I'm heartbroken (really long)

    • Gold Top Dog

    I'm heartbroken (really long)

    Every time I read one of "these" posts, I cry, and my heart hurts so badly for the person who had to write it. I thought I still had a good long while to prepare to be that person, unfortunately I was wrong.
    Dante's "arthritis" in his left front wrist was getting worse. We took him to the vet who gave him Remedyl and told us that he was just getting old and Arthritis was setting in. So we took him home and gave him the medication as well as Glucosamine. For a while he was alot better and we figured that the Vet was right and it was Arthritis. The Vet told us that if it were anything but Arthritis, the Remedyl wouldn't work.
    About a week ago he got up in the morning and was limping and his wrist was a little swollen. I just assumed that it was his Arthritis because the weather had been cold and nasty. Every day it got a little more swollen and he quit using it completely. We don't have much extra money right now so I spent 2 days calling every Vet in town to try and find someone who would find out what was wrong with him and treat him and work out a payment plan with us. I called all 41 (yes, I counted!) Vets/animal hospitals and NO ONE would help me! Then I remembered that a good friend of mine has a daughter who works at the animal hospital in the town we used to live in. I called her and told her what was going on and she talked to the vet for me. They agreed to let us pay them in payments.
    We loaded up Dante and our daughter and drove the 40 miles to the vet. They looked at his leg, gave him pain meds because they could tell he was miserable and took blood and did X-Rays. He was laying on the X-Ray table the whole time they were getting the results back and I could tell how relieved he was to not be hurting as much. The Vet came back with the X-Rays and asked if we wanted to see them. Dante was asleep on me so Jason went in to see the X-Rays. A few minutes later he came out and said "you need to go look at those!" So I went in with the vet and he showed me the X-Ray. There was no bone left in his wrist, it just looked like a big blob! The vet was telling me what was wrong using all these medical terms that I didn't understand until he said "Bone Cancer". That hit like a ton of bricks! He told me that our options were to put him to sleep or to amputate the leg and put him through chemotherapy. They told me that he only had about a 15% chance of living another year even with treatment.
    I said "Ok" and walked out of the room, knowing that I couldn't put him through all of that. My husband looked at me and said "you know what we have to do...". Thats when I lost it. We were standing there with Dante right next to us discussing whether or not he was going to be alive in an hour! It was too much for me to handle. I called a friend who lived close by and told her what was happening and asked her to watch our daughter for us for a while. She said of course so I took her over there. On the way back to the vet I called my mom and she reassured me that we were doing the right thing and told me to hold him and thank him for the time we had together. I knew she was right.
    I got back to the vet and he showed us a "pricelist" of our options... I couldn't get over how it felt that I was trying to decide how much he was worth... $97 for a burial or $250 for a "private cremation". So we told the vet that we would take care of it.
    Dante was laying on the table still and I hadn't been able to look at him because I knew I would break down. The vet left and I went over to him and he layed his head on my shoulder while I cried and tried to figure out what the hell you are supposed to say right now. In the end I didn't end up saying anything... he just looked at me and for the first time in a long time he didn't have pain in his eyes.
    I found that when the time came I couldn't bring myself to be there while he died. Maybe I am a wuss, but I couldn't bear the thought of seeing him without that big goofy grin he always had on his face. So Jason went with him. We gave him Burger King for his last lunch and said goobye for the last time.
    Jason said it was peaceful and fast and that he didn't suffer at all. We took him up in the hills and buried him in a nice place. I took his collar and brought it home to put in a memory box I am making for him.
    The house is so empty now... I miss hearing his snoring and his monster footsteps and tripping over him because he had to be with me all the time. How long will it take to stop hurting? And how on earth can I get the tears to stop....?
    • Gold Top Dog
    I have tears in my eyes reading this...

    You did the right thing, he's happy now running free with good stong bones over at the bridge. He knows you did what was best for him so don't put yourself down for it. Be happy, he's happy that you did the right thing.
    • Gold Top Dog
    I'm so sorry for your loss.  Yes, you'll miss Dante- he was such a big part of your life and now he's gone- but I think getting through each day will slowly get easier
    Take strength in knowing you did the best thing for him- Dante is no longer suffering, and is now running round carefree with all his friends at the Bridge...

    Take care! Pocket sends kisses and tailwags.
     
    Run free, sweet Dante.[sm=angel.gif]
     
     
    • Gold Top Dog
    I am so sorry for your loss, I agree  you did the best thing for Dante.  At least you know he is no longer in pain.  I had to make the same decsion with my previous dog, Reese.  It was my worst day ever.  But knowing you are doing the best thing for your friend is somewhat comforting.  It has been 2 years since Reese passed and I think of him often and I know he is running around over the bridge having a great time.  I have no doubt he is waiting to greet Dante and have a good chase! 
    • Gold Top Dog
    Bone cancer is sadly one of those things that once we notice it, it's often too late.  We went the amputation route and chemo with our Duke (shepherd mix)...and we bought him less than two or three months.  The cancer had already spread and the kindest thing we did for him was to let him go to the Bridge.
     
    Please know that you did the absolute most loving thing you could do for your Dante.  He's running free at the Bridge now, healthy and whole and with no pain.
     
    It will hurt for a long time.....and you'll cry for a long time.  Don't try to suppress your pain.  Allow yourself to feel it and eventually, the tears will be happy ones, of the wonderful memories.
    • Gold Top Dog
    I am sorry,,, we all understand that pain.  May the tears you shed now, soon be accompanied by the smiles from memories.
    • Gold Top Dog
    I'm so sorry you had to make this choice.  It's the right one, but so hard to do.  My thoughts are with you at this loss of your buddy.  Run free again, Dante...
    • Gold Top Dog
    Not only did you do the 'right' thing -- you did what Dante would have wanted -- probably right down the line.  Dante knew you better than you realize, and I"m always completely convinced that they would have a totally different reaction than we might think.  Dante would have said
     
     "Mom, look -- let Dad handle this and go to the other room -- I'd a lot rather you'd just remember MY goofy grin.  I'm hurtin so much and I'm so appreciative that you realized no matter how difficult it is .... I need to leave now. ... please don't worry --  It *comforted* me to hear you discuss helping me.  Cos Mom, everything you did for me today was hard and you did it because you loved me.  What more could a guy ask?  Thank you -- I love you an I'm gonna miss you but I WILL BE WAITIN!"
     
    I'm always convinced dogs are far less concerned with having another day than they are with going gracefully and keeping *our* stress minimal.  They hate to see us upset -- Dante *would* have wanted it this way.  *HUGS*  I'm so sorry. 
    • Bronze
    I am sorry for your loss and my thoughts are with you as I sit here with tears at work.
    May you find peace in knowing that you did the right thing and Dante is now out of pain and a peaceful and wonderful place.
    My hope for you is that this painful time leads to finding comfort in all of the wonderful memories you have of Dante.
    • Gold Top Dog
    Oh man!  I'm so sorry.  Run free, sweet, big Dante [sm=angel.gif]
    • Gold Top Dog
    I'm so very, very sorry for your loss, Carolyn.  What a terrible shock it all had to be. Try to take comfort in knowing you did the most selfless thing - it was for him you made this decision and it was the right one. 
     
    Unfortunately, even though it was right and peaceful and painfree for that beautiful boy, it doesn't make the hole he left in your heart and home any smaller.  I'm crying as I write this because I understand and so do the rest of us here.  There is no clear timeline, but you will find your pain and grief become more, well, compartmentalized for lack of a better word.  It's there, but more contained, less present.  You start to smile and focus more on that loveable grin and sweet nature and you realize he's with you, in your heart and mind.  Just like in your beautiful signature photo - his giant paw is still in your hand.
     
    Wishing you comfort and peace for that handsome lug, Dante.
    • Gold Top Dog
    Run free, sweet boy.[sm=angel.gif]
    • Gold Top Dog
    I'm so sorry.  It's so hard to loose a good dog.  Grieve like you need to.  Be kind to yourself.  Dante is running free and happy now.  Dogs really do have an afterlife.
    • Gold Top Dog
    Having been thru something similar, I know how terribly heartbreaking this is.  What you did was the greatest act of kindness for Dante and soon your wonderful memories of him will begin to fill the hole in your heart.  Run free Dante [sm=angel.gif]
    • Gold Top Dog
    I am so sorry for your loss.  What a hard decision to make on the spot.  It sounds like you did it with grace and dignity for Dante. 
     
    Run free, Dante
     
    Sue