Men Dating In Our 40's

probe1957

It might sound pretty "nasty," but it's true.  Don't you think?  I mean, if all I wanted out of a relationship was sex, I could go to a prostitute and do so for a lot less money than a wife costs and PROBABLY have a lot better sex.

Of course I have always said when people asked me if I would get married again.  "No, I'm just going to find a woman that hates me and buy her a house.  Why go thru the rest of the hassle!"

I'm going to go against female opinion here and say I have no issue whatsoever with this list.  I think people should be pickier about who they choose to spend their lives with, and I think people should look after their own interests in a relationship much more than they do.  It's not selfish, it's smart.  Yes, my DH makes me happy, but there is a long stretch between that and depending on him for my happiness, to affirm my self worth or to take care of my every need for me, and that's a long stretch I will not take.  It's up to me to make sure I am happy, that I am where I want to be in life, that I am comfortable with who I am.  It's up to him to love me for that, or not, and he does...which is how he makes me happy, simply by loving me.

As for it being offensive...any opinion that ANY of us holds is likely to be offensive to someone.  If this guy found a woman who agreed with his list and the way he phrased it, then he'd find a woman who could love him, wholly and completely, without reservation.  I'm unable to see how that's a bad thing.   

i thought the comment about "your ***** being made of gold" was hilarious lol

that was one thing my husband told me right off when we met... women that withhold sex as a punishment to get what they want have absolutely no right to be offended if their boyfriend or husband cheats on her.... and i really agree to that. but it works BOTH ways!! but working your butt off on ten hour shifts is not considered withholding sex if you are too exhausted to keep one eye open... which is one reason why his last wife left him.. he was working himself to death to put her through nursing school... and she was mad because she couldnt get laid at 2am...

i do agree we all need our rules...... if you just stumble into a relationship and get married before establishing priorities and boundaries then you're headed for failure.. which is why i tell people to be friends THEN lovers... if you cant be friends then how in the world do you expect to make it through hard times?

as for sensitive guys.... it depends... there's a difference between sensitive and wimpy.... my husband is sensitive in that we can talk about anything and he actually listens (most of the time unless he is eating.. then its pointless) and tries to help fix the problem... but he doesnt get all mopey and sad and depressed if i dont pay attention to him or if i forget his birthday or something silly like that... my boyfriend in highschool was a real wuss when it came to guy stuff... he ACTED tough but if you insulted him, even jokingly, he would sulk for days!! often times i wondered which one of us had the erm... gold plated *****..... me or him.. with my husband i dont have to worry about that lol

oh and my mom is the feminist/independent/women are better than men type.... she and Allen have heated debates all the time, which usually end with her insulting my dad or her dad, blaming them for being cheuvinistic... which is funny because MY dad is nothing like that at all!! my mom would do NOTHING all day long except day dream, write stories, read books, and watch the sci-fi channel... she doesnt hate house work because its "Womens work" ... she hates it because its WORK!!!

I don't see why anyone would have an issue with anyone's "dating list" it's so personal. If you don't like it don't date them yourself...

I have no issue with the list.

Luvntzus

Honesty is important, but that list is filled with hate, judgement and assumptions. And as far as honesty, I hope he's telling the women he dates right up front that he basically just wants sex. If that's all they want too, then more power to them! lol

i have a feeling that this guy IS judgmental but you have to be to a point.... when dating you have entered into a world that exists mostly on first impressions. for the most part i live my life by first impressions.... but i am not stupid enough to say they are the ONLY impression... when i first met my husband i thought he was biggest ass hole in the world! he was so rude, and blunt, and just... a pig! but then i found out what he had been through in the past year... which .. if you had been through that sort of hell you would be an ass hole too! he even asked to see my I.D. because he thought i was lying about my age.. he also thought i was bait.... planted there by his ex wife to get him into trouble for dating a younger girl... but again... after everything he had been through it was a miracle he even bothered to leave his house.....

wanting only sex out of a relationship is just fine as long as the other person is aware of that. marrying someone and then divorcing them because of erectile dysfunction, or because of complete and total paralysis below the waste due to a car accident is a horrible thing to do. but many people dont find that out about the SO until they are being served papers...

DumDog

she hates it because its WORK!!!

I am with your mom on this one.  I have been working for a long time and I am not very fond of it either. 

DumDog

i do agree we all need our rules

I do, too. And we have had them since the very beginning and we add to them all the time. They have saved our marriage and really saved the harmony many times. They were just expressed with more respect than these lists have to offer.

Benedict

I'm going to go against female opinion here

Kate, I don't think it's correct to say that there's a female opinion here. There are other females here who have no problem with either list.

And I don't have a problem with making a list (I think it's the right thing to do) and I don't have a problem with either list as far as people having those thoughts and desires. It's just that I'm not personally likely to read either one and say, "Now that's my kind of guy"! LOL  And it's because of the apparent lack of respect that they both show, in my opinion. There are many phrases in both lists that stand out to ME as lacking respect and because ALL relationships I have are built on respect, that's a deal-breaker FOR ME.

FourIsCompany

And I don't have a problem with making a list (I think it's the right thing to do) and I don't have a problem with either list as far as people having those thoughts and desires. It's just that I'm not personally likely to read either one and say, "Now that's my kind of guy"! LOL  And it's because of the apparent lack of respect that they both show, in my opinion. There are many phrases in both lists that stand out to ME as lacking respect and because ALL relationships I have are built on respect, that's a deal-breaker FOR ME.

I totally agree. He can have whatever kind of dating criteria he likes, but I'm guessing he doesn't get many takers. I sure wouldn't waste my time with a guy like that.

Cassidys Mom

He can have whatever kind of dating criteria he likes, but I'm guessing he doesn't get many takers. I sure wouldn't waste my time with a guy like that.

I think his point is though, he also wouldn't waste his time with you.

probe1957

The world is filled with hate, judgement and assumptions.

LOL--the first thing that came to mind when I read that list was that it's pretty big talk for a guy that can't even keep his woman satisfied enough to stick around.....  

probe1957

Cassidys Mom

He can have whatever kind of dating criteria he likes, but I'm guessing he doesn't get many takers. I sure wouldn't waste my time with a guy like that.

I think his point is though, he also wouldn't waste his time with you.

Even if I actually do meet his criteria? Not saying that's necessarily the case, but even if I did I'd think he was a jerk.

ok everyone stop for a second....

There is a HUGE reason why he posted that on craigslist.... i HIGHLY doubt he is going to walk down a line of bar stools, each occupied by a woman, and say stuff like "Nope, you're too fat, Nope, you look like a ***, Nope, you look like a Bull dike, Nope you look like something you'd find stuck to the underside of a toilet in a mexican restaurant. .. and YOU look like a whore doggin money hound... no freakin way!" i mean seriously...

i think this guy approaches women that he thinks are pretty or attractive... chats with them for a few minutes, long enough to get an idea of what they're like... and if they turn out to be rejects then says "uh oh, my phone just vibrated, Boss needs me to make a trip to Australia.. business you know.. " or maybe, if ten minutes of chatting isnt enough, he dates them for a couple of days.... until he gets an idea of what they're like.

The majority of that list contains assumptions and opinions of people that ONLY come from getting to know them....

JMO though

and yeah i hate work too, but i dont let my house look like a landfill as a result...
 

Luvntzus

That's a very cynical, negative way of looking at things.

Not at all.  The REALITY is MOST 40 something women ARE NOT what he is looking for.

probe1957

The REALITY is MOST 40 something women ARE NOT what he is looking for.

Maybe that should be on his list...

10. If you're over forty or ever plan on being over 40, don't even look my way! I'm sick of old women trying to make me their sugar daddy... etc.  

What's Craigslist, anyway? Who is Craig?