Family Structure

I think it's pretty well accepted that two parents, no matter the gender, are better than one. I think two mommies or two daddies are perfectly fine and acceptable, and can raise great, normal children. However, I do think it's important that kids are close to good role models of both genders. I don't think they need to be parents, an uncle or aunt is fine.
 
As a girl who grew up with very little male influence, I really resent the idea that somehow boys need a father-figure more than girls do, or girls need a mother-figure more than boys do. It's just not true. Both genders are very important in shaping kids of either gender, IMO.

Parenting isn't easy and that second person certainly lightens the load, and also teaches by example about commitment, shared responsibility,

 
Unfortunately I had two children - my son and his dad.  He never lightened the load and he never wanted to be "the bad guy".  Commitment?  His only commitment was to his d*ck, so my son learned a lot about womanizing, drinking, irresponsibility, and treating his mother like a doormat.  Yes, my poor choices got me into that position, but I got myself out.  Have I done a great job with my son?  Not really.  But I tried everything under the sun to do my best.  My b/f and I have been together 5 years (we don't live together) and my son hated him until about six months ago because he helped me handle him and stuck up for me, whereas my son's father never did. 
 
My brother and his wife, who have no children but are experts on kids, thought I should have stayed with my son's dad for the sake of DS.  I do not agree with that.  One parent who is loving, responsible, and available to the child is by far better than the situation I was in. 
 
 

Not going to elaborate as I know what happened in a diff. debate.[][]

 
smart girl![]
 
Actually, coming from someone who highly supports gay marraige, I have to agree and say that I believe that in a erfect world, every child would have the opportunity to learn from a supportive family that represents both genders.  I say this knowing how not having a mother figure in my DH's life growing up, has altered who he is today and not for necessarily the best.   But I also do not believe we live in a perfect world and there are exceptions to every rule and things should be looked at perhaps on a case by case basis and not everything is black and white....  but i do understand your point and agree with part of it.  []

ORIGINAL: chelsea_b

As a girl who grew up with very little male influence, I really resent the idea that somehow boys need a father-figure more than girls do, or girls need a mother-figure more than boys do.

 
I don't understand the resentment.  Look how screwed up you are.  []
 
Just trying to live up to the moniker you gave me.  []

ORIGINAL: glenmar

I'm older and I strongly believe in the institution of marriage and instilling morals and values in children.  No man ever lived with me without that piece of paper because that would have not taught my children by example.

And, as old as I am, I believe that two loving parents, regardless of sex are critical to the strong and healthy development of a child.  And, I admit to being a bit wierded out by the two mommies, two daddies thing.  And that's not to start a lot of stuff, that's just to show how strongly I feel about the two parent issue.

I'm also an "older" woman and I agree.  I have seen "two mommies" raise 3 beautiful daughters together but even they admit that the best framework for raising children is a good marriage of two heterosexual people.

Even in divorce situations, I cringe when I hear of people banish their spouse from their children.  It is the child who suffers most. 

Even in divorce situations, I cringe when I hear of people banish their spouse from their children. It is the child who suffers most.

 
Depends on the spouse.. there are some ex- spouses that perhaps should not be in the childs life at all (I am talking the more extreme cases here).. I understand your point, and agree with not banishing the spouse just because of hurt, resentment or jealousy, but there are some situations where the child is actually better off with one parent than with both.

I don't understand the resentment. Look how screwed up you are.

 
That's my point, actually. I'm screwed up because I had no dad, and yet people act like fathers are more important to boys than to girls. It just ain't true, I had PLENTY of great female influence, so by that logic I should be perfectly normal and sane. I'm not. [8D] Girls need daddies too.

I definitely missed having a dad...it did screw me up emotionally, and hamper my ability to trust men or even LIKE men...but I also had numerous negative males in my early life.
 
But in the end, thru much internal work, a bit of counseling, talks with my Mom about choices she made, and just living life...I did make a turnaround, learn to enjoy the differences between men and women, and value male friendships, and most importantly, make a good decision, and have a totally stable and dependable and lovable male influence now in my life and my kids lives...and I plan to move mountains to keep it that way!

I don't understand what the worls has come to.  I see gay people all of the time.  It doesn't bother me.  To each his own.  But when you start getting children involved, that's where I draw the line.  I'm not saying that these people cannot care for a child but come on now.  There has to be limits.  When a homosexual couple has a child, it has to be confusing for the child.  Not to mention that the child is going to have difficulty making friends.  I think that it's okay to be a homosexual but it's not okay for a homosexual to have children.  Just my thought.

Not to mention that the child is going to have difficulty making friends

 
Uhm..why? Do you choose your friends by their parents? And what's confusing? If they've always had two moms or two dads, what's there to be confused about? That'd be perfectly normal to them.
 
Just trying to understand..

Not to mention that the child is going to have difficulty making friends.

 
I find children to be far more accepting and tolerant than most adults.  The children that my lesbian friends raise together, would probbaly not agree that they have had a difficult time making friends in their life.
 
Again, I agree that in a "perfect world" each child would have the benifit of being raised by both genders, but not all heterosexual couples make loving, supportive and capable parents, so you could argue that some heterosexual couples shouldn't have children either....    
  

Children can be cruel.  Some children think it's fun to make fun of people for being "different".  My uncle is married to my aunt and she is bisexual.  Her girlfriend lives with them.  My cousins didn't know what was going on for the longest time but now that they are older, the know everything.  I don't think their friends know about any of it.  About the confusing part, the child has to then decide what's right for them.  Do they become homosexual like their parents or do they go straight?  I know I'd be pretty lost. 

Do they become homosexual like their parents or do they go straight?

 
This is a choice that may be made for them simply by biology.. not by there family structure. NONE of the children I know who are raised by homosexuals are homosexuals themself. Yet all the homosexual adults I know were raised by heterosexual couples.... 

I really don't care.  I care about my family and that's it.  Beyond that, it's really non of my business.  I know loving families and I know crappy families that have husband/wife, divorce, homosexual partnerships, etc.  I know someone that never married and adopted a baby from China at age 50.  She has a beautiful daughter and they have a great relationship without a father in the picture.  I also know "traditional" husband/wife families that have severe marrital issues but stayed together "for the kids" and this has done an insane amount of damage to their kids and their relationships.  So, no, I cannot agree that it's better to have a husband/wife family than it is to have a single parent or homosexual parents.  It all boils down to the individuals involved.  IMO, it's very arrogant and presumtuous for anyone to make assumptions about other people's relationship simply based on the sex(es) of those involved.  If it's not the type relationship YOU want, fine, don't do it, but don't accuse others of having an instable or unloving relationship based on your own opinions (and I mean "you" in general, not towards any person here).

My childhood suffered because I had two parents, a male and a female, who were unhappily married but felt pressured by "society" to stay together since they had me. They divorced shortly after I moved out at 18 and today they are both more content and easier to get along with, and they have a great friendship between them. I have no doubts that they both loved me, and had they divorced early in my life I would have had a happier childhood and be a more well-adjusted adult.