Dog Community

Need Comfort Please

Posted : 3/20/2006 12:49:05 AM

I found this forum while I am sitting here hugging my beatutiful Kayla's favorite toy and her sweater, crying... wondering what point there is to go on in life without her. I have experienced nothing like this before and don't have a clue how I am going to make it through.

Kayla stopped eating, well she would eat a piece or two after much coaxing but that's it. After about a week we decided she needed to go to the vet, we did actually get her to eat a hamburger patty which she really wanted (no problem getting her to eat that) because we thought she just needed SOMETHING in her system. I took her to the vet, her full physical exam was fine but the vet said not eating is serious so she took blood. The results came back, Kayla had pancreatitis. Vet said to leave her there to get fluids and nutrition from an iv. I took her back the following two days for the same thing during the full business hours, taking her home at night. After the third day we redid the blood work, and the vet said everything was looking great and just to take her home with the antibiotics and antacids, and everything should be back to normal soon. She did seem to eat more, although still not normal.

The second blood work was done Wednesday 3-15-06. Friday night, Sat. morning at about 5:00am while sleeping in her usual spot, in the bed with my husband and I under the covers right between us with her head on one of our pillows we heard a noise and both woke up. I reached over to turn on the light, well she had just died. Right there. In like, 2 seconds. We rushed her to a 24 hour emergency vet although I think we knew it was over but were unwilling to believe it, or just needed to make sure there was nothing that could bring her back. The vet there just said we would need to have her looked at to see exactly what happened, and put her in a box for us (which we put her blanket in as soon as we got back home.)

We brought her in for a necropsy later on Satuarday (my husbands family friend is a vet who treated Kayla before we moved and got a new vet so we took her to him for this) and found out that her pancreas had hemmoraged and killed her. All I could figure was that I had waited too long to bring her in in the first place and by the time we did it had damaged itself so bad that the treatment didnt help. The vet said that it probably would not have mattered. I just wish we would have done an MRI in the first place because this would have been discovered but that is not standard practice and no one could have known to do such a thing. Its just hard not to beat myself up over every little thing that may have gone differently. Within a week my beautiful angel went from being healthy and happy as can be to not being with me anymore. I could never had prepared myself for such a thing. I can be thankful that she went in her sleep and that she was right where she was happy in bed with us, and that it was instantly with not a lot of pain. We are having her privately creamated with her blanket and toys so we can keep her near us forever. I did keep one of her toys for my own comfort and it has helped. I really can't imagine life without her, its so hard already, I miss her so much. She was the most joyous thing in the world, the happiest, sweetest, most passionate thing on earth. She was not a dog she was my daughter, my life. She was Ms. Personality. She was with me every second of the day. The pictures are of her she was a german shephard and a miniature greyhound as far as we can figure. Whatever she was it was absolutely perfect. We got her from the pound and it was the best thing we had ever done. We will be getting another as soon as it seems comfortable to us. That is also something we can take comfort in.. that we gave her a great life, but she deserved it and she gave us an even better life. Its so unbearably painful, its not fair, it doesnt even seem real. I guess I just needed to share my story so thank you for listening.Please keep us in your thoughts as we struggle through losing the love of our lives. Wish I knew about this forum earlier and hope to keep in touch.
** Kayla my angel pie, we love you more than anything. Thank you for everything my good girl. **

Trina

Posted : 3/20/2006 1:20:26 AM

That brought tears to my eyes, and anybody who knows me, knows I NEVER do that.
I feel so sorry for you, I wish there was something we could do to make you feel better, but I know we cant.
She's in a great place now, and just keep thinking you will see her one day again at the rainbow bridge ( even if you have heard of the rainbow bridge, look at this one [linkhttp://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html]http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html[/link] )
I-doggers are great for support, you'll get through it. And maybe in a few months you can get up the courage to go get another dog.

(( HUGS))

jeano

Posted : 3/20/2006 1:40:47 AM

I'm so so sorry and if cyberhugs could help here are as many as you can take!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Amy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

She won't forget you, she'll be around you, following you, loving you. I know how it is to miss your heart dog and I wish I could turn back time and bring her back for you! I don't think you should blame yourself, you loved her and took care of her and that's what she cared about. She'll be waiting to welcome you, it's not forever!

I lost my Stevie dog a year ago January and I know how you feel. They do everything they can to stay with us, but be assured, they won't go far, and at least there is no pain where they are now.

lorib

Posted : 3/20/2006 2:31:04 AM

Remember that she had a wonderufl life with you here on earth. She will be waiting for you at the Bridge. Run free without pain, sweet girl.

glenmar

Posted : 3/20/2006 6:06:58 AM

I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now.

Loosing any dog is heartbreaking. Two losses really stand out in my mind...when I lost my cocker Rusty, my heartdog, even tho he was hanging on just for me.and I KNEW his time was coming to an end...and when we lost a 5 month old gsd pup, who was beautiful and healthy and just died. Within 5 hours of any symptoms that anything was wrong, he was gone. I think the sudden and unexpected loss is the hardest to take.

Take comfort in knowing that she died in bed, in a place that she loved best, and that if she suffered at all her last days on earth, it was very shortlived. She's in a wonderful place now...at the rainbow bridge, running and playing, happy, healthy and carefree. She's in good company at the Bridge, with many beloved babies who have gone before her. No doubt you'll feel her presence some days. When Rusty went to the Bridge, I visualized him running through a meadow, with a little white butterfly flying above his tail. When we were finally ready for another dog, I happened to look outside and lo and behold, there was a white butterfly! Rusty's sign that he approved of our new choices. And I know that when my time comes, Rusty and so many others will be waiting to greet me at the Bridge.

Guilt is part of the grieving process. So is anger. But, you can't be angry with HER because, she died. So you are angry with yourself because you didn't see this that or the other thing. It's normal, but counterproductive. You did ALL that you could do. She knows that. Its time for you to accept it too.

Her time on this earth was short, but filled with love. She'll be waiting for you, but while she waits she's in a glorious place filled with love and wonder.

Run free little one.

luv_my_3_labs

Posted : 3/20/2006 7:33:58 AM

Oh, I'm so sorry. When our Rottie Scooby died I swore that I would never have another dog again. Watching the pain and sadness of my kids was unbearable and the poor hubby's sadness every time he came home from work. Right now you may not think so but time will heal. I have THREE dogs now. There isn't a Sunday dinner that goes by that at least one Scooby story comes up. She is still a part of our life. My thoughts are with you..

forpaws

Posted : 3/20/2006 8:00:46 AM

I feel your pain. I understand your pain all to well. Most of us on this forum do and know how you feel. As we are also very close to our fur children, fur families, and also carry that special bond, so we feel your pain, and cry with you over the loss of your sweet Kayla. Affectionately known as Kay kay.
She is a beautiful girl and loving expression on her face is one you can see she was contented, loved, and happy to have been in your loving care. She wants you to know she is still there and has not left. Carry her memories in your heart Amy and don't ever let go.
I sent you an email and please, use it if you need someone to talk too.
Sending you comfort, peace, and hugs over the loss of your fur child. Face licks comming from her.

Nikki the old fart below.

pofi_pasquale

Posted : 3/20/2006 8:02:18 AM

So very, very sorry for your loss, Amy. Kayla was a beautiful girl and I know how much you must miss that precious face.

We do all know how soul crushing this can be and how much it changes your home to not have her there. You need to comfort yourselves with the knowledge that she was warm, secure, loved, comfortable and happy for the entire time she was yours. She loved and was loved in return - that's a high quality of life by anyone's standards.

Wishing you comfort and peace for your girl.

Lisa Marie

dasher

Posted : 3/20/2006 8:13:30 AM

So sorry for your loss, Kayla is beautiful. I have no doubt she had a wonderful life with you and your husband. You can't beat yourself up, sounds like you did everything you knew to do for her. I went through this not long ago and although it has gotten easier, not a day goes by that I don't think of my Reese-man.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you

Lena (Penny Forever)

Posted : 3/20/2006 8:26:01 AM

Amy,
I am so sorry for your loss.
Run free at the Bridge Baby Kayla, Angel Penny will show you all the secret places to play hide and seek.

calliecritturs

Posted : 3/20/2006 8:30:12 AM

Pancreatitis is a bad, nasty disease, and yes, I have first-hand knowledge. It HITS hard and fast. Getting them thru that initial phase is so hard and it depends on the individual situation. Very often with pancreatitis you will see bloody vomiting & diarreha, and it's not hard to know "vet now". Dogs can be off their food a couple of days, but when they are off food for a prolonged time it's hard and it can be something truly nasty.

Please don't beat yourself up -- she slipped over Rainbow Bridge when she was where she felt relaxed and felt loved. Don't see that as a bad thing, see it as a good thing.

Do you know about Rainbow Bridge? [linkhttp://www.rainbowsbridge.com]http://www.rainbowsbridge.com[/link] -- and there is an extensive section on here of those of us who have posted about it. Our hearts all break for you and with you because most all of us have been thru this.

Your reaction isnt' at all unusual. And honestly, there has been a recent thread "the guilt phase of grief" that might help you as well.

She was a beautiful girl -- pancreatitis can happen at any age. My Prissy was 3, and then had recurrences several times. But the onset of it can be so different that it's not the sort of thing you think "Oh, this is pancreatitis, I have to get her to the vet".

There is good support here -- I hope you check back.

bamaeskie

Posted : 3/20/2006 8:55:10 AM

I'm crying right now for your loss. I'm so sorry. Please hang in there. You did all you could do. Know that Kayla's time on earth was wonderful because of you. She died knowing she was loved. Now she's romping and playing with all the other angels at the Rainbow Bridge. Please just continue to post your thoughts on this forum. We're here to try to comfort you. We've all been through this. It doesn't make it any easier, but we all have to learn to cope. Here's one of my stories.

Years ago, my husband and I found this precious stray kitten. Had we not taken him in, he would have died in the gutter. He was so sweet, and he was with us for less than a month. I'll never forget how he started "crashing" and no matter what we did or what the vet did, he kept getting worse and worse. He wouldn't eat, he wobbled as he tried to walk,...As it turns out, he had Fading Kitten Syndrome. We were extremely upset. I held the kitten in my arms as the emergency vet gave him the final shot. The kitten

urred the whole time and then fell asleep forever. I watched him take his last breath. Had we not taken the kitten in, he would have died alone in the cold gutter. He died knowing what it was like to be loved and cared for.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

sharismom

Posted : 3/20/2006 9:22:19 AM

I am very sorry for your loss. Run free Kayla[sm=angel.gif]

twelvepaws

Posted : 3/20/2006 9:23:29 AM

I am so sorry. Your story brought me to tears. Kayla loved you and you did the very best for her. Second guessing won't help. It was her time. I'm glad you're reaching out to help heal. We're here to listen.

tashakota

Posted : 3/20/2006 9:56:43 AM

Run free Kayla. I've had 3 beloved pets/furfriends pass away in the last 5 years and it's heart wrenching. I still have Niko in a tin on my desk at home. Snickers was buried in my parents' garden where she was allowed to wander free, no harness, since it was fenced in.
Guilt is a hard thing to bear but you did what you could and she passed in the most loving place of all, between you and your husband.