Fear of posting, lack of trust, hurt feelings

I tend to stay out of posts that end up sounding like bashing...although everyone has to admit now and then a post comes by that has everyone shaking their head in wonder!!!
There was one post yesterday - don't remember what, when, where - but I thought the couple of answers were really good.
I had a post on a cat board that was read as rude...and after I hit ok and reread it I agreed and quickly apologized. I was having an off day and could have been a bit kinder in my choice of words. But I did make a point of saying that and owning up that I could have taken a little more time to think my words over.
I've been here awhile too....I don't post a lot, but I do read.
For the post part I don't have a problem cause I try to stay out of the frays. If I have no clue, as in an answer, I find learning from a post to be much better than trying to add 2 cents of info I don't have.

Edited so as not to ruffle feathers [8|]

Why is it ok for you to post your feelings about me but not the other way around? 

Where?  Where did I post anything about you here before you started?  You know what, forget it.  I've PM'd Gina.  Hopefully, this will be taken care of. 

I have sometimes compared our tiffs to dog fights, or constantly imposing one's "superior" opinion to peeing higher on the fire hydrant. It strikes me as funny that a thread shows the last person who posted, similar to how the last dog who peed left the freshest scent. I have sometimes thought of us as a dog pack. I don't anthropromorphize dogs, I canipromorphize (?) humans. Which may be an insult to dogs.[]

I once got to speak to Jaime over the phone while she was at work. Now that she has heard my voice and the way that I speak, she would be better than most in reading what I write. But there have been many times where someone took something the wrong way. One day, a whole page of incensed replies sprang up over the use of one word. Not in the way I meant it, but in how others felt about that word and what it meant to them.

We all have big hearts and wear them on our sleeves. Sometimes, that passion hurts others. I got tired of hearing how Nutro is one notch above Ol Roy and thought, maybe I still have something to learn. So I tried Shadow on Innova and it didn't work. I switched back to Nutro but didn't say anything for a while because I expected an onslaught of derision and implications that I didn't try hard enough or wasn't holding my tongue right, or whatever. I'm not afraid of confrontation but I don't seek it, either.

I hesitated each time I mentioned using a scruff with Shadow and I am but one of two people that have used that move, here. The other person has used it more forcefully than I ever have. I would hesitate to mention it as I thought people would get the wrong idea of why I used it.

But I am not ashamed of what I do. Example, I have recently found clicker training to work wonders for us and I don't mind sharing that, too. I have no ego so big that I can't say I found a way that is working better for us. Just the same, I find no fault with others who use some traditional methods and models and still see some value in those. Or, to put it another way, I could still use the scruff if I think I have to but only as a last resort. And I can't really see any need for it now.

Nor am I afraid to disagree with someone on one thing and agree with them on the next thing. For example, though I am happy to be doing clicker training, I will still defend CM as someone who is helping people. And no, he's not perfect either, and I use almost nothing of his methods.

Sometimes, though, these two subjects, nutrition and training/discipline, engender the most heated debates, though several good points can be made. What is disruptive is if someone is engaged in a debate of semantics and syntax, which serves nothing to the original question offered. The only "clique" I feel a part of is the forum in general. I stink at politics as I have a tendency to say what I think, rather than what others want to hear. And that's a hard row to hoe. It cost me my job in December. But it's the way I was raised.

In spite of the troubles we've had here, I stick around because I think we all make a difference in life for each other. And I have a pretty tough hide.

And I'll end with something that I've said many times before. I aspire to the nobility of a dog.

I am still new here, mostly lurk and only posted a couple times about my bloodhound puppy.
So far I like it here and this thread is great!Im on other forums and sometimes newbies get Bashed called Trolls and sometimes get banned on there first post because someone disagrees with what the poster was asking and starts an arguement then the newbie feels they have to defend themselves, others jump in and its an all out war. Its really sicking sometimes.  I have not seen that here yet and thats why I like this forum. Im sure its happened but I do think this forum is much milder than some others. 
 

I am still new here, mostly lurk and only posted a couple times about my bloodhound puppy.
So far I like it here and this thread is great!Im on other forums and sometimes newbies get Bashed called Trolls and sometimes get banned on there first post because someone disagrees with what the poster was asking and starts an arguement then the newbie feels they have to defend themselves, others jump in and its an all out war. Its really sicking sometimes. I have not seen that here yet and thats why I like this forum. Im sure its happened but I do think this forum is much milder than some others.

 
 
Some of the threads here can be intimidating, I hope you learn to find the information you need or want and learn how to discard the rest unless it becomes of interest to you later.  I think it#%92s really disheartening that the newbie#%92s feel as if they can't ask questions.  I sincerely hope I have not contributed to that nor would I ever make a newbie feel inferior!  Hopefully this thread does help us all remember that these forums are as much or more about helping people with problems instead of making them feel inadequate because the problem exists.  Maybe this thread will help us all reevaluate how we say things and address issues for our fellow humans. 

OK, kids!  Two of you are breaking my rule here, and you both know who you are. 
 
Anne, how funny that you bring up the potty thing.  I mentioned to Kelly a day or two ago that we should just take my standard "here's how I train a litter" response and STICKY it somewhere to save my fingers!
 
I am truly touched by your comments.  Honestly tho, there HAVE been times when I deserved a good reaming!

ORIGINAL: Benedict

DPU - respectfully, I don't think there is any regular member of this board who hasn't said the wrong thing at one time or another.  No one is exempt from a bad day and none of us is perfect.  Being part of a community like this means, for all of us, that we must accept that we sometimes do say the wrong thing, and making it right where we can, and where it is appropriate to do so.

 
I consider myself more than a regular member since I visit every day and focus on mostly one thread at a time.  I believe I have never said anything wrong nor have I let the mood of my day affect my posting.  I state quite honestly my home situation and the relationships I have with my dogs.  What I consider important is not important to others and vice versa.
 
Now lets see, here are some of the negatives I have encountered on this forum.  In one of my beginning post I was called a “somehole” by one of your most respectable members, only because I asked that they stop fighting.  I next went into the Advocacy section and was the only one on the side of a poor little tiny dog who was PTS because he failed a temperament test and the dog had a hero wanting to take him home.  I recall being laughed at for not understanding the big picture of rescue organization.  Next came the thread about “why not neuter” and there I was called irresponsible and also nuts, again by respected long time members.  Then there was that thread that wanted all to call each other by their first name instead of the user name…the most rudest and inconsiderate thread yet on this board.  And how about the CM and Fear thread discussing the shiney floor episode.  During that thread where my dog was afraid of one stair, he fell down the stairs and was injured and at first there was no response, no compassion at all.  I will never look for sympathy/empathy here.  There were a few more threads I recall like “Early Spaying” and “Ear Cropping”.  The worst was in a CM thread where one poster called lazy and fat.  That poster continued to address my physical looks even though there is absolutely no evidence anywhere of what I look like.  I am sure I have forgot a few but through all this, I did not attack back, save one.  The worst I have done is not address the poster by their username but as a poster.
 
Now from my end, the above is a lot of negatives but the positives of this forum outweighs those negative.  I just get over people because I know I can not control them or their actions. 
 

I'd like to remind everyone that the purpose of this thread was to address our general discontent with the forum, not to attack one another.  I'd ask that all remember that little rule please.
 
 

I feel bad that some newbies are afraid to ask question or give an opinion.  But I understand it.  I will never in a million years forget being bashed by a few oldies when I first joined several years ago.  I spent most of my time in the health section, because of food and allergies with Ollie. Eventually I wondered over to other threads.  I somehow got caught up in a thread that was started by someone that was refused a dog by a rescue person.  I did NOT understand rescue people at that time,,, I made a statement that most of us think  they would be happy that we would take the dog off their hands...so that they no longer had to feed and care for them. I really didn't understand at that time that finding the RIGHT person for their dog was so important.  I came from a place where people got most of their dogs from a neighbor that had puppies or a kid at the store sitting in a wagon looking for a home for his puppy.   BUT because I didnt know much back then and made that wrong statement...I was actually told by a one of the older posters that they would NEVER give me a dog, that I didn't ever deserve to have one. I have a dog and couldn't love and care for it more than I do..I was totally shocked at what that person said to me. Luckily one person stood up for me,,,and explained to them what I had meant. That ONE PERSON kept me here because of that...and that is why I think it is so important to be nice.
Over the years there has been a lot of nice people here and our share of not so nice people. I still have a PM saved from one of the "not so nice" people that have left.  Certain subject or words (corn for one) seem to bring out the worst in people. But I think the very worst is feeling that people are ganging up on you.  Its really crummy when somone disagrees with you and a few others jump up and say "THATS RIGHT!" ITs okay that the others disagree too, but they should disagree in the conversation, not just jump on the others bandwagon.

ORIGINAL: glenmar

I'd like to remind everyone that the purpose of this thread was to address our general discontent with the forum, not to attack one another.  I'd ask that all remember that little rule please.

 
I am not sure if this was addressed to me, but the point of my post is that there are THOSE that feel it is ok to give members a unpleasant experience but then there are more of the OTHERS that make the forum worth it.

[]Nope, just a gentle and general reminder.  I would have emailed you if I had an issue with your post.

I am going to add my [sm=2cents.gif].  I find my online behavior to be similiar to my everyday behavior.  I am more comfortable to listen to a conversation being had by people I don't know really well than to comment and make my opinion be known.  But, once I am comfortable, watch out.  So, I find that I don't post as much, but rather lurk and come out of hiding every so often to ask a question.  I, like others that have posted before me, have the belief that I know soo much less than others here, so why would anyone want to read my post?!    Consequently, I don't post much, no one gets to know me well and then when I ask a question I feel like I get treated like I don't know what the heck I am talking about, when I am very smart person, I know what I am doing, but I just need a little help.  Ahh, that felt very good!  lol
 
I post on another forum for one of my hobbies and they have had the same issues we have had:
1. Misinterpreting the meaning behind something that someone has posted.  It is so hard to get the true meaning behind something written when you don't have inflection or body language behind it. 
2. Offering opinions when someone just wants a simple answer to their question.  Sometimes the original question doesn't even get answered!  I find that so frustrating for myself and OP.  
 
I was reading the thread about the recalled dog food.  Someone came on and was asking if Purina was one of the brands being recalled.  All I could think was, "Yikes, prepare yourself for the chopping block!  They are going to get you!"    I didn't go back to the thread, so I hope I was wrong. 
 
I also don't like the personal attacks that sometimes happen in the middle of a thread.  I feel like I am eavesdropping on a private conversation.  I get very uncomfortable and will most likely stop reading the thread all together.  Save the personal attacks for PM and emails.  Or better yet, stop them all together.  Like Thumper and Disney said, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all", which may be a pie in the sky dream, but something to, at least, think about before posting.
 
Glenmar, thank you for starting this thread.  I have learned things from what others have posted and will take them to heart.  I appreciate being able to express myself without worrying about repercussions.
 
Sue

ORIGINAL: glenmar

[]Nope, just a gentle and general reminder.  I would have emailed you if I had an issue with your post.

 
Proof again, I do no wrong...NO PMs.

One thing that I wish everyone would remember is that we ALL felt a little reluctant to post when we first got here.  There will always be someone with more knowledge, and gosh darn it, that's how we LEARN.  And, to be honest, when I wander over to some of the other forums, where I KNOW a lot of the folks, I still feel like an interloper when I post.  But, I swallow that down and post anyway.
 
And, ya know what?  Often when I see posts I can see ME a few years ago, and then I can pat myself on the back for learning so very much in the past few years.  So while you might not have an earth shattering solution to share, what YOU say, just might shake some of us out of our doldrums and make us ALL think a bit and help us come up with solutions.  So, no imput is "too little".