Dog Community

A Question of Etiquette

Posted : 3/28/2007 11:00:57 AM

My husband and I got married on Sept. 23, 2006. We had a pretty small, no-frills wedding. It was a traditional church wedding, but we had the reception at church, made our own cupcakes and food, it was buffet style rather than a dinner, no dancing, etc. Not exactly casual, but just very basic.

Fast forward to this week. We currently live in a small apartment and might have to move. Our original apartment had mold and the only other one available was a more expensive one so we got it at the price we WERE paying. Well we can't afford to pay the actual price when the lease is up, so we are looking for a new place.

I'm slowly trying to scale back on all of our stuff, b/c I hate moving crap I never even use. In the closet I found some wedding gifts we've never opened. It's stuff we didn't register for and don't really want. The item in question is a silver salad bowl and serving utensils. It's made of actual silver and was really expensive. Personally, I think it's ugly as heck. It doesn't match anything we have (my decor is all stuff from Africa and this bowl is made in an American "colonial" style). I won't even unpackage it b/c the silver will start getting bad and I'll have to buy silver cleaner to clean something that is ugly. I did register for a serving bowl and serving platter that matches the rest of my dishes and my grandma got them for me and I love them. Now, I think I should sell this salad bowl. My uncle bought it and I see him only at Christmas. It's not like he's going to come over and wonder where the bowl is. My husband thinks it would be rude to sell it and that we should keep it as a keepsake. The thing is, I HAVE keepsakes, things my grandma gave me that have been in the family for years and have personal value (two antique chairs, a dresser, a table cloth my great-gran made, and a letter desk). This salad bowl is ugly and means nothing to me but being a piece of junk adding to the clutter.

Sell or keep?

Cita

Posted : 3/28/2007 11:14:44 AM

I think I'd vote sell. But then again, if it were me, I'd probably keep it, just because I'm a "what if he finds out and is horrible offended and hates me forever!" type neurotic. The more logical choice is, of course, to sell it.

marty_ga

Posted : 3/28/2007 11:14:47 AM

Can you exchange it for something you do want? That would be much less offensive, plus you probably won't get it's value if you sold it, and that would be offensive.

Liesje

Posted : 3/28/2007 11:30:47 AM

I'd love to exchange it, but I don't have a receipt for it and he got it special ordered from some company, not at a local store. I'm more concerned about getting this stuff out (there's other things we are selling) than getting money for it. We have so much stuff we don't even want taking up all of our storage space.

denise m

Posted : 3/28/2007 11:33:53 AM

I'm one of those people who think long and hard about the gifts I give, so personally I would be offended if I found out someone SOLD it. On the other hand, if someone sold it because they really needed the money, I would rather see them pay their hydro bill. If indeed you simply don't like it and can't be bothered packing and unpacking it, why not just give it to your Mom or sister or someone you know who might really like it? I got a few wedding gifts that really weren't my cup of tea when I was married as well. Later on however, as I matured and my tastes changed some of those items I really ended up liking. You might consider holding on to it for a little longer. JMHO

Ps Congrats on your wedding!

badrap

Posted : 3/28/2007 11:38:59 AM

is there maybe someone in your family who could surreptitiously "hold" it for you? a brother or sister? if it was really expensive, it was probably intended to be an heirloom piece, and to sell it is a little tacky IMO.... but maybe someone you love could get some use out of it without your uncle knowing? that way it would still be "in the family" which might be what he intended anyway.

just a suggestion...

g33

Posted : 3/28/2007 11:49:02 AM

As long as your sent a gracious thank-you note for the gift, it's yours to do with as you please! I vote sell it.

Liesje

Posted : 3/28/2007 12:01:43 PM

The problem is everyone in my family has always been rather practical and raises eyebrows to fancy gifts like this, everyone but this particular uncle who is very show-offy with his money. He thinks about gifts only as far as what makes him look special, not what the person will actually want/use. My parents would have no use for it. I would just as soon re-gift it, but no one I know has registered for something like this. Maybe I can find a charity auction or something. The other wedding gift we are selling are wine glasses. I don't feel guilty about that one at all. My husband has a medical condition and b/c of his meds he absolutely cannot drink alcohol. Why someone would ignore this and buy us wine glasses is beyond me. That's something I can't use even if I wanted to, and we specifically did not register for anything involving serving alcohol.

I am selling them (and other stuff I won at a work convention) for money b/c the mechanic told us Monday our car is not safe on the road (it's missing some pieces that hold the back wheels on) and the cost of repair is more than the value of the car. I work full time, but my husband is a student so I pay for everything and right now we cannot afford a car, lease, or loan so we're waiting for taxes and also trying to save up more money for a used car before the wheels fall off the current car. That's why I'm going through all this good stuff we don't need and only keeping what we actually use. That, and we're going to have to find a smaller/cheaper apartment to make a car loan so if it's between having storage space for my clothing and camping equipment vs. storage space for heirloom pieces that aren't even heirlooms yet, I'm gonna keep what I want/actually use (our camping equipment).

Liesje

Posted : 3/28/2007 12:02:23 PM

As long as your sent a gracious thank-you note for the gift, it's yours to do with as you please! I vote sell it.

Yep, did those a long time ago and made up some crap about it being extra thoughtful or whatever. [

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espencer

Posted : 3/28/2007 12:04:49 PM

Sell it, i bet that even if you keep it the person who gave it to you wont see it ever again anyways

mrstjohnson

Posted : 3/28/2007 12:13:07 PM

Sell it. I actually returned a lot of those types of gifts when I got married because we would never them. He will never know and probably won't even remember buying it for you.

cakana

Posted : 3/28/2007 12:46:47 PM

The other wedding gift we are selling are wine glasses.

Just a thought, but there may come a time when you entertain and perhaps you would serve wine to your guests. I don't think everyone puts quite as much thought into things as you might imagine. It's not that they don't care, but quite often people think of things they wanted when they started out. As for the other gift, I too hate clutter and more than anything, I have this attitude that it feels gluttonous to hold on to things that I don't need when someone else might be able to enjoy it. Someone gave me a breadmaker, and although I love fresh made bread, I hadn't used it and knew I probably never would. I donated it to a charity and felt better knowing someone might actually get some use out of it.

jenhuedepohl

Posted : 3/28/2007 12:59:43 PM

Get rid of it. It's your's to do with as you please. I actually have a hard time giving gifts because I worry that they WON'T get rid of it if they don't like it! Then I'd feel guilty that someone felt responsible for a gift they never wanted.

snownose

Posted : 3/28/2007 1:04:23 PM

Yep donate the thing...that way you can feel better about it......[

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badrap

Posted : 3/28/2007 1:07:43 PM

hey post a pic... maybe I want it[]