, in my experience.  If he opens up as to his point of view, it will give you both a better understanding of each other.

If that doesn't work, you and Maze come take a trip to Atlanta and Harry and I will make sure you get lots of peace and quiet!

stardog85

We all deserve our own space and time to ourselves and I think it's helpful to verbalize that when you're not getting what you need for a good state of mind.

I totally agree with this!!  I would be going nuts if I were you - all those people - you dont even have seperate room to retreat to! Having a sactuary where you can be in peace is sooo important.  the only suggestion I have is to move to your own space with Alex & Maze, but it sounds like thats not an option right now :(

Is there somewhere you can go, like a friend's house - when you don't feel like 'partying' with the people who show up?

stardog85

We all deserve our own space and time to ourselves and I think it's helpful to verbalize that when you're not getting what you need for a good state of mind.

I totally agree with this!!  I would be going nuts if I were you - all those people - you dont even have seperate room to retreat to! Having a sactuary where you can be in peace is sooo important.  the only suggestion I have is to move to your own space with Alex & Maze, but it sounds like thats not an option right now :(

Is there somewhere you can go, like a friend's house - when you don't feel like 'partying' with the people who show up? ( and take Maze with you:)  )

 Actually Alex is quite open about his opinions but when it comes to our relationship it seems like all we do is fight.  Or when I try to express something, I feel like it's not important just by the way he acts. He's starting to learn my body language (after 3 years) so he knew I was really upset and he knew why. He even said so. But he carried on like I was taking my anger out on him. When I wasn't! I was just folding clothes and trying to calm down so I didn't freak out at him... Alot of our problems span from his generalizing me with his ex-girlfriend. We've spoken about that in lengths and yet he still can't seem to separate the two of us.

I'm on my way to Atlanta as soon as I'm done in Kentucky and at Van Morrison's place. Lol.

akyramoto82

Is there somewhere you can go, like a friend's house - when you don't feel like 'partying' with the people who show up? ( and take Maze with you:)  )

Sadly no. I don't have any friends here.  The most I can do is go for a walk but by the time I get back, there's more people with more dogs who Maze does not get along with. (another story there and yes we have had a little chat with that guy about his dogs...) So I'm all alone here..

 Can you *make* yourself some space?  Like with sheets strung up around your chair and a big sign that says "oranges81 is currently busy, do not disturb!!".  Seriously - sometimes having your own fort can be very empowering and a sign would really get the point across.

 There's a sheet around the bed for privacy but thank GOD the bedroom is getting finished tomorrow morning so I'm moving in there tomorrow night. And when the living room is moved around there's a nice sized bartending bar here that I'm turning in to my computer desk so there's a nice wall hiding me from view cuz I'm so short. Lol.

Yay for a real room!!!!  And it sounds like the bar thing is gonna rock: your own bat cave. ;) 

You might want to consider getting the book "Don't Shoot the Dog" to help with your people training in the meantime - it's usually pretty cheap as a used book and it's worth it's weight in gold!

 I've heard of that! But I never really thought about if for people training. Lol. Then again I was using cookies to train Alex to pick up his dirty clothes.. I'll ask at my book store when I go pick up my other book.  My used bookstore is pretty sparce with the dog books.. *sigh*

You could also check the library - even the ones I've been to with a veeery small dog section had DSTD on the shelf.   I don't know if they even consider DSTD a dog book really - it truly is geared toward human training. :D

 *cough* I kinda owe my library money..*cough*  I lost a volume of Garfield and Friends on DVD but I think I'll take a look either way. I can curl up in a corner and read it until I'm able to get my own copy

 Yea I don't wanna know what my library fines are right now - I might just get a new card under my married name instead lol.