Fear of posting, lack of trust, hurt feelings

I don't have much to add, but I will say this:
 
DaneHaven and anyone else that I have been unfair to in any way, shape, or form, I'm sorry.  Sometimes I can get nasty, and it wasn't fair, especially to DH.  I truely am sorry.
 
Carry on.

For the most part, I haven't had much trouble with members on this forum. There are times when I see posts that upset me, and I AM afraid to respond. Particularly when those posts pertain to pets OTHER than dogs. Almost every time I see a thread related to any other species I cringe....because 9 times out of 10, I see things contained in those posts that would give anyone knowledgeable about that species fits. ESPECIALLY when the animals in question are rodents. As with dogs, there is SO much misinformation out there, and the average rodent owner is not being responsible about, or taking proper care of, their pets. I have SO much knowledge and experience when it comes to various species, *especially* rats, but when I see those threads, I hesitate to mention anything...because the OP likely doesn't know they're doing anything wrong, and if anything IS mentioned, they get angry and defensive. People seem to want validation, regardless of the poor care they're giving their pets, rather than the truth. There have been times when I have mentioned these things to people in private, rather than doing it on the board, and I usually get an answer akin to "Well, my last (insert pet here) lived for 4957645 years even though I fed it crap/housed it wrong/didn't get it vet care, so shut up." [&o]  It's sad, frustrating, and upsetting. So for the most part I've started trying to avoid the NDR pet threads.
 
As far as individual members....there are many times when I disagree with people's opinions, but I'm sure they disagree with mine too. There are very few people that I actually have a problem with here...actually, only one in particular. This person has been known to follow me from thread to thread JUST to make some kind of baiting or derogatory response to my posts...but for the most part I simply avoid this person. This poster tends to be pretty confrontational with people in general, so I really don't take it too seriously.
 
I have so, SO many social problems it's completely ridiculous. Autism, depression, social anxiety, paranoia, agoraphobia...the list continues. It is insanely difficult for me to interact with people, EVEN on the internet. I have a habit of not responding to my own threads and to the PMs people send me. I feel completely horrible about this. For some reason, my anxiety extends to the point that I become incredibly afraid of sounding stupid or repetitive in my response, and I AGONIZE over it...and then just end up not responding. Then I feel so guilty about not responding, that I avoid the boards for a while. It's really a little bit crazy the terrible mental processes I go through. They're crippling. [&o] It's made even worse by the fact that so often people are trying to contact me to HELP me....and it takes me forever to respond, because I am so insanely shy. Then I just end up looking ungrateful and I feel completely awful. Definitely something I need to get over.
 
But for the most part, I do like it here. I  was very active in the rat community for a long while, but after I lost most of my rats last fall to SDA, I became a bit burnt out and haven't felt like participating as much. I still have my rats, and I still run my pet rat forum, and I still lurk on the various other rat forums, but they stopped being "home." What I went through with my rats was so devastating that I just want out of that community for a few years to catch my breath. Because of that, THIS place has become my home...and although I may lurk more than I post, I really am glad to be here.

The purpose of this thread was not to become negative....it was a chance for ALL of us to air what bothers us.  My apologies to anyone who feels that this is an idog bashing thread.  As always, if a thread bothers you or you find it inappropriate, you have the option of notifying the admin or just not reading/posting here.
 
I am getting some very valuable information here myself.  Things have been said that really cause me to think "do I do that?"  Because there are a couple folks that seem to want to dominate the nutrition boards, I find myself avoiding them.  And often I will post that I feed X and have tried Y and wasn't impressed with it for whatever reason, usually stool related with my crew.  I hope that no one takes my posts on what I feed as "this is what you should do because it works for me" and I do TRY to remember to say that just because I don't like something doesn't mean it won't work for YOUR dog, but I'm human and sometimes post on the fly.....but I do try to keep things short and sweet when I post on nutrition to avoid the BS.
 
I DO have a pretty standard response to house training.  If that bothers folks, perhaps I should find a way to change it, but there are just so many ways to say the same thing, and THIS is what I've found works when potty training a litter.  Seems like it should be quite easy to adapt to ONE pup.  My vaccine response tends to be pretty standard too.  So maybe I need to add some zip to those posts.......
 
And, oh yes......I'm just a regular member who WILL try to "moderate" if you will, to try to keep the peace or to post something totally off the wall like Red Sox rears to derail an ugly thread.  That's me, part of who I am.  If you want to slap me for that, go ahead, but I'm not likely to change that.  I LIKE harmony in our community.
 
But, as far as THIS thread, I set up a couple little ground rules when I started it, and since it's MY thread, I do get to play moderator just a tiny bit.  My sandbox and all.......

ORIGINAL: glenmar

The purpose of this thread was not to become negative....it was a chance for ALL of us to air what bothers us.  My apologies to anyone who feels that this is an idog bashing thread.  As always, if a thread bothers you or you find it inappropriate, you have the option of notifying the admin or just not reading/posting here.

Glenda- I think I may have offended you. I know you had the best of intentions starting this thread; I'm sure there are some positive things coming out of it and it HAS been an intereresting read. I was just saying that for the most part, focusing on what we don't like and how we've been hurt seems to go downhill pretty fast. []

Honey, I have a hide like a Rhino and I only have one or two feelings left, so it's kind of hard to hurt them...they hide!  []  And truly it takes a whole lot more than someones opinion to offend me!  I am, remember, a tough old broad!  []
 
And I did take your post to heart.  But, for the most part, with a couple of notable exceptions, I think that what is coming out here is GOOD.  Maybe a bit negative, but GOOD because we will hopefully all see ourselves in things that are said and change our posting ways to be kinder and gentler, a little less arrogant, a little less intimidating in how we share our knowledge.  And, that was kind of the purpose......to show us all whats a bit bent or broken and let us think for ourselves what WE can each do to "fix" it......

I always try and respond to those posters who have a question and no one else responds.  Even if don't have an answer or opinion I try to help by posting links or suggesting a book. .

I agree and try to do the same. Sometime people are looking for help and no one answered yet when I read it...I always tell them to stick around that someone will come along soon to answer. I feel its important to know that someone is reading what you wrote, even if they can't give a good answer. It gives hope!
 
Some one above mentioned that the same people give the same answers in the nutrition thread, and then say "this is what I do so its right!" I think that should be true pretty much with all threads. You can only give your opinion on what you know. I think the "key" thing is to keep in mind that it is JUST YOUR OPINION and the people that answer are only giving THEIR OPINION.  No one is right, no one is wrong and that is one thing that every poster must keep in mind. Even though you really believe in what you are doing...that does not make it the right way...it only makes it right for you!
In the end if everyone of us would write what we have to say, and then sit back and reread it with thought...we would all be stepping on a few less toes here.

ORIGINAL: glenmar

Honey, I have a hide like a Rhino and I only have one or two feelings left, so it's kind of hard to hurt them...they hide!  []  And truly it takes a whole lot more than someones opinion to offend me!  I am, remember, a tough old broad!  []

LOL, good to know! [][]

I don't think this is being negative, and if people are avoiding it, they need to ask themselves why. I see no debate, I see no one singling out any one person. This is Glenda's sandbox and I thank you for it. There is no way I never ever would have had the guts to start this thread, and I think most of you can guess why. In fact if anyone other then Glenda had started it I would not have posted.
 
I guess what I was trying to get across is that some people do things with the best of intentions, some people take a right and some take a left, some have no clue about some of the things that go on in the dog world, or they are not as "into" them as other people. I do not believe that there is anything in this world that does not deserve forgiveness, I do not mean absolution, I mean forgiveness and if you cannot forgive at least find a way to move on.
 
None of us knows who sits on the other side of that screen, not everyone can easily make the same choices you did, life is not as easy as it sounds when your doing good and someone is doing bad. Having a little compassion never hurt anyone.
 
And by the same token, a word to the wise, I lurked, I am sure other people lurked as well. I can read this forum like a book, and I know that others can as well, so I am sure that some threads are started with the purpose of getting everyone riled up. It is easy to do.
 
Dawn

Ok goofy idea  or maybe a hijack.... Glenda mentioned a sticky note, well why not try and make up a couple and place them in catagories with a cue word in the subject line. 
 
Those could be referenced (such as information on nutrition, immunizations, options for purchase, training etc)  It might be possible to write such posts as a group where the content is discussed and edited.  It would be a real test of our abilities to work collaboratively.
 
The post could act as the introductory paragraph to "new here" type messages.

I'd love to see some stickies....especially my standard old "this is how I housetrain a litter", because sometimes it seems that I type the same thing so many times in a week that the regulars eyes probably glaze right over when I do!  And I can't think of a good way to "zing" it up so it isn't boring.......if it were someplace anyone could just copy and paste it too when I'm not around.  NOT at all a goofy idea, OR a hijack.  Remember, we can say what we want to here and the only thing I'm gonna fuss about is slapping anyone.
 
And, you are welcome for the sandbox.  You can crap in it all you want, but kindly bury your "dead"! [][][]

glenmar, I am actually glad you posted this to air out some negativity.  For one, it has helped me to make the decision to stay here.  Which is something I've been trying to make a decision.  It might mean having to develop a thicker skin, but heck it'll be good practice for me.  I have skin as thick as tissue paper, I've gotten pretty good at pretending I don't []

I know when I post, I have years of training on another board in posting in a gentle opinion obvious manner.  But that board is more geared to life and relationships, and how we post is central to our posting rules and regs...so maybe I've felt more offended here b/c I am used to that environment.  It's also the way I talk 90% of the time in real life, b/c I'd be upset for a good part of a week if I unintentionally hurt someone or feel I've put them on the defensive. 

But it was good to read some of the posts in this thread by more established members, to see another side to them...other than my initial impressions of this forum which were:  loads of information but unfortunately an elitist attidue was prevelant.

Oh see, THAT is a very important thought, and one I'm gonna break my own rule and address.  That we are cliqueish or "gang up" on others.
 
I think folks might SEE it that way sometimes, but in reality, if there IS a clique, no one invited me in (stomping foot and pouting) and what is often seen as ganging up is simply that many of us have like thots on a number of issues.  I never think "gee, Anne said X so I best go back her up.  Quite honestly, Anne, can speak for herself and makes such GOOD posts that anything I add is just window dressing.  I guess that's one of my little gripes....that others THINK that I am just a follower sometimes....I've seen many times someone say "isn't this where Glenda is supposed to chime in?"  I agree with Anne on most things so yes, sometimes I WILL post behind her, not neccessarily to support her post, but just because I agree and it was a really GOOD one.
 
Now, I'll admit, in the distant past there was ONE poster who would email me and drag me into stuff that I should have stayed out of.......but I learned from those mistakes.
 
I'm glad this thread has convinced you to stay!

Thanks for clearing that up - I am not Glenda's lead dog LOL.  In fact, most of the time, I do not instigate responses to threads via PM, I simply post my professional opinion.  But, I do occasionally ask Glenda to chime in on areas that are not my area of expertise.  She has lots of experience with whelping and young puppies, for example.  So, if I see that a poster is not getting much response (one of those that seem to fall down the list of threads faster) I might send her a quick msg.  Just as I would do if someone needed help with their dog's yeasty ears - then Callie would be on my list to PM for her good info.  I make no apology for anyone who agrees with me and chooses to post in support, nor do I hate anyone who disagrees, and often the discussions that follow disagreements are what give people several options to choose from.  I must admit, however, that my time might be better spent some days, rather than be subjected to ridicule by a poster, or by another "professional" (how many times have those quotes been used to describe me as a (presumably) fake??? How disrespectful is that?).  Even when mudpuppy, Willowchow, ron2, gunny, rdkutz (where have you been, Rog?), or others disagree with or question me, they have not used boldface, insults, sarcasm, or the bahahas to do that.  They have simply stated their opinions and responded when they felt like it.  I respect them (and many others) for doing that.  

LOL!! You know what they say.....If you ain't the lead dog, the view NEVER changes!  LOL!!
 
Yep, Anne has sent me pm's in young pup or cocker areas.  I often get msgs "can you help here?" from other forum members.  But THAT isn't rallying the troops.  And I admit, yesterday I sent a mass PM requesting a post in a thread that was getting very little attention.  But that was to HELP someone.  So, if I'm guilty of anything in that regard, it's trying to make someone feel better!  Don't beat me too hard! []

I think folks might SEE it that way sometimes, but in reality, if there IS a clique, no one invited me in (stomping foot and pouting) and what is often seen as ganging up is simply that many of us have like thots on a number of issues.  I never think "gee, Anne said X so I best go back her up. 

I think that the ganging up feeling is not others agreeing with  a poster...but the "yeah your right", "thats what I say too" thing. It causes a feeling of being ganged up on. ITs true that many of us think, feel and do the same things with our pets..pretty much...so we would all be in agreement  on most things. But again, its not what we say so much as how we say it that presents hurt feelings or feeling like we are being ganged up on.
Just one more thing,,,and this always happens on the nutrition forum.    Is there a reason that everytime someone posts that they use a certain grocery store food that we HAVE to tell them that they should not be feeding that food and telling them to feed a premium food? Is that our job to always say that whether that is what the OP is asking about or not? Because that is a real pet peeve of mine. If someone is on the health thread saying their dog and sick and the subject of food comes up and that person feeds a grocery store food, of course we would suggest that the food might be the culprit. BUT why if someone on the nutrition board says "is it okay give my dog bananas after he eats his Kibbles N Bits.(for example) why do we HAVE to chime in with "yes you could give bananas but you should NOT be giving Kibbles and Bits.  I'm so tired of hearing what people should not be feeding told to people that are not asking, I don't understand why everyone has to feel that they have to say that all of the time.