Family Structure

Simply stated.  If the child is loved, nutured, & cared for, I don't care who raises it.  There are too many children living in miserable situations for something so petty to such a large issue.

These are the facts. According to the 2000 census, the vast majority — more than 75% — of American households differ in structure from two married, heterosexual parents and their biological children. We are a nation of blended and multi-generational families, adoptive and foster families, and families headed by single parents, divorced parents, unmarried parents, same-sex couples and more. Despite Dobson's assertions to the contrary, there is no single "traditional" family structure in the United States

Is the above good? Is something "the norm" always 'the ideal'? Is something "commonly done' always "best"? Just some thing that came to mind when reading the point AND counter point.
 
The part in bold encompasses likely a whole lot of single parent, divorced, and adopted child family...so spin is in the counter point and point both.
 
I think that what was said about single parent families, lack of fathers in particular...HAS had a significant impact on today's youth...as have "moms house, dads house" type issues. Especially in minority communities. In fact, what the point article said about man-ness being learned makes me wonder if the extreme acting out of male youth...especially minority youth...is a result of over compensating, or is a sort of fumbling in the dark as to what "man ness", truly means? These issues interest me more than the gay/straight issue.
 
I do think that stability is super, SUPER important. Kids MUST know their parent is dependable...and two dependable people who will always go to bat for you, that show they are commited to one another, has GOT to be better than one.
 
So I guess my input on this would be...I think a child is "better off" with two people who care and are dependable and know thier duty as parents, and demonstrate a commitment to one another that can weather hardships...regardless of what sex the people are.

ok.. here's my own experience:

my parents divorced when i was about 10, my sister was 3. we lived with my mom from that point on. my mother has had 2 boyfriends in that time who were living with us, the second one still is, although i am moved out by now. has it had an effect on us? definately!! do we feel it was a problem? no.
that is not to say, that there weren't fights even about the boyfriends, but that is to be expected. no such thing as happily ever after. but in the end we love our mother and we want her to be happy as well.

one thing i recently discovered though is this: my sister told me, when she was younger she would always imagine herself having lots of kids, but only later realized that she did not imagine a father there. she just imagined herself and a bunch of kids. this is very different from me.
i am more the steady boyfriend type, whereas my sister is just the type that doesnt have the patience to deal with a boyfriend.. i'm sure it has to do with the way we grew up and the age we were in when our parents divorced.

having said that, i think we are both happy kids and i don't remember either of us EVER being jealous or envious of another family... we had it way better than lot's of kids i knew..
 
so, i guess what i am trying to say is this: it depends on the parents, no matter if it's a single parent or same sex parents or whatever. if tey have a positive or negative effect on their children entirely depends on their effords and attitude... JMHO

I'm older and I strongly believe in the institution of marriage and instilling morals and values in children.  No man ever lived with me without that piece of paper because that would have not taught my children by example.
 
And, as old as I am, I believe that two loving parents, regardless of sex are critical to the strong and healthy development of a child.  And, I admit to being a bit wierded out by the two mommies, two daddies thing.  And that's not to start a lot of stuff, that's just to show how strongly I feel about the two parent issue.

so what is it, in your opinion that two people can do, that one cannot?

Um, twice what ONE can do?  I was a single mom for two years and let me tell you, it's a ton of hard work.  Parenting isn't easy and that second person certainly lightens the load, and also teaches by example about commitment, shared responsibility, and yeah, I think personally that it's important for a male child to have a male parent.  JMO.
 
As I said, I'm older.  I dated, a lot, when I was single, but my kids never even MET the guys I went out with casually.  And they sure never saw one I wasn't married to sharing my bed. That's my generation tho, that's my belief in instilling morals and values by example.

ORIGINAL: BEVOLASVEGAS

Simply stated.  If the child is loved, nutured, & cared for, I don't care who raises it.  There are too many children living in miserable situations for something so petty to such a large issue.

The notion of family has nothing to do with religion or blood.  I simply don't understand what business it is of others who chooses to form a family unto themselves.  Religious zealots who proclaim whatever they proclaim about the idea of two mommies or daddies should relax and let the Almighty be the judge.  Who are they to take over His job?
The fact is that if people (whether alone or together, homosexual or heterosexual) act responsibly and humanely, raising children, as any other task, is completed with love, dignity and respect, and no one suffers.  Irresponsible conduct is not limited to unmarried adults.  Plenty of "traditional" families teach their children disrespect, greed, intolerance and the inability to MYOB.

ORIGINAL: glenmar

I'm older and I strongly believe in the institution of marriage and instilling morals and values in children.  No man ever lived with me without that piece of paper because that would have not taught my children by example.

And, as old as I am, I believe that two loving parents, regardless of sex are critical to the strong and healthy development of a child.  And, I admit to being a bit wierded out by the two mommies, two daddies thing.  And that's not to start a lot of stuff, that's just to show how strongly I feel about the two parent issue.

 
As politically incorrect as I know it is today, I agree with you.
 
It is up to us as parents to instill in our children morals that we consider appropriate. 
 
At our age, we are entitled to have sex, with anyone we wish, until the ceiling rattles, but, if we have young children at home and we aren't married to the ceiling rattler, we need to do this in such a way as the children aren't aware of it.  I don't want to send the message to a 12 year old girl that it is okay to have sex outside of the confines of marriage.  That is MY morals.  Yours may be different.
 
In an ideal world, one in which I am taller, children would have two stable parents.  One parent would be male and one parent would be female.  I think men bring something to the child rearing table that women don't and women bring something that men don't.
 
Since I have 3 boys and no girls, let me address raising boys.  I think adolescent boys need a strong male influence in their lives.  SOME adolescent boys will need to be physically controlled, from time to time.  SOME women just aren't capable of providing that control.  For example, if a 6 foot, 200 pound, 16 year old boy tells his 120 pound mother that he damned well will smoke pot in the house and he doesn't care how she feels about it, he needs to be knocked on his ass.  I doubt mom would be able to do it, in this case.  This situation calls for a strong male influence.
 
When my oldest boy was 16, I knocked him out, in the middle of the kitchen floor, for calling his mother a "bitch."  Now I can't say that he never called his mother (who was a bitch, btw) a bitch again, I can say, he never did it in my presence.  A strong male influence was called for and a strong male influence was employed.

The fact is that if people (whether alone or together, homosexual or heterosexual) act responsibly and humanely, raising children, as any other task, is completed with love, dignity and respect, and no one suffers. Irresponsible conduct is not limited to unmarried adults. Plenty of "traditional" families teach their children disrespect, greed, intolerance and the inability to MYOB.

 
 
 
Thank you for this well stated post Anne. I have been kinda biting my tongue here as DH and I actually do not have a "piece of paper" between us.  Everyone refers to him as my "husband", but it is really a "common law" marriage after 12 years of being together. While everyone is entitled to their opinion, my opinion is that we are not setting a poor example for DH's kids by not having a "legal marriage".
 
His ex left him for another man who she married right after the divorce was final and I am sorry to say but he is a complete POS and the two of them, as a married couple, have done everything in their power to screw up those kids.  Thank GAWD his we got his daughter out of the house halfway through high school and straightened her out through living with us. We are excellent parents and IMO if more parents spend as much time, energy and love as we do on these kids, the world would be a far better place. As conceited as that may sound, it is truly my belief.  If his ex had NOT married and stayed a single mom, the kids would have been far better off as she lets her husband control everything in their lives.  She went from a good, caring and loving mother to one who could easily be a candidate for worst mother of the year through her marriage and raising kids with this man.
 
Now that the kids are in their early 20#%92s, they have often told us that we (ie- dh and I) are what they consider “family” and their moms side of the family doesn#%92t feel like family at all. That when they find someone to spend their lives with that they hope that they have the kind of relationship that dh and I have. SO… that sounds to me like we have set a GOOD example of what a family should be and how to love another person.  In fact just last week, my step daughter was complaining about one of her friends boyfriends and she told me she doesn#%92t know why the girl is putting up with him. She said that she personally though has been spoiled by having her dad as a male role model, and she now knows that there are GOOD MEN out there and she isn#%92t willing to settle for less, unlike her friend. She went on to say that she also won#%92t settle for a relationship that doesn#%92t have respect for one another like her dad and my relationship.    Is she a smart girl or what!!![]
 
Ideally, every child would be raised in a loving home with 2 parents, but this isn#%92t always possible and as demonstrated by dh#%92s ex wife, it isn#%92t always the wisest decision to have another person to help you raise your kids.
 
So I totally agree with janetmichels post of:
 
>>so, i guess what i am trying to say is this: it depends on the parents, no matter if it's a single parent or same sex parents or whatever. if tey have a positive or negative effect on their children entirely depends on their efforts and attitude... JMHO <<
 

Just a reminder that I prefaced my comments with the fact that I AM older.  And to me personally, that piece of paper DOES matter.  To me it is more than a piece of paper.

Just a reminder that I prefaced my comments with the fact that I AM older. And to me personally, that piece of paper DOES matter. To me it is more than a piece of paper.

 
I understand you are older Glenda and so we obviously are going to be coming at this from different view points due to our age alone.... that said I understand that you were simply stating YOUR OPINION as I also was stating mine and I even stated the following in my first paragraph:
 

While everyone is entitled to their opinion, my opinion is...

 
 
So I was not trying to say you were wrong, just that I personally have a different viewpoint ( i happen to disagree with Billy's view too so you weren't the only one[]). You and I just don't see eye-to-eye on certain issues and I have no problem with that.. I OFTEN agree to disagree with many folks, I just felt the need to give my [sm=2cents.gif] on this issue... one that I happen to personally feel strongly about do to my current living and family situation.    

ORIGINAL: jjsmom06
( i happen to disagree with Billy's view too so you weren't the only one[]).

 
This is America.  You are free to be wrong.  Even foolish.  Sometimes both at the same time.  []

This is America. You are free to be wrong. Even foolish. Sometimes both at the same time.

 
How about young, wrong and foolish?  If so I will take 'em MAC![]

I think I am only going to post one reply, because I do not want to get in the middle of this, but I will state my opinion. My opinion is that marriage is for a man and woman only, and having both a stable female and male influence in a child's life is better for the child as opposed to having two stable female or two male influences.
 
Not going to elaborate as I know what happened in a diff. debate. [] []