Fear of posting, lack of trust, hurt feelings

And, ya know what?  Often when I see posts I can see ME a few years ago, and then I can pat myself on the back for learning so very much in the past few years.  So while you might not have an earth shattering solution to share, what YOU say, just might shake some of us out of our doldrums and make us ALL think a bit and help us come up with solutions.  So, no imput is "too little". 

Your statement made me think of something I see occasionally and makes me feel bad. Like when we don't find some ones post of interest to offer help.  I hate to see anyone's post slowly sink down into the abyss of threads with no attention.  I feel for them, like nobofy finds there issues or problems worth a response or interesting.  I always try and respond to those posters who have a question and no one else responds.  Even if don't have an answer or opinion I try to help by posting links or suggesting a book. .  If I have an idea or suggestion I try to give it.  I have done searches for these posters and pointed them to the subject matter in other posts were there are already great suggestions.  I guess sometimes we forget we once had those questions like; general puppy training or potty training and maybe we get tired of responding to the "same ole questions” and that's not fair to the newbie's who don't know and are looking for help here – I think it makes them feel unimportant or unwelcome.

ORIGINAL: glenmar

One thing that I wish everyone would remember is that we ALL felt a little reluctant to post when we first got here.  There will always be someone with more knowledge, and gosh darn it, that's how we LEARN.  And, to be honest, when I wander over to some of the other forums, where I KNOW a lot of the folks, I still feel like an interloper when I post.  But, I swallow that down and post anyway.

And, ya know what?  Often when I see posts I can see ME a few years ago, and then I can pat myself on the back for learning so very much in the past few years.  So while you might not have an earth shattering solution to share, what YOU say, just might shake some of us out of our doldrums and make us ALL think a bit and help us come up with solutions.  So, no imput is "too little".

 
I understand what you are saying and I know for me, some of this is about self-esteem.    I'm working on it.  I posted to a bunch of stuff tonight.  []
 
Sue

Most of my issues have already been mentioned by others already.Alot of the long standing members seem to have forgotten how it was when they didnt know any better.Most people i know still dont like my recent post about my sister snd husband feeding Kibbles and Bits.The people who know a great deal about nutrition and proper training are in fact a minority among pet owners and uneducated people end up driven away.
My only other fear is reading the rainbow bridge section.I feel horrible and hate to see a member lose their beloved pet but it hits a little too close to home.I have a house full of senior dogs,a couple with very little time left and sometimes reading them just gets me all upset thinking about the day they will cross.If you have lost a pet and i didnt post my condolences please forgive me and i am sorry for your loss.

[blockquote]quote:

I get really frustrated seeing obviously ignorant people get ripped to shreds for not knowing any better. It serves no useful purpose whatsoever. A gentle, informative post could help educate the person and perhaps prevent future "mistakes" (poor food choices, poor breeding choices, poor health choices, etc.), whereas a "how could you be so stupid and evil?" post accomplishes nothing other than sending the poster elsewhere for information[/blockquote]

I agree


[blockquote]quote:

It's also frustrating to see people respond without thoroughly reading posts.  
[/blockquote]


I agree again

I still agree.
 

I hate to see anyone's post slowly sink down into the abyss of threads with no attention.  I feel for them, like nobofy finds there issues or problems worth a response or interesting.

.
 
I agree
 

i'm a newbie, but i'm a BIG time lurker as well

there are many reasons why i dont post, many of the reasons which are already stated by others.

but one of the biggest reason is that when i first came on this board, i was a new dog owner (and still new) and was willing and eager to learn as much as i can.  hence the reason why i searched and found this forum, and why i joined.

my puppy was very sick with coccidia, kennel cough, giardia, and had an umbilical hernia, i posted for help, and although some were helpful, most jumped on my back about the fact that i bought my puppy (heaven forbid) from a BYB, and addressed that, not the issue that my dog was sick. 

I remember posting the fact that the breeder lied to me about not selling sick puppies, but sold me one very sick puppy anyways and his response was simply to return her for a new puppy.  (How was I to know?  I'm a newbie for crying out loud!)  I went on this site, asking what I should do.  And one response I got was something along the line of "You get her medical attention.  (Which I obviously already was doing was I not?  How else did I find out she had all those things if I wasnt taking her to the vet?!)  And basically yelling at me that a dog was not something you simply returned (Also obvious since I joined a forum to find help from experienced people in additional to the Vet's help.)  and that she was not an object.  I was VERY taken back as I think my puppy is my BABY, and was asking for help for HER, and I GOT ATTACKED.  Most of the responses did not give me the help I asked for for my puppy, but attacked me for things they ASSUMED, simply because I didnt know any better and got her from a BYB.

Sadly to say, I got help for my dog not through my posts, but from searching others post, or searching the web in general. 

Honestly, I didnt even know what a BYB was.  But isnt that a little late? 

I'm sure many other newbies got the same treatment as I did.

I just like to read about dogs, and learn about 'em...that's why I stick around and lurk.  I dont even bother asking questions on here anymore.

 
I`ve been there too.
 
Buy the way I think heidandseek should have her say as there was to be no bashing from other members - RIGHT
 
Whats right is right for everyone. RIGHT

I`m sure I got myself where I don`t want to belong but right is right for everyone here. Are we not all equal?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Good topic.
 
Firstly, I would like to say I am vastly OPPOSITE on this forum as I am in real life.  In real life, I can actually be quite shy until I get to know you, then I won't STFU xD  But I have all sorts of "issues" and quirks that I can't control in person (heck, read my old NDR post about Adam).
 
I am, socially speaking, inept.  I tic rather badly when I'm uncomfortable, I stutter, I pace....I do all kinds of things to cope with my discomfort.  On a forum, I have no such issues.  When somebody disagrees with my opinion, if I feel attacked (and no, it's not all the time), I get extremely defensive.  It's not because I don't like somebody else or because I'm pissed they disagree...I'm just very guarded, and feel I was made to look foolish (even if I wasn't).
 
Also, because I'm socially comfortable on a forum, advice I give and the tone I give it in, is easily (and often) misconstrued as egotistical or condescending.  That's not what's meant.  I LOVE helping new people....it makes me feel good to share things I've learned, because I just can't teach on my own in public.  I can assist, and I can teach basics, but beyond that....I'm absolutely positively scared to death.  It makes me physically ill.
 
So, I come here, and I post answers to questions I'm familiar with (Housebreaking, breed threads, some training issues, etc), and instead of my post helping somebody, it can be taken as rude, when that was not my intent.
 
I also have trouble gathering my thoughts together, and thus, instead of sitting and thinking things through before I type, I immediately hit "post reply", because I KNOW that if I wait another minute, what I'm thinking will be absolutely GONE and I won't be able to get it back.  It could be a few hours before I remember what I wanted to say, or think of something else to say in lieu of the original response.
 
Even now, you'll probably notice my subject matter goes here and there, because I'm just typing what's in my head.  The first things that come to mind.  I've gotta get my thoughts down NOW NOW NOW before it's too late.  I'll apologize to somebody if I've wronged them....but chances are it's going to be in PM, not in public, just because I'm more comfortable that way.  It's not to slight anybody.
 
I understand how people can be put off posting here....my thread about e-collars and crittering got more SUPPORT than I was expecting.  I was expecting to be crucified, and while there were posts of discension, for the most part, people provided me with the information I needed and desired.  However, when I did get those few "nay sayer" posts, I didn't want to go back to the thread and read at all.  When people start "fighting" and nit picking at each other, I can't take the conflict, so I simply bow out of that thread and, if necessary, post a new one.
 
I've actually just deleted e-mails and PMs from people because I'm too afraid to open them.
 
 
........I'll shut up now.

My biggest issue with this forum at the moment is that so many of the members are so set in their ways, and if you suggest that any change in what they do MIGHT be beneficial, you're the most ridiculously arrogant person they've ever come in contact with. And they've had this many years' experience, or their dog's situation is this, or blah blah blah...
 
The nutrition section has always been my favorite part of this forum, but seriously, recently it's way more about people just telling what they feed their dogs. There's very little discussion anymore, it's "This is what I do, and it's unquestionably right because of this." And then the arguments that ensue from there.
 
Which brings me to my next issue. There are a few people who annoy me to no end, because every thing they post says almost the exact same thing as the last. And when they post something new, I'm honestly impressed! They don't ask questions, only answer, and every answer is almost EXACTLY the same. "This is what I did with my dog, and it worked for her, so you'd BETTER do it for yours!" on every single thread that could possibly relate to that topic. They don't want to hear others' experiences, they only want to tell about their own. UGH!

[sm=peace.gif]

there was a post once i felt really bashed about and didnt want to come back for a few days, but it was such a big deal that i don't even remember what or who or when it was. [8|][]

i think things can get a little heated, there can be elitist attitudes, forthright mean things said, but really i just try to ignore those things. yes hurtful things hurt, but somehow they  don't hurt quite as badly when they come from someone you don't really "know", but along the same lines it's easier to say hurtful things when you know you don't ever have to see them again if you don't want to. overall though i find this to be a very well balanced and clean forum and i really like it. i don't think there is anything anyone could say or do that would make me want to leave.

my most prominent thought while reading this is that it is almost silly we even have to have a post like this. i feel it will just relight old flames or cause more disagreements. while reading i already noticed a few taking advantage of the oppertunity to sling some mud.........

I have found myself avoiding certain topics because as soon as I read the OP question and get the gist of what they need I can almost tell you who is going to post a "shame on you and you should have known better" reply, which leads to the "I agree with" reply. I have labeled you the "usual suspects".
 
I find many of you to be harsh and very un sympathetic to many posters, instead of feeling out how inexperience some of these posters are the usual suspects jump right in. The part I find unforgivable is some cases is the absolute arrogance that you never have to apologize and you all need thick big sticks, cause you beat the horse to death and you never ever let up. Some of you need a life that involves people. God forbid someone should say anything to the contrary and call you on to the carpet. They get the slap on the hand and you go on.
 
I have turned into a lurker, and I have that off my chest.
 
Dawn

Some of you need a life that involves people.

sorry but i really have to laugh, you totally called me on that one if no one else. i am an admitted hermit. if i weren't i would be alot less frequent.

I kind of think this thread is doing more harm than good because it's focus is on the negative. I personally think it would be much more helpful for people to say what they LIKE about this forum and its members. As is it, this thread is dredging up lots of negative feelings between people. I see one person who seems to be completely sarcastic and just trying to ruffle feathers. Either that or they have no concept that everyone is in the wrong sometimes. []

I know I#%92ve said many things on here without thinking it through first and often I wish I could go back and edit so much of it out before it was replied to.  I also think that on a forum like this so many statements are misinterpreted because the tone of the post can change depending on how it is read.  A simple honest question can be taken as an insult.


  Yes, I do come here just about every day and it has become a habit to find something to post about. To be honest I don#%92t have a great connection with humans in the real world, I#%92m very shy and don#%92t find myself connecting with what many people have to say.  It#%92s rare to actually find someone who wants to talk about dogs with me or about animals at all.  I#%92m going to school to study animals, my past and future jobs have all been about animals and my life is shared with animals so the reason I am here is because this is who I am and what I care about the most.  I do, however, have a real life outside of this forum.


  I am not an expert in any way and no matter what job I have or how much experience I have I will never be an expert.  There are so many ways to do one thing and new ways created to do it that what I say today may change tomorrow.  What I learned is always going to be challenged by someone else.  I think too often we take what everyone says on here too seriously, myself included.  I have changed my mind a few times on things I thought I knew because of post on here.  I do read other sources other than this forum and if I#%92m curios about what someone on here says I will go find a book to read about the topic.  I do change my mind often but I don#%92t rely on the internet for facts.


  One thing I find hard to respond to is when people try to medicate a dog at home to avoid taking it to a vet.  I know some things are simple to take care of at home but if the dog is sick take it to a vet.  I have stayed out of many health topics because I believe the dog needs to see a vet but if I suggest that there will be more responses on how to treat it at home.  If the dog#%92s ears smell moldy for a few months and nothing your doing is working no advice can be comparable as to a vet looking into the ear with proper equipment to make sure there is not a bigger problem.  I look at every health problem as a major concern because what may not seem sever to the owner may be worse to the animal, they are good at hiding how they feel and only an experienced vet can pinpoint many of the problems.
 
Some section I avoid reading because I know I will be shot down for posting my opinions, some I post anyway.  If I do offend someone I want to know so I can avoid doing that in the future.

ORIGINAL: houndlove

I actually wish people would post longer and more detailed posts. I think a lot of misunderstanding could be avoided if people weren't afraid to spend a long time telling the whole story. Sometimes people apologize for writing such a long post and it's like a paragraph! That ain't a long post--I'll show you some long posts!

Another thing is the opinions. Everybody's got one and no matter what yours is you have to be prepared with someone disagreeing with you. That doesn't mean just roll over though! I see a lot of exchanges that go like this:

Person 1: Here's my opinion.
Person 2: I disagree with your opinion.
Person 1: I have the right to my opinion! Stop attacking me!

See the logical flaw there? Person 1 has a right to their opinion, but Person 2 has an opinion too and they also have a right to it, which is something that Person 1 is kind of overlooking. You can't have a disagreement of opinion without some kind of, well, disagreement. And I think that's just fine and dandy as long as you can keep a lid on the ad hominems. I enjoy a good debate.

I am learning though to keep my finger off the "post reply" button until I've actually spent some time thinking and maybe even see what other people have to say. A lot of the time I come back in a couple hours and find that someone else has quite lucidly said whatever it was that I wanted to contribute already and I have no need to post at all.

Also, I *heart* the block button. [sm=clapping%20hands%20smiley.gif]

Totally agree.

I guess I just really have a thick skin when it comes to internet stuff (which is bizarre because I am very sensitive in real life) because I really can't think of anything that I have been personally offended by on this board.   I'm sure that there are things that I've said that have offended others but my opinions are my opinions--no apologies, no regrets (wow--I sound like a total b*t*h, don't I?--[]).  IMHO, limpwristed sugar-coating can be as annoying and ineffective as flat out nastiness, so my goal as a poster is to achieve a happy medium.

Things I find really bothersome are:
-childish baiting-I post on several other boards and I've only seen that behavior on such a large scale on this board and a horse board whose membership is mostly teenagers--you do the math

-the ferver that seems to have reached near religious levels on some of the dog training boards--it's just dog training--not the fate of nations

-the way people who dare to *gasp* offer a different opinion than the rest of the group are just slammed into the wall.  A very good friend of mine (in real life) who happens to be one of the most caring and concerned pet owners I know was on the receiving end of this on the whole Merrick subject.  I also saw this on the now infamous "Goodbye Thread." 

Another thread that I was a bit disheartened by was the one where the woman said that her husband wanted to get rid of the dog and there were some members that believed that the husband was completely out line, pointed that out, and got clobbered by many, many other members for their opinions.  That was so, SO uncalled for.  If the OP did not agree with their assesment then she simply could have ignored it, or at least argued it intelligently, as could many of the other members that backed her up.  Instead those members were effectively silenced by what amounted to nothing more than an internet gang beating by overly dramatic and in some cases bullying individuals.  I mean, it would be just horrible to share ones opinion on a board meant for the sharing of opinions.[8|]

The only time that I felt remotely afraid to post soemthing was when I got Jack.  Even though that should have been something that I couldn't wait to post about, I was worried I would be harshly judged for getting a dog from a good breeder rather than rescue and getting a lab from mostly "show" rather than "working" lines.  However, I got over that quickly and Jack was well recieved.  I'm sure there are some people who disagree with my decision but we had our reason's for going the route we did and niether DH or I regret it for a second.  If people have such a problem with that, then they are not worth my time.

I've been lurking (for the most part) since I adopted Scout in October. This site has been a huge benefit to us both. For many of the reasons listed already, I'm also more inclined to search through the years of archive to find answers to my questions rather than post. Maybe if we could separate opinion posts and debates from those seeking a little help, it would benefit all of us------and most importantly our dogs.

I can wrap this up in one word: Respect. We are human. I think I can safety say that all of us are at fault at one time or another at wording our posts a little lazy, or talking down to those who really should know better/should have done their homework first anyway. It's no excuse though. If I can't help someone without feeling the need to toss a couple stones then I usually leave a thread alone. Sometimes you just can't help yourself though when you feel the need to defend the 'furries' who can't defend themselves... Be as nice & helpful as possible & get the heck out.