Dog Community

Need a push.

Posted : 4/16/2006 3:25:59 PM

Ok first off I want to apologize for the whiny post I am about to write. i decided to put it in NDR because it isn't really about my dogs although it does pertain to them in a way.

So here goes... BF walked out on Thursday night. He has decided that he no longer wants to be responsible. He is younger than me by the way. So of course being the basket case I was on Thursday I called my lifelines (Mom and Dad) and they came to pick up my son for the weekend. Its Easter and I didn't want him spending it with his depressed mom. I worked on Saturday and talked things over with my boss who is also a good friend. She told me that she will do whatever she can to make sure that I get the hours that I need to support us and work it around times when I can get a babysitter. God Bless her, she even invited me for Easter dinner. I declined as I will not be much company and I don't know her family. But it was a nice gesture.

So I have spent the rest of the weekend composing myself and trying to figure out how to go on. I have decided that I can afford to stay where I am. Even though BF brought in half the income, I should only have to cut a few corners to make ends meet. But I will have to work more hours. My son will have to spend more time at a babysitters. And my dogs more time in thier crates. But this will leave me with little to no adult human contact and I am afraid that this is what will drive me crazy. You see I live in a city where my only friend lives way out of town and only gets in once a week or so for groceries. She is also leaving for the summer starting May 1.

Here is another thing that scares me. What if something were to happen to one of my dogs? If I am already just making ends meet, what do I do if they need emergency care? I hate the idea of crating them 8 hours a day 5 days a week. I do not want to get rid of them and am not asking anyone to advocate this.

And how did I not see this coming? How could the guy I thought I was going to marry walk out on me? And why is it that now even if he did come back that I just want to tell him to forget it. Any thoughts on how I can get out of this slump would be appreciated. Oh ya and my birthdays next Saturday to boot. Great Birthday present. I hate this woe is me attitude that I have come down with.

glenmar

Posted : 4/16/2006 5:16:40 PM

Ok girl, time to pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Better you find out NOW that he's not ready for responsibility than 5 years from now. And, maybe he needs time to "find himself" and if you're cool with that, that's your call should you decide to take him back. But the biggest thing right now, is that you need to take care of YOU. That's an order.

Hugs to you. And prayers.

huskymom

Posted : 4/16/2006 5:29:17 PM

Yes ma'am! and thanks

glenmar

Posted : 4/16/2006 5:33:23 PM

You're welcome. I'm a card carrying member of the "been there done that" club, only mine was a husband who didn't want to be a parent (after two kids) and drank, womanized and hit because he wasn't happy.....an unhappy man can be a terrible thing.

Right now is rough for you, so do whatever it is that makes you feel GOOD about you...including letting the tears and anger OUT. You WILL come through this just fine, cuz you are a STRONG woman.

Sandra TH

Posted : 4/16/2006 5:48:29 PM

Yup- I'm a member of that club, too. I always handle adversity by having a real good cry and then picking myself off the floor, brushing myself off, squaring my shoulders and just keepin' on. After the crisis is over I look back and know that I have grown as a person and am stronger than ever. You will get through this and be stronger, too. We will help you all we can.

huskymom

Posted : 4/16/2006 6:24:02 PM

Well I already feel stronger than I did on Thursday let me tell you. There's still alot I need to work out in my head but for tonight thats all going on the back burner and I'm going out with a friend that I havent talked to in awhile. Her husband is living in Alberta and she won't be able to get there until July. So we are both pretty lonely today.

Julie Beveridge

Posted : 4/16/2006 7:08:44 PM

[sm=rotfl.gif]Something I learned a long time ago. Men suck!!!

And not in a good way!!

gradyupmybutt

Posted : 4/16/2006 7:58:33 PM

CAndace, I have no words of wisedom for you, just my thoughts are with you & one of my famous ((hugs))

jeano

Posted : 4/16/2006 10:15:29 PM

Hi Candace!

I'm glad you are going out with a friend. I hope you have a great time. I'm a member of the Been There Done That Club big time! A fellow begged and pleaded me to marry him when I was pregnant with my son. He was soooo sure he wanted the instant family. And instead he got another girlfriend halfway through the marriage and one day said "I don't want to be married anymore" and simply walked out. Your post sure rang a bell with me.

Sometimes we have to live on the edge a little while until we shove things around physically, financially and emotionally until we have more slack. Don't worry! Don't say to yourself "What if this happens? What if that happens?" That's just plain old borrowing trouble, and a big waste of time. You will be FINE. If you think about it, things have always worked out, haven't they? Have faith in yourself and in the Universe that you are going to get right through this. I bet your life will only improve as a result, too. Funny how it works that way, eh?

Luvarescue, you deal with it just the way I do. A big, long sobby cry. And then get all determined, and even elated to have a new challenge, and get on with it. Yup. What else can you do, really?

Candace: HUGS!!

He is The Boss

Posted : 4/16/2006 10:36:45 PM

Candace, sorry to hear that.. but glad to hear you are getting things into perspective and pulling yourself out of it.

I have been by myself for over 5 years now and trust me.. YOU CAN DO IT!! As Jean said, don't worry about the what ifs of emergencies, etc.. you will make it through it if something does happen, but I learned a long time ago if you spend your time worried about negative things you can pretty well guarantee that's what you are going to get.

smilee1079

Posted : 4/16/2006 11:06:49 PM

I think you already have everything solved. Crating your dogs while you are at work all day is not so odd. And, as another thread said, it is not the quantity of time you have them out, but the quality. Now, you won't have to worry about time with the bf, that you can have even more quality time with the dogs. They will be there for you when bf isn't!

Also, it is better to find all this out now rather than later! All things happen for a reason.

huskymom

Posted : 4/17/2006 1:42:40 AM

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words. I have been doing alot of thinking and have come to the conclusion that although at times it seems I won't, I will survive! And whats more I will be stronger because of it. I had a good time tonight even after the incedent with my moose and the mammoth next door. Of course every conversation I had tonight was about how my dog got his butt kicked. lol maybe it was someones way of telling me that I can handle emergencies.

Oh and Jean ... thanks.

sharismom

Posted : 4/17/2006 8:28:50 AM

Candace - BTDT myself. I still don't have a live-in boyfriend after 8 years and I'm okay with that. I worked 2 jobs for about 3 years so my son was at daycare or a sitter's a lot during that time. I think it was harder on me because up until I left, I was a stay-at-home mom and I felt guilty having to drastically change the fact I couldn't be home all the time. We both managed and neither of us are any worse for the wear. The dog and cat adjusted, too.

Hang in there! You'll be okay. {{hugs}}

lorib

Posted : 4/17/2006 8:49:55 AM

All I can offer is hugs and a boot to get you up and at 'em!

huskymom

Posted : 4/17/2006 9:09:48 AM

Thanks Tina and Lori. I've already been out working on my fence again this morning which my dogs were not impressed with because that meant they had to stay inside while I was outside. I woke up this morning with a good feeling. Like things are going to start looking up from now on.