Fear of posting, lack of trust, hurt feelings

In all honesty, I find it rather sad that someone is afraid to post something or speak their opinion for fear of getting "slammed". Just speak your mind and if someone "slams" you or disagrees with you, so what? No one is going to agree on everything and the majority of the time, it's not meant as a personal insult as some seem to take it. I consider a lot of people on here to be my friends and I'm quite sure we've all had disagreements at one point or another but that doesn't mean that I don't like them or they don't like me. As in reality, we may not all agree with each other but we are still friendly to each other and are mature enough to respect each other's opinions. I really don't have anything negative to say about I-Dog or it's members. This is a great message board and there's quite a lot of knowledgeable people on here who are knowledgeable about different things. I've been a member of this board for ages and I've learned a lot on here much to the benefit of my dogs. I've never felt afraid to post what's on my mind and although it may sound harsh, it's not meant to be as I'm the kind of person who just likes to get to the point. I'm like that in real life and I think it's due to the fact that I work in the medical field where you don't have time to play games. With that said, I really wish people wouldn't feel scared to post on here or be afraid to post their thoughts but in all honesty, I don't understand that feeling. I couldn't see being a part of a board where I'd be afraid to participate. It makes no sense to me. If I found that I'm not getting something out of a message board, which is supposed to be fun, then I pick up my toys and go home. []

At the risk of being bashed for it, I agree with Meilani [].

If we don't warn someone about Kibbles 'n' Bits or anything else that we might see as harmful (lump in choke chains, Ivermectin for herding dogs, grapes, being tied to a chain all day, or puppy mills), then how will they know to even question what they have been doing???  Aren't we all in this for the benefit and welfare of the dogs we share our homes and lives with?  So what if someone tells you that your food is crap?  Know how many times I've been told that I should be feeding raw?  Do I feed raw?  No, for me it doesn't work.  But, I'm glad someone was passionate enough about it to speak up - if no one had ever mentioned raw feeding to me, would I know it existed?  Maybe, but maybe not.  My vet and I will never agree that Science Diet is absolute crap, but do we argue about it?  No, and she's glad that my last dog was able to live to be 17+ on what I chose to feed her.  We discuss, and support our positions, but we do not get nasty.  In fact, we've been caring for my dogs/horses together for over 30 years!  You really can disagree, even vehemently, without being a snot.

LOL, welcome, Sketchy

ORIGINAL: dyan

I think the "key" thing is to keep in mind that it is JUST YOUR OPINION and the people that answer are only giving THEIR OPINION.  No one is right, no one is wrong and that is one thing that every poster must keep in mind. Even though you really believe in what you are doing...that does not make it the right way...it only makes it right for you!

I believe that is the root of most of the problems that have been mentioned here. I understand that people get passionate about what they believe in. That's all well and good. But they also need to remember, the OP of a thread titled "How do I teach my dog not to pull!' probably didn't mean to start a traditional vs. positive training debate. They came wanting help and opinions on how to stop their dog from pulling. If you want to discuss said debate, start a new thread and have at it. But just give the OP your opinion on how you would go about fixing the behavior, without insult or injury.

And for the time when **** is inevitably going to hit the fan (and it will, no matter how hard we try), everyone just needs to remember this quote:

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.

,

the OP of a thread titled "How do I teach my dog not to pull!' probably didn't mean to start a traditional vs. positive training debate. They came wanting help and opinions on how to stop their dog from pulling. If you want to discuss said debate, start a new thread and have at it. But just give the OP your opinion on how you would go about fixing the behavior, without insult or injury.

 
In a way that is exactly what I mean about the nutrition thread.  The example that I used about giving a banana after their dog eats his Kilbbles N Bits....   The OP wanted to know about the banana...and the debate would start about Kibbles N Bits,,,everytime.  He might not even get the answer about the banana.   It gets tiresome that every conversation turns into the same debate.

At the risk of sounding too PC---lol.  It's not the message but the method of conveyance.  There's a big difference b/w "YOU'RE FEEDING YOUR DOG ABSOLUTE CRAP---THE DIET OF DEATH---YOU HAVE KILLED YOUR DOG. NICE WORK LOSER"---and "You know there might be a healthier choice for your dog".  (I say this knowing that I've been guilty of some sarcasm in my scant few posts and I apologize for any offense it has caused).
I'd also argue that this isn't really an issue of the sensitivity or ego of the poster who needs to get a thicker skin.  If somebody is geniunely struggling to find what works best for them (without the benefit of decades of experience)---hearing that you just killed your best buddy can be devastating.     

ORIGINAL: ron2

Well, I'm a frisbeetyrian. When we die, our soul goes up on the roof and you can't get it down.

 
Oh, I've heard of them. Nice folks, but their personalities tend to be a little flat.

*foclmao!*
 
Awesome.

We'll be here all week. Try the veal.

ORIGINAL: silverserpher

At the risk of sounding too PC---lol. It's not the message but the method of conveyance. There's a big difference b/w "YOU'RE FEEDING YOUR DOG ABSOLUTE CRAP---THE DIET OF DEATH---YOU HAVE KILLED YOUR DOG. NICE WORK LOSER"

I've always wondered why people act like this. I think that some dog people would benefit from applying their knowledge about dealing with dogs to dealing with people. They'd never berate and animal like that, so why is it okay to do it to a human? If people don't know any better, that's not their fault. They just need some help.

I agree with you. The nice way of dealing with it is to help the person educate themselves. I'm sure people want do do the best for their dogs, and that they might not know how to go about it. If you point out the fault politely and help guide them towards a better decision, they'd be much more open to listening.

I think it's particularly dangerous where the poster lacks the expertise to form an alternative opinion or scrutinize the information.  It's one thing to have to experts battling it out and another to have a newbie get crushed for feeding his dog a beggin strip.  Like I've mentioned previously, I'm new to this stuff and the board has been an amazing resource---but until I can build a base of information I'm likely to take much of what is said here as gospel.  If I'm clueless I need information not an ear pinch.  

It never ceases to amaze me how certain members are so passionate and dedicated about their love of dogs, yet seem at times to lack empathy, understanding or compassion for people. I used to believe there was some correlation between ones love of animals and ones love of your fellow man. At times this board has shattered that belief. Posters have been told to divorce their husbands because he doesn't like or treat the dog well. They have been told never to have children because they aren't willing to properly train their dog. They have been told they should sell their house and live in a trailer to pay for medical treatment for their dog or at least be willing to go on welfare. I remember Hideandseek being blasted for rehoming her dogs because she put the needs of her granddaughter first. I remember poor snowball (with allergies) whose owner had spent thousands, yet was slammed because she could not justify spending more to 'try' to find a solution and wanted to rehome into a different environment.

I appreciate everyones passion and would never judge your personal actions or decisions when it comes to your dogs. I too would go above and beyond for my dog, but I certainly wouldn't fault anyone who felt they couldn't. I just wish cetain members could step back and try to appreciate others situation instead of imposing their standards on everyone else. You don't need to agree with their decisions, but you can at least respect the hard decisions they are sometimes forced to make.

That aside, I think this is a great forum and the overwhelming help to others far out weighs judgements!

If that bothers folks, perhaps I should find a way to change it, but there are just so many ways to say the same thing, and THIS is what I've found works when potty training a litter.

 
Oh no Glenda, wasn't at all aimed at you. There are some members, two in particular, who bug me because every one of their posts seems to be almost exactly the same as their last. "I do this, have done this, so you should do this" is literally how it goes. Probably beneficial for a brand new member who hasn't read any other threads on that topic, but for the older members who are asking a question only very slightly related to that answer, it's a little bit annoying to read the same exact thing over and over.
 
I don't think I've ever read your response about housebreaking, so that surely doesn't bother me. I've never housebroken a dog, and won't be any time soon, so I never read that section.

I'll chime in real quick - I don't mind starting posts, as after a while you can mostly tell what starts a war, but I tend not to answer as many as I could since I will always feel that I don't know as much as some of the "regulars" and that my advice might not be the best.  Other than SA issues, Sammy came to us surprisingly needing little other than being taught sit, stay etc.  He was 100% housebroken, doesn't bark but maybe once a month, doesn't pull on lead, eats anything we give him, doesn't chew up much of anything but his bones, etc.  So the only "experience" I have is from reading about others' problems and the adivce given them about many topics.  So I keep reading and hope to learn more []

ORIGINAL: silverserpher

If I'm clueless I need information not an ear pinch.

I think this is bang-on.