Xeph needs help... (UPDATE!)

snownose

Oh, I hope he will make you happy forever!

Bottom line, though, if you don't show some skin he will get it it eventually from another person........simple, men are simple creatures......if they tell you what they like that would be warning #1, repeating the same is #2, and then you know the rest........I am not trying to be cruel, but, in reality that is just how a guy is kept until you guys get much older and sex is not that important anymore........

Er, no.  Do not agree with above

Most guys are happy to compromise.  It's not a case of "do what they say or lose them forever". 

In fact, what most guys find REALLY sexy is a woman confident in her own skin.  Regardless of what she may be wearing.  So yeah, baby steps, not only to try new outfits that the guy would like to see you in.... but also to increase your confidence so that you can feel sexy whether you are wearing a stunning outfit, a potato sack or absolutely nothing at all.....  Xeph, go ahead and try new stuff that you wouldn't otherwise try.... but above all do it for you, not in some desperate effort to keep the man! 

Chuffy

Most guys are happy to compromise.  It's not a case of "do what they say or lose them forever". 

In fact, what most guys find REALLY sexy is a woman confident in her own skin.  Regardless of what she may be wearing.  So yeah, baby steps, not only to try new outfits that the guy would like to see you in.... but also to increase your confidence so that you can feel sexy whether you are wearing a stunning outfit, a potato sack or absolutely nothing at all.....  Xeph, go ahead and try new stuff that you wouldn't otherwise try.... but above all do it for you, not in some desperate effort to keep the man! 

Well, that sounds all warm and fuzzy and some guys are not that outspoken about it......and in reality how many men do you know will tell their wives or girlfriends to run around in mini skirts and revealing clothing.......hmmm

To some men this is really important.......just remember, men are more visually turned on than women.

willowchow

You know what, tell him this is not the Playboy mansion!!

I only meant the above line to be funny.  Sorry, if it was misunderstood. 

Well, that sounds all warm and fuzzy and some guys are not that outspoken about it......and in reality how many men do you know will tell their wives or girlfriends to run around in mini skirts and revealing clothing.......hmmm

Plenty ask...and I'm sure just as many that ask are just as often turned down or "made" to compromise 

To some men this is really important.......just remember, men are more visually turned on than women.

You're right, it is.  But the ones who think that this is the ONLY important thing about a relationship are pigs, and aren't worth dating anyway.

I'm glad mine isn't like that.  And while I'll (hopefully) eventually be happy to put on things for him in the bedroom that make him horrifically randy, he better appreciate me for what I look like WITHOUT those things (and he does).
 

You go girl!  

I admit, dog_ma, that I just went and charged myself a little happy *insert blush here* 

Xeph

I admit, dog_ma, that I just went and charged myself a little happy *insert blush here* 

Heehee, congrats! I'm sure it will be well-received.  

snownose

Chuffy

Most guys are happy to compromise.  It's not a case of "do what they say or lose them forever". 

In fact, what most guys find REALLY sexy is a woman confident in her own skin.  Regardless of what she may be wearing.  So yeah, baby steps, not only to try new outfits that the guy would like to see you in.... but also to increase your confidence so that you can feel sexy whether you are wearing a stunning outfit, a potato sack or absolutely nothing at all.....  Xeph, go ahead and try new stuff that you wouldn't otherwise try.... but above all do it for you, not in some desperate effort to keep the man! 

Well, that sounds all warm and fuzzy and some guys are not that outspoken about it......and in reality how many men do you know will tell their wives or girlfriends to run around in mini skirts and revealing clothing.......hmmm

To some men this is really important.......just remember, men are more visually turned on than women.

Not just warm and fuzzy - TRUE - if you are with the right guy.  Sure guys are more turned on visually than women.  I don't deny that.  But it comes down to "what matters more".  I'm pretty confident that if I suffered from a disfiguring disease or was involved in an accident that made me lose my legs, I wouldn't lose my husband. 

Sure he'd LIKE me to bring a girlfriend home one night, but if I did it would be a bonus for him.  It's not a matter that will make or break our r'ship, because our marriage is a lot stronger than that.  He's not going to leave me for some other woman who WILL bring home a girlfriend, because I mean more to him than that.

Chuffy, I am sure that there are some good guys out there.....I have been married for some years, but I also ran into a few dipsticks like so many of my friends and women all across the country. The statistics show that most men have and would cheat if given the opportunity if it was never found out.

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones then. I've got a guy who I know would never cheat on me. His ex cheated on him and got pregnant by another guy. It crushed him when he found out the truth.  We've been through hell and back together and he's had every opportunity to cheat and hasn't.

If Xeph has found a guy who loves her for her and willing to help her along then Good for her! I'm glad she's found him!  

snownose

Chuffy, I am sure that there are some good guys out there.....I have been married for some years, but I also ran into a few dipsticks like so many of my friends and women all across the country. The statistics show that most men have and would cheat if given the opportunity if it was never found out.

Thank heaven I'm not married to a statistic then!

Women are worse IMO.... JMO tho!  

Back to topic. 

I found some cute stuff I really like x.x  That's bad, lol.  Granted, I'm on my period...that makes me a lot more bold than I usually am x.x

One issue down...now for another xD  How the heck am I going to tell mum I won't be home for Thanksgiving? LOL!
 

Haven't read the whole thread so if I am repeating or we are past this topic sorry but here is my response hehe.

 Well first of all if your not comfortable or confident to do something don't do it stick to your guns you don't have to.

But heck bring your inner kitten out have fun with it, He is the only one that will see you and just let go. If you can you guys will have a ball & have a good night I used to be really worried about my image and never really enjoyed "bedtime" but I dunno what changed but decided one day just let loose be confident if they are with you they find you attractive & want to be with you. So there must be something right going on for them. He looks at you and doesn't see the image you do. We are all self critical men not so much & he wants to see your body I imagine he doesn't see anything wrong with it at all.

Good luck

Xeph -- the only thing I can add is that "sexy" is more in your head than *on* your body or even *about* your body.  When you've grown up very unhappy with your external appearance (and often that has been reinforced in a BIG way by your family - no pun intended) it's just impossible to 'see' yourself any other way. 

One of the things I had to do years ago was begin to re-organize my own brain to separate what I expected to see of myself in the mirror and how I felt about that with how I *wished* I felt and actually let that have some impact on how I *did* feel.

Then I exposed myself to some literature (there used to be an awesome magazine BBW - Big Beautiful Woman that was wonderful for me) where I began to understand that some men actually like and appreciate a fuller figured woman.  A woman who is soft to hold, has a zest for life and isn't consumed by her exterior and every morsel that goes in her mouth. 

Before David and I actually *met* (remember we met online) I talked him to death about what I actually looked like.  I had this recurring nightmare that when he 'met' me at the airport he would run back down the monorail shaft at Orlando International Airport like the Cowardly Lion runs back down the hall and jumps out the window after seeing the "Great Oz". 

It took me a long long time to really re-organize my own brain  -- not to find fault with 'me' but rather to be brave enough to not only try something but leave off my old expectations. 

You will likely find a compromise -- sometimes the "unexpected" is even more potent than the visual. 

One night when we were on our trip -- not terribly long after we met, I really felt like I wanted to be a bit 'out of character'.  So, before we left altho I took great care with my appearance because we were going somewhere 'nice' I put on the worst pair of undies I brought -- something that was truly completely disposable.  Then once we got where we were going I simply went to the ladies room and ... disposed of them.  I sort of sidled up next to him and when he put his arm around my waist the elastic that should have been there ... wasn't. 

I commented that I was sorry I'd been gone a while but I had to dispose of something ....

His eyes nearly fell out on the table.  By the time we made our way back to the motel the poor man was in a state. 

Xeph I am NOT Ms. Sexy.  Never have been, never will be ... but I tell you ... the unexpected can be quite ... motivational. 

It is true that Jon, like most men, is motivated by sex in general.  He likes little "Extras" but they aren't terribly important to him in the long run.

Jon and I "met" online too...5 years ago actually (already x.x).  I waited for five years and through three girlfriends (one of which was a fiance....eesh) and he finally got some sense in his head ;-)

I'm spending Thanksgiving with him this year, and luckily we each share the same fear of not liking the other, though we know it's not an issue.  He's a good man, if not TERRIBLY different from every other one I've ever been attracted to.