Helping the kids Understand what is going to happen....

 I think you're going about this in a very healthy way for the kids.  Remember, this isn't goodbye so much as it's so long.  You'll see her again on the other side of the bridge.

I think you are handling it well also.  I think a lot of well meaning people shield kids from death because it is too painful, too raw, too real for children to have to deal with. I think this does a disservice to children as they do not have the chance to mourn or grieve or have closure, or see death which is an inevitable part of life.  Allowing them to feel their feelings and to come to you with them is huge, being open with them about what it will be like after and the things you'd like to do in memory are also huge, it's helping them grasp as best they can such a difficult thing. 

I emailed you ... I've got so many waiting for me there it's not funny.  I can't even type it here -- it's too deep.  Just let's say I understand only too too well.

I can barely write through the tears.  I lost my heart dog four years ago and still think of her every day.  You are so right in how you are dealing with the kids. Forty five years ago my Dad thought he was sparing me pain when he told me my dear dog George had gone to live in the country.  I knew in my little ten year old heart that something wasn't right but I wanted to believe my Dad when he said George was very happy.  When I found out many years later that my dog had been hit by a car and killed while I was at school I felt so betrayed that he didn't tell me the truth at the time.  I loved my Dad till the day he died but never forgave him this lie.  You are an awesome caretaker of these little souls.  God bless you all.

First of all, I'd like to say that I'm sorry to hear that Jasmine won't be with you for much longer.  I know it's silly saying this, and it won't extend her life with you, but for anyone who has lost a dearly beloved pet; you can sympathize, and understand their loss and pain.

Secondly, I commend you for teaching your grandchildren about the circle of life in such a beautiful and heartfelt way.  No child should ever be sheltered from a loss, as I personally feel this would do more damage then good for their emotional being. 

Lastly, what a touching way for Jasmine to be remembered.  In a sense, it's like she'll be truly home again when you have her ashes scattered.

With tears, I wish you all the best, and for a peaceful goodbye with Jasmine...

 Ashley

 I'm so sorry you and your family are having to deal with this.  But I also think you are handling it in an amazing way for yourself and your kids.  The pain is just something that is a fact.  Different people will handle it in different ways that will work for them.  I'd just suggest you go with your gut.  I believe spirit resides in those passing fleeting thoughts that most of us ignore, so if you get a wild hair to do something with your Jasmine or your kids, just go with it.  Know that spirit is guiding you to what you need to do.  My dog's death came suddenly and unexpectedly.  Had I known in advance he was passing, I would do exactly as you are doing, taking one last trip, having one last adventure, taking lots of pictures and I'd journal in a scrapbook for him.  I miss him every day and his loss hit me hard at a time when I wasn't prepared.  I don't believe my connection to him was as deep as  you and Jazz, but I can tell you just thinking about losing Indie when reading your posts cuts me like a knife, so I think I have a heart dog in the making here and I can't even imagine the pain you're facing.  My most comforting and  loving thoughts are with you and your family during this tough time. 

What a beautiful thing you do Bonita.  Your family will now have the strength and the understanding to deal with the passing of life.  Your Jazz will be forever in their hearts; and because they are included, and not shielded you can rest assured they will always have only fond memories.  Important also, because this prepares them for future inevitable passings in their lifetimes.

This forum is great in so many ways, but one of the best things is how we can come here to journal.  Getting it out and on "paper" is just good therapy...plain and simple.  And, people here care and some have experienced similar pains, so you know you can write and be understood. 

I think inviting them here to create threads is a great idea...I look forward to reading them.

My heart is breaking for you Bonita. I am so sorry about your soul puppy Jasmine. I can feel your pain and sadness. I had a soul puppy. My precious Tuney. He was a black lab, and the first dog that was ever truly my own. We had cats growing up, and I always wanted my own dog. When I moved out of my childhood home, the first thing I did was went to a local shelter and adopted my first puppy. He was my baby and my best friend and not a day goes by that I dont think of him and miss him. He was 11 when he died of a cancerous tumor on his bladder. That was 6 years ago, on Christmas Eve. My youngest children were only 2 years old,my oldest son Jason was 4. We knew we had to be honest with them and explain to them what was happening to Tuney. Even though it's been 6 years, Jason still talks about him all the time and tells me how much he misses him. That's when I pull out the videos we had taken while Tuney was healthy. I think it really helps my son to see those videos and to talk about him..and he knows that Tuney will always be alive in all of our hearts. It never even crossed my mind to shield him from the truth. I think you are doing what's best for your precious grandchildren, and they will appreciate it. Life is what it is.

Big hugs to you Bonita.

Janet   

W always knew what happened to our dogs an we understood death--we found it so ve had toaccept thatou belioved dogs were gone, bu we knew what appened to the.  I lost my very first "own" dog, Beauty, nd English Setter puppy in Nov. '56 to distemper.  I had gotten her in June for my 11th birthday.

 When my Dad died much to young, at age 58 from botched surgery, he left behind his English Setter, Lady, and her son Frosty, both quail dogs.My brothers contiuted tohunt with the.  Lady passed on adFrosty grew old and arthritic and my Mom made the decison to let him go when he was 13.  My 7 year old nephew cried andcried--his mom never allowed them to have a dog and he loved my dogs and Frosty at my Mom's.  He asked my why Frosty had to die. 

 Well, some of you may not agree with what I did, but this is what I told him.  I said that Frosty had gotten old and sick, but in Heaven he would be a young and healthy dog again--God did that for dogs.   Also, Paw Paw and his daddy needed another hunting dog up there.  So Grandma listened to God talk in her heart and she decided to let Frosty go live with PawPaw where he would be young and happy and able to hunt again....and he would e able to see hi mom, Lady, again.

 That totally satisfied Scott and he didn't cry any more, just said he was so happy that Frosty ws young and coud hunt again and be with PawPaw--who he didn't even remember.

As to soul dogs, my Hunter was my soul mate of dogs and I was crushed when he died at 4 years nd 2 months due to proHeart6 injection.  It will be 5 yeas ago this oct. 16 and I still miss him so much.  I did not love him any more than i loved Buck or KayCee or Honey, but there was just a bond between us that eveyonesaw and commented on.  i UNDERSTAND WITH ALL MY HEART WHEN SOMEONE TALKS ABOUT THIER HEART DOG OR THEIR SOUL MATE OF DOGS AND i HURT FOR THEM WHEN THEY LOSE THAT DOG.  I AM SO VERY SORRY ABOUT YOUR GIRL..

sandra_slayton

 Well, some of you may not agree with what I did, but this is what I told him.  I said that Frosty had gotten old and sick, but in Heaven he would be a young and healthy dog again--God did that for dogs.   Also, Paw Paw and his daddy needed another hunting dog up there.  So Grandma listened to God talk in her heart and she decided to let Frosty go live with PawPaw where he would be young and happy and able to hunt again....and he would e able to see hi mom, Lady, again.

 That totally satisfied Scott and he didn't cry any more, just said he was so happy that Frosty ws young and coud hunt again and be with PawPaw--who he didn't even remember.

I so agree with your explanation to your nephew.   Shoot if we can't regain our youth and health in Heaven what is the point right?   And having family there who will love and need the dogs is an honest and gentle way to talk about all of them. You get no disagreement from me about easing his pain in that way. Children , well most kids are very giving, they can be selfish and self centered in many ways but if they can ease pain or sorrow they reach out. Thank you for your kind words !

Bonita of Bwana

Tristan My 8 almost 9 year old grandson wanted to get his thoughts down before we left for the Rodeo.     We have spoken about everything and even had a chance to look at Bo's Ashes , Bo passed 2 years 18 days ago, we were returning from a family vacation and I had the kid's picked up at the vets, they said good bye and we gentled Bo across the b  ridge, Tris remembers it vividly.

 Here is Tristan....

""Jazz   has been here all my life . It will be hard when she's gone    she will be  with    Beth       Bo,Frisco,and Kaluah.  To Jazz Beth is her daughter , to her  Bo is  her husband.  She has to go because she dosen't live for 1,0000 years.   Beth had hurricane rage that's    why she died. Bo died because it was his time.  Frisco died because it was her time. Bo was a good dog so Beth,Frisco.

My 3 cousins  and 1 sister they will feel  sad and I will be sad. """

Tris decided he did not want to be there for the vet appointment. That he does not want to see her after her appointment. I can totally respect this since he made a huge effort to understand the whys, and whens....that's a lot in my book for an 8 yr old

Bonita of Bwana

Hello.  I'm Agnes.  I am a friend of Bonita's from the rr-folk listserve.  I have 27 month old twins (human) and an old (~17 yo) RR-mix Gracie. Bonita was an incredible help to me when I was having trouble getting Gracie adjusted to my kids, and also a bit ago when a RR rescue I had (Mouse) died following spleen surgery.

I was worried how my kids would adjust to Mouse's sudden death (she was diagnosed with cancer a week before and we had no idea she would get pneumonia and die the next day). I told them Mouse had gotten VERY sick and died, that she wasn't coming back, and that Mommy was sad.

I am glad I did.  They realized that I was crying because Mouse was gone. I didn't realize how much Mouse had touched me until after her death.  I got a lot of support from people on the RR-folk listserve.  The one comment that stands out is Bonita telling me that right now, it hurts so much because I loved Mouse so deeply. It helped a lot, especially in the first few weeks, that everytime I thought of her and started crying, I would change "Oh Mouse I miss you" to "Oh Mouse I love you". It made it more okay for me to allow myself to cry, and all that crying I think has helped me.

Next week, I am flying to the RR Rodeo (I live in Sacramento, CA). I look forward to meeting Bonita, and especially Jasmine.

Wow Tristan, I think your G'ma is pulling my leg.  You can't be almost 9 years old.  You are really almost 13 years old, right?   Just kidding.  I know your G'ma wouldn't pull my leg about your age.  But, wow Tristan, your post is very nice and I'll bet it made you feel good after you wrote it, didn't it.  It always makes me feel better when I write.  If something is bothering me or I'm sad about something, I'll get my little book, called a journal and just write whatever is on my mind.  I don't think about it...I just write.

I hope to read more of your posts.  Please know that we all here understand that you and your cousins and your sister will be sad to see Jazz go.  But, like you said yourself...she will be going to see Beth, Bo, Frisco & Kaluah.  I'm sure your G'ma has told you about the rainbow bridge...but if she hasn't, ask her about it. 

Hugs to you Tristan...Barbara

Hi Agnes,

I agree with you that it is okay to cry and that the crying helps.  I have always felt that our emotions should not be held in.  That only makes it harder on the healing process. 

Enjoy the RR Rodeo and we hope you post here more often.