Pill Thread Got Me Thinking....

 I wouldn't force them.  I would strongly encourage them to though.  Most people would consider me very responsible. I made a 4.0 my freshmen year of college after never having set foot in a school my entire life,  I run my own business on the side and it is fairly successful, and I have worked with kids for six years.   Yet, I *know* I am no where near ready for my own child.  I am waaay to selfish.  I want to ride horses, go skiing, travel, and stay up late doing what I want to do.  I do not want to have to take a child with me when doing these activities or worry about who is taking care of them while I am having fun.  But mostly I don't want to change diapers ;)

Most teenagers don't have it in there mind how long 18 years of looking after someone else rather than themselves really is.  It means staying home to watch the baby instead of going to a party if they cant get a sitter,  buying diapers instead of a cute blouse and, unless they marry the father, it means finding a man who is ok with them having a child.    It isn't a walk in the park and it can be emotionally and physically trying.  Thus, the best option is adoption.

ETA:  Where did I say I would force anyone? 

Aina

 I wouldn't force them.  I would strongly encourage them to though.  Most people would consider me very responsible. I made a 4.0 my freshmen year of college after never having set foot in a school my entire life,  I run my own business on the side and it is fairly successful, and I have worked with kids for six years.   Yet, I *know* I am no where near ready for my own child.  I am waaay to selfish.  I want to ride horses, go skiing, travel, and stay up late doing what I want to do.  I do not want to have to take a child with me when doing these activities or worry about who is taking care of them while I am having fun.  But mostly I don't want to change diapers ;)

Most teenagers don't have it in there mind how long 18 years of looking after someone else rather than themselves really is.  It means staying home to watch the baby instead of going to a party if they cant get a sitter,  buying diapers instead of a cute blouse and, unless they marry the father, it means finding a man who is ok with them having a child.    It isn't a walk in the park and it can be emotionally and physically trying.  Thus, the best option is adoption.

 

ETA:  Where did I say I would force anyone? 

i dont think you said anywhere!

in that respect i actually agree! that the OPTION of adoption is often not considered enough! and i agree that some info and education on that respect (AFTER sex ed!!!!!!!) could benefit many!

i do think abortion should still be an option. i think it would *morally* be great if other options could be presented as completely acceptable as well, both morally and by society in general but these days adoption does seem like the easier way out, since going through a pregnancy means actually FACING people on a daily basis that would judge you no matter what (especially as a young/teenage parent!). THAT really is the unfortunate part about it...

i do believe and always will stick by the believe that it should be a woman's choice, ultimately. they may make "wrong" choices or "easy" choices, but i think there IS a way to educate about alterantives WITHOUT making abortion a matter of "you shouldnt"!

Liv

She knows my son is her half brother and she actually came to the hospital on her birthday when I had my daughter to meet her new sister. It was really sweet. Her adoptive parents are amazing people. My birth daughters other adoptive sister is 6-7 I can never remember. My son is 2.5yrs old and she just loves him lol. 

This is absolutely fantastic!!  I am glad you found such great adoptive parents.  Your husband and MIL sound great, too.

I feel sorry for your mother. She is mainly hurting herself.  What is she going to do?  Miss out on every social event that includes your oldest daughter?

I'll keep my fingers crossed that "X" and his parents stay away at least until your oldest daughter is old enough to cope with them - and until you have had more time to deal with your trauma. 

Aina

Thus, the best option is adoption.

For you, but you can't possibly think you actually speak for everyone, can you? I don't want kids now (though at this point I'm 20, not a teenager anymore), but I'm not too selfish, I've never been a partier, and I hardly ever spend money on myself as it is... if I got pregnant, I'd keep it. Why? Because that would be the best choice for me. I couldn't live with myself after having an abortion (even though I am 100% pro-choice), and I know I would not be able to handle giving my kid away. Even 5 years ago, if I'd gotten pregnant, I would've kept it (which was a pretty big part of the reason I was not sexually active, lol, couldn't take that risk).

Adoption is just not feasible for some people, whether that's selfish and sucky or not, it's true. If any girl in my family got pregnant and was giving it up for adoption, I think another family member would have to take it, lol, and that would obviously be too hard for the mother. Though the bad part of that fact is that several girls in my family have had several abortions each, sigh...

Aina, I agree that abortions do have possible complications, but the rate and severity of most complications is greatly exceeded by those of pregnancy. 

Many teens may reach their full height and even develop breasts by 13, but I strongly question whether they are "full grown" inside at that age.  I know their minds are still developing.

  Complication rates of abortion increase with younger, teen-age women. However, younger women who carry their babies to term have better births than older women if they get proper care. There is evidence that in 15 to 17 year old women, pregnancy may even be physically healthier than in women of older ages. 

Your own quote above is very telling.  "If they get proper care"  Even if I buy the idea that young teens may be able to carry a pregnancy easier (I don't), they often (usually?) do not get the proper care.

Few teens plan to get pregnant and are on good vitamins from the start.  They are reluctant to believe they are pregnant and they start prenatal care late - if they get any at all.  They may not eat right or stop using social drugs.  Many are in a state of panic or extreme stress. 

Any immature child/woman with a lack of health care knowledge or a lack of the discipline/funds to keep to a good regime ups her chances of having pregnancy/childbirth problems.  You find a much higher percentage of such females among teenagers than among older women.

After childbirth a woman's hormones make caring for her infant an extremely strong priority.  They will die to protect the child.  The age of the mother doesn't change this.  It is so hard for most women to give up a baby. 

Immaturity makes it less likely that the mother will care for the infant properly, but immaturity is not confined to teenagers.  It would be nice if all immature women would recognize that fact and put their children up for adoption.  Unfortunately, the immaturity itself makes that unlikely.

We need good sex education!!

chelsea_b

For you, but you can't possibly think you actually speak for everyone, can you? I don't want kids now (though at this point I'm 20, not a teenager anymore), but I'm not too selfish, I've never been a partier, and I hardly ever spend money on myself as it is... if I got pregnant, I'd keep it. Why? Because that would be the best choice for me. I couldn't live with myself after having an abortion (even though I am 100% pro-choice), and I know I would not be able to handle giving my kid away. Even 5 years ago, if I'd gotten pregnant, I would've kept it (which was a pretty big part of the reason I was not sexually active, lol, couldn't take that risk).

I can't speak for everyone.  I don't believe *everyone* should give their kids for adoption.  Universial statements are usually wrong.  My sister could probably take care of a kid fine and she is 15.  However, looking at what I see in my *college* classes, most of those people are not ready for a kid.  They are not mature enough.  Janet and I agree on this. 

The best option is to remain sexually inactive until you are ready.

janet_rose

Many teens may reach their full height and even develop breasts by 13, but I strongly question whether they are "full grown" inside at that age.  I know their minds are still developing.

I was actually more emotionally stable at 13 than I am now. (School messed me up XD )  But in general I would agree with you.

You seem to be arguing abortion.  Why?  Shouldn't it be the mothers choice?  For her to have that choice she has to be fully aware of *all* her options.  Right now abortion gets so much publicity that adoption is pushed so far back most people don't even realize it is an option until after they have already had an abortion.   So *you* think it is more dangerous for a mother to carry a baby full term so she should have an abortion.  *I* think the baby should be given up for adoption.  If you really believe in choice, what does it matter what we think?  It is what *the mother* thinks that is it.  And you shouldn't push abortion so much that the mother thinks that it is that or keeping the baby that are the only two choices.  That is what seems to be happening. as Liv can attest.  True choice only comes when a person has *all* the options laid out before them. 

The best thing, however, is for a person not to get to that point.  As I have said before, unwanted pregnancy is like licking a flag pole in middle of winter somewhere cold.  You are not getting out of it without a lot of pain and leaving a little bit of you behind.   Any "choice" they make is damage control.  Aside from rape victims, the real choice is made a month or two before that when they decide to go to  bed with a guy. 

We need to give them lots of sex ed, and include abstinence in that. Unfortunately, abstinence has become a dirty word.  It is looked at by the media as something to be ashamed of and losing ones virginity has become something of a right of passage.  To counter this they have "sex education"  Yeah, how many kids listen in school?  Not many.  The "cream of the crop" come to college and they still fail basic classes that I don't even have to study for because we did them in eighth grade.  And we didn't even really do that much real schooling.

  The classes also put very little stock in abstinence, assuming the teens will have sex anyways.  I think I a greater emphasis needs to be put on abstinence.  After all, we are just discussing one problem of many with having sex outside of a commited relationship.

janet_rose

We need good sex education!!

AMEN!!!  It just boggles my mind how the groups most vocally opposed to abortion or choice are also the most vocally opposed to sex ed or providing anything that might prevent an unwanted pregnancy. It's like they really believe that if you bury your head in the sand and pretend you don't see it, it isn't there.

Joyce

High grade point averages won't stop anyone from getting pregnant.  Even the most intelligent girls can and do get pregnant.  A girl can flunk Math 101 and still get pregnant. 

As a culture, we hide from sex and sexuality.  The education about sex and its consequences needs to begin in the home.  It's hard for many parents to talk to their kids and many kids are so embarrassed sitting through sex ed w/their peers that a lot of pertinent information is lost amongst the giggling.  Abstinence was supposedly making a "comeback" - teens signing contracts and such.  I don't think it is viewed as a dirty word, but when you boil things down, sex feels good when you are sharing the experience with the right person.  I also don't believe that 100% abstinence is realistic.  With hormones, peer pressure, and even alcohol thrown in - a person's judgement is clouded and a decision is made - good, bad, or otherwise.  Anybody with a teenager can attest to the, "you tell me I can't do that, so I'm gonna try it anyway" attitude.

Yes, all options - abortion, adoption, keeping babies - need to be truthfully laid out to all girls/women who find themselves pregnant, but it really needs to happen before pregnancy , just like real info about STDs should be handed out - before sex ever occurs.

My daughter takes nursing in her high school. They are taught all about sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. In her nursing classes there are 5 pregnant girls, all the education they have had  and they still got pregnant. 

In her school there are many girls that have had multiple abortions. They are not ashamed to admit it either.In my opinion if you really  don't want to get pregnant, you most likely will make sure you don't. As a parent of 3 teenagers, most of the parents I know are pretty open with their kids about sex. The girls can go to their parents when it's time to go on the pill. The boys can go and buy condoms.

My youngest is 13 and every year they have a health class that the parents have to sign a permission slip for. The class teaches them about diseases and pregnancy and sends them home with packets of information. I think the education is there, but I don't think these kids realize how much having a baby as a teenager will change their life.

I think more education is needed to persuade these teens that having a baby at such a young age really can limit them in so many ways.

sharismom

High grade point averages won't stop anyone from getting pregnant.  Even the most intelligent girls can and do get pregnant.  A girl can flunk Math 101 and still get pregnant. 

As a culture, we hide from sex and sexuality.  The education about sex and its consequences needs to begin in the home.  It's hard for many parents to talk to their kids and many kids are so embarrassed sitting through sex ed w/their peers that a lot of pertinent information is lost amongst the giggling.  Abstinence was supposedly making a "comeback" - teens signing contracts and such.  I don't think it is viewed as a dirty word, but when you boil things down, sex feels good when you are sharing the experience with the right person.  I also don't believe that 100% abstinence is realistic.  With hormones, peer pressure, and even alcohol thrown in - a person's judgement is clouded and a decision is made - good, bad, or otherwise.  Anybody with a teenager can attest to the, "you tell me I can't do that, so I'm gonna try it anyway" attitude.

Yes, all options - abortion, adoption, keeping babies - need to be truthfully laid out to all girls/women who find themselves pregnant, but it really needs to happen before pregnancy , just like real info about STDs should be handed out - before sex ever occurs.

I agree with you.  Sex ed *needs* to start *at home* way before the kids want to start doing that sort of stuff.  My parents have always been very open about sex and we have talked about it quite a bunch, even with all six of us present.  Heh, my dad even talks about it at college in a class about religion and sex.

See, with my parents it never was "you can't do that"  I don't think my parents have told me I could not do anything since I was twelve, unless it was illegal.   Instead, we have discussed the pros and cons of things and all three of my siblings and I have come to the same conclusion; abstinence.  I have never had sex, and I am not going to put myself into that position until my wedding night.  You can't just say "don't have sex"  you have to have a game plan on how relationships work.  I think that is one of the reason the abstinence cards don't work.  Knowledge is nothing in the heat of the moment, so you have to do things before it gets that far. 

On the other side, my parents have also discussed something I think is just as crucial; sex *inside* marriage and how that should be.  I think this area is ignored and kids are so used to hearing the 'no sex' thing, that they don't realize how good it is inside marriage and how crucial it is.

yup. my mom started sex ed with me when i was seven... seems kinda extreme, but heck, when the time came i was rpepared...

Aina

You seem to be arguing abortion.  Why?  Shouldn't it be the mothers choice?  For her to have that choice she has to be fully aware of *all* her options. 

I agree that it should be the pregnant woman/teenager's choice and that she should be fully informed.  However, most of those 17 and under are still financially dependent on their parents.  What's more they are very emotionally dependent on their parents.  Without the full financial and emotional support of the parents, a healthy pregnancy is unlikely even if the child is physically capable of such a pregnancy. 

Most children (17 and younger) coming in for an abortion are accompanied by one or both parents - parents old enough to know all the options.  Every women's clinic I have been acquainted with talks to the woman/teenager alone to be sure that the abortion is her choice.  I have even seen services refused if coersion or emotional distress was evident.  On the other hand many states have laws that forbid the child to have an abortion without parental approval, so a teenager is much more likely to be forced to carry a pregnancy than forced to have an abortion.

The younger the child the more likely it is that abortion is the best choice for the health of the child.  I doubt that most people would argue that a 9-year-old should carry a pregnancy (youngest on record to carry one is 5).  If I had a pregnant 9-year-old, I would do my best to terminate the pregnancy without her ever knowing she was pregnant. 

Aina

Sex ed *needs* to start *at home* way before the kids want to start doing that sort of stuff.  My parents have always been very open about sex and we have talked about it quite a bunch, even with all six of us present.  Heh, my dad even talks about it at college in a class about religion and sex.

Aina, I wish more kids had home sex ed like yours!! 

My sex education amounted to a Girl Scout film on the menstrual cycle, plus asking my mom "How does the sperm get to the egg?"  Thank goodness I decided not to ask that question in biology class!!  I would probably have been laughed out of class for my ignorance.

The question produced a red face, a brief description, and discussion that consisted mostly of repetitions of "It's only for married people".  I almost got to the point of asking "Mom, are you OK?"

My mom was so embarrassed that I never asked her another question.  I went to books for anything else I wanted to know.

yeah, actually books are great! when i was 11, my cousin gave me a small book on sex ed! that was awesome! by that time i was already old enough to understand it's an awkward subject, but this gave me info without having to confront someone (always been a bit introverted....)

btw, i dont think just giving kids a book is the answer either! not all kids like reading... and you cant rely on it. but it was nice to have it as backup info. afterall then, we didnt have internet...

janet_rose

My sex education amounted to a Girl Scout film on the menstrual cycle, plus asking my mom "How does the sperm get to the egg?"  Thank goodness I decided not to ask that question in biology class!!  I would probably have been laughed out of class for my ignorance.

Well, you certainly had better sex ed  than I did.  Mine consisted of my grandmother telling me (when I had my first period at about 10-1/2) "You have to be very careful around men now because you could have a baby any time."  That's ALL she said ... no explanation at all of how this might come about.  I spent the rest of the school year worrying about who I might be sitting next to on the bus and whether or not I'd find a baby in my book bag when I got up in the morning. Of course, eventually I figured it out.

Joyce