Im so sad...i dunno what to do

We all have the ability to provide productive suggestions and insinuating that a) someone has no backbone or b) they made a huge mistake in the selection for a partner, isn't helpful in any way at all.  That kind of advice, framed in a much kinder way, should come from a best friend or family, if at all. 
 
Cathy...perfect. Just simply....perfect.
 

ORIGINAL: dogslife

rwbeagles is giving good advice.  It does sound like you have a lot going on in your home.  Marriage counsel is not a bad idea.  Most people wait for that when it is at a crucial stage.  

Anyways, I wanted to say, crate training is wonderful for your dog and you.  (I have two Siberian 8 mo. olds)  Believe me, there would not be dogs if there were no crates, here!

You should leave water out for your dog at all times though.  Do you find she drinks more than a normal amount of water and pees more than normal?

rwbeagles seems to understand what you need to be doing,  Hang in there !

Oh yah, I'm sure that he would be willing to do "marriage counceling" especiall since he's so sensitive towards her feelings and his daughters feelings about the dog...[>:]  Being sarcastic, of course.

ORIGINAL: rwbeagles

We all have the ability to provide productive suggestions and insinuating that a) someone has no backbone or b) they made a huge mistake in the selection for a partner, isn't helpful in any way at all.  That kind of advice, framed in a much kinder way, should come from a best friend or family, if at all. 
 
Cathy...perfect. Just simply....perfect.

Hey, she posted it here.  She's looking for advice and opinions.  That's what I gave.

I agree that she should put her marriage before the dog, for her child's sake.  But what kind of person makes someone get rid of their beloved pet because it had a couple accidents over 2 weeks.  Sounds like a controling person that is purposly hurting the the one they love to show how much power they have.  That doesn't sound healthy to me.

[color=#000000]That doesn't sound healthy to me.
[/color]
We were not there, we heard neither actual words spoken, tone, or anything that lead up to it. We were not there when the dog was acquired or responsibilities laid out, we do not know what reassurances or promises were made when the dog was acquired. We do not know the history or personal tastes of the husband or wife, or what their marriage roles are and have been from the time they met to now. We do not know of pre-existing agreements and responsibilities in regards to the marriage itself. We do not know intimately or even generally aside from this...the internet...the personalities, foibles or modes of communication of either party.
 
IMO we do know not enough to be making what I would consider, were they leveled at myself or anyone I loved, inflammatory comments about someone's husband.
 
Just my opinion. 

And WE, continue to take this away from the OP's real need. Helpful advice, not critisism, not who to keep and who to get rid of, folks this is not about what we feel she should have said or done different with her husband. This is about how to save the relationship between all of them.
 
Please, let us redirect this back to helping Tinksmom, nothing else, I suggest if someone feels the need to keep the "how I would have handled it and how no one is going to tell me what to do" part of this thread going, they start a new thread.
 
Let us also remember this is the season of peace on earth...I think we need a little of that right now.
 
Dawn
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Wow!
 
We are way off topic.  The woman is actually doing the thing that she needs to do.  Make it open for her to come back and get helpful help, not judgemental crap....that is only causing anger.  (I feel mad, and this isn't about me, but since I got requoted and framed up, here i am)
 
Thanks , and now back to your regularly scheduled program![sm=soap%20box.gif]

Wow! I was gone for a day and I saw this post.  I actually think part of this thread is shameful. Tinksmom came here for advice to help work on Tinkerbelle's training. I have read several of Tinksmom posts and she seems to be a novice looking to make this member of the family work. Not many novices know how to housebreak a dog. Frankly, housebreaking a puppy with a toddler around is an overwhelming process. I know all about it. We do not know who her marriage works and it is none of our business nor our place to put down her husband. This is her huband everyone. She chose to marry him. Frankly suggesting divorce to her is awful. Divorce is not somethng to take lightly over anything. It isn't a word that should be thrown around.

I understand that we are a dog board of dog loving people. So we should give Tinksmom thoughts on how to make Tinkerbelle into a wonderful dog and not berate her about her marriage.

Tinksmom: I commend you on coming here to get help on Tinkerbelle.  Training a puppy is overwhelming but it is NOT impossible. I wholeheartedly agree on the crate. How did last night go with it? If, she is having anxiety about being in the crate and you had a rough night because she whined, I have a suggestion. Our dog Bubbles hated her crate until we placed her crate in Hawke's room. She was finally with her boy, so she was happy. You may want to place her crate in Sarah's room. She may find comfort in that.

Please keep her leashed with you at all times when she is out of crate. Feed her on a schedule you know you can keep. Set an alarm for yourself as reminder of the set meal times if you have to.  Also write a schedule for potty breaks during the day. Stick to those as well. I suggest you begin with every 2 hours during the day. Please pick up her water bowl and food dish 1 to 2 hours before her crate bedtime. This way she has no accidents. Dogs normally will not mess where they sleep, but she hasn't got that connection yet.

I also want to say that do not give up yet. She is still a young thing and needs guidance like Sarah does. It takes work in the first several months of owning a dog, but you will have years left with Tinkerbelle that will be so rewarding. There is a reason why God made all babies cute. It is so that we do not maim or kill them while we are teaching them.

--Sara

Thanks MiniMom I appreciated that.  I know I'm the oldest member here at 75.  I have had a lot of experience.  So don't give me that age thing.[]  and yes it was just my opinion.

And from now on I WILL keep my opinions to myself.

ORIGINAL: Auburn

And from now on I WILL keep my opinions to myself.

Good idea....the sharing of opinions will NOT be tolerated.....on a internet message board......whose whole purpose for existing is sharing opinions....[sm=lame.gif]

....but if your opinion happens to be the popular opinion.....share away......
 
....oh, and the amount of life experience you've had doesn't matter either.....unless of course, you are expressing the popular opinion........

I for one would love to hear how its going for Tinks and if the crate made any difference.  Perhaps Tinksmom will come back and let us know how things are going if we all promise to be nice.
 
This sort of thing happens on several threads.... I would hope we can at least keep the original question in mind.
 
Tinksmom, I'm sorry I dont have anything great to offer, except that Sammy doesn't mind his crate so much any more, but he doesn't LOVE it as many people say he should.  So perhaps don't expect that right away.  If it does happen, great, but its been 6 months with us.  Granted we had other issues to battle for awhile, but don't get discouraged.  Crating is a good thing for many pups.  Just try to have a crate that you can block part of it off so Sara doesn't have too much space, since then the pup can pee or something in one spot and lay elsewhere.  It shouldnt be too big of an area for her.  There are crates that come with dividers so you can enlarge it as the pup grows.
 
Maybe baby and hubby can spend time together for a few days and you worry about the pup - it probably will require taking the pup out every few hours (maybe think of how often you change diapers, lol)  and once you get on a really good routine maintenece never seems to bad.  (of course i have neither young pup nor young chld, so perhaps easier for me to say).
 
But hang in there, it should get better.  It might be a few more weeks but if you work on taking Sara out enough she should have less accidents in the house.  If this is hubby's only concern, it will get better!  Good luck.

This is a forum no a psyc help line.

No one seriously suggested divorce, and I'm talking to her like I'd talk to a friend.

Honestly, I think he may have just said this on a whim because he was upset at the time.  I'd wait a couple days before doing anything.  And I talk to him about how hurtful those threats are, of course when he calms down.  If he is not the confrontable type, of course you could always give him the silent treatment until he confronts you.

There, I gave her sound advice. If you want to judge the opinions and advice of other people then go to a psyc hotline.  This is a dog forum!

aww, im late into this post, but i sure hope crate training works out for you! i'm guessing your husband is the "breadwinner" in your home? whether he is or not, it is your house too, he should not have absolute control over whether you keep "your" dog. my husband has gotten on my case a few times about my lack of discipline and training with my dog, but he knows, and ive told him in no uncertain terms that our dog will always be a member of our family, he is one of our kids. a dog is a responsibility you take on knowing they arent perfect, just because it can be hard and alot of work doesnt mean you just give up on them. as long as he was in complete agreement with getting the dog, i dont think he has any right to just say the dog walks. its only been 2 weeks!
 
anyhow, talk to him about how important your dog is to you. i hope everything is working out!
 
p.s.- doesnt he know a childhood is not a childhood without a doggy [] 
my girls will always have a loving cuddly friend at home.

Alright, first and foremost, not wanting a dog does not constitute abuse. I do however think that if your husband agreed to get a dog in the first place, he should realize that he already made a commitment.

There was a period after my son was born where I had post partum depression and a whole lot of other stuff (I had so many things wrong, my doctor thought I had a brain tumour) and I simply wasn't taking care of Tojo, which led him to be destructive. We got him while I was pregnant (and we didn't know I was pregnant) so the timing was pretty bad. It also didn't help that I wasn't keeping the place very clean and he was a full time university student AND working full time, so he basically had no time at all to help out. Basically, Tojo wasn't get even half the exercise he needed and there was a whole bunch of stuff on the floor for him to chew on. My husband loves Tojo very much, but there was a point where he simply said, it's not working, we have to give him back to the breeders. Obviously, I said no way. I said we made a commitment and we can't go back on it. Along with that, I've started paying a lot more attention to Tojo's needs, training him, and keeping the house really clean (I have help from family of course[]). At any rate, once he saw the commitment to make Tojo a good family member, he changed his mind right away. Also, I talked to him about my needs, since obviously, I was in a pretty terrible state and the last thing I needed was for him to get rid of my dog. If anything, that would've made things worse for me because he's so dear to me.

Not sure if that helps. Just want you to know that you're in my thoughts. I understand that you can't simply divorce your husband because of this, and I really hope things work out for you.

This is a place to share opinions.  If you dont agree with someone elses opinion theres a good chance they dont agree with yours either.  Big deal... its going to happen.  All this shame on you and shame on them stuff is craziness to an extent.  People are just sharing their thoughts.
 
I also think sometime people read word for word with literacy that it was not intended to be interpreted with. 
 
Anyway, I hope things can get better with Tink and your DH.  I do agree that after more time he will get used to her and that getting rid of her should not be an option.  Good luck.