Im so sad...i dunno what to do

ORIGINAL: loveukaykay

This is a place to share opinions.  If you dont agree with someone elses opinion theres a good chance they dont agree with yours either.  Big deal... its going to happen.  All this shame on you and shame on them stuff is craziness to an extent.  People are just sharing their thoughts.

I also think sometime people read word for word with literacy that it was not intended to be interpreted with. 

Anyway, I hope things can get better with Tink and your DH.  I do agree that after more time he will get used to her and that getting rid of her should not be an option.  Good luck.

 
Well put.  Yes, I hope your husband was just overreacting.  Good Luck.

ORIGINAL: cakana

Well, to use the same type of drama (not unreal, but still drama), imagine her and her small child sitting in some place with Tink and her explaining to her daughter she dumped her husband, the child's dad, because he got ticked about the dog pooping in the house and said she had to get rid of it, so, she told him to take a hike. 

I love dogs (and other animals) as much as most folks here, but I think when you make implications that someone's marriage isn't what they deserve/want/need and insinuate they tell the SOB to hit the road, you better think about ALL the consequences.  We all have the ability to provide productive suggestions and insinuating that a) someone has no backbone or b) they made a huge mistake in the selection for a partner, isn't helpful in any way at all.  That kind of advice, framed in a much kinder way, should come from a best friend or family, if at all.

ETA - Sorry - I can't quite explain it but these threads upset me more than most.  Maybe it's because I think as highly about marriage and family as I do about caring for our fur friends. 

I understand your point, but I must say that I have at least one friend who feels as you do, so now, instead of fending for herself and her daughter, and having to make a tough explanation...well, suffice to say that the daughter is in therapy because the dad's actions have been controlling, unfaithful, and alcoholic.  It does seem that control is a very strong motivator in some men.  And, it stinks to be on the receiving end.  JMHO.

There are some people who actually do NOT like dogs at all, I know of such a person.
 
His kids had to grow up without a furry friend in the house.
 
Sad as it is, it doesn't mean a marriage has to split up over it.
Some people don't like animal hair in the house, let alone urine or feces, they are very particular about their living environment, maybe the husband of the op feels that way.

ORIGINAL: snownose

There are some people who actually do NOT like dogs at all, I know of such a person.

His kids had to grow up without a furry friend in the house.

Sad as it is, it doesn't mean a marriage has to split up over it.
Some people don't like animal hair in the house, let alone urine or feces, they are very particular about their living environment, maybe the husband of the op feels that way.

I guess the point is, though, that she doesn't - she wants to keep her dog.  
Wonder if she still has her:-(

I hope so.  The love of a dog isn't something you just get over.  Hope this story will have a good end.
 
My husband didn't really want the first dog we ever had.  Messy and all of the rest...But now he loves them as much as everyone in this house, and we have two!  All of the changes made here were for the better!  The best things in life are not free!  NILF, works for people too.

Surprising replies! When you are married, you share the house with another adult- you both should want a dog living y9our home.. If you both don't it's time to work something out! We are all dog people so we think teh husband has the problem- but having a dog in your home is a big deal for people who don't wnat one there. ANy thoughtful partner would realize that!  Of course, this would have been easier if all of this was discussed and decided before the dog was adopted.. but it wasn't. So, the question is this: do you keep a dog that is already adding stress to an already taxed relationship? Hw will life be for a dog that lives in a house where it's not wanted by the full family? What will happen if this is the last straw and it breaks the family apart? Then where does the dog end up? I understand about wantign to keep a dog- but perhaps, this home isn't the best one for the dog or the people involved in the long run. If Tink was one of my foster dogs, I'd want him back. This is not a good start. Tink has a lot of growing up to do and if the full family isn't willing to deal with that for the next few months, it's not going to work out. Better to find him a home where he will not just be tolerated, but wil be loved by all the people there.    

ORIGINAL: amyliz

Surprising replies! When you are married, you share the house with another adult- you both should want a dog living y9our home.. If you both don't it's time to work something out! We are all dog people so we think teh husband has the problem- but having a dog in your home is a big deal for people who don't wnat one there. ANy thoughtful partner would realize that!  Of course, this would have been easier if all of this was discussed and decided before the dog was adopted.. but it wasn't. So, the question is this: do you keep a dog that is already adding stress to an already taxed relationship? Hw will life be for a dog that lives in a house where it's not wanted by the full family? What will happen if this is the last straw and it breaks the family apart? Then where does the dog end up? I understand about wantign to keep a dog- but perhaps, this home isn't the best one for the dog or the people involved in the long run. If Tink was one of my foster dogs, I'd want him back. This is not a good start. Tink has a lot of growing up to do and if the full family isn't willing to deal with that for the next few months, it's not going to work out. Better to find him a home where he will not just be tolerated, but wil be loved by all the people there.    

I agree that this is not the ideal situation for the dog, and I would want  him back if I were his foster mom.  But, I think the dog came from a shelter, and if that's the case, it's likely he will have to go back to one.  The OP lives in Texas, a high kill state for stray dogs.  So, while we are talking about a husband's intolerance, we are talking about the dog's life, most probably.  And, the resignation with which the OP sounded like the husband simply got to make the choice - with no discussion...well, that's reminiscent of that "head of the household" crap (sorry, JMHO) that women have put up with for too long.  If marriage is truly a partnership, both men and women "discuss", they don't give ultimatums.  And, they take their partners feelings into account before making decisions.  In this case, I got the feeling that the guy wasn't that keen on the dog, but that the housebreaking issue was the dealbreaker.  The problem is that he did not understand that it takes time to housebreak a dog that is new to the household, and wasn't even willing to investigate whether they were doing it right.

Sure would like to know what they have decided about their dog.

I agree that this is not the ideal situation for the dog, and I would want him back if I were his foster mom. But, I think the dog came from a shelter, and if that's the case, it's likely he will have to go back to one. The OP lives in Texas, a high kill state for stray dogs. So, while we are talking about a husband's intolerance, we are talking about the dog's life, most probably. And, the resignation with which the OP sounded like the husband simply got to make the choice - with no discussion...well, that's reminiscent of that "head of the household" crap (sorry, JMHO) that women have put up with for too long. If marriage is truly a partnership, both men and women "discuss", they don't give ultimatums. And, they take their partners feelings into account before making decisions. In this case, I got the feeling that the guy wasn't that keen on the dog, but that the housebreaking issue was the dealbreaker. The problem is that he did not understand that it takes time to housebreak a dog that is new to the household, and wasn't even willing to investigate whether they were doing it right.

 
I agree.
 
At the same time I feel that there are way more problems in this marriage than meets the eye, and the dog is just one of the issues, not the major one.

i hope she is not no longer posting because this is a dog forum and she has no dog []

Tink is doing very well with crate training and doesnt mind the crate. No we are not giving her up or sending her to a shelter or adopting her out or anything other than keeping her.

No, Im not divorcing my husband or leaving him or anything else. He had one of those days that EVERYONE has and is fine with Tink and will be fine in the future with Tink. Weve been through too much to split up over a pet...my health issues, his....losing 3 children including losing our son Andrew at 34 weeks...this is NOTHING compaired to THAT.

And I am leaving this forum.

First, let me say your puppy is adorable!  Second, as a mom of four children, one of whom is 2, I highly recommend putting the puppy on a schedule.  You're on the right track by getting a crate.  Here's Misty's schedule so far (we've had her 10 days now, but this was the similar schedule I followed with our former dog who we got last March, and she passed away unexpectedly two months ago)
11pm: goes in crate to sleep
6am (we were getting up in the middle of the night, but she is sleeping through now): goes out to potty.  She gets tethered to the kitchen table with a leash while everyone is getting breakfast.  She often goes out to potty again during this time as well.  She does whimper to go out.
8am: potty break and back into crate while I take our son to school.  She stays there for up to 2 hours while I either run errands or come home and do housework.
Mid morning to noon...I keep her with me in the kitchen while I work, take her for a walk, or tether her again if I have to leave the room for a while.  (it's almost 10am, and she's sound asleep in her crate with the door open...went in on her own)
Basically, She is confined to the kitchen unless I am supervising the activity.  If you cannot gate the area (we can't because of an open floor plan, get a long lead and attach it to your table or elsewhere.  When I can supervise her, I keep her on-leash, and she is by my side in the office or wherever.  This way, you can watch for cues.  If she's crated, she may whimper or bark to let you know she needs to potty.  Please read up on crate training too...she will fuss about it at first, but if you make it a wonderful place for her, she'll love it.  I throw treats into Misty's crate at random times, and she goes in and digs around to find them under her blankie.  I also give her a treat when she gets put in, and I do NOT give her any attention at all if she is making noise in there.  I only let her out or talk to her if she is quiet. 
The rest of the day is about the same as I was describing. If you can't keep an eye on her, crate her.  Don't do it excessively, but doing this will help avoid accidents until she is more reliable.  Tell your hubby you've learned some new techniques that should help things along and that you would like to give it some more time.  I think that's a reasonable request.  Oh, and as she gets older, she can have more freedom and you can do less crating or tethering.
Good luck!!!  Oh, and fyi....our last puppy was THE hardest dog to train...ever.  In the first week, she had at least 30 urine accidents in the house in spite of my efforts.  The fact that you've only had a couple of accidents in two weeks just says to me that your puppy needs a stricter regimen to know her boundaries and when to do what!!!  It'll all be fine!
 

I honestly hope you wil reconsider and still come back to the forum.  Sometimes things that are typed don't come out the right way..it depends what we read into them.  I wish you the best of luck with your pup.  And Happiness for all.