Drug and alcohol problem...

Your sister needs a treatment center NOW. She's doing what I did the summer after my dad was killed (I was 16) basically you try to go where he went. You don't KNOW that is what you are doing, but that's basically it. I hope your mom has some insurance, or your sister can get on Medicaid or something because you are right. She needs help NOW.

There is little you can do except not enable her problems. I still strongly recommend Alanon, and I hope you check it out this week.

Hang in there!

I think if you sister feels she needs help too, you are probably not overreacting.
 
I agree with Jeano....if your sister has decent insurance and she is willing to go for help, she should and ASAP.  If she drank a whole bottle of vodka and threw up all morning, I am suprised she doesn't have alcohol poisening.  Maybe it was a small bottle though which might make a difference....Sometimes a treatment center is the only real way to get away from all of your problems including the big ones which are drugs and alcohol.  Although, she will be forced to face her emotional roblems once she is there since they are most likely the reason for her abuse.  It is quite possible she is doing more drugs than pot.  Alcohol can also cause the terrible mood swings...they do with my dad, and that is his drug of choice. 
 
Even in rehab you will have to talk to someone.  That is really the best thing she could use right now, and probably someone outside of the family that is not involved.  It is all very touchy.  She will also most likely be put on some sort of medication at least initially if she is admitted somewhere, but that is not necessarily a bad thing.  They will get her through the w/drawals there and then help her to learn how to deal with the triggers that drive her to subsance abuse.  They will probably suggest that she go to AA or even NA when she is done.  Then they will set her up with a medication manager and eventually ween her off of whatever they put her on that might be more long term if that is a goal she has in mind.  At least this is the experience I have had with someone close to me that went through this.
 
As I said before though, Al-Anon could be beneficial to you to understand that this is a "family disease".  It affects every member of your family that is involved in one way or another whether you want it to or not.  Even if you don't have to deal with it first hand...at some point you will be faced with her problem.  It will help you to be supposrtive for your mother as well.  Maybe mom will go with you.       

I Think your mother needs to act now before your other sister starts up as well. She is not 18 yet if she is too bad put her in a program where she can find ways too help herself. I have pretty much done it all drank done drugs. You name it I have prob done it. And nothing really helped me but me. But she needs too learn that so maybe if you get her in a program that can teach her the only person that can help her to get off from this stuff is her.. (You have too want too change)

And even tho you like too prob smack her upside her head and scream at her. That does not really help when my parents B** at me It always made me go out and do it more. Just let her know you are there for her and let her know that she can get help if she wants it...

Living at home with my mom I never did any of those bad things. To do so was to invite punishment that completely outweighed any enjoyment from such pursuits. On my own was a different story but, needless to say, being self-sufficient also means being self-disciplined

Unfortunately, the only human being we can change is ourselves, so there is little you can do except tell your sister that you love her, and that you wish she would get help.  If she wants help, you can assist by putting her in touch with AA, or NA.  You may want to attend a few Al-Anon meetings, since it what you describe is often a family system illness, and even if you aren't suffering from it directly, it helps to learn how to avoid enabling your sister (hence the earlier comments about your mom needing to end her free ride), and how to cope with the alcoholism of a family member in healthy ways. 

To me, the drinking is more of a concern than smoking a bit of weed, especially if she does it every day.  I wonder if you could force her to get help by calling the cops when she comes home drunk.  That would, at least, put her into the system, although the results might not be what you are looking for.  It just seems obvious to me that if you have 17-18 year old kids, who live at home, not behaving as your mother wishes, she has a lot of control.  She just needs to use it.
 
I have never been around an alcoholic.  I don't understand addictive behavior.  To my thinking, every time a person takes a drink of alcohol, they make a conscious decision to do so.  To call that a "disease," like cancer is a disease, strikes me as ludicrous.  Addictive behavior is a BEHAVIOR, not a disease.  But again, I don't understand addictive behavior.  If those who do want to call it a disease, far be it from me to dispute their expertise.

The choice is often taken away with people who no longer have the ability to MAKE that choice...those who feel that they can NOT get through the day without a drink to steady themselves, calm their nerves, etc.
 
My former FIL was an alcoholic....although now it is called alcohol addiction.   No, he wasn't constantly drunk, no he didn't get plastered, and no, he didn't even drink each and every day.  But, that drink or drinks, were his REWARD for doing whatever it was he had to do.  My ex is also an alcoholic.  Nope, he won't admit it, but he is.  One of my sons is as well.  This CAN be a vicious cycle......one gets depressed, so they drink.....the alcohol causes more depression so they drink more to get a tiny little bit of a high and a happy feeling....become more depressed so drink even MORE.  My son has had alcoholic blackouts.....he's been treated for alcohol poisening.  And guess what?  It wasn't a LEARNED behavior.  He spent next to NO time with the sperm donor growing up, and we are not what anyone would call drinkers... a social drink now and then is it for us.  The Thanksgiving bottle of wine is still half full.  This is just like the person who plays the slot machines and CAN'T walk away cuz they just KNOW that the very next pull is gonna be the jackpot....and that if they walk away, some lucky SOB will win all THEIR money.  I'm one of those people...so I made the concious choice to never START because I know that I can't stop.  And not because I've ever gone way too far or gotten us into debt, but I know from my few little forays that stopping is TOUGH for me.
 
Alcohol addiction IS considered to be an addiction by the medical and physciatric community....but TRUE addiction is different than a teenager who DECIDES to get plastered.  The true addict is someone who just flat cannot stop.

So you guys have really given me a lot to think about.  My mom and I are definitely going to check out al-anon and try to get in on that.  My sister does want help and she does feel depressed and does want to talk to someone...YAY!  (we had a talk yesterday)  So, hopefully things will work themselves out.  Our dad was an alcoholic also.  He got pretty violent when he drank, but he did quit drinking when my parents got divorced, so things got better after that.  Thanks so much to everyone who replied! []

ORIGINAL: georgie4682


but he did quit drinking when my parents got divorced, so things got better after that. 

 
Clearly, the woman in his life drove him to drink.  I can certainly understand that.  [][]

  so I made the concious choice to never START because I know that I can't stop.  And not because I've ever gone way too far or gotten us into debt, but I know from my few little forays that stopping is TOUGH for me.

One of my favorite quotes is:  "It is easier to STAY out than it is to GET out."  I think Mark Twain said it.  It describes perfectly why I consciously chose not to use drugs or alcohol recreationally when a lot of friend started to.  I understand exactly what you mean, Glenda. 

I haven't seen alcohol or drug addiction in my immediate household family, but I've seen it in extended family and friends' families.  It really seems to have a genetic component - at least the propensity to suffer from the addiction runs in a family, although the choice to start is an individual one.  I've seen 3 generations of it in one family -- even when the people didn't grow up in the same household together. 

It's such a terrible situation for everyone involved - the addict, the family members, the coworkers, the friends, etc.  The ripple effects spread far.  I think rofessional help is a must for your sister (getting drunk everyday is more than just teenage wildness), and the support groups everyone has mentioned would provide you, your mother, and your sister with a great deal of guidance and strength.  Best of luck to all of you during this awful struggle. 

Right now your mom needs help and needs to talk to other parents who are going through the same things. You gain alot of strength and support from Alanon.
 
I dont know what I would do without my support system. There are days when I think I cant go on, and again the sun rises and I do.
 
My son is 18 yrs old and a drug addict, hes done it all alcohol, meth, cocaine, pot, prescription oxycontin, hydrocodone, xanax, (bought on the street) you name it he's done it, snorted, smoked, injecting.
 
He's been through rehab twice already in his young life. My biggest fear is his death or him causing someone else's.
 
We finally had to start taking care of ourselves, put him out, he's always welcome home as long as he is sober and working on his recovery, but I cant watch him kill himself.
 
He pawned everything he owns, and I mean everything...
 
We changed the locks and said thats it, no matter how much we love him we cant fix him.
 
Now let me say hes from a good home, always had food and shelter and 2 parents that love and support him. My husband and I both work and have always treated each other and him with respect.
 
My sons biological father is an alcoholic and is his father, so theres an addictive gene there.
 
Your sister will only change when she is good and ready, you cant make her, but you can provide her with the tools to get her life under control. Rehab, therapy, AA etc..... you get the picture. Doing nothing and thinking it is a phase is the worst thing you can do. When kids get high and drink everyday, it is a problem and they are trying to escape something, or they need it just to cope, we may think they have a good life and they should just suck it up and deal with life but an addict cant see past the hand in front of thier face.
 
I am sorry I didnt mean for this post to be so long. I am praying for you and your family. Dont give up, your sister is worth fighting for she just needs to realize that. But you and your mom cant loose yourselves in her addiction. You can only do as much as she will let you, but you can set rules and limits and stick to it.
 
I have found this board to be a great comfort.
soberrecovery.com
 
On a positive note my son his home and sober for 5 weeks.
 
One day at a time.
 

To my thinking, every time a person takes a drink of alcohol, they make a conscious decision to do so. To call that a "disease," like cancer is a disease, strikes me as ludicrous.

 
Do you honestly think that people who lose their families, jobs, money, houses, and self respect are freely "choosing" that?  It is a choice born of desperate craving.  Scientists aren't doing research on the brain "reward pathways" and neurotransmission for no reason.  They hypothesize that the susceptibility to alcoholism is chemical.  Thinking that addictive behavior is not organic is much like thinking there is no physiological reason for mental illness, yet twin studies show that there is a genetic component, and real physical characteristics, that go along with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.  And, I suspect, someday they will discover why some people are susceptible to certain addictions and why others aren't.
 
 

In a way I can see where you are comeing from. Im a alcoholic my father was one and his father before that. It runs in are family. And do I know that when I drink it is not right too do? YES! But it is more harder then you think it is.

And I would never make a excuse for anytime that I have drank or may drink in the future. It is my choice when it comes down too it you are right
and yes it is hard to stop but it is something that can be done. Im 24yrs old and I can say it is a diease no matter how old you are.

One thing that is sad they have a new drug too help people with this. I don't know if it works it is a pill. But in any case the only reason I bring it up my uncle who is on his last strike wanted this medication and they wont allow him too. So one thing that gets me mad they make things that may help people and yet they don't want to give it too everyone. Let me add (He is not)a pill poper not the reason why they said no. They could never come up with a reason just that the people he has to deal with says no.

I know this has nothing too do with this post really but just makes me mad when someone is trying. And they reach out for help and say they are having a hard time and there is something out there that may help them and they wont give it to them.. But then again that is are messed up world for ya...

To my thinking, every time a person takes a drink of alcohol, they make a conscious decision to do so. To call that a "disease," like cancer is a disease, strikes me as ludicrous.

\

alcoholic

Your sister will only change when she is good and ready, you cant make her, but you can provide her with the tools to get her life under control. Rehab, therapy, AA etc..... you get the picture. Doing nothing and thinking it is a phase is the worst thing you can do.

 
What do you do when you offer the tools and the person refuses to use them and resents you for offering them?

ORIGINAL: spiritdogs

Do you honestly think that people who lose their families, jobs, money, houses, and self respect are freely "choosing" that? 

I do.  I think these people can clearly see the damage their behavior causes, but they choose to engage in the behavior anyway.  It is a personal choice.

I used to do cocaine on a daily basis.  A lot of cocaine.  Frankly, I love cocaine and I loved the lifestyle.  I had a high paying job at the time, but I had to deal cocaine to support my habit, which was about a gram a day.  More on weekends.  I have purchased and dealt cocaine by the kilo.  That takes a lot of money and is indicative of a serious problem.

All the time I had a cocaine problem, I was fully cognizant of the fact that I did indeed have a problem.  But I managed to keep my bills paid and I managed to stay high, so I just didn't care.  Cocaine, to me, was that good of a drug.

In 1986, at 29 years old, certainly not a kid, I decided that cocaine, good as it was, was ruining my life.  I had produced significantly higher than average income for a number of years, yet I had nothing to show for it.  I realized that as long as I continued in the cocaine lifestyle, I was never going to have anything.  I was constantly paranoid, due to my dealing activities and the effect of the drug.  I had to change.  Since April of that year, I haven't touched cocaine.  No therapy, no intervention, nothing except my personal decision to quit.

I know that cocaine, for me, is not a recreational drug.  It didn't take years of therapy and all kinds of sponsors for me to figure that out.  It was a personal decision, just as every line I ever snorted was a personal decision.

Perhaps today, my addiciton would be considered a disease.  Maybe even back then it would have been considered a disease.  But if I had considered it a disease, even with the advantage of hindsight, that would have just been avoiding personal responsibility for my irresponsible behavior.  So yes, I honestly do believe that people who engage in addicive behavior choose to do so of their own free will.  I certainly did.
 
Edited to add:
 
I think a gram of cocaine, back in my day, cost $125.  If I had done a gram a day, and I am sure I did much more than that, my habit would have cost me $45,625 per year.  That alone is a problem.  []