Someone got engaged...someone else broke up

You rocked it! I can attest to how hard it is to leave a relationship when you're still in love and are the one that chooses to end it.  It's *HARD*.  HARD and HARD.  You are so brave and strong to do it and CHEERS TO YOU!  Start the New Year right and snuggle Bear even tighter when he calls to try to reconcile (it's gonna be happen, but stand strong, you CANNOT change someone. You said he was good for a few years then changed.. you see how he really is.  But, to get you back, he'll probably lavish attention on you.  Don't fall for it. ... i did.  It just prolonged our break up and... ugh. It made the whole thing 10 times harder.)

Good for you for doing what's right, so many people can't, they are unable to do this, if there isn't something tragically wrong they'll stay, hoping to make it better.  So, go shopping, buy some new clothes, get a new 'do and enjoy your new year!

YAY for you and Bear!! **CHEERS** and **HUGS**
 

I think you did the right thing.  No sense in going on with something you know isn't for you.  Willow sends some purple kisses for ya!

I'll add to the toast. Ending even a bad relationship can be difficult. I stayed in one far too long and now that I look back, I can't for the life of me. figure out why I didn't end it sooner. It'll be tough for awhile but I think you might be surprised at how soon you start feeling better and stronger. I met my DH quite soon after I made the break and the rest was history. Cheers!!

Ya' know, I don't think he'll try to win me back.  He is a self-professed workaholic and I picked up a book over the weekend called "Workaholics: The Respectable Addicts".  Good grief, was that an eye-opener.  His picture should be on the cover and next to several key paragraphs.    He'll probably just dive further into his work.

I do appreciate the support.  It's kind of odd because you don't really "know" me and certainly his side has not been represented.  I really tried, but just couldn't do it any more.  I've felt like a shelter animal for about a year or so now - abandoned by someone who said they loved you, waiting desperately for a pat on the head or scratch behind the ears.  How pathetic is that?

I almost wish he'd have hit me - he'd have been a goner long ago.  It's the emotional abuse I tolerate until I can't stand it any more.  He doesn't live with me, but when I left for work this morning, there were still many of his tools and other possessions at my house.  Maybe he'll have come and gone and that'll be that.

Too bad it's snowing and cold here - I could have one heck of a yard sale!

You're not a witch!  Hey, you obviously had been trying to talk to him about how you felt your relationship was going, so, good bye, and don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out!  Trust me, there's plenty of fish in the sea and you'll find the one who will shoe you the attention, care, and consideration during the whole relationship and not just at the beginning!  Good Luck!  And, w/ a dog as good looking as Bear, you'll meet more guys than you'll ever imagine!  LOL

As someone who is going through a painful(not bitter) divorce, I can say that the hurt will heal. It will take time and there are still going to be moments where you feel weak and want to hope for another chance....but stay STRONG!!

Just remember, there is a reason you guys got to this point, right? Don't forget about that. Know you are making a good decision, the best decision for yourself. I think sometimes we try to cater to others so much we forget about what it feels like to take care of our own wants and needs...well, at least I do.

If you ever need to talk, I'm here. :)

I'm so sorry :(  It's a hard time of year to be going through this.  If you are really certain and it sounds like you are that this should be the end, it's so much easier to completely cut off contact.  I understand how hard that is when you have been together for so long though.  I hope your heart can move on with as little hurt as possible.

As everyone else has said, I'm sure you are hurting. But I imagine you are also feeling some relief, too. Not having to carry on with something that's not working.

You will probably have more energy, and not just because now your time is your own but because you are not spending energy in something that is not working out for you.

As for timing, there's never a "good" time. But this may have certainly been the right time, if it was the right time for you. And it's possible that this may work out for him, too.

And stay away from guys for a while, at least those who might want to be more than friends. You need to recharge and just hang out with your friends, dogs, and/or both.

Good luck and give yourself a big sloppy kiss for New Year's.

Tina, you are most definitely not a "witch."  It sounds to me as if you made the best decision for you & Bear. (which is the most important thing)

I hope that the New Year brings great things for you.

Diane, I can relate to the co-dependency issues.  I was divorced ten years ago from an alcoholic workaholic.  Then hooked up with another alcoholic about 6 months after that.  Broke off that after 3 years (w/one reconciliation attempt), then 6 months later, started dating most recent b/f.  I made it very clear to him that if he was a drinker, he'd best leave before we got too involved.  He wasn't, and I knew that since we worked together and were friends for about 5 years before we started dating.  Didn't date him til two years after we quit working together.  I'm very good at taking care of everyone else and it takes me a while to realize that I'm doing little for me.  It's the subtle manipulation that gets me - I question and doubt myself, thinking I'm the total problem, but no matter what I do, the relationship itself doesn't improve.  My heart says "keep trying" while my brain says "WTH are you doing?"

Ron, you are right - I'm staying away from guys for a while.  I need to.  I need to take care of me. 

Is anyone else wondering where Billy is with his usual stuff like "maybe the b/f quit coming over because you weren't putting out" ??

sharismom

Is anyone else wondering where Billy is with his usual stuff like "maybe the b/f quit coming over because you weren't putting out" ??

Give me a minute, dammit, I just saw the thread.   

I suspect many relationships are heavily influenced by "convenience."  I guess there is nothing wrong with that as long as both parties are okay with it.  You weren't, so you made the right decision.  There is no good time to do that.

sharismom

Ron, you are right - I'm staying away from guys for a while.  I need to.  I need to take care of me. 

In general, I think that is a very good idea.  Figure out YOU before you try to figure out someone else.  And, due respect, with your track record with men when you are on the rebound, it seems to me to be an especially good idea for you. 

I used to listen to this shrink on the radio at night.  I can't remember her name.  She said, after ending a long term relationship, don't date for a year.  Don't go out for coffee with someone.  Don't let someone fix you up with someone "just for a drink."  NOTHING, for a year.  Sage advice.

I know that posting personal stuff opens one up to criticism as well as "atta girls", so no worry about me taking what you said wrong, Billy.  I think you, too, make very good points.

Yes, everyone, I said it:  Billy is right!

sharismom

Yes, everyone, I said it:  Billy is right!

Tina, you should really get your head examined for that comment!

sharismom

Yes, everyone, I said it:  Billy is right!

Only because most of what he typed was relayed to him by a woman...he said as much...LOL.

ROFL!!!