Affection vs pack leader

I just taught my dog I am the leader and he must obey. otherwise time out in the crate ect. I gave him tons of affection as a puppy, and even more now as a adult.  I do things he wants me to do, like he will bring a ball and put it in my lap, basiclly telling me to play, and I do. But if I tell him to stop barking or lay down he must do it. I have differnt actions for things I want him to do. if I'm just playing with him he gets the baby type of talk, if I need him to do somthing he gets his command along with a stomp of my foot. I would think it is sorta like raising children, you want them to love you and play with you but also obey you when you tell them to do somthing.

All puppies are nippy.

A dog sitting on you doesn't mean that you are submissive and he dominate.

Don't fall for the "pack leader"  hype...or the alpha insanity.  Nor the witholding of affection crap.

Give the dog affection when you decide to.

You may want to google NILIF (nothing in life is free) concerning leadership skills.

Get a clicker.(it's a blast)...play and have fun.

Keep reading the forum. Don't be afraid to ask questions.

And good luck.

Its very responsible of you to look into it and want to do the right thing and have a healthy relationship with the dog.  Of course you want him to respect you, we need our dogs to be under our control or they are not safe.  But do bear in mind that over analyzing it can spoil the bond you have with the dog.  Too many shows like the dog whisperer can do that to you. 
 
The dog sitting on your lap doesn't mean you are submissive.
 
Do use NILIF.  Interact at the times you choose to - at key moments when the dog is calm and behaving well to reinforce calm behaviour.  A calm dog is more responsive and easier to work with.  Then call him and make him sit nicely to be petted (which is the NILIF part - the dog does something for you before you pet him)
 
Leadership is about control of resources (NILIF) and attitude.  Be always calm calm calm.  Be confident.  Walk tall.  In times of crisis- don't flap.  Stay calm and take decisive action. 
For instance, when guests come - lead him to an area behind a dog gate so he cant leap all over them.  Let him see you are dealing with "intruders" and managing quite well thank you. 
On a walk, if you see another dog or anything he might see as threatening, osition yourself between your dog and the other (major leadership action going on there - you are his protector) and steer your course away from it.  Reward him well with lots of praise, maybe a treat if he behaves well and stays focussed on you.  Set up him up for success by keeping as much distance as you can.  This way he doesn't practise getting things wrong and it build his confidence - he learns to enjoy working for you. 
 
Some DON'Ts.....
Don't take his food away while he is eating.
Don't "roll" or "pin" him.
Don't shout at or slap him.
Don't "stare him out"
Don't growl at him
Don't grab, pull or shove him to where you want to be.  Force is not necessary and is counter productive.  A true leader leads because his followers want  to follow, not because they have been forced into it.  A true leader doesn't stoop to indulge in petty physical confrontations.
Don't nag him!!!  Don't give any cue more than once.  The onus is on you to make sure he gets it right - has he had the proper groundwork to enable him to succeed?  ("sit at home" is not the same as "sit in the park")  Have you made sure he is listening?  Don't give a cue unless you have to.
 
It's all pretty basic, common sense stuff when you think about it - and whether he sits in your lap or not pales into insignificance beside it.

Please remember that the Dog Whisperer only shows dogs who have serious serious behavior problems. There is a disclaimer on that show for a reason--these are not your average dog next door dogs. They are dogs that have been allowed to become monsters for years before anyone did anything, and some may even have a mental health problem. This is not really the show to watch if you want to learn how to handle your normal, pretty well behaved pet dog.

Please take JM's advice. Google NILIF (I think the best link off the top of my head is k9deb.com/NILIF) and read up on that. NILIF is a way to demonstrate to your dog that making the right choices is very rewarding and making the wrong choices is unrewarding. Note that most good explanations of NILIF say that you can give affection to your dog any time you want. The important words here are "you want", not the dog wants. NILIF is bascially a "learn to earn" program in which you reinforce for the dog that you, the humans, are the keepers of everything the dog wants--access to outside, food, affection, attention, toys, games. But you don't deny your dog any of those things. You just allow the dog to 'earn' them by performing acceptable behavior. If you want to love-up the dog, by all means do so. Just ask the dog to sit or lay down first, or even just give the "come" command and when the dog comes, proceed with the love-fest. The dog has earned it by complying with your request to "come" or "sit" or "down". Same with feeding time, same with going outside, same with starting a game or giving a toy. That's it. No need to play head games with the dog or try to act like a dog yourself.

I'd like to add also that there's no such thing as a dog who has no choice but to obey. Dogs are living, breathing, autonomous creatures with fairly large brains in the grand scheme of things: they always have a choice. Now, you can abuse a dog so that he sees his choice as "obey or die" but there's still a choice there, and who wants a dog who has to make the choice to die or not die every time you give them a command? Better to simply make it easy and extremely rewarding at first for the dog to make the right choices, and difficult and very unrewarding to make the wrong choices. Don't kid yourself that you can make your dog think he doesn't have a choice. That's what leads people to get physical with their dogs and make it personal when the dog "disobeys" as if that's some kind of capital offense. I've never met a single human being, a creature with a much larger brain, who has never in their whole lives made a bad choice or a mistake. Don't expect more of your dog than you would of yourself.

Finally, take a fun positive-oriented (keywords: clicker, treats, positive reinforcement) obedience class with the dog. There is really no better way to bond with a dog than to become the dog's "partner" as you work towards a mutual goal. It really is a wonderful experience.

Instead of watching TV, I'd suggest you get some good books-- "the culture clash", "the other end of the leash", "don't shoot the dog" are excellent books all dog owners should read. The advice handed out on the dog whisperer is 30 years out of date. There are better ways available nowadays to raise and train well-behaved dogs.

ORIGINAL: Chuffy

Some DON'Ts.....
Don't take his food away while he is eating.
Don't "roll" or "pin" him.
Don't shout at or slap him.
Don't "stare him out"
[color=#ff0000]Don't growl at him
[/color]Don't grab, pull or shove him to where you want to be.  Force is not necessary and is counter productive.  A true leader leads because his followers want  to follow, not because they have been forced into it.  A true leader doesn't stoop to indulge in petty physical confrontations.


It's all pretty basic, common sense stuff when you think about it - and whether he sits in your lap or not pales into insignificance beside it.

I'm going to have to dissagree with a few of these donts (the ones in red) A stare down (untilt he dog looks away) makes you the bigger dog, same as rolling them on their back. I would very muhc like to say taking a dogs food away is good, that way they will not be food aggressive or toy aggressive. growl at him I think goes with the stare down and roll over.
 
I have done all of these with my dog. He is a very well trained dog now. I'm glad I taught him not to prtect his food. If I hadnt a little 3 year old upstairs would have lost her hand this morning, when he was eating and she decided to grab his ear and grab a handfull of his food (She is visiting this morning, not my kid, or any one in my houses kid. She dosnt have a dog, so dont know how to act around them)

yes, you should train your dog to not resource guard, but taking the dog's food away is NOT how you do that. In fact, taking your dogs food away can create a serious resource guarding problem with many dogs-- he thinks you may take his food away, so he fights to keep it.  You should instead teach the dog to relax when people approach him while he is eating by teaching him you are NOT going to take it away-- in fact, you approaching while he is eating will often lead to you sprinkling yummy treats on his food. Now he wants you to approach him while eating.
 

My question is how do you completely love your dog and give it affection without giving it the authority? Does this make sense? I am afraid to give too much "human" affection and have the dog think it rules me

 
The good news is, it's very simple to be affectionate without letting the dog push you around. Here are the "rules" I follow:
 
1. YOU always initiate petting and affection, don't repond if the dog comes up and starts nosing your hand or being pushy. Very simply, ignore her.
 
2. When you feel like being affectionate with the dog, simply ask the dog to 'work' for it. Ask for a sit before petting, or a down before giving tummy rubs. Also known as NILIF (Nothing In Life Is Free).
 
3. Feed the dog by hand for a while - every meal. I don't know what scientific basis this has, but it certainly shows the dog who controls the resources.
 
She certainly isn't going to take sitting on your lap as a sign of submission in my opinion. Just make sure YOU are inviting her onto your lap, not her pushing her way on.
 
I find uppies tend to air-bite and nip certain people more than others. It may be that you hold your hands up (in a sort of defensive way) and it looks fun to jump and bite at them. Maybe your husband interacts with more slow, confident movements, while you may be flitting your hands around more and getting the pup excited. Either way, it's completely normal and just needs work. Don't play games that encourage nipping, like moving your hands around quickly or having her chase a toy in your hands. Focus on games like fetch. When the pup nips, yelp "YOW!" and immediately stand up and cross your arms. You are effectively giving the pup a 30 second "timeout" and indicating that you won't play if she behaves that way.
 
Training is a great way to bond. Pick one new trick or command and teach it to her using treats as a reward. Always keep training sessions short, and leave on a positive note.

A stare down (untilt he dog looks away) makes you the bigger dog, same as rolling them on their back. I would very muhc like to say taking a dogs food away is good, that way they will not be food aggressive or toy aggressive. growl at him I think goes with the stare down and roll over.

 
Please do not do any of the above. Please.
 
I second mudpuppy's book recommendations. In fact if you want to borrow The Other End of the Leash, PM me your address!
 
Your dog is a puppy... it's okay to lavish affection on her! Just so you know, dogs don't even begin to care about social hierarchies until they're 18-24 months old. You do not need to dominate your puppy... just teach her and watch over her and yes, enjoy her!
 
When my dog was a young puppy he was a big hand nipper... this was how he loved to play. He cut it out with me fairly quickly but kept at it with my boyfriend for months and months. The difference was not in who was the bigger "alpha," it was in the way we played with the puppy. When Russell nipped me, I would quietly put my hands in my pockets immediately and look away. If he kept at it I would walk away from him. I never let him nip me. I always played with him with a toy, or if I was petting him had a toy handy to "distract" his teeth. [] My boyfriend, on the other hand, would sometimes let him get away with nipping, played with him with his hands, and when he did nip too hard would react by yelping, laughing, shouting, continuing to keep his hands in the pup's reach, or worse, try to pick him up or push him away. All of this was like a big game to the puppy and he kept it up. Puppy nipping is really very simple... as long as it is fun or rewarding for the pup, it will continue. As soon as it becomes boring and not-fun, it stops.

Also, if you'd like to borrow The Culture Clash please PM me and I can send it to you. I bought a copy expressly so I could lend it out to anyone who needed it.

I've read through your other posts. Sounds like you need a vocation

I think your husband is quite right in thinking that you're making it too hard for yourself... You are overanalyzing - for all the good reasons I'm sure, but still. You need to stop that

If you sit and think when to stare at the dog and when not, how to growl at it, from which side to approach it, etc. - that would only make you miserable! I believe you should show your dog strong leadership. Your dog won't see you as a leader if your every action towards her is guided by these questions... Having being bitten by a dog in the past, one might be a little unsure on how to approach it, have a 'light hand' when petting it, and when touching it, slightly backing out with a hand. Dogs feel uncertainty! Dogs can tell a lot by how confident your touch is... You don't need to know how to act "dominant", you already know. Leadership should come naturally, you just need to relax a bit...

If you looks at a mother dog's face with puppies, you might notice this tired: "Ohhhhh... Goooood..." look. And that's fair enough because puppies can be a nuisance, a total nuisance.

Enroll her in a puppy school, she'll tire herself out playing with other pups.
Get her a laser pen and let her chase it - it's nice because you don't have to move
Mental stimulation can be more tiring than physical stimulation, so teach her names of her toys, etc.
Teach her to stay and then play hide-and sick with objects. (She;ll stay while you are hiding it, then on a command she is off to find it.)

If you feel like petting her pet her, remember though , when dogs are excited, especially puppies, they don't care about you petting them. "The Other End of the Leash" book has a good discussion on that. It's like me massaging you while you are crossing the road - "Not now!"

Try to use your body and your whole arm to stop her from doing something she is not supposed to - not just your hand.

Don't take her food away to teach her not to guard it!!! It only makes things worse.

There can be this battle of wills sometime with you and your dog. Don't let her pest you around, pounce at your shoe laces while you are putting them on (not unless it doesn't bother you), demand things while you are busy. These are not rules written in red - they are different for different owners. But, you must stand your ground, and honestly ask yourself - does this bother me? If yes, show it to her and mean it! She has to learn self control at some point, so you could make up some rules

We need to be realistic too - she is so young! She's only been alive for a few months, can you imagine how exciting everything is for her?

One more thing: " Affection vs pack leader"
Why versus? []
You can be an affectionate leader.

Edited: Just set some rules for her, and make sure she follows them!

I got my puppy when she was 6 and a half months old.  Now she is almost eight months old.  She is constantly sitting on my lap or laying on me.  I have severe chronic fatigue syndrome so I am usually sitting down or laying down on the couch.  When I'm sitting shes on my lap.  When I'm laying shes laying on top of me.  I like it.  I love cuddling with my dog.  I'm really glad she is a low energy dog too hehe.  I have also wondered if she thinks she owns me because I allow her sit on me but I always dismiss the thought because I enjoy it and she enjoys it.  When I do get up, she follows me around until I sit down again so she can sit on me!  hehe.  I think its adorable and it makes me feel loved and needed.  I don't care if anyone else tells me she thinks she owns me because its not causing any problems for me and I would probably be miserable if she stopped doing it.  Shes sitting in my lap as I type.  just snoozing.  We are both happy[]
ETA:  When she is in play mode she will sometimes nip my hands, I just get a toy for her nip at instead and keep playing with her.

Just so we're clear... Lilea - you have a dog that was essentially bred to do nothing but sit on laps, Honey (the OP's dog) is an English Shepherd.  OP - please take Jones's advice and do NOT roll, pin down, stare down or otherwise try manhandle this dog into "submission".  Honey just needs some basic training and consistency to learn the rules at home.  She can sense that you're stressed and unsure, lacking confidence, etc.  Really, truly the best thing you can do is get her into an obedience class.  This will help YOU so much!  You need some authentic confidence and maybe a very small chill pill.