How do you reward/punish your kid(s)?

Will is only one! 

I reward him by smiling and telling him that "that" (whatever THAT is... it might be eating nicely, or passing me something I ask, or putting his toys in the toy box, or washing his tummy in the bath or ANYTHING) is totally fantastic and brilliant and I'm very pleased etc.... maybe its very kind, or very clever or very grown up.

I don't punish at this stage.  Babies and toddlers are incapable of being naughty and punishments are not appropriate for them.  My aim is to redirect and praise, just like you would with a puppy who was chewing everything in sight but couldn't help it and didn't know any better.

If you say to Samantha "if you do X you can have some money" or "if you do Y we can go for a bike ride/have some ice cream" then they are not rewards.... they are bribes

What I would do is, have a jar of chocolate buttons or smarties or something and use those to reward some things.  But I would only use this to "teach" a specific behaviour (just like with dogs )  Like potty training for example.  I would have an end goal in mind and I would phase out the rewards as soon as possible.  Example, I might give him stickers or smiley faces on a chart instead and when he has a certain amount THEN he gets a treat (like an ice cream).

Bike rides and walks should be a daily routine, not reward, IMO.  Kids need exercise and physical and mental stimulation just as dogs do.  It would have to be pretty drastic misbehaviour for me to deny them (child OR dog) a walk!

Chuffy she doesnt always do what I ask. You are right though I am bribing her. Hmm better rethink my ideas. BUT it did work on potty training her. She would get an M&M for using the potty.

Love your idea. Gonna try it. 

ETA: We go for a walk in the mornings and a bike ride at night. I just ask her what she wants when I want to throw an extra one in there. 

 Hey, I'm not saying it's BAD to bribe!  A teensy weensy bit of bribing in the initial "phase" can be helpful to get things going!  I can't imagine for a second you'd WANT to be bribing her to do what you asked long term, that's a different kettle of kippers entirely   You have to be kinda careful it doesn't become a crutch....  Like ketchup.  One time, I'd done chips (something we almost never have) and Will didn't want his.  Dip one in some ketchup and he's willing to give it a taste.  And then he likes to eat the chips because he can be "self sufficient" and do the diping himself, which makes him REALLY happy and very pleased with himself.  Now, for a while there, I didn't think he would eat chips without ketchup!  (he does now )

What would you do if she were a dog?  You'd try to catch her red handed doing something RIGHT.  And THEN whip out the rewards!  And it might be a tasty treat or it might be a "good girl!".  So, for Samantha (beautiful name by the way ) it MIGHT be an ice cream, or it might be a hug and a "I'm SO proud of you for doing that!" But either way it should be a very pleasant surprise

Goimg back to the ketchup thing, just doing things for themselves can be pretty good rewards for kids.  They like to feel like they are "grown up" you know?  They have barely any control in their life and it feels good to have something they can control, something they can DO and achieve.... know what I mean? 

I'm not a parent yet, but as a child, babysitter, and observer of family life, I have always been a huge fan of "star charts", ie the child gets to add stars for doing certain things and once a certain amount is earned, child gets to chose between some reward (new toy, go to the zoo, movie, etc).  The only money I ever received from my parents was $5 a week for watching my younger siblings from when school got out until mom got home.  That was for about half a year when I was 11.  Other than that we never received money or an allowance.  As we got older, we were rewarded with freedom.  I was very good about doing chores without being asked (we never had set chores, but I would clean the kitchen when I got home from high school), keeping my stuff straight, doing homework, and getting good grades so I never had any rules like a curfew or chores I was required to do.  My brother was not quite so responsible with his use of time and choice of friends so he had to have a curfew and rules about doing homework, using the computer, etc. 

Bribe is a bribe...money or items or excursions. Bribing is definitely in my toolbox...I don't care what anyone thinks about it. We all bribe each other...everyday...LOL.

Discipline...Lily gets sent to her room...or she writes lines...or she is grounded...or she occasionally gets spanked depending on the offense. She is WAY into making us happy and is a people pleaser in general so...the spanking is almost never required....lol. That girl was born with a guilt complex.

Elias..is...well...erm different. He really doesn't care if we're happy with what he does, or not. He has empathy but it doesn't rule his life...IOW he won't not take something from his sister because it makes her cry. He has in fact been known to laugh at her at those times. He requires a different sort of handling.

He has a temper...so he is sent away until he is himself...then we go in an chat with him. Sometimes his temper returns during these talks and we'll sit him again. He likes to have the last word as well...FINE...OKAY...FINE... he's precious...cute like a stomach pump.

Bribes work with him on some things...so I use them (not money...TV time, or a popsicle, or going outside to play for a bit). But honestly he doesn't openly DEFY often...he will give a token NO...then go do what you asked....LOL.

I also do not find yelling works since he can actually outyell me..so I tend to speak softly...and cuddle him, or tickle him...hard to be mad when you are being tickled. Once he is redirected from his anger...it's generally easier to talk with him. He has been spanked in his life and that's also...something very much in the toolbox and something else I care little for other's opinions on

BTW bribe has such a negative connotation with people, why is that? Maybe it's not the right word for us here at my house...

I am going to call it "payment, for a job well done"...lol.

 In general, my kids never have had unpaid "chores".  I was worked as slave labor as a kid, and I just have a thing against it.  They do have to keep their room clean when I tell them (uhm, like once a month! LOL!) or help me when I ask for it, but for a very long time, I've had a chore chart with pay amounts on it posted on the refrigerator.  They do the chore, initial it, I check it, initial another block and they get paid if it's done well.  This way, when they need money, they know how to work for it.

For punishment, I'm called the Fist of Discipline.  They hate me for it.  I take away their most treasured possession or pasttime OR (my favorite) I make them do the yukkiest cleaning chores that I don't want to do like scooping poops, scrubbing toilets, etc.  Unfortunately, after a few of those punishments, they got a clue and don't generally push the envelope like they used to.     Once they got cars and drivers' licenses, hehehe, they were REALLY WELL BEHAVED!  Wonder of wonders.....

I've also never paid for grades (their Dad has, but I don't control him anymore... LOL) but if they do especially well, I'll do something special for them or let them pick some reward they would like once they've accomplished it, but it's not a given, it's usually a surprise.  The work they do for their grades will reward them in the long run and I've drilled that into them for a long time.  Now that my daughter wants into her brother's college, she gets it. 

Mine are 31 and 37.  I guess I could padlock the refrigerator shut or hide the TV remotes.

Joyce

Elias sounds just like my friend's daughter. She is 4 and there is no punishment out there that will change that kid's attitude. I always ask my friend how she deals with her because I think I would have already ran away by now. They have spanked her, put her in time out, taken stuff away,you name it they have done it. You gotta do what works for you.
 

 Technically, it's a reinforcer as long as it increases the behavior. Bribe, from a behavioral standpoint, is as far as I am aware, undefined. Actually, when you use the things she likes doing as a reward for doing things she doesn't like, you're using the Premack Principle. 

Also, how many of you want to come sweep my floors? How many of you will agree to come do that for me without me telling you what I'll give you for doing it? How many of you accept jobs without know what the pay will be? I don't think there are too many people who would do either of those. I expect no different just because the person I am asking to do it is younger. I am not saying kids need something for every little thing they do, but they should know when they can get something.

I dont give Samantha something everytime she does what I ask. Just picking up her toys. That is the one thing that gets on my nerves. And if I have to give her something to pick them up and put them away then fine. It's getting done so I am happy with it.

I was just wondering what others did for their kids. 

I think a bribe is when a child is whining and you give them what they want to shut them up.  The idea that you shouldn't reward your children when they do something for you is odd.  We are all "bribed" when we get older and have a job.  How many of you would do your job if you weren't getting paid for it? See, a "bribe" works wonders for adults too.

I am not a parent yet, but I was a child and have babysat.

My parents used various methods that changed over time as we grew up.  Very smart, a twelve year old should not be treated the same way as a two year old.  I have three siblings and we were all homeschooled and well behaved, and the two in college, a brother and I, are making good grades.

 For punishment they used the consequences of our actions, as long as they wouldn't kill or permanently injure us. They also used spanking, time out, and restriction, but they seemed to enjoy using the first method the best.

But they didn't just let us suffer the consequences of our actions blindly.  They taught us what was right and wrong and we talked about it for hours each night.  Not lecture, but a dialog. We asked questions, they answered.  They asked questions, we answered.  Even siblings asked questions and other siblings answered.  We got into awesome debates sometimes.

My parents used various methods including money to reward us, but I think the biggest reward was trust.

At sixteen we were given the freedom to do whatever we wanted within reason.  That way my parents had two years for us to make mistakes where they could clean us off when we messed up, but also teach us why what happened had those consequences.  I have never had a curfew, or pretty much any rules on what I have to do, but there is a expected mode of behavior.  My parents were confident I would make the right decisions, so I did.  Simple as that. 

 I see parents who give their kids a lot of rules and they are like 17 years old.  They don't trust their kids.  The kids know it, so they feel it is their obligation to prove their parents right and be untrustworthy.

aina, i used to think it was the parents to a big extent. but my mom was with me, like you described with your parents. i never had a curfew either. my sister on the other hand.... well that girl is just crazy, so i'm glad she has a curfew!!! as others have said: you do what works with your kid.

It defnitely depends on the child.  When we were younger punishments were usually going to your room to calm down, think about what you did, etc. etc.  For my brother, this was pure torture.  He hated being alone in his room, it would drive him crazy.  My mom says he used to beg her to spank him instead just so the punishment was over and he could go back outside.  Me on the other hand could play alone in my room for hours with nothing but my imagination and a bedspread...man, I miss that alone time now!!

For Riley since she is only 1 we mostly use the redirect and remove.  She had a habit of trying to smack the from of the new LCD TV.  Yeah, not good.  So everytime she would go to do it, we say no, and move her to somewhere else.  After a while, we would then put her in her playpen for a timeout.  She eventually got it and doesn't try to do it anymore.  I do fear for the future since she is both a little devil and has quite a temper on her (reminds me of me).  I try not to use food since the weight thing was always an issue for me so I am trying not to link feel good behavior with food.  But sometimes, you just need a cookie to make you smile.

My sister used to leave her girls in timeout until they calmed down...that worked because they learned the longer they rant and rave the longer they sit there.  My niece carried on for a good 1 1/2 hours before she was allowed out of timeout.  Sessions after that were amazingly shorter.