Need Comfort Please

Just read your post.  I am sooo sorry for your loss!  Run free at the bridge sweet lady Kayla!

I know just where you are coming from.  When I lost to my Hunter to AIHA following  his proheart6 injection, I went down hill and stayed for 8 months. I lost 40 poumds during that 8 months. Not only was I blaming myself for agreeing to switch him to the 'perfectly ssafe PH6", I had also let two of my other 3 goldens have it.  His litter mate sister had her first one onAug.1, Hunter h is 3rd on Aug. 28, and Honey her 2ed on Oct. 1--Hunter was diagnosed and put in ICU on the 9th, died on the 16th. 2003.
 
One night in June 2004 I was woke up by Hunter licking the back of my neck and ear, slobber all over my hair, etc as he always did to wake me up.  When I got fully awake I realized Hunter had been gone 8 months.  It was his littermate sister, KayCee.  I h ave to explain here that kayCee has always been a foot and leg licker, Hunter was a face, neck, throat, arm licker.  He woke me every morning licking on my neck, throat, ears, and I would have a bunch of slobber in my hair.
 
Somehow I  knew without a doubt that Hunter was using KayCee's body to let me know he was fine, he loved me as much as ever, he knew ai loved him and he didn't blame me for his death.  I had NEVER believed in ghost and visits from beyound, etc, and use to laugh at the stories on Unsolved Mysteries that involved that kind of thing.  But that night I KNEW without a doubt what happened to me.
 
At first my family thought i had gone over the edge, but then they soon found i was laughing again, enjoying myself, could talk about Huinter without crying, etc.  They then believed me.  As much as i want it to happen again, it never has.  I guess it was just a one time thing to bring me back up.
 
A couple on one of my golden boards lost their 4 year old golden to pancreaitis 2 weeks ago.  She come in from work on Tuesday and found he weak and he had thrown up several times.  Right to the vet, he was admited and put on IV, next day diagnosed with that horrid disease, got worse instead of better and then the vet said his pancrease was dying, she could operate, but there was only a slim chance he could make it thru the surgery and even if he did his quality of life would not be good.  They elected to let him go.  She blamed herself because she had given him some steak fat on the Saturday and believed that caused it. 
 
We can't go around blaming ourselves.  In my case i trusted my vet who trusted the sales reps.  It was not my fault and I know that now.  We al;ways have that hind sight--if only i had researched PH6 before letting my dog have, if only I not given him steak fat, if only I had gotten her to the vet 2 minutes sooner, and it goes on and one.
 
And as to getting another dog soon, there is nothing callus or wrong about that in the least.  It pay tribute to our lost dog--they made such an impact on our life that we can't not live without one.  I am soon to be 61 and I have lost many dogs in my life and I grieved hard for each one, i love each one still, and I know without a doubt they would happy that i always got another dog--not a replacement, that can never be.  You replaced tires on your car, the old recliner, the sheets for your bed, but you never replace a living, breathing love, be it human or animal.   
 
 

Amy, I feel so sorry for your loss, just hang on tight that after the storm, happiness will be there...
best of luck

Thanks yall
 
I have been sleeping right on top of the spot where she died in our bed, and have refused to wash the sheets even tho she peed on them right after dying.  I know that may sound strange, but they didnt smell so I didnt want to.  The night before last was the first night I smelled a hint of peepee so I had to force myself to wash them the next day.  It was hard and frankly I thought of leaving it there but I know I cant do that.
 
I got my Kaylas ashes, I cried uncontrollaby when picking them up, and carry them with me from room to room, and of course she sleeps by me [sm=angel.gif]

you haven't gone to the pound yet?

hey mau we did, you can see the new girl in the thread titled New Puppy in this section.  I think its at the bottom of page two maybe top of 3.

i am so sorry to hear that.....may God give u patience to bear the grief u have ,  and  i hope u get another kyla soon,,,,,

I am so sorry to hear that Your Kayla is gone; I'm sure she is with you in spirit and loved you very much.  I just read this thread and realized that Kayla died the same day that we had Miko put to sleep so I know just what you're going through.  I hope you can find peace and comfort in knowing that you gave Kala a loving home. >Big hugs<  Please don't feel guilty; you would have done anything you could for her and the vet would have if he had known her problem was more serious.  Sometimes we just don't know all the details.  Miko may have been able to survive if tests had shown the bad bacteria (Nocardia) sooner, but they didn't.  If my vet had paid more attention when we told him she was feeling hot to the touch and had unexplained panting spells he still wouldn't have found it because its so rare. Sometimes these things just happen and we have to take comfort from knowing that our pets are in a good place over the Bridge and that we let them know we loved them when they were with us.

Run free beautiful Kayla.

I am so sorry for your loss Amy. Please hang in there and don't feel guilty. You loved Kayla and did your very best by her. She knows that.

[sm=peace.gif]

Not sure why I am just seeing this now, but I wanted to say that I am very sorry for your loss. I hope that your new puppy is giving you something to get up for every day.. and let's face it.. who can resist smiling with a puppy in the house!
 
Your love for Kayla comes through in all your posts and even though it hurts so bad, you are able to share your story and possibly help someone else's beloved pet in the future.
 
It will get easier. I lost my heart dog back in 1998.. he didn't die, someone stole him out of my front yard. I spent days and nights driving around looking for him, calling for him and crying so scared that someone would hurt him. I cry now thinking about him. I swore I'd never get another dog ever in my life. Brutus was very special to me. He was an awesome brindle pit/chow mix who helped me through a nervous break down in the past. I loved being around other people's dogs, just never wanted another one myself... then along came Boss.. a brindle pittie that stole my heart. He has never replaced Brutus in my heart, instead he's formed his own little niche in there and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Kayla will always be in the front of my mind.  Its hard not to post silly pictures of her and stuff.. well I may still do that sometimes.... I have so many great ones of her.  I still sleep with her urn and cry every night and every day.  And now as I learn more and more about dog health, food, treats, and lots of other things I just kick myself for not knowing these things to share with her. 
I definately enjoy having Bailey here, I know she will be a great dog.  I have been pretty good about not comparing her to Kayla, cause I know thats not fair to her.  Kayla was so smart she learned everything we taught her within a day or two, potty training, everything... and she was so intense (not like a dog at all). 
Ah here I go crying again... I do a lot of thinking about how life is short and life is not fair and unpredictable... and a lot of talking to Kayla.  I will always be with her... even as shes at the Bridge, a huge part of me is there with her.
 

Im so sorry for you loss[]. There is never anything anyone can say at times like that. But atleast you know that you gave her the best life a dog could have. []

We are so sorry for your loss.  Take comfort in knowing that she will always be watching over you from now on.  Thinking of you...

Amy, I am extremely saddened to hear of your loss.  Even though it was a couple weeks ago, I only just read it now.  I wish there was something I could say or do to help ease your grief, I really believe your dog's spirit is very much alive and with you all the time.  She probably tried to lick your face and hands through all your tears.  Don't beat yourself up with the shoulda-woulda-coulda's...put your love and energy into bringing comfort into another dog's life who hasn't had benefit of a loving home.  I believe there is another dog out there waiting for you, not another Kayla, but a dog in need of you.  All my best to you during this tough time and after that as well.  Jules 

Jake is eating up all of his baby food and he is running around again. He is on Baytril, Simplicef and Pepsid AC.  I think he is getting better but they took blood today and will call tomorrow with the results.  My only fear now is thinking of Kayla's story and how she felt better and then taking a turn for the worse.  I dont think I can handle that.  Thanks for sharing your story, I will be sure to ask the vet about it.