What is going on in my life??

    • Gold Top Dog

    What is going on in my life??

    My dog life that is.   I can't believe how much sadness that happy dogs have caused here lately. Loosing Bubby of course, we'll never be over that.

    But  told you guys about the new 3 yr old I was going to look at. We drove 5 hours there on Sat...stayed a few hours. We did'nt walk her like we planned...it was raining all the way there and back. They live in a rural area and we would have not walked past anyone or dogs anyway...so I guess it didn't matter.

    Over the past month ( yes..its been a month ) we have corresponded by email on and off. Talked to her  mom at first by phone. We are on the same wave length...we pretty much agree on how we think dogs should be taken care of. INCLUDING vaccinations.   Our visit was good, it went well. We liked the dog.  Pretty much she said..well let me know...talk it over, she is not going anywhere. If you remember..she has another dog that don't get along.   Only one thing that I wasn't sure of,,,and when I emailed her that night to thank her for letting us visit...I told her that I thought that the dog got up from a laying position on the slow side. Not a struggle...but not like Bubby did. She ansered that she always did and all of her Danes always got up slow like that. I answered that I guess I was comparing to Bubby and I shouldn't have because I thought she was very very healthy and strong and look what happened to her. So there are no guarantees!  I then asked about the food she fed her..thinking I will have to get some because I would want to slowly turn her over to EP.  SHE thought EP was good idea when I was there.

    I was excited when I got an email from her yesterday. Until I read it.   She said she talked it over with the others ( She is owned by two partner breeders besides herself ) and they have decided I have so many worrys that I have asked about that she is afraid I will make the dog a worrier as they can sense worry.  That maybe the trauma of Bubby is too close...maybe she is not for me. thank you!  THAT WAS IT!   The breeder that told me about her also said that "questions are good..but I am over thinking so she doesn't want to be mean..just realistic!"  WOW,,,I am in total and utter shock.      The first thing she told me was that once the dog leaves..she can't come back becasue it would be too hard with the other dog.  I didn't even question aggression becasue I do'nt have another dog...and she got along with one other dog they have.   Question about her getting up like that, questions on who will spay her,,,and concern that what if she doest adjust to us.... I don't wnat to be trying to find a home for a 3 yr old Dane.   A few questions such as is she a crate dog... how long did they have her and things like that.  I see none of these being too many questions...or concerns. 

    I am at a loss. I feel so bad. I feel cheated and rejected.  Unfortunately thinking of the possibility of getting her helped me get past the fact that I was making myself sick over Bubblegum.  I could have told her right away that I wanted the dog...but I did'nt want to come off as RUSHING especially after Bubblegum.   Everyone kept warning me.......  but in my head...I took the picture that I have of her and I pictured her in my house... eating, sleeping in our room at night.... she was my fantasy.  Now I feel lost.

    I don't know if its a definate NO. I was going to wait until she talked to the others... to see what they came up with. But I couldnt... I wrote an email saying that I thought there was some kind of misunderstanding...... that I thought I was being a good prospect by trying to ask things I should know.... I didn't ever think it would come off as neurotic or worrysome.

    Thanks for letting me vent.  I see that my head is very fragile right now, I am a mental mess on this.  I feel almost sick to my stomach...no..thats not almost.  Last night my supper would not go past the lump in my throat, I threw it out.     I am a believer that things happen the way they should... She came to me at a time that I didn't expect.... she was an omen for me. She needed a home...my home needed a dog. And a Dane was just perfect.    Now I am trying to look at this as another omen...that I am being protected from something that should not be.  But its just too hard believing that right now.

    • Gold Top Dog

    Gosh Dyan, I'm really sorry and I don't know what to say other than that I think you were doing the right thing in asking questions. I can't help but wonder if sometimes the people fostering get so attached that they worry too much. I can see that happening and I'd probably be the same way, but I think they'd be making a big mistake if they turn you down. As you said, things happen for a reason, so if this doesn't work out, try not to be discouraged. You have the love in your heart for another dog and if it isn't this one, then you will find the right one. {{{HUGS}}}

    • Gold Top Dog

     Ditto on everything Cathy just said! You'd be a great home and hopefully they talk things over and realize that, and if not, then she just wasn't meant to be.

    I also missed the whole thing about Bubblegum a month ago, and wanted to say I'm very sorry!!
     

    • Gold Top Dog

    That really stinks! I think it's only natural to ask tons of questions and worry a bit before bringing a new family member home. I bet Cathy's right - they probably don't want to let the dog go for some other reason, and this is a convenient excuse.

    I'm sorry your dog search is so difficult. :( You can borrow Rascal if you want! Stick out tongue 

    • Gold Top Dog

    Take a deep breath....breathe....your next dog will find you......no doubt about it

    • Gold Top Dog

    Oh, Dyan.  I'm so sorry your search is such a heartbreaking experience.  As a foster, I WELCOME questions like the ones you asked.  they don't want to let her go & that means that there's the perfect dog out there for you.  ((HUGS))

    • Bronze

    I am so sorry Dyan.  What on earth could they be thinking? Your questions and inquiries are very valid and I would not let this stop you from asking them all over again.  It seems that they have motivations for keeping her that are not so obvious to you right now...I think they aren't being completely honest with you or themselves.  How sad for you. You have been through enough.

    Keep your head up and your heart open....it is going to happen for you Dyan, just as it will for me too.  You will find that perfect fit, Dyan. It is meant to be...perhaps another Dane out there needs you more, and you just don't know it yet. 

    You are owed a little kindness, that's for sure...

    Peace..Coleen 

    • Moderators
    • Gold Top Dog

    NO additional words from the other responses - I am sure that the right dog will come to you - it may be this one or it may not but you will get the dog you are meant to get!

    Keep your chin up 

    • Gold Top Dog

    I'm going to say this again -- often "breed rescue" can be over the top.  In this instance?  Hmm -- well if they really feel that way then blow it off.  I agree you were asking the right questions.  However, I have to also wonder if they were expecting more urgency and excitement from you and missing that they made their own call.

    I wouldn't over analyze it -- I think you're right that 'things happen for a reason'.

    Now ... I'm gonna say again what I said before.  Dyan -- honestly?  I thik you need to get out and volunteer.  Call ANY group near you ... call PetSmart and find out who comes there on the weekends.  Show up and just volunteer to walk dogs and fill water bowls. 

    Walk off the deep end -- volunteer to foster a LITTER.  Volunteer to do *something* -- just "keep me a little bit busy".  Or call the SPCA and volunteer. 

    **DO** something.  Something new.  Something different.  Something NOT dane.  A couple of weeks will tell you a whole lot. 

    I'm going to raise issues you may need to re-address.  What if you take another "giant" breed dog -- and it winds up with a cruciate ligament problem ... or something else that requires it to be **lifted**?  What about in 5 years?  Your husband has back problems.  You don't drive a lot.  What if YOU have to lift a dog into the car to do something?

    Maybe ... altho you love danes ... maybe it's time to make a break and do something else.  And maybe you just haven't been able to work up enough enthusiasm ... well, maybe for a reason.  Maybe you weren't supposed to get 'attached' ... because maybe something else is out there that is better for you.

    Danes are more than just their personality.  Every single breed is. 

    I never had a hound before ... there are parts of Luna we love.  But she is SOOOOOO vocal.  And that likely will prevent me from ever taking another hound -- simply because of the town we live in!!  I can't LET her be 'a dog' and bark and howl.  I'd lose her (and potentially I could lose my house if I continued a fight!!)  I love so many things about her breed but it's hard. 

    I'm not telling you to walk in a shelter and adopt the first dog you see.  I'm telling you to get out there and DO something completely different just for a few weeks.  And then re-evaluate. 

    You truly would make an awesome foster mom.  Fostering *can* help you heal. 

    THEN make your decision ... and you'll probably find it much easier.  Grief is a process -- sometimes it takes steps. 

    • Gold Top Dog

    Hi Dyan.  I can't help but wonder if they are trying to hide something or were hoping something like the getting up slowly would be something you didn't mention to them.  You'd think they'd want the absolute best home for her and would welcome someone caring and concerned. 

    That said, I think Callie makes some good points about going forward and what having a big dog again might mean. 

    I've known a lot of people who have had to change breeds later on due to health or home issues, etc.-it's definately something to consider. 

    • Gold Top Dog

    I can't add more to all of people had said, I only wanted to say that we are here, wishing you the best.

    I'm sure Bubby will send you a great companion for you, maybe not has big as she, maybe bigger... wait, it will come to you!

    (((HUGS))) from me and Thor.

    • Gold Top Dog

     Dyan, I am so sorry this happened, the right dog will find you. I foster and I only wish people would ask questions like you..I have to agree with Willow maybe they are trying to hide something. Don't give up, you will find that special baby she is out there waiting for you.

    • Gold Top Dog

    Dyan, I'm sorry all this has happened.  It almost sounds like maybe they're not really ready to place the dog.  I also agree with Callie (except her notion that hounds are noisy.  Mine are very quiet) and that volunteering is a great idea. 

    • Gold Top Dog

     I havnt read any of the other replies,so sorry if this has already been mentioned.But the first thing that struck me was the age of this dog.Danes are such a short lived breed,wouldnt you be better off taking a pup or a much younger dog,so you can have more time with it?

    • Gold Top Dog

    Hi Dyan.  I can't help but wonder if they are trying to hide something or were hoping something like the getting up slowly would be something you didn't mention to them.  You'd think they'd want the absolute best home for her and would welcome someone caring and concerned. 

    That was the first thing that I thought of...but then I don't know. She did not struggle to get up...just more slowly than Bubby..but when I think of it..she was laying on her hip...Bubby very seldom did that.....she almost always laid like a frog ( unless she was sleeping ) ready to jump up in a flash.  BUT the fact remains....why would me asking questions bother them....I told them that if I had to give my dog away...I would be thrilled to have the future owner ask everything to be sure.  So I don't know what to think,,,,,,

    As far as the big dog....Callie and the others that have mentioned it. Of course its so very true. And Edie...your right about the age... I got Bubby at 3 and said your exact words back then...........but on the other side of it.. I really hope to help a dog that needs a home and the great dane is so very special to me. I feel I have time for one more..before I have to think about a smaller dog.  Of course Callie your right...it was very hard to carry Bubby in and out of the hospital, in and out of the car and house day after day.  But I can't let myself think that something like that will happen again...because if I do I won't get a dog at all,,,because to think of going thru that horrid time with her illness again..I can't handle it.  Not the lifting part...the nightmare of the illness.    

    At work this week have been paying special attention...thinking overtime.   A couple came in today with their dog...and older couple. The dog was something like a lab....not a small one either. They rescued it.  They are an elderly couple...the man is in a wheel chair with his leg removed. He struggled but had to help his wife get the dog on the scale...and then in the exam room. I thought about this conversation while watching them.....their dog is much smaller...but if it got very sick...they would not be able to handle it.     Then I thought about the young lady that brought her 140 lb dane in....she is divorced....lives my herself. What would she do with that dog if it got very sick.    So while you guys are 100% correct in what your saying......   if everyone considered these thoughts.... would they have their dogs?

    So now for the next part in the continuing saga of my dog life.   A client at our hospital has 4 Danes.... she is really only allowed two dogs..her city has regulations.    She had not worried too much about it..but a new "crazy" ( so she says ) lady is moving in across the street from her...she is afraid she will be reported. She asked me to take her 2 yr old, her name is Baby.  I know the dog,,, I know the lady and how she takes care of it.... and now I have another thing to think about.    Paris is not out of the question yet....  but I am leaning towards thinking she is not a good idea....  then I am thinking I really should go look at a suggested breeder that doesn't live that far from me......and then there is Baby.