Multiple vs. only children

My parents had 13 children, 8 boys and 5 girls with age differences spanning 20 years.  Imagine 10 years of being pregnant.  I am the 8th boy and have a younger sister.  It was tight quarters when we were young and all  living together but being part of a large family when we are all adults is great.  I never ever thought in terms of being an only child, probably could not comprehend it.  What I do treasure most now is my privacy.   

I was an only child, though it was not my parents intention.  That brought a lot of baggage to the situation (I became aware of circumstances VERY early).  Personally I didn't mind being an only.  I did mind the family baggage.
 
DH is the youngest of 6 but the gap between him and the others is so huge he may as well have been an only child.  He ended up both only-child-spoiled AND youngest-baby spoiled, lol.
 
We decisively drew the line at two kids.  They get along so well - I really envy what they have and am so glad we did have more than one.

I'm the middle child with two sisters.  My older sister is two years older and my younger one is six years younger than me.  I have wished that I was an only child before, but I'm glad that I'm not.  I don't like being a middle child though, not at all.  It seems like I'm just there to do the chores that my older sister doesn't do (which is all of them), babysit, and get complained to.  My parents have been trying to figure out what has made my sister so mean and selfish (she's one of those people that you never want to associate yourself with.  A lot of times people don't even want to give me a chance to prove that I'm not like her.  I've even had someone say that they wanted to beat me up because I'm her sister- little did they know she wouldn't really care.) so they really don't let me do nearly as much as other kids my age.  I don't bring friends home because my younger sister has a problem with wanting to embarress me and my older sister will not watch her mouth around people and can be very rude.  So for the most part, my family knows very few of my friends.
When I was younger (I'm sixteen), my older sister and I were somewhat close.  She talked to me all of the time and we were always playing games together.  Of course we fought a lot, but I think that's something kids need.  They need to learn how to defend themselves, and when to stop.  I had one friend that was the oldest (and her closest sibling in age was like ten years younger) and she obviously never learned when to quit bothering people or how to defend herself.
If I were an only child I think I would be rather spoiled and overprotected.  My parents are definitely the type that would try to do the best for me and push me even harder than they currently do.  I don't like the idea of them knowing all of my friends either.  I probably wouldn't be able to hang out with several of them, because my parents would think that they aren't the best type of people to be around.  But on the upside, I would probably have a pretty nice car.
One big thing that woud be different if I were the oldest, youngest, or an only child is that I think I would be a lot more outgoing.  My older sister has always shut me up and made me feel like whatever I say is stupid and worthless, so over the years I've become rather quiet and have trust issues.  But really, I think it's best that I'm where I am in my family.  My mom needs me for advice or just to vent to, and most people I know would just cause issues with my sister to escalate if they were in my shoes.  My little sister can be great, and I'm really glad that I have her.  If I ever have kids though, I don't think I'm going to have a middle child (but will have more than one child).  I hate it and I don't like the idea of putting someone else in this sort of a situation.

I am an only (I have 2 step-brother, but they never really lived with us).  I enjoyed it growing up.  The tastes I got of my younger cousins were enough to convince me that siblings were more trouble than they are worth.  I liked having my cousins over, but also liked it when they went home.

The only thing I regret now is that there is nobody to be the token grandchild-maker and therefore get my mother off my back. [8|]

DH has seven brothers and sisters and barely sees or speaks to them at all.

Do you have siblings, or are you an only child?

Four siblings

 If you have siblings, have you ever wished you were an only child?

Every single day of my life...

And if you have siblings, what's your birth order?

Me - 21, Andy - 21, Maggie - 20, Sharmae - 14 or 15, Austin - 9

Have you ever wished it was different?

Yup

Do you think your relationship with your parents would be different if you did/didn't have siblings?

Quite.  I kind of resent my mother for having more kids, especially since the first three of us are all so close in age.  There was never "Mom and Jackie time" it was "Mom and Jackie...and Andy, and Maggie," and then "Mom and Jackie...and Andy and Maggie, and Sharmae, and Austin."

I hated it then, I hate it now, and it's the reason first and foremost I don't get on with my mother.  I don't even like any of them.  I "tolerate" my first youngest sister (maggie), but I don't care for the rest in any way shape or form.

Sharmae had to be sent to live with her birth family things got so awful here, and there isn't a day that goes by where I think about her, unless I'm prompted to (such as this thread).  I just don't care.

Awful perhaps, but *shrug*
 
I have a tendency to covet things, and not want to share, because I've had to share my ENTIRE life.  I had to share food, pets, attention, which seat in the car to sit in (I hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE sitting on the left side of the car unless I'm driving).  I'm 21, I shouldn't have to share anymore unless I WANT to (and having to share with 4 other children, it is a rarity that I want to).
 
My mother tried to make me share Strauss with Austin when I got him, and I absolutely refused.  We STILL fight about it from time to time, because Austin will do things with Strauss that are just not allowed, and so my mother will yell at me "Just let him, it's fine."  No, it is NOT fine.  If it were fine, I wouldn't be pitching a fit.
 
I was forced to "Grow up" early because of all the issues my other siblings have, which is another reason I feel such resentment.  Not only did I get stuck with siblings I didn't want, they all had mental health issues (with the exception of Maggie, who is "normal".  Mom would dump all her problems with Andrew on me.  I'd get yelled at because HE did something nuts.  It's still that way.  She has a crappy day at work and she comes and dumps on me.
 
Mom adopted Andy because #1 she wanted another and #2 she wanted someone for me to play with.  Yeah...that worked out real great.  The schizophrenic who tried to kill me on more than one occasion...great playmate.
 
I get annoyed when people just walk in on me, or knock and then walk in without being told "Come in" (since WHEN does knocking and just entering count as being polite?).  I'm 21 years old, and I've dealt with that junk for years.  I want my privacy and to be LEFT ALONE.  I can't appreciate my privacy because I don't GET any unless the house is empty!  I'm quite happy when everybody is gone, and I actually feel sour when people return to the house.
 
So now I'm 21, and I will admit, I've regressed to being a bit immature, because I didn't get my time to just "be a kid" with all the rest of the crazy siblings...
 

i come from the classic broken home lol and i have experienced life from all vantage points of sibling order. i've been the youngest, the middle, the oldest, and the only child... it all depended on who i visited for summer vacations or on weekends. if i went to stay with aunts, grand parents, my dad, or if my brother was in boot camp/1 wkd a month thing.... it was cool actually. a miracle that i am not a complete wacko either.... 
it helps me a lot in how i plan to deal with my own kids and their birth order struggles. my goal is to have three.... and maybe leave room for a "happy accident" but i havent yet decided.. i am leaning more towards getting spayed after the third.. if i decide to actually let my guard down to even HAVE a third.... i liked being with my younger half sisters. they were a lot of fun. we spent many summers together. we were raised quite differently though. they had strict house rules and two parents... i had almost no house rules and only one parent... but i wasnt nearly as spoiled or bratty as they were. these girls are something else.... as kids..if i got a puppy i was allowed to bring it with me for the weekend... and pretty soon after.. my sisters would also have a puppy.. we also all got the SAME toys for Christmas.. i guess the logic was to reduce fighting over toys... instead it completely nixed any chances of sharing at all. the one time we did get different toys was a night mare... i got a big stuffed cocker spanial looking dog
(from my mom, from God only knows what store)..my sisters liked him but my step mom couldnt find where he(yeah my stuffed animals all had genders and names) came from, so she found alternatives... one sister got a big stuffed horse, and the youngest got a stuffed german shepherd.. gotta love Toys R Us at Christmas... oh it was a nonstop cat fight! "SHE TOUCHED MY HORSE!!" "SHE WONT STOP STARING AT MY DOG!!" .... i couldnt wait for sunday so i could go back home...

I am an only child and I couldn't see it any other way. I will admit that I did get lonely as a child at times, but that usually faded away after I played with my friends in the neighbourhood. lol

I have been told I exhibit "only child syndrome," but I don't feel that I'm selfish per se. I think it's more of a personality thing than whether I had siblings or not. I try to be helpful when I can, and give of myself when I feel it's deserved. My mom raised me on her own with the help of my aunts and my maternal grandparents and I think knowing of her struggle makes me feel even more lucky that I grew up in the situation I did. Knowing someone was strong for me and put me before themselves makes me feel all that more inspired to do the same for others. I'm still dependant on my mom and I wait for the day when I can rightfully pay her back. As for my biological father, he sure missed out.

i haven't read all the replies...
 
i have one younger sister. we are apart 7 years, so i still remember the days when i still was an only child. i always loved having a sister. yes, when i was in puperty, she drove me up the walls (my fault, not hers[]) but i always loved her to pieces and was always protective of her.
dispite the age difference we ALWAYS played together. yes, she had her own friends and so did i, but when we were at home we would do the craziest stuff together.
now we are just growing closer and closer still. i think i learned a lot from having a sibling. yes, i was spoiled before she was born, and always slightly favoured to her, so me being a social and less selfish has less to do with my mother than it does with my sister i think. she used to be my b****. we still joke about that. but at one point i did make the efford to change and things are awesome right now. right now we are even slowly starting to have the same friends although she is closing in on 17 and i am closing in on 24.
 
that's one thing that i discovered, that i always had friends that were younger than me and she always had friends much older than her. i'm pretty certain it has to do with the way we grew up. also she is maturing so much faster than me. it's scary! lol..
 
we also have a half sister (born on the same day as my sister, by the way) who is turning 9 this year. but she never lived with us, so it doesnt really count i guess..
 
ok, i have to stop talking about my sister, i miss her too much. two more weeks and she'll be back! wohoo!!

only-child-spoiled AND youngest-baby spoiled

Not to harp, but do you see how this gets into every conversation about only versus not only?  [sm=no%20no%20smiley.gif]
Onlies and youngest babies of the world unite!!! [sm=drinking47.gif]

Interesting thread!

I am the youngest in my family. I have a brother who is 5 years older than me and a sister who is 1 yr 4 months older than me. My brother and I do not get along, which (and not to sound immature), is his fault. My sister and I are extremely close and are best friends. Since we've moved around a lot and my brother lived on his own, we often only had each other and that drew us even closer together. No one in my entire life will ever be as close to me as my sister is.

When I was younger once in awhile I wished I was an only child but I wasn't actually serious - if I had the choice, I would definitely keep my siblings. My sister has made me such a better person than I would be without her. Dealing with my brother made me stronger, even though I am still young.

I do think my relationship with parents would be different to a degree if I did not have any siblings. My parents devoted the majority of their time to my brother, and even moreso my sister, and I feel as I received just some empty promises. They were just too busy with my brother and sister to have the time to do things with me, and this has definitely caused some emotional issues between my parents and me now. My parents and I, for the most part, get along and I really love them, but I wish that they had managed their time equally between the 3 of us kids. Instead, it was like pulling straws, and little unlucky me got the short one. Lol. []

I am the middle child of 7, and I cannot imagine my brothers and sisters not being part of my life...after all, who would I make fun of my dad with?  I think our family had a lot less of the brother-sister bickering because we lost my mom at a very young age, so we had to kind of band together to help each other out.  As a result we all have incredibly close, strong relationships.  If I ever have kids, it will be a minimum of three for me...first, they have a built-in support network, and second, I will finally have a band that has no choice but to stay together

I'm an only child. I have had a "perfect" life more or less. My parents are wonderfully in love- still and I suppose I was "spoiled" (if that's what people want to call it)  in many ways... but my parent's didn't have anyone else to spend their time or money on so it was natural that they worked hard to provide me with the best they could. We were middle class, but they did what they could to make sure I get an excellent private school education and went to an outstanding private college. Most people assume I am a snob, but I'm not. There is a huge sigma attached to only children that I don't think is always fair.
 
I am very lucky, and there is never a day I wish I had a sibling. I am best friends with my parents and value my relationship with them. I was never given strict rules, but my parents didn't have to... I wasn't drinking, doing drungs, smoking, sleeping around, skipping school, etc. I never gave them a reason to worry and I think it makes a huge difference in how I was brought up.

I have three siblings.  My older brother is 20, I'm 18, younger bro is 16, and baby sis is14.
My older brother is really laid back, so normally if we are all together I am the one in charge. 
I really enjoy having siblings that are close in age.  We have our own little group and know each other pretty well.   I have never wished to be an only child, but I have wished that certain siblings would be nicer.  I am close to all my siblings in diferent ways.  My younger bro is really intelligent, so I have never really thought of him as younger than me, except now I am going off to collage and he isn't, lol.
We meet every night for devotions and normally it turns in to just talking, laughing and having a good time.  We talk about everything.  Then once a week we go out somewhere and have a family night (as if we didn't already spend enough time together.)  It is fun.  We are a really really close knit family, and by Wednesday if we haven't had family night, someone is normally asking when we will have it.

The hardest thing about having siblings is that the 14 and 16 year old are always trying to annoy each other, and the 14 year old always wants to hang out with the 16 year olds friends.  So there is a bit of drama with them.
My parents and I have a really good relationship, but we have had mostly had a friend relationship more than a parent/child relationship since I was about 10.  I was always a very mature child, so I didn't really need as much guidence as my siblings.  I am glad, I really don't like being babied. 
I can't imagine life without siblings, so I don't reeally know if our relationship would be diferent or not.

LOL maybe Anne, but I can usually tell within a few days working with someone if they are an only or a baby....or the oldest. Middles are always the hardest for me to suss out.
 
I don't think I've ever missed one...lol. Perhaps it's more commentary on those people than the 'idea' of birth order...but they have all shared similar traits just the same. Many things go into making a person who they are...and I believe your birth order does play a large role in how you relate to others....but that's simply a personal belief.

I'm an only and I can't imagine being any other way.

I was not spoiled, but I do exhibit the traits of only children in that I'm fairly self-assured and self-directed. I had to learn to play by myself and I was also around adults a lot instead of kids my own age, so I'm sure that someone could ID me as an only. But my parents were pretty strict and authoritative. I never got something for nothing and they made me start a part time job when I was 15 and after that, no more spending money from them. I never had a problem sharing (my husband who has a sister has WAY more of a sharing issue becuase he was always forced to share and now that he's and adult, he don't wanna!) and I was always a fairly quiet, introverted kid. Doesn't mean I was insecure (people always seem to mistake introversion for insecurity, I don't know why), just that I had a really rich inner life because so much of my play was by myself and involved my imagination.

One thing that I really did benefit from was that my parents only had one child to educate so I was always sent to the best schools they could afford. The reason they only had one was so they could do this, but they always made sure that I understood the sacrifices they were making in order to make it happen and I rarely took it for granted and they made a lot of other priviledges contingent on my grades.

I had a friend in middle and high school who had a younger brother as well but she was way WAY more spoiled than me. She got handouts of free money from her parents, when ever she wanted it, didn't have to do any chores, and basically just was spoiled in every possible concievable way. She was a smart girl but was constantly screwing up in school because they never taught her responsibility for herself, though she was clearly so smart and learned to use her feminine wiles pretty early on so her grades didn't normally suffer because she was able to talk her teachers into making exceptions for her--SO IRRITATING!!!