NM

ORIGINAL: cakana
Okay, not to pick on Gina's husband or anything, but seriously this was their 1st anniversary.  I'd be hurt too and based on what Gina's saying, it doesn't necessarily sound like this was a typical husband checking out on the important event.  I think there's more to it and having a little chat about it, might clear the air.

 
He blew off her birthday too.  In his mind, and in mine, they are non-events.  Well, that might be a little strong but hopefully you get my meaning.

I think there's more to it and having a little chat about it, might clear the air.

agreed. She's had a string of disappointments lately (ret'd shower gift comes to mind), and he may not understand how all of those things rollup and add fuel to her hurt over his seemingly dismissive attitude toward their anniversary.  Talk to him.  Share trust with him.  Good luck.

Talk to him. Share trust with him. Good luck.

I agree with this.  Share trust but do NOT lay blame.  Blame immediately puts a guy on the defensive.  Use the "we" clause, as in "I wish WE could have handled our anniversary differently." Or something to that effect.  JMO.

ORIGINAL: cakana

Okay, not to pick on Gina's husband or anything, but seriously this was their 1st anniversary. 

What can I say. Some men are bad for these types of things from the get go. It may have been Gina's !st, but DH has had lots of anniversaries. But to be fair, there are also many, many men who are attentive, spontaneous and hopeless romantics all their lives, I just wish I had one of them. LOL

He blew off her birthday too. In his mind, and in mine, they are non-events. Well, that might be a little strong but hopefully you get my meaning.

 
Okay, I see your point and you're probably right. So, my suggestion is to let DH know that you understand that he's busy and not into the shopping experience and you'll simply be buying your own jewelry in the future []

ORIGINAL: Xerxes

I agree with this.  Share trust but do NOT lay blame.  Blame immediately puts a guy on the defensive.  Use the "we" clause, as in "I wish WE could have handled our anniversary differently." Or something to that effect.  JMO.

Careful, most men are onto the "we" reference. Billy?

ORIGINAL: denise m

ORIGINAL: Xerxes

I agree with this.  Share trust but do NOT lay blame.  Blame immediately puts a guy on the defensive.  Use the "we" clause, as in "I wish WE could have handled our anniversary differently." Or something to that effect.  JMO.

Careful, most men are onto the "we" reference. Billy?

Actually, no.

"I wish you didn't have to pay so much child support," is completely different than, "I will be glad when we no longer have a child support payment."
 
ETA:  I see your "anniversary" point now and, while I do agree that most men would see right through it, I think most men would also see it as a good thing to say. 
 
To me, the issue here is Gina and her husband just see anniversaries and birthdays totally differently.  I don't think she is going to change him and I don't think she should try.  It isn't a battle worth fighting.  Maybe they can come to some kind of agreement that they will each buy themself something for these types of events.

I totally agree with Billy and honestly I don't think 'there's more to it'. Gina you sound like every other married woman I know. You have only been married for a year and are still getting to know each other. That literally takes years. It is sooo normal to have unpleasant feelings, disagreements, disappointments etc. It doesn't mean you are having any kind of marital problems what so ever. Talk is really good but don't abuse it. You don't have to discuss every little hurt feeling you have. Save it for what's important.

Just give the guy a kiss and plan a nice romantic dinner for next year.

 
Oh yeah.. I am with denise on doing most the planning yourself and discussing it with him.  The “surprise” never works… there is no surprised and then you just get hurt and ticked off felling like he didn#%92t care.  If I don#%92t make plans for us (or at least suggest plans), I will say the following:
 
“you know, I have been thinking about what I wanted to do for my birthday this year. Last years was great when you took me to _________,  I really don#%92t care what we do this year, so why don#%92t you just pick a restaurant or something that we haven#%92t been to that you think we should try.  The surprise might be fun!”
 
THAT, IMO is about the only way that you can have ANY surprise by most men…. Be surprised on the place they decide to take you to eat.  But don#%92t expect any surprise or plans made UNLESS You tell him you want him to plan it.   
 
 
ETA- I TOTALLY AGREE with this denise:
 

Talk is really good but don't abuse it. You don't have to discuss every little hurt feeling you have. Save it for what's important.

Just like you make the choice to pick your battles wisely, think carefull over what "talks" you decide to have or the future talks will end up not meaning anything to him. []

You are far from alone in the birthday/anniversary exchange between partners. My DH and I have been married for 5 years and he has missed a birthday card, he did not forget the day, just a card. When it comes down to dates of importance to me his wife, he is about as romantic as a rock. So I had to decide, was it that important? The answer for me was no, because he does both big and little things enough on other days to tell me he loves me. A card is just some paper, a gift can be anything, some will last, some will not. One of my favorite gifts were some flowers I got when I had some teeth pulled....go figure.
 
As for the insurance papers, now that I would have a problem with. I would call and ask for the change of beneficary paperwork to be sent to the house, and when they arrive I would sit down with him and discuss how it should be divided.
 
Happy belated anniversary.
 
Tru
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

My best friend has a DH that totally spaces on anniversaries/birthdays, etc.  She has taken to buying herself diamonds for special occasions. [] She doesn't charge them, or run up bills, or take money from other things. She just goes into the jewelry store, picks out what she wants and puts it on lay-away.  She pays a little here, a little there, and pretty soon it's hers to take home.  She has quite an impressive collection that her daughter will inherit someday.
 
Joyce

I haven't read the entire thread, so this may be a repeat.  But, here goes. 
 
You know that he has issues with gifts because the ex made it more about HER.  Guess what?  You did the same thing by waking him up and making a major big deal of it.  It became not HIS gift but YOUR gift to him....if that makes any sense.
 
I was the beneficiary on my ex's life insurance until my youngest son hit 25.  Then the boys were made joint beneficiaries.  This, by the way, was Court ordered.  He bought an additional policy for his second family and yet another for the third......
 
It's tough with blended families, and yeah, we did without too so that the kids had what they needed and his ex could go blow the CS on whatever.....working together is the only way we got through.
 
I'm sorry your anniversary didn't live up to what you had hoped.  But, you're DH is alive, was with you and you have the coming birth of your child to celebrate!

I think Glenda is right on all accounts. My hubby also had to have a life insurance policy with his ex as beneficiary until the two boys reached 18 years of age. Court ordered here too.

Talk is really good but don't abuse it. You don't have to discuss every little hurt feeling you have. Save it for what's important.

 
Give the girl a big cigar.  Thats great advice.  I'm constantly having to reel in my tongue and not harp on about stuff that is really not important.... [sm=beatdeadhorse.gif]  is not healthy.  Pick your battles.  Remember:  Silent head, wise woman.
And when you do have a real grievance, KISS! That is, Keep It Short and Sweet!  Or to put it another way; be concise and dont attack.  I estimate that most guys shut out the noise after about three sentences.  Less if you sound nasty or they are cross or its been a bad day. 
 
(By all means actually kiss if you want to.  There is no law against it.)
 

ORIGINAL: Chuffy
I estimate that most guys shut out the noise after about three sentences. 

Some of us have developed this to the level of an art form.  I used to be able to have an actual conversation with my ex and not have a clue what she said.  It was as if I would process her words long enough to formulate an answer, then immediately erase them from memory.  It was beautiful.  Just recalling it brings a tear to my eye.  []