Now is the time to say goodbye

I'm sorry that your furbaby has reached this time in her life.  It is never easy to have an animal put down, but if you feel the time is right, than it is.  When it comes to putting down an animal who's health is failing, I always liked the saying, "Better one day too soon, than one day too late."

FourIsCompany

Pain is only ONE benchmark. Our dog is in pain every day (as am I). But her quality of life is still good. To me, that is the most important benchmark. So, in my view, pain isn't the only thing to consider.

Now I also wish I could quote YOUR post about her being "sad".  Honestly, for some dogs pain is the last consideration -- for some it is first.  I have a feeling being separated from you is the worst that could happen to this dog.  So having to be outside -- that would be the clincher for me.  (Now I have also literally lined my house with cheap sheets and plastic just so a geriatric dog could be comfortable, but that's me and I don't have small kids.)

Ask your vet to put in a catheter.  In fact you could take the dog TO the vet to have it put in, and not 'use' it for a day or two.  They will give you lactated ringers or similar to flush the catheter with just to keep it 'open';).  It's literally a plastic 'needle' that stays in the leg (taped in) with a little rubber stopper showing so that when the vet has to administer the valium (sedative -- do NOT do it without it!!!) and then the pink stuff - it makes it easy, completely pain-free and without trauma.

 When a dog has been ill, or is old the blood vessels can be hard to 'find'.  So when the vet puts the catheter in, let him be alone with the dog.  It's just another procedure and a very small one.  But give the vet room ot concentrate so he can hit that vein with no problem.

THEN you take your time and say goodbye.  Then or later .. no big deal.  When they administer the valium the dog just plain goes to zzzzzzzzzzzzzz sleep.  They relax, no big hairy deal.  And again ... when you choose they then administer the pink stuff (which simply stops the heart). 

If the euth drug is administered alone, they can get scared.  Sort of like you can get scared having a heart attack - you know something is 'happening' and some dogs fight it and get scared.  It can be very traumatic -- for some dogs it's not.  But it sounds to me like you want to avoid trauma.

Now ... talk to your vet about what to expect.  particularly if you do this at home.  *USUALLY* when the body stops functioning the muscles all relax.  That means if this dog hasn't peed or pooped ... that might happen post mortem.  (after death -- I'm trying not to be cryptic here). 

True story .. we had to put one of our old gals to sleep 3 years ago.  Brave old gal -- she got 'dumped' on us at 10 1/2 and we were told she would die within the month.  We simply took good care of her (she had heartworm -- I treated it the 'slow' way and we won) ...  yes, it left her with a nasty enlarged heart and lungs in tatters, but we coped.  She took Lasix which made her incontinent.  So she wore bi$ches britches with human continence pads in them ... for SIX AND A HALF YEARS.  *grin*

yep -- this 'sick' dog made age 17.  And ... she had cancer.  WE knew it and I kept her on a cancer diet ... and it took 3 years for the cancer to become painful.  Once it did ... Socks let me know that was IT.  She fought the heart problems ... and won.  But she wasn't into 'pain'. 

So ... the vet had kept her overnight to determine the status and he left that catheter in (he'd had her on IV fluids)  "just in case".  We made our decision and went up. 

 I brought her a whole package of Switzer's licorice (Sock's version of "manna" from Heaven) ... and I brought her a new ball.  Now Ms. Socks wasn't feeling good at all ... and she sure wasn't up to going out for a run in the park.  But you know ... a "new ball" was always her favorite toy ... and she laid there between David and I and mouthed that new ball ... and you know?  There just ain't nuffin like the feel of a "new ball" in your mouth!!  She laid it down and nosed it to David.  He gently rolled it back to her.  She nosed it to me.  I patted it back to her. 

She ***enjoyed*** that.  She also understood it was the last time.  I'm as verbal with my dogs as I am to everyone else on here.  I talk about Rainbow Bridge.  She knew Muffin had gone "over the Bridge" -- she saw him in death .. and was, in fact, WITH him -- so she *knew* what "going over the Bridge" meant.  We'd lost Polly -- and she was there then too.  So ... when i told her she was going where Muffin and Polly were -- there was no panic.  Dogs accept these things better than we ever will.

She had her fill (almost -- my husband got worried after the 15th piece, but the vet and I just grinned) of licorice.  She really didn't feel good but dang that tasted good ... and there was something about having all she wanted that was just ... GRAND.  Ya know???

Then, after we felt like we'd said what we wanted to and she was ... tired and really not feeling well enough to prolong it (altho after the ball playing my husband again asked the vet if we *were* doing the right thing ... which he did confirm) ... the vet gave her the valium and she just ... yawn ..... went to sleep.  He didn't give her so much that she crashed ... she just ... got sleepy and dozed into a deeper sleep with her head on David's knee. 

then he administered the pink stuff.  And it was peacefully over. 

However  ... my point in telling you this was ... please remember this was the dog who had been incontinent for like 6 1/2 years.  She HATED that ... she always tried to 'wait' to go out and DID ask to go out to void for the most part.  It was her dignity. 

But after it was over and the vet's assistant came out to help him .. I realized that they didn't have her "jeans" on ... and when they picked her up -- because she relaxed --- well let's just say she created "Lake Socks" right there in his office.  Probably close to a pint. 

We could have chosen to be offended.  But nope -- instead my husband and I both laughed.  And I said "Well Socks -- howszat?? You don't even have to go over that Bridge with a full bladder!!!  How's THAT for complete relief huh???  And by the time you get there it's just not gonna be a problem any more!!"

Some folks would have been completely upset had they not known that was possible.  So please -- realize it may happen.

Ms. Socks went with her bed, her new ball, and the rest of that package of licorice.  If you choose to cremate they'll take whatever you send.  And honestly?  It was an enormous comfort to all of us to have her "take" that ball.  Call me silly -- but I can see her loping over that Bridge with it in her mouth in search of her two favorite buddies.

Please forgive this being long.  But I hope it helps you 'see' this can be as easy as you want it to be.  At this point my city takes a very dim view of burying animals on your property.  I've done it ... but at this point it's not really an option.  so for us, doing this at the vet's is better -- but when Foxy had to go over the Bridge, I took Billy with me simply because they were SO bonded I didn't want him to 'wonder' where Fox was.  But it has made the transition much easier for us.

It's never easy.  When it was Foxy's time I was so proud of myself that I was able to do it without freaking HIM out with my grief.  But ... there was a cost.  I puked my guts out that night because I'd so suppressed my own grief. 

So go easy on yourself.  I'm glad your vet is giving you options ... but talk to him and ask all the questions you want.  You will make the right decision -- you love your dog and frankly, that's going to motivate you to do it right.  You're already concerned about 'timing' -- so honestly any decision you make WILL be the right one. 

Please feel free to holler to any of us -- most of us have our email hitched up ... and we're glad to help.  I've lost 4 true heartbreakers in the last 3 years.  (3 within 6 months).  but you know ... I wouldn't do one thing different. 

*hugs*

Each night sing your precious dog a lullabye and pet her until the dog goes to sleep.  The time spent together will help decide when its time.  Then when it is time to let her go, let her hear the lullabye song one last time and she will be as comfortable as can be.  For my precious girl I sang

Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullabye

Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullabye

Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullabye

Oh, my, callie, that is the most touching thing I have ever read... Thank you. I know we'll have to deal with this for Cara at some point and you've given me the strength and some ideas to make it better for everyone.

DPU, the song is a beautiful idea, too...  

You hadda know my gal Socks.  We used to joke that we were the only dog owners *ever* whose dog told us she needed to go out by coughing.  When she'd have to go she'd leak.  THAT would make her nervous and that would get the lung/heart cough started.  So when she began to cough we'd know she needed 'out'.  so the fact that the girl didn't have to walk over the Bridge with a full bladder?  PRICELESS!

It's hard ... VERY hard.  But if you try to let that dog BE "who" they are ... if you can find some small thing to do, send, or just ease their moment with ... soooooo helpful.  Particularly a dog that has been sick or very elderly ... to help them regain just that tiny bit of spark ... it's like saying as part of your goodbye "I loved this about you ... go and Godspeed and ENJOY!"

The Bridge is such a logical extension of my own beliefs ... to me it's just what the Alpha of all Alphas would do ... so it's very real.  For a lady with a very privacy-oriented Brit husband, I am sooooooo not that way.  "here *I* am ... this is ME, this is how I feel, this is where I am  at this moment -- embrace it with me will ya????"

yeah .. I know ... tough to believe ... me ... so shy, never know what to say to strangers ... difficult for me to open myself up ....

[thinks *looking skyward* - had better quit before I get a lightning bolt]

Thank you again for all the support. We decided that tomorrow we will go and pay the vet and get the seditive, and have her put down next Thrusday at our house in the yard. They told us that we can bury her at home so that was nice to hear. My husband will make her a little box this weekend, I told him something nice. He does woodworking so I know it will be just fine. We are doing that now because it will take a few hours to make, but we agreed we would not dig until she was gone. Such morbid thoughts, and I know that it will be hard or him to do this. I also got a baby sitter for the day, as I don't think a 4 yr old would understand much. I plan to tell her that Sinse went to god as that's what we've been telling her would happen for 6 months now. We will have a little furenal after she gets home, for her to see sinse has gone to god now. This will be after she is buried. Do you think this will handel the feelings of a very attched 4 yr old, She calls sinse her best friend? I just don't want to over expose her to what is the biggest thing we must deal with in our lifetime, the lost of someone you love. She is a very smart child and we are afraid she will over think this, and want more answers then we have to give her.

ann404

Do you think this will handel the feelings of a very attched 4 yr old

If it were my child, I would actually give her the option to be more involved. I would tell her exactly what was going to happen (you're going to help Sinse go to God, and it's going to be sad to let her go, but we're doing it because we love her and don't want her to be hurting and bleeding anymore, etc.) and ASK her if she wanted to be with us for any or all of the process. That's just me... Then most of her questions would be answered.

I remember my grandfather's death when I was about 4-5. My parents told me practically nothing. Grandpa's going to heaven. I wasn't involved, they "protected" me from it. I never saw the body. And I felt left out. Instead of dealing with it, I had questions for ever, including why I couldn't go to the funeral like everyone else. I wondered why I wasn't important enough to be there with everyone who loved him. Kids are incredibly strong and resilient. Even at 4.

Now, if you don't think YOU can handle having her there, that's one thing. But if I were in your position, I would  allow her to be as involved as she wanted to be. I'm not advising you to do this. She's your child and you know her best. I just think there will be more questions if she's not consulted and allowed to make the decision about being with Sinse when she goes.

Talking to Children about Death 

I agree with FourIsCompany.  You should ask your daughter how involved she wants to be.  If you have been explaining for awhile that Sinse was going to be going away, she might get it more than you suspect, and she might want to be there for her best friend.  I think it depends entirely upon the child--but I think that four is old enough for her to make her own decision.  If she was two?  Get a babysitter.  Three?  There's a fine line in three, because some children just seem to grow up a lot in that one year.  Four?  I say talk to her and let her choose. 

I don't have children, so I have no experience with this, but I think it could be very difficult for a young child to understand actively helping your dog pass on. I think even as adults, we struggle with the concept (yes, it's humane and loving, but was it really the right time?, etc.). I know when my parents had my first dog put to sleep, I was really angry and confused. I don't think I could've been a participant in the process, but maybe that was just me. They didn't bring her home to be buried and I do think that would've helped me greatly. It was like one day she was just gone. I actually thought they'd lied at first and had just given her away

Gosh Ann I wish there was an easy answer to give you.  I am in a simular situation with my heart puppy who will be 13 in June.  Her tumor burst on Sunday and it is a stinking necrotic mess. I have grandchildren and a large home with a lot of other dogs.  I tried to keep her in a diaper for a few days since the mess was pretty bad, but it was making things worse.   Chaffing the fragile skin causing her more discomfort.  Now the tumor is protruding, grossing everyone out.  We could no more put her down than fly to the moon She is scheduled for surgery in the morning and I know there is a very good chance she will not make it through the operation. But we will give her the chance and be there for her no matter what.  I can scrub floors and wash bedding. I can not replace her.  I know your pup is incurable from what I have read and I feel your pain.  Only you and your family can make the call on when it is time for her to cross over...as long as you are there at her side she will understand. 

Bonita of Bwana

 Ann, I'm so sorry you and your family have to go through this.  I don't have any advice as a parent, I think you know your child better than any of us and your heart is the best guide there.  I think the ceremony you're planning sounds beautiful and will help give you and your children the closure you need.  It helped me when my dog passed to create a scrapbook that marked his life with us, maybe that's an activity that will help your child process what has happened and she can look at it (as I did) in the coming days when she can't love on her beloved pet, but can remember the special times they shared.  I'd also take lots of final pics together.  That's one thing I regret in hindsight.  I didn't have as many pictures of Rush as I'd like.  I take lots of my  pets now as a result.

Take care, our thoughts are with you on this difficult day.  :( 

OK I am going to chime in here with a possily unpopular opinion.  First, I think your child needs to be involved to some degree, but how much is up to you and your judgement.  Four may have a pint about letting the child choose - you know your child best. 

But - here it comes - be as blunt as you can, while still being gentle.  Euphamisms like "being put to sleep", "being put down" or even "going to God" or "going to the bridge" can be very confusing for many children.   I speak from personal experience.  There's nothing WRONG with including your beliefs about God or the Bridge, as long as (IMO) you say something else AS WELL that makes it very clear that the dog isn't simply going on holiday or something, or just "going somewhere else and not coming back".

When I was a child, it was simple.  The animal was simply too poorly and there was nothing more the vet could do to make them better.  It would be cruel to keep them alive any longer, and so they get a special injection and they die peacefully. 

I wish, whole heartedly, that I could help you choose the right words.

HI after reading all your post and the website about explaining death to children I talked to my daughter again. I never give her long statements, as she does best with small burst of info. I simply ask her if she knew what it means to go to god, and she replied you die. I asked her what that means and she replied what do you look like when you die, are you purple? I really wasn't sure what to say so I said Sinse will look the same but she won't eat or run. She then ask if it will hurt Sinse, and I said no the doctor will give her medicine so it don't hurt. She said I thought you said sinse was too sick for medicine, so I explained that part too. She then said I hope god takes her soon so she won't bleed all over. Wow kids have a way with the words. Still with that last statement I don't know if she got it or not?? She is so hard to figure out sometimes and this will be her first time dealing with death. I don't want her there when the vet is doing it, as it's not natural. If it was god forbid a person, they would NOT be put down, they would one day die from the illness, and to me it would be so much easier to explain that. So I've not really told my daughter that WE are ending sinse's life. But I do want her to understand that sinse will be gone so that she can have some time before hand with sinse. She also ask if she could get a cat, she even said she wish sinse would hurry so she could. I didn't get upset with her or anything, I simply said we need to care for sinse before we think of another pet. I just don't want her to start thinking she caused this or get mad at us, or say she didn't get to say good bye. Just all those things. As for sinse I'm starting to feed her all those foods she never got much of before as they were bad for her. Everytime she starts barking it makes me question if we are doing right, but I know she is only going to get worst. I don't know putting her down is really 'fair' to her, but neither is keeping her alive with no hope.

My husband and I took our 14 year old dearly loved Lab to our vet last Friday to be put to sleep.  Very similar situation to yours as far as her condition.  Very hard to make the decision even though we know it was coming.  We both cried and are still crying.  BUT every day we know we made the right decision.  She was suffering and now she is not suffering.  Be strong.