Dog Community

A disturbing trend.....

Posted : 9/16/2006 12:38:39 PM

Lately, I've gotten a rash of emails through the board (smart folks don't PM) and others have reported to me very upsetting PM's. I've seen a number of them and they tick me off.

The PM and email functions were NOT created so that someone who doesn't have the gonads to publicly disagree could go on the attack privately. Or just to be plain nasty.

I got a number of supportive emails after I posted about DH and later about my sister. However, I got ONE that just made me see red. In part it said "Kharma is a bitch and so are you. Too bad that your husband (God knows how he puts up with you) and sister are having to pay for you being such a bitch."

The person who sent me that nasty missive knows who they are. If you think you hurt me, you are wrong. And while you are certainly entitled to your opinion, I believe that you know what part of my anatomy you can kiss. I will not say what I think of the coward that sent me that email on a public forum, nor will I waste any energy responding to that person. Just know that there is a special place deep down under for folks like you.

And for the others who think that PMing is an appropriate way to complain about something someone has posted...well, gosh...do you NOT think that those of us who RECEIVE your nasty missives are going to report them to Jaime? Do you not think that at some point you'll be called to task for this kind of stuff? If so, think again.

I hate to do it, but I'm off to remove the email option from my profile. Anything nasty anyone has to say to me from here on out will have to be said in PM....and by golly, THAT is something that Jaime can crack down on. So, think before you fire off something unpleasant to any of the forum members.

Benedict

Posted : 9/16/2006 12:55:37 PM

Glenda,

I'm speechless. I can't believe someone could say something like that to you. That's horrible. [sm=eek.gif]

Kate

chewbecca

Posted : 9/16/2006 12:56:06 PM

Are you ok, sweetie?
I'm sorry that you received such a nasty email.
People are very nasty sometimes.
It's craaaazy.
I don't even know if I have my email public or not. I cannot remember. I can't believe that people get so heated on the internet to the point that they feel a need to personally attack someone. I know that people can have some differing opinions and it can get VERY annoying when people feel passionate about a certain subject, but I find that if I start getting ticked at someone on the internet, I have to step back and remind myself that I do not know that person and that they are unimportant to me if I make them unimportant to me.
Again, I'm sorry that people can be so rude and you had to suffer a nasty message because of that fact.

tacran

Posted : 9/16/2006 1:05:14 PM

Glenda, I'm so sorry you had to be the recipient of such toxic vibes. It's a shame that negative things like that have to cast a bad tint on what is otherwise such a positive, supportive forum!

You mentioned in your post that "smart folks don't PM." This is the first forum I've ever participated in (I've lurked on others in recent years). I've had to teach myself how to be a good member (from learning some of the abbreviations to how to use some of the forum features, etc.). What is the general protocol for using a PM versus an actual email address for someone? Is one method more appropriate? I notice that some folks have their actual email address listed in their profile, while others don't. So, I use a combination of PMing and regular email, depending on who I'm contacting. I want to make sure I'm doing the preferred method if it's better.

I'm sure it's hard to ignore the bad emails, but just focus on all the good words folks have sent your way -- there are far more of them!

glenmar

Posted : 9/16/2006 1:10:02 PM

Yeah, I'm fine.....I don't call myself a tough old broad for nothing! [

]

If it were just ME, I wouldn't have started this thread. It's not just me. Others have emailed me with nastygrams that THEY received as well. One poster is just the sweetest person on earth and SHE has gotten two ugly ones in the past week. There is just flat out no excuse for that.

The latest was basically that the sender had been watching everything that the receiver posts and from something that was said MONTHS ago, she has determined that she was right all along and that the receiver and someone else ganged up on her for NO reason. Good golly that's not even Junior HIGH behavior...more like 3rd grade!

This is clearly an abuse of the reason Jaime and TPTB set things up so we could communicate with one another off the forum. I can't believe that people take things sooooo personally that they find the need to be hateful to others. Me, I spent too many years in sales to not have a hide like a rhino.....but some people who are getting nasty grams are HURT by them. And that's just wrong to go around hurting anyone.

lorib

Posted : 9/16/2006 1:12:13 PM

Geeze, some people ahve NO manners! Glenda, you are under enough stress right now--ignore this idiot.

As for the PM, on other boards, I use it to ask people's opinions, etc. about things that shouldn't be posted on the public threads. Often, we will be trading coupons or giving an opinion on something that might start a very public fight if it were posted (not bad mouthing anyone, but opinions that might not be PC, etc.).

glenmar

Posted : 9/16/2006 1:20:49 PM

Tracy, I think it's an individual thing. My email addy doesn't show on my profile but the option is there to email me instead of pm'ing. And for me, I prefer an email since I'm stuck with dialup (the phone company keeps promising DSL soon) and it takes forever to follow the link in my notification to the actual inbox and GET my mail. Not a terribly patient person.....so I like emails best. Just not all of the ones that I get.

What I meant was that when folks want to be NASTY it is smarter not to put it in a PM because thats something Jaime can correct, the abuse of PM's. If they email, I can't PROVE that this is not someone I correspond with on a regular basis and that they aren't just mad at me for something I did off the forum. So, they are smarter to send their nasty missives privately. One such person used to get ticked at me every time I turned around and ream me for whatever I'd posted, but since I'd given that person my email addy, there was nothing Jaime could do. And I think most folks are far more computer savy than I am and realize that it's harder to track an email than a PM.

And, yes, you are absolutely right. Idog is a very supportive and positive community. I honestly don't think I'd have gotten through this past summer without you guys. Or heck, the last couple years for that matter. I honestly think of idog as an warm and mostly loving community and I know what folks here I can count on for a cyber hug when I need one!

Benedict

Posted : 9/16/2006 1:38:09 PM

Also wanted to add: I am one of those people who usually PM's - I'm not always sure who prefers email to PM. Still, access to either method is no excuse for abuse and rudeness.

Kate

Xerxes

Posted : 9/16/2006 1:43:27 PM

Glenda,

It's a shame that people can't be adult about these forums, and in life. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry this happened at all. I hope all is resolved soon.

As for me, I prefer the PM method-it's easier for me to know who I'm speaking with.

lisa baker

Posted : 9/16/2006 1:56:36 PM

GRRRR! I agree so much... when I lost my granddaugher and her mommy in the car accident you would not believe the insulting things going on....
I am so sorry someone had to be a b*tch and I am pretty good at tracking isp addresses if you want to know who the culprit is

Still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...

fuzzy_dogs_mom

Posted : 9/16/2006 2:07:04 PM

Glenda, all I can say is that *someone* must be truly miserable. A person would have to be in order to be that venemous.

Joyce

Terri

Posted : 9/16/2006 2:22:38 PM

I have to agree with everyone and say that that kind of behavior is immature and uncalled for. I don't understand how anyone would think that it's appropriate to email a nasty message to someone just because they disagree with something that was said in an online forum.

I know you're tough, Glenda, and I'm glad that you didn't get to upset by the message that was sent to you. I think the rest of us are probably more upset than you by it. You are one of the most respected people on this board and I feel like an attack against you is an attack against all of us regular i-doggers. The only reason they would send an email instead of posting something like that is because they know they'd get blasted by the rest of us.

Personally, I think it's pretty cowardly to email or PM an attack to someone just because you disagree with comments they've made online. And it's downright disgusting to make the attack personal like the message that was sent to Glenda.

fuzzy_dogs_mom

Posted : 9/16/2006 2:31:17 PM

Glenda, why don't you take Darla up on her offer to try and track down the writer for you? Might be kind of fun, in a twisted sort of way.[]

Joyce

ron2

Posted : 9/16/2006 2:51:03 PM

Sorry to hear that, Glenda. And I know your tough and you won't shed a tear over this. But we certainly shouldn't tolerate rude or inappropriate behavior.

So many people are full of tough talk while sitting behind a keyboard. I view such people a one-trick pony. That's all they can do is be nasty, which does not help society. To make matters worse, there's nothing else they are good at, worthwhile or otherwise.

Not that my response is much better. If I were receiving nasty grams I would invite them to visit the DFW area where we could meet face to face. (Well, I am tall. It would be face to armpit.) But such a person as that wouldn't do it because they have nothing to back it up. All they can do is be nasty behind a keyboard. Ah, I've got it ... we need DirectStop for nasty emailers.

glenmar

Posted : 9/16/2006 2:54:02 PM

Joyce, I have a DARNED good idea who this person was. However, I don't CARE enough to have someone figure it out. Honestly? That would give the jerk too much power!

And truely, yeah I'm pi$$ed about this, but I'm even madder about some of the OTHER pm's that have been shared with me to OTHER forum members. There is NO excuse to act like a butthole because someone has somehow managed to ruffle your feathers. Be it me or any one else.

And, you are absolutely right. This person MUST be truely miserable. I hope that they can live with themselves. That, or they took a nasty pill this morning and wanted to share..........