Fear of posting, lack of trust, hurt feelings

I get really frustrated seeing obviously ignorant people get ripped to shreds for not knowing any better. It serves no useful purpose whatsoever. A gentle, informative post could help educate the person and perhaps prevent future "mistakes" (poor food choices, poor breeding choices, poor health choices, etc.), whereas a "how could you be so stupid and evil?" post accomplishes nothing other than sending the poster elsewhere for information

 
I agree
 

It's also frustrating to see people respond without thoroughly reading posts.  

 
I agree again
 
 

I often think my style is misinterpreted.  I get the impression that someone thinks I called them rude, when I didn't.  I have learned to carefully craft the words I post here which I think may be up for interpretation.  Unfortunately, even that backfires, sometimes.  I also believe in collaborative efforts, which is the great thing about this place - maybe this is too bold to say, but I don't care how knowledgable someone is - they don't know everything!!  So, sharing among some really talented and knowledgeable and novice and non-dog-owning folks is often a valuable experience!  Who here hasn't had at least one paradigm shifted?
 
For the record, since I "can't" be bashed here.  I honestly don't think that by saying someone hasn't earned my trust, that it means they don't deserve it!!!  It simply means I haven't had the opportunity to interact with someone much to know enough about them.  Plain and simple.  My comment was never intended to imply anyone was untrustworthy.  (My hand to the bible on that one!)  If it was interpreted as such, I won't apologize, but will offer a peaceable hand to shake and say, "misunderstandings happen" - and that's the way I like to deal with things if neither side was intending to hurt the other. 
 

I just like to read about dogs, and learn about 'em...that's why I stick around and lurk.  I dont even bother asking questions on here anymore.

 
I think that sucks that you feel that way. Everybody should feel comfortable posting and asking questions, thats what this forum is here for.
 
Maybe what we could get out of this thread is to be a little more understanding to the other members.
 
 

THIS is exactly the kind of thing we need.  And, (hanging head in shame) I do see me in some of the comments and I vow to try to be kinder and gentler, especially to newcomers.  There are a few folks on the forum who I wouldn't be sad to see go......but sadly, they aren't likely to even read this thread or to see themselves in it if they do.

I think pretty much everything I would have said has been already posted several times. I agree that probably the biggest problem is misperception of what someone is trying to say. Maybe instead of assuming you are being attacked and jumping on someone or getting your posse of buddies to jump on them we should PM in private to see if that what was "really" meant or just accept that others can feel differently and that doesn't mean they are attacking you or don't like you, etc. When you are alone on your computer it's easy to start missing the bigger picture and feeling things are directed at you when in all honesty they probably were not. If you post something that is incorrect or is up for debate, someone posting contrary opinions or evidence is NOT attacking you they are disagreeing. May seem like a minor point, but understanding this fact probably would save a lot of hurt feelings.

Of course on any forum there are going to be those who use it as an opportunity to get attention and play the constant victim. They won't look at a thread like this and gain insight unfortunately.

I actually wish people would post longer and more detailed posts. I think a lot of misunderstanding could be avoided if people weren't afraid to spend a long time telling the whole story. Sometimes people apologize for writing such a long post and it's like a paragraph! That ain't a long post--I'll show you some long posts!

Another thing is the opinions. Everybody's got one and no matter what yours is you have to be prepared with someone disagreeing with you. That doesn't mean just roll over though! I see a lot of exchanges that go like this:

Person 1: Here's my opinion.
Person 2: I disagree with your opinion.
Person 1: I have the right to my opinion! Stop attacking me!

See the logical flaw there? Person 1 has a right to their opinion, but Person 2 has an opinion too and they also have a right to it, which is something that Person 1 is kind of overlooking. You can't have a disagreement of opinion without some kind of, well, disagreement. And I think that's just fine and dandy as long as you can keep a lid on the ad hominems. I enjoy a good debate.

I am learning though to keep my finger off the "post reply" button until I've actually spent some time thinking and maybe even see what other people have to say. A lot of the time I come back in a couple hours and find that someone else has quite lucidly said whatever it was that I wanted to contribute already and I have no need to post at all.

Also, I *heart* the block button. [sm=clapping hands smiley.gif]

Everyone should be like me and never get into trouble or say the wrong thing.  How can I say this, it is your like passion for the dog that makes your internet relationship so strong.  This assion make you friends and the disagreements strenghens your respect for others.  I do enjoy personal notes in the posts but I will never get use to or learn the real names behind the userid. 

ORIGINAL: glenmar

THIS is exactly the kind of thing we need.  And, (hanging head in shame) I do see me in some of the comments and I vow to try to be kinder and gentler, especially to newcomers.  There are a few folks on the forum who I wouldn't be sad to see go......but sadly, they aren't likely to even read this thread or to see themselves in it if they do.

I find it very interesting that you, who has been the victim many more times than the victimizer, and the penultimate peacemaker here during many meltdowns, should hang your head... [sm=uhoh.gif]  But, that's what makes you so nice - your ability to see the other person's point of view, even after the seven hundreth question about puppies who won't pee in front of their humans...... Of all the people I have met on this board, I consider you one of my heroes. []

Glenda, great idea for a topic, here.
 
I'll spill my beans. I'm your new admin. Jaime just has too much on her plate to do this anymore, and although I'm thrilled for her new opportunities, most of the time I wish she was still the admin! I'm no beginner, I've owned several dogs - a maltese, a schipperkee, and 3 greyhound rescues, plus I worked as a vet tech for 3 years. I have a practical mindset on nutrition and training which is accentuated by nearly 15 years in the horse industry as a trainer and rider, both for my own and others' horses. Quite frankly, even for me, a person with some degree of knowledge, you all are intimidating! I have no problem sending out warnings, controlling riots, etc. but would never post any kind of question or problem here. I have been emailing back and forth with jjsmom about my greyhound's back end because I was afraid of the responses I would get here.
 
On the flip side, I am completely comfortable on the horse forum. Perhaps that's because, although I love dogs, especially retired racing greyhounds, horses are my true passion. Either way, there are many parallels from the horse forum to here - heated topics are usually the same, training and nutrition, etc. Here's what I tell the horse folk, especially the newbies who are seeking help with training issues. "It doesn't matter how you got into the situation, the important thing is that you're looking for a way to fix it, and you will learn from the experience. Training methods are just that - methods - there is no end all or be all. All it comes down to is you and your horse." The same could be applied here, as well.
 
Regardless, I hope that this thread airs some of the "dirty laundry" and we all can learn things about each other that will, in the end, make us all better pet owners, and human beings. I also hope that I can follow in Jaime's paw prints as an admin - be patient, and let me know if I screw up, and I'll prove that you can teach any dog new tricks... LOL. []

 The op of the good bye thread thinks I am a horrible person and can't stand me.  Even after a public and private apology.  

 
Darla--Stop this kind of thing immediately.  You obviously have said your piece in public and in private.  You've blocked me in PM and if this kind of thing continues on any part of this board I will go to the higher ups.  I've already spoken with Gina and will again if this continues.

ORIGINAL: Nikki_Burr

Personally, I don't post a whole lot because sometimes I get intimidated by how gosh darn smart everyone else seems. [:-]  Even though I've been dog obsessed since I was a wee tot I still don't consider myself nearly as knowlegeable or 'qualified' to give advice to people who need it simply because I still feel like a rookie myself.  I don't want to even pretend to know as much as a good chunk of the regular posters on this forum do.  That's why I really only post about my own dogs/experiences or to answer the "easy" questions that I've seen answered again and again.  And I know things aren't always black and white and there's never a real answer to anything, but I still don't feel smart enough to even give a valid opinion [sm=blush.gif]

My feelings exactly. I try to help where I can, but I usually find myself asking more questions then I answer.

I also tend to be very passionate about some things. I try really hard to be as cordial as possible, but I realize that some times things just don't come out the way I expect them to. I promise I have never meant and will never mean to offend anyone on purpose.

In person, I'm very outspoken. I have an opinion about everything. On things that I believe to be insignificant however, I keep them to myself. I try to let my actions speak for me.

On here, I tend to be pretty defensive when I feel that some is being rude/attacking toward me, and I do not hesitate to let them know it. I'm sure some of you already know that. I try to be polite when I get that way, but like I said earlier, sometimes things just don't come out right.

I hope I haven't ever offended anyone. If I have or ever do in the future, please do not hesitate to PM me. I'll be more then happy to talk with you about it.

I also tend to ramble. In case you couldn't tell.. [sm=lol.gif]

DPU - respectfully, I don't think there is any regular member of this board who hasn't said the wrong thing at one time or another.  No one is exempt from a bad day and none of us is perfect.  Being part of a community like this means, for all of us, that we must accept that we sometimes do say the wrong thing, and making it right where we can, and where it is appropriate to do so.
 
Kate

I find it very interesting that you, who has been the victim many more times than the victimizer, and the penultimate peacemaker here during many meltdowns, should hang your head... [sm=uhoh.gif]  But, that's what makes you so nice - your ability to see the other person's point of view, even after the seven hundreth question about puppies who won't pee in front of their humans...... Of all the people I have met on this board, I consider you one of my heroes. []

We've all gotten frustrated, angry, said the wrong thing, etc.  But, that's going to happen we are human.  But, if someone is not in the mood to answer a question then simply let someone else handle it.  After all, everyone has a right to ask something and not be torn apart because it's been asked before.  Or, it seems stupid to the more experienced person.  I think some people think this is their job and they must answer.  It's a forum and if you're not in the mood then don't post.
Don't feel obligated.

Let's take the lead from our dogs who we so deeply love.  They are animals of such patience who will forgive a mistake.  Let's be more like them. 

religions I've never heard of

 
Well, I'm a frisbeetyrian. When we die, our soul goes up on the roof and you can't get it down.
 

I must admit, I have to dust off my social skills on a regular basis.  I have improved in most cases, but I must admit an intense and volitile reaction to the classified.  I did however immediately follow up my complaint post to Dog.com with a "thank you" for the removal.
 
I am passionate about dogs and that tends to show.  I like to see that my posts were noted and may have made a difference.  I want to post in a manner that will support and promote responsible dog ownership.
 
I often feel posts are likely to be misinterpretted and OPs will disappear.  I really think Glenda's thread is a good one and maybe it will help all postings improve so that education occurs.