How do you reward/punish your kid(s)?

kle1986

What are lines? 

The things that Bart Simpson is writing on the board at the beginning of the cartoon?  Kale's were,"I will not pee on the toilet seat"  

I recognize when Kali is tired.  Its the only time she has a tough time really communicating what she needs to me.  The rest of the time she can get her point across one way or another.  Lately I've been insisting on her using words as much as possible though since I know she can and it makes it less frustrating for both of us.  But for the most part, I assume any kid that is being naughty is in need of something, even if its just attention.  In fact I don't know of any kid that is bad just for the sake of being bad.  Right now, Kali does it to test her boundaries and that is about as close to being bad for the sake of being bad as I can think of, though she just needs to figure out for herself what she can get away with.

I would like to propose that we think of this in slightly different terms.  Reinforcement of behaviors that are appropriate so they continue to happen (verses rewards) and discipline which involves teaching the appropriate response or behavior.

Little kids are not naughty so much as they have not developed powers of executive function.  http://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/News/Executive-Function-Part-One-What-is-executive-function.aspx?articleID=8024&categoryID=news-poh3  this link does a really nice job about describing the skill and its development.

The brain is hard wired for certain behaviors to develop.  Providing specific activities and structuring situations so that behaviors occur in a predictabe manner actually supports brain growth and development.  You can actually help your child develop these skills by "acting" as the executive function (or conductor of your brain's orchestra) by using reminders and assistance (mild physical guidance when necessary).  As your child practices these behaviors, they will become more familiar and less dependent on your outside assistance.

 Punishment to me is too close to retribution.  That is for the offended party, it offers little to help the child figure out the right way to act.

The toilet incident would respond nicely to a behavioral strategy called over correction or positive practice.  It deals with restoring something to a state it was prior to the incident.  Remember a little person will need your help to do this, but it is a very effective strategy.

As a child grows and language competence comes about, rule governed behavior will occur.  This is why in the early stages use simple phrases or rhymes to help set up the behaviors. 

(My eyes are looking straight ahead, my hands are by my side, I am standing straight and tall.  Now I know I am ready for the hall).  That approach can be used to move a whole class quietly in a school hallway. 

Simple chants like that can be used for bed time rituals, crossing street, etc.  The best part, you know that it has moved from you to the kid when you hear them whispering just before they do the right thing.

mrv

Little kids are not naughty so much as they have not developed powers of executive function. 

Thanks mrv - this is basically what I was trying to say, I think!

mrv

Simple chants like that can be used for bed time rituals, crossing street, etc.  The best part, you know that it has moved from you to the kid when you hear them whispering just before they do the right thing.

He he!  This is something we do in our house!  

Take your toothbrush, open wide, Up and down and side to side, Round the back and underneath, That's the way we clean our teeth

A couple of rounds of that and his teeth are gleaming!

chuffy that is so cute!

i dont remember how my parents had me brushing my teeth, but i remember i was in charge of brushing my teeth with my sister for years (she is 7 years younger than me) and it worked like a charm. she LOOVVED it. even now she is quite obsessed with brushing her teeth, lol...

There's another one we do when we go swimming:

(to the tune of Wheel on the Bus) 

"We lie on our back all nice and flat
Nice and flat
Nice and flat
We lie on our backs all nice and flat
As we kick across the water"

A friend of mine who goes to a baby swimming class clued me into that one.  "Wheels on the bus" is also great for getting them to move their arms in the water, mimicking swimming strokes.  We just went swimming today, actually, which is what nmade me think of it   Using songs and rhymes is a great way to make a task fun and rewarding in and of itself, without an materieal reward afterwards.... I sound like mary Poppins don't I, ha ha, Julie Andrews eat your heart out!  (pssst, I can't even sing!)
 

 Our teeth cleaning rhyme is,

Up like the Flowers,
Down like the Rain,
Back and forth like a Choo Choo Train.

I learned that one in grade school.  But I'm not opposed to throwing in songs and rhymes from Barney and other shows that Kali likes.  

That's pretty much how I taught both boys their telephone number as soon as they could speak clearly ... we sang "123-4567, 123-4567, 123-4567, is my telephone number." They both learned it pretty quickly and didn't forget it.

Joyce

It's a pretty easy telephone number to remember anyway if you ask me....  

 Joyce, I tried calling you, but it just keeps telling me the number I have reached is not in service.....

You guys didn't think I was going to post my real phone no., did you? Although I don't really think it would make any difference. Every doofus in the country taking a survey or collecting for anything seems to know where to find me.

Joyce