Jealous of my 3 year old daughter.

 I don't know what to say.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  Hopefully things can be worked out, but I have no advice. 

kle1986

It's JJ that I am getting tired of. I have even told him how I feel. He doesnt know what Im talking about.

JJ has failed to learn an important fact about marriage.  It takes work!   I think you seriously need to think about seeing a marriage counsellor before things get worse.  You need some help in getting through to JJ.

Books to consider:

101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last
http://www.amazon.com/Things-Wish-Knew-When-Married/dp/1577314247/

All You Need Is Love and Other Lies About Marriage: How to Save Your Marriage Before It's Too Late
http://www.amazon.com/Need-Love-Other-About-Marriage/dp/0060509317/

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide
http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797/

The Complete Idiot's Guide to ....

• The Perfect Marriage (3rd Edition)   http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Perfect-Marriage/dp/1592576087/
• A Healthy Relationship (2nd Edition)   http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Healthy-Relationship/dp/0028642066/
• Intimacy   http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Intimacy/dp/1592573878/
• Pleasing Your Woman   http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Pleasing-Woman/dp/1592574645/

what do you do in these situations? do you let him know then and there? seriously, men usually dont even realize what they are doing wrong. i hate being a "nagger" but i think sometimes you need to just let them know: "THIS is what i was talking about!" they can be so oblivious!

i really hope you guys can resolve this soon!

{HUGS}

Your going to have to speak up. I went for some time upset and mad about the fact that I came home and only the dog greeted me at the door to say he was happy to see me. No "how was your day?", no kiss hello, well dog kisses, but no hubby kisses!

I finally just told him, "you know, would be nice if you made the effort to beat the dog to the door to come and greet me and kiss me hello and welcome me home once in a while" I did it very non confontational but I was serious. I made it a point to not even announce that I was home from then on out. Took a small bit but he got the message.

As for the dinner thing? I would have STARVED before I went and finished cooking my own meal after he walked off, in fact it would have burned down the kitchen, because I would have just left it there and walked away.

You might want to pick a night or 2 where you feed Samantha dinner early so that you 2 can sit and talk together.

I hope you work it out.

Yeah, you really need to talk to him.

It sounds to me, from what you wrote, that he is trying to distance himself from you. He doesn't want to do things with you, when he does do things with you he isn't focused on you, he doesn't even want to go to bed with you (without your daughter)...? I'm guessing your "intimate couple time" is also suffering, then? It sounds to me like there's something bothering him and, being male, he probably doesn't want to talk about it and/or assumes you already know what's going on. Maybe he's feeling un-loved and unappreciated, and just like you feel that only the dogs give you attention, maybe he feels that only your daughter really gives him attention. Maybe he's angry about something you did or are doing. Maybe he's stressed out about something totally unrelated, and senses he's making you unhappy, so doesn't want to be around you to make you even more unhappy.

I think Janet's suggestion to see a marriage counselor is very important. Obviously there are a lot of things bothering you, and I'd guess there are at least a few things bothering him, too, so since you guys have been having a hard time "talking it out" I bet it would be really helpful to have someone there who could act as an "interpreter" between you two.

Best wishes, I hope things get better for you all. 

If he's open to it I think a marriage counselor would be a good idea.  Not sure if you've read some of my old threads about trouble DH and have been having, but know we have been doing some counseling with our pastor for awhile and it has really helped.  She's helped him and I realize things that we are doing which weren't helping the relationship (communication breakdown, among other things).  And talking w/ her helped him see that stuff I was saying was wrong, wasn't just me saying it (not sure if that makes sense, but I'm not sure how to word it).  I know you've said you've talked to him and that's good, but sometimes I think it helps hearing stuff from an unbiased 3rd party.

Of course all of that is IF he's willing.  I would hope he would be, but appearantly some guys just won't do it.

 {{Hugs}} Wishing you nothing but the best.

TheDogHouseBCMPD

I know you've said you've talked to him and that's good, but sometimes I think it helps hearing stuff from an unbiased 3rd party.

Sometimes a "translator" is needed.  It turned out that I could build a decision tree in my head several levels deeper than my ex.

I would "prune" the tree of things that wouldn't work and present all the viable options to my ex for him to make a choice.  I wound up coming across as saying "These are the only options I will allow you to pick from".  My ex would get grumpy and I had no idea why since I was letting him choose. 

Cita

 I'm guessing your "intimate couple time" is also suffering, then?

What is that?!!!  We dont have any of that anymore. Seriously. All I get theses days as far as intimate stuff is a kiss when he is leaving for work.

I told him I wanted the old JJ back, the one I meet 5 years ago. He said that JJ died when he started having to pay bills, got a house payment,and having to pay for everything else. So I told him I would get a job to help with the bills and pay for my own stuff. No he wants me to stay home with Samantha and I can get a job when she goes to kindergarten.

He says we dont need counselor. There is nothing wrong with him.

All he wants to do is go to work,come home get on the computer, go to sleep, wake up and spend time with Samantha, go to work.

I've even tried to help out with giving him more time to relax when he is home for the weekends by mowing the yard and weed eating. He has 3 days off too not the typical 2 everyone usually gets working at a factory. And then all he does at work is boss people around!!! Maybe that could be it? He spends too much time around people at work so he doesnt feel like spending time with me?

I try to talk to him. It doesnt work. He says I am nagging.
 

There are also communication problems between husbands and wives due to different personality types.

Type Talk: The 16 Personality Types That Determine How We Live, Love, and Work
http://www.amazon.com/Type-Talk-Personality-Types-Determine/dp/0440507049/

Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence
http://www.amazon.com/Please-Understand-Temperament-Character-Intelligence/dp/1885705026/

Truley

As for the dinner thing? I would have STARVED before I went and finished cooking my own meal after he walked off, in fact it would have burned down the kitchen, because I would have just left it there and walked away.

You might want to pick a night or 2 where you feed Samantha dinner early so that you 2 can sit and talk together.

The dinner thing wouldnt have worked. He would have just ate mine burnt or not.

I have fed Samantha early before but that doesnt work either. She will come over and bug us for some food and he gives it to her. Heck he hates sitting at the table period. He would rather take his food and eat it at the computer. He says "his mom never made them eat at the table." Because your mom wasnt ever home?!!!! She was working to give you brats everything you guys asked for. 

kle1986

He says we dont need counselor. There is nothing wrong with him.

And really, there probably isn't.  It's not about that.  Marriage counselling isn't b/c there something wrong w/ someone, it's b/c something in the relationship isn't working.  And it sounds like....something isn't working.

I'm sorry your struggling right now.

kle1986

All I get theses days as far as intimate stuff is a kiss when he is leaving for work.

He has no sex drive, but he doesn't think anything is wrong with him?  If life pressures are doing that to him, he may be suffering from depression and doesn't know what to do about it.  If he doesn't want to see a counselor, he should see a doctor. 

I cant get him to go to a dr. I have told him he needs to go. At least just get a check up. He was supposed to get a check up after he had a kidney stone but didnt. He had high blood pressure and the dr wanted to make sure it was due to the kidney stone and not something that he actually has on a day to day basis. But he didnt go back.

And he is always complaining about something bothering him. I feel bad about it but I tune him out anymore these days when he goes to whining about being sick again. You know I dont want to "nag" him anymore than necessary. 

Yeah he has no sex drive at all. And that is another thing that bugs the crap out of me. I didnt want to mention it on here because I didnt know if it was appropriate to or not. Every time I try to be intimate with him he comes off with the same old excuses.

He has heartburn. His back hurts. His neck hurts. He has a headache. He's tired. He just got this game and wants to play it. And he will occasionally use he dont feel like it. Not often but sometimes he uses that one.

This has been going on for about a year and half now. I just cant take it anymore. 

ETA: He's so freaking lazy it isnt funny. For example he wears contacts/glasses. He doesnt have either one. Hasnt had any for 6 months. Wanna know his excuse why he hasnt gotten any yet? We do have to watch out money a little more than usually lately due to the cars breaking down but that's not it. He doesnt wanna go to Etown. Etown is the biggest town closest to us. It's only 35 mintues away!!! His work is 20 minutes away!!

wow! i'm really sorry you have to go through this. i know iif it was me, he'd be in for some serious butt kicking!!

hope you find something that motivates him...