Fear of posting, lack of trust, hurt feelings

ORIGINAL: spiritdogs

ORIGINAL: espencer
If Anne and I can get along then all can get along [], i can be having a heated discussion with Chuffy or Ed and at the same time i can be posting on their No Dog Related threads like if nothing had happen

That's because we take the topics very seriously, but we don't hold a grudge.  Glad you noticed that. []

 
Thats because both of you were not called fat and lazy by a poster who had no clue of what I looked like.  Now I was very restrained.  I just thing after a long and boring back and forth,  you care less.  Remembering experiences does not mean you hold a grudge.

ORIGINAL: Sketchy

We'll be here all week. Try the veal.

 
Roflmao.......
 
Tooo Funny.

I've been a member of the forum for a little over two days now. My first post was completely taken out of context. My intention was to provoke thought. Other members were telling me I told a person she didn't love her dog, I was called rude and arrogant and that I posted in a rediculous manner. I never said any of those things! Some members bravely agreed with me, said my post wasn't offensive, which made me feel better, but their posts seemed to be ignored by the offending members. I feel like there are some really childish members on this board, but after reading this entire thread I see that there are many great folks.
 
I too find it odd how only one of the folks who were berating me for my very first post (which was meant to be helpful in a forthright way) responded; the others have yet to respond to this thread. Actually, the one who did respond was the one who started the name calling...There is even an instance where one of the posters contradicts himself/herself in the same thread. I decided to not point that out since witnessing the snowball effect firsthand.
 
I did not call anyone any names. I used no foul language. I did not imply that anybody was a bad pet owner. I actually spent a lot of time thinking of  my response before I hit the post button. Yet I was still attacked and words and other nasty thoughts were put into the context of my original post that I never could have imagined. At least I can tell from reading this great thread who to block- everyone here seems tolerant and nice!
 
Anyhow, this is a good thread and the forums are valuable and I wish some of the other members would read it, too. We are all here for the same purpose. Dogs are the greatest.

 
Here's a parting shot of one of my kids, Shadow. She has a better sense of humor than most people I know.

And now I've been called a fascist...[:@]
 

ORIGINAL: TAOofGoldyShep

Just because I am new to this forum does not mean I am new to forums, life, or dog ownership in general…in other words this isn't my first rodeo!  Many times I am reluctant to post here…but certainly not afraid to post…nor do I have a lack of self-esteem.  When I do post a question, or thought, I am prepared to defend it.  In my opinion, forums in general are not for thin-skinned or overly sensitive people.

When I post a topic or question, there are few things that I expect up-front on a forum full of complete strangers.  I know that there's a good possibility that someone may: disagree, give me unsolicited advice, crap all over my post that I have put tremendous thought into prior to writing it, attempt to disguise rudeness as honesty, attempt to have a battle of wits although unarmed, respond with the sole purpose of getting an inflammatory response, respond with only the info that is currently available to them although stating "facts” (which are constantly changing), etc…the list is exhaustive.  They may also pleasantly surprise me by: agreeing, responding with kindness, being supportive, adding helpful insights/perspectives/opinions & experiences…but I don't necessarily expect it to come without the polar opposite.

 
x2!!!!!!
 
You took the words right out of my mouth.
 
Here's a parting shot for the evening:
 
 Moab 1990-2003

 
Read more about Moab and our life together: [linkhttp://www.dogster.com/dogs/1314/in/stroll/]http://www.dogster.com/dogs/1314/in/stroll/[/link]
 
 
 
 
 
 

[/font]

And now I've been called a fascist... 

[/font]

A form of political behavior marked by obsessive preoccupation with community decline, humiliation or victimhood and by compensatory cults of unity, energy and purity, in which a mass-based party of committed nationalist militants, working in uneasy but effective collaboration with traditional elites, abandons democratic liberties and pursues with redemptive violence and without ethical or legal restraints goals of internal cleansing and external expansion. --  Robert O. Paxton, "The Anatomy of Fascism," 2004

fas-cist  n.
[font=arial]1. often Fascist      An advocate or adherent of fascism. [/font]
2. A reactionary or dictatorial person. 

[/font]
Ullr, I haven't seen anything that indicates that you are a nationalist militant of any kind [sm=rofl.gif], so let's use the second definition of "fascist" and just toss that emotionally charged word.
 
[font="times new roman"]ETA:  I am very sorry if that came off as a bit flippant.  My sense of humor is strange to some, but to me the visual image of groups of i-doggers literally shooting at each other was so ridiculous it was hilarious.  I did not mean to laugh at or discount the emotions invoked by the word.[/font]
 
I think someone felt like you were pushing your opinions too hard.  They got annoyed and decided to annoy you - not exactly the pinnacle of good social behavior, but definitely not unusual behavior. 
 
I have strong opinions and sometimes I push them harder than other people are comfortable with.   I can also build a fairly deep, logic tree in my head and that made me come across as dictatorial to my now-ex (took a marriage counsellor to help me figure out that one).
 
[font=arial]How other people react to me is their issue to deal with.  All I can do is continue to work on improving my communication skills and not let other people push my buttons.

http://forum.dog.com/asp/tm.asp?m=293608

My response to a parallel thread:

I don't know if it was you or someone else on that other thread mentioned that they would like to have debates/discussions about certain topics. I can understand that...I bet they would be facinating to read. I was wondering if we could do something like that by adding the word Debate in the subject line, like "Debate" Haltis or Martingales?

Excellent point: to consider the information that is presented by each thread's original poster. Just like dogs, people generally find it easier to follow rules, once they are clearly stated!

It is the OP's responsibility to set the tone for their thread, to be a kind of micro-moderator, of sorts. We are adults, we can say what we want from each other: debate, advice, confirmation, sympathy, etc. People could be a lot more descriptive and careful with their subject lines! [X(] I'm not suggesting respondents will automatically "follow the rules", but, hey, how about everyone taking responsibility!?

Often times, OP's are hot and worked up after a stressful event, we are looking for help/reacting to something. SO, our posts are not clear or are not focused. If we are new or sensitive, we sometimes complain about our rough treatment, but take no responsibility for our messy initial query. Respondents could, and often do, help us focus our inquiry, but, OTOH ...

Many of us come here seeking FREE advice for problems. How snappy of us to criticize the tone of voice in which free advice is dispensed to us!! I hate seeing really knowledgeable people apologizing for their "tone" when newbies bruise easily from responses to a hyper, messy original post!

I think that many of us have been "called names" and I think that while we might not INTEND something we say to be a personal attack, it easily can be perceived that way.  It is difficult to tell what someone means on the internet....the lack of posture, facial expression, etc causes issues now and then.
 
Because this thread has the potential of becoming a finger-pointing, name calling free for all, lets all please remember to NOT make our comments personal.  My goal here was for all of us to SEE ourselves in the complaints of others and to THINK about these issues when we post.

You know, after just responding to more attacks on the USA over on the CM threads, the thought occurred to me that this thread, while well intentioned, is not going to change what Tao referred to in her post.  People will continue to do what they do, even if they change things for the moment in response to this.  Human nature is what it is, and people have their patterns - some of you have admitted to them here (very courageous).  So, I think what we all need to realize is that this is just one big melting pot of dog people, and if you find that one of them is not someone you wish to interact with, use the BLOCK.  I don't choose to, probably because my skin is thicker than some, and I don't mind a good "debate".  But, when you step into the cyberarena, sometimes you get a virtual clubbing.  Cowboy up or circle the wagons. []

I first came accross this forum about a year ago. I lurked, coming on every couple of days or so to read new posts. Gradually I found the tone of threads, especially in the nutrition section, to be very off putting and I stopped coming to this board for about 9 months or so.
 
When I came back to the board I found the tone to be better than I remembered but lately I think it has deteriorated. I have been considering whether to continue to come to this forum because of that.
 
I would never post what I feed my dog or how I train her as I know the sort of responses I would get. What I do works for my dog and has done for a long time. She is also not my first or second or third dog. However I am not confident that my posts would be treated politely so I don't post.
 
I belong to several other boards, not dog boards but chicken boards. I have never seen the type of reaction to newbies in particular that I have seen here yet there are just as many uninformed chicken owners feeding their pets the wrong food, etc. as there are uninformed dog owners. I don't think a lack of passion can be the reason for this either as chicken people are just as passionate about their pets as any people I have seen on this forum.
 
I would like to see more acceptance of someone having a different opinion. I don't have a problem if someone disagrees with me but having seen the treatment handed out to other members in many threads here, I am not going to put my neck on the chopping board. I am sure I am not the only person to feel this way which is sad. Maybe this is why in some sections it can appear that only a small group of members post, which might give the appearance of a "clique," but new members won't post if they are not sure of being treated politely and having their questions answered.

I would like to see more acceptance of someone having a different opinion. I don't have a problem if someone disagrees with me but having seen the treatment handed out to other members in many threads here, I am not going to put my neck on the chopping board. I am sure I am not the only person to feel this way which is sad.

I agree with you and I'm sorry!  As an "oldie" here, that is why I keep fighting for more respectful and nicer posts. Unfortunately some people feel so strongly in their beliefs that they feel they must get your attention and their point across no matter what. I am sure none of them mean to be rude, I bet all of them are very nice people...people we would love to talk to in person. They just feel the need to make everyone see certain things their way.
You are right, you are not the only person that feel this way and it IS sad!

ORIGINAL: abbysmum

I belong to several other boards, not dog boards but chicken boards. I have never seen the type of reaction to newbies in particular that I have seen here yet there are just as many uninformed chicken owners feeding their pets the wrong food, etc. as there are uninformed dog owners. I don't think a lack of passion can be the reason for this either as chicken people are just as passionate about their pets as any people I have seen on this forum.

OMG, there are chicken forums (?).  Holy crap is that awesome!

I was going to stay away from this one...but I just realized, I need the couch time .

I think one of the things that stop me from posting most of the time is that I know that no matter what, I'll end up frustrated. I just came up with a term (unles I read it somewhere) "Selective understanding", it basically goes to people that choose what they understand. In some threads it is pretty obvious that the posters made up their minds about the entire subject WAY before they even started reading, that opinion can stem from who is the OP; who's line of thinking does the thread support or challenge; or who knows what else, the point being is that people are not posting based on logic but on origin.

We hear "you don't get it", "that's not what I said", "you're doing it wrong": we did get it, we're not stupid; it probably isn't what you literally wrote, but it is what you meant; no, I'm doing it right, it just may no apply in this particular case.

In some cases, valid logical arguments are presented; reputable scientific data is introduced; cases where X didn't work are talked about, and while all these may be subjective points to a discussion, logic, and common sense should be the primary tools for judgement. But there are some cases that no matter how solid the supporting facts are, we hear a lot "your argument is false"; "your data is biased and invalid"; "that case doesn't apply because _____".

Some of these discussions seem to me like the equivalent of questioning gravity.

Unfortunately, we are all human'ized'!  ;  )  and sometimes we can't help ourselves from trying too hard, making a fool of ourselves, being wrong, going over the top...It is life sometimes. 
 
Being able to communicate in a fashion that others understand and not trampling on others feelings is not always happening.  It is good to get to that point though, where you know you aren't too far off that beaten path!
 
Eley, you do well in communicating.  Thoughtful, insightful and direct.  Not always easy to do!