Do any of you have a "Dog Rule List"?

My big rule is DO NOT HIT MY DOG (I might hit you back!) A few others are
Do not let them out of the fence unless they are leashed
Do not yell at them, they just get more excited
Do not take their toys and expect them to leave you alone
If you must give them people food, ask me first
No matter how much they beg, DO NOT give them chicken bones
Always respect my dogs when you are in my house.  It's their house too.

Oh how COULD I forget "SHUT THAT FLIPPIN' DOOR!!!!!"  I call it Dog Lock (like air lock, but for dogs)  So, one door has to close before another one opens.  So, when anyone opens the front door I yell "DOG LOCK!" to remind them to close it before opening ANY other doors.  It's kind of a semi-joke. 
 
The front door is soooooo difficult to close because when you do you need to lift the handle up after shutting it.  It's designed that way, I don't know why.  It's really really hard to operate, I must be like a senior engineer or something that I manage OK.  Because even people who visit here several times a week STILL need to be told, "Um, yeah, you need to lift the handle up"  You'd think they would remember.  You'd also think they would remember that Yes, I will keep you waiting here in the hallway until the front door is closed - DON'T go to open any other door until I have done that please.  It will only take me a few seconds and I don't want any of the dogs to get out.  Do I REALLY have to say that last bit EVERY time you come over?  I do have a bolter and the youngest one is usually very good but MAY follow his example.  Is that so hard to understand????
 
I have a leather sofa too.  I like it the way it is.  How many times must people be told, "The animals aren't allowed up here.  It's leather"  I mean, seriously, can't they SEE it's leather?  Do they have to be told that every time?  The sofa has got scratches on it now since we moved closer to family and had more visitors.  Hmmm, wonder why that is.
 
And NO!!! It's NOT fine!!!  I DON'T want them jumping up on people or climbing into your lap/on to the sofa.  I don't CARE if you mind!!!  I MIND!!!!!  FOUR ON THE BLEEDING FLOOR!!!!!!!  Sheesh.
 
This seems to have turned into a rant thread doesn't it!

5) They're not too thin. I do not want to hear it. Get out of my house.

 
Oh, this used to drive me NUTS! Everyone would always say "your husky is so skinny" then they'd feed her whatever it was that they were eating! She wasn't skinny. She was in great shape! Just because they are used to seeing over weight dogs who get no exercise does not mean that my dog is too skinny.
 
My husky's not skinny anymore though - probably has something to do with all of the people food she got...

i mostly just have one major rule applying to just one dog....
"Do not look directly and challengingly into Kaydee's eyes, especially if my husband is not around."

Kaydee takes her guard dog job very seriously, and every time someone broke that rule it was very nearly their life.
one of my aunts broke that rule while Kaydee was trying to be friendly.... things got serious in a hurry. i should have just kicked my aunt out of my house instead of putting Kaydee in the bedroom.
The other rule.... Dont Run. 
and another... just... dont come around unannounced unless you have bacon in your pockets.. and even then- dont risk it.

as for the others....
Rule one - keep your kids away from my dogs unless they can behave properly around them. toddlers do not need to interact with my dogs unless an adult is standing near by. Not that my dogs will eat babies, they love snuggling with kids and playing fetch, or allowing the kid to lean on them, crawl on them etc. but if a child gets boisterous, so do the dogs.

Wow...I'm pretty slack about rules I guess.
My rules are a very short list. Most everything else is no big deal.
 
1. No hurting or yelling at my dog  what so ever.
2. I dont care about the door as far as my dog is concerned, he's not going anywhere....it's the cat that will bolt!
3. No kids touch my dog w/out permission and close supervision by me and no one else.
4. If you don't like it....stay at a hotel.

1) do not feed them anything I or hubby have not approved - ever!
 
2) Ask before picking up the smaller ones or "romping" with the bigger one. I may not let you, depends mostly on the dogs, they may not want you to.
 
3) Yes the dogs get along well (varing sizes) in their room, you want to play, you go in their room & you are fair game.  They do not bite but they are excitable (& well house trained with their own door out from their room).
 
4) Well behaved children will be taken into their room for careful, controled introduction - I decide who is well behaved.
 
5) Do not open the gate to their room - only I or Hubby - they are stronger & quicker than you are, you may never get the gate closed.
 
6) When no vistors are here, the dogs have run of the house; give me time to move them to their room, if they get out because you did not wait then YOU are chasing them (only 1 really).  I will sit on the porch, watch and laugh at your dumb a**.
 
7) You hurt or cause one of my dogs to get hurt; you had best hide in another state; I will hunt you down!!!!

Respect me, and my dogs.  If you don't like them, leave. 

I really dont have a list.  If the dogs are comfy, we all get along fine.  Sometimes there is a guest that can't deal with the extra love these guys offer up, so I may put them outside or in another room. 
 
Basically, it is same rules for everything under the roof.  Be nice and polite.  I have locks on the gates to prevent children or neighbors from accidentally opening and leaving them open.  It is easier to be preventative than always squalking out rules.  Gives myself a headache to have to be that way.

Good lists.  The only real issues we have had is people lolligagging at the door or nephews leaving doors just plain wide open.  Why is that so hard for people to just SHUT THE DARN DOOR! 
 
MIL is terrible about rewarding jumping with affection.  Our last dog was mush worse with the jumping, Daisy will only try to jump on you once if you stop petting her and ignoring her works.  So we are always on MIL to get her to stop petting her when she is on 2 feet! 
 
Daisy is on raw and seems to be intolerant to grain.  MIL always asks if she can give breadcrusts and stuff to Daisy.  At least she asks now.  Used to be she would just give all kinds of horrible things to our other dog. 
 
No teasing.  No yelling.  No quick movements.  That one is for the nephews.  Our other dog is much more skittish than Daisy, but still...basic dog manners,kids! 

This is a great thread since I'm adopting a dog soon and she has some special concerns due to past experiences.  I'm thinking the rules will be as follows....

UNTIL I've decided I like where our relationship is at, the dog is comfortable with our relationship, I am satisfied with how she executes commands, and we're done working through her "issue" with some men:

1) If you are a male over the age of 16 and/or weigh more than 150 lbs, you MUST ask me before approaching my dog.  You can help me rehab her, but only under my terms and conditions and my supervision.

2) Please do not give her treats unless she has done a command and is not overly excited for the treat.

3) Do not try to teach my dog tricks or do any sort of training unless I've asked for your help.

4) Do not walk my dog unless I've shown you what collar/lead to use and how she will be walked.

5) Please do not do anything to her crate, especially if she is in it.

6) Please do not give her a kong at this time, we will be using the kong as one incentive for making the crate her happy place.

7) Please don't let her out or off of her lead.

You can play with her and play tug, etc. but if she gets too excited, make sure to enforce that you are in charge by dropping the toy and ignoring her until she calms down.

9) If she bites, lunges, paws, charges, or snaps at you, I NEED to know.

10) Please do not feed her meals unless I ask for help.  We need to make sure that she is not food aggressive.

11) Do not yell at her or hit her or try to "punish" her in any way.

12) Be aware of situations that might make loud noises. (Related to her past bad experience)

13) If you want your dog to come and play, I will supervise the meeting and it will be done under my terms and conditions.  You must have control of your dog before they can meet.

9) If she bites, lunges, paws, charges, or snaps at you, I NEED to know.

I think this one is very important when it comes to kids and teenagers.  When I was about 15, I didn't report a problem with my uncle's dog and I should have.
 
I was in my uncles's backyard about 10-15ft from the dog when he got upset (bone I didn't see?).  The dog growled, charged me and jumped.  I raised my leg in defense and my knee caught the dog in the chest and he bounced off.  I am convinced that he was going for my face or my throat.
 
I didn't say anything because I didn't want my uncle to feel bad about the dog's behavior.  That was the wrong decision!  As it turns out the dog had started to become aggressive toward famiy members and they eventually put him down.
 
Kids should be told that you need to know if the dog misbehaves.

I was intending to be helpful, not critical here.

 
Just the same, I think we're going to keep making these lists like we have been. It's cathartic for us, even if our lists were lost on someone we thought would need it.

yes - these list should be helpful - & my furbabies are good kids that most ppl love to love (a few are scared by the size of 2, their lost) - but....
 
my rules, my house, I pay the bills here & do the repairs (or pay for them to be done) - my way/rules or you leave - like it or leave now

ORIGINAL: belgmal_girl

You CANNOT feed treats to Joy that you brought with, because they're milkbones
If you can't stomach the sight of her gnawing on a pork heart, bet your sorry butt you won' be com9ing back
NO NO NO opening doors unless I say so
No walking her
No petting unless I say so

Adding to this

No people food. I hope she throws up on your shoes, and craps all over your your pillow.
You even raise a hand to my dog, you get a beat down and I'll kill your sorry  little butt!!!!