Parental Advice Needed

When Maddy is actually good, I tell her how good she is and I tell her how much I like it when she is good.  I've even bought her stuff that she wants. (probably not the best thing to do)  No, she isn't always a monster but, she isn't nice much of the time neither.  I am home with her 24/7.  Daddy works strange hours(12-noon til sometimes 12-midnight) there are times that he is gone for 2-3 days/nights at a time.  I tried working and I Loved getting away from her even if I was working but me and the boss didn't see eye to eye(she was fired about 2 months after I quit!)  I am the type that stresses really easy and Madison knows just how to make me go off the deep end.  There have been times that I had to go to my room and lock the door for 10 minutes just so I could regain my senses.  I'll tell my stepmom about what Maddy does and she just tells me that I am basically "seeing things" "Madison wouldn't do that"  But my dad even sees how much trouble she gives me and when I can't get her to calm down when we are at his house, he steps in.  Her new thing is, she'll get mad when she doesn't get her way, and she screams that she hates me.  I just tell her that's fine because she won't think that when she wants something.  I absolutely love her to death but there are times that I want to get in the car and leave for about a week!  You should see me when my dad calls and say that he will keep her overnight!  I am running around and packing her bag before I even get off the phone and I am done and at his house within 15 minutes!  He is only 8 miles away!![]  I guess I need to step back and watch what Justin does with her and maybe I can get her calmed down!

Madison knows just how to make me go off the deep end.

This is a very telling statement.  Sounds like she's got you all figured out and wrapped around her little finger (in her mind).  Don't let her see that her behavior is winning.  She's seeing you taking breaks b/c she's driving you mad and thinking "oh, mommy left and I got my way!"  Kids don't seem to understand stress, so unless you're actually sobbing in front of her, she's probably not going to be sorry or feel bad. 

One thing that worked well with some of the kids I babysat was just ignore treatment.  If she's not doing something dangerously bad, but is just being noisy and obnoxious, ignore her.  She already knows she's being bad, but for some kids even negative attention is better than no attention at all.  Don't even bother with the negative attention, just pretend like she's not there and when she stops being annoying and starts speaking to you appropriately, respond to her again and thank her for acting like a Big Girl, maybe ask her if she'd like to play a game or read a story.  That way, she knows YOU are in control and you can have FUN together when she behaves.

If she persists, I'd call the Supernanny.

My middle child is 3 and a half. She is a HANDFUL. But I can truthfully say that my oldest daughter Heather did not act out nearly as much. She was very calm and to this day really wants to please me.
 
Kelly, the 3 yr old, has a time out chair at the end of the hall. When she acts up, she gets to sit in it for 3 minutes. And the time is normally started over for back talk, etc etc. The rules of time out chair... No screaming, no kicking or banging the chair, and of course no back talk.
 
Kelly used to be put on her bed for time out, but then she related her bed with being bad. So puting her down for a nap was very hard. So I resorted to the time out chair. She doesn't have to face the wall or anything, just has to sit there and talk nice, or be quiet. Any negative attitude and the time starts over.
 
Everyone else pretty much stated the most important part in being a good parent.... Consistancy. If you tell her she will go in time out for doing something, do it. If you do it EVERY time she misbehaves, she will eventually get the picture.
 
I'm not against spanking. But a three year old acting out really doesn't need a spanking unless she goes too far. And you can be the decision maker on that part. If Kelly runs from me, she will get a spanking. On the rear only. A child running can be very dangerous in many situations. That is one thing that I stopped at an early age. And the word "NO". There is so much disrespect in that word. It is very seldom heard in my house. And if it's used... you will be in big trouble.
 
Rewarding... lots of rewarding. I buy a bag of little marshmallows for Kelly. When we go out to the store, and she behaves nicely, she gets 10 marshmallows. We count them out together and I reminder her over and over again why she got them. And it's random too, she might do something little that was good, then get surprised with some marshmallows.
 
Keeping a 3 year old busy also helps. Give her things to do. Make picking up toys fun. Color a picture with her.
 
Another thing my mom told me... When you want something to stick in their little brains, repeat yourself. Over and over and over again.
 
 
 
 

first off, for your own sanity, I would seriously consider having someone come maybe once or twice a week and babysit her for you or take her and watch her for you.
Mom, you need a BREAK.
Have you thought about possibly putting her into a preschool for maybe 2 days a week or possibly 3 days a week for half a day?
In my opinion, and it is my opinion because she's not my child, I think it's time for her to get some socialization.
Parents and children need a break from eachother and the everyday routine.

Could she be bored without a playmate of her own age?

I think she is bored here with me.  She is an only child and that's how it is going to stay!  My niece is 2 and Madison is always telling me that she want to go see Angela.  I take her to see her cousin about 2 times a week and as soon as they see each other, it's WW3!  They scream and fight and heaven forbid they touch each other's toys!  Maddy has been in daycare before.  Angela hasn't.  She stays with my grandma.  When it's nice out, I take her to see ngela and I just turn them loose in my grandma's yard.  My dad lives next door to her so they have 2 BIG yards to run around in, yet they want to fight over who is going to sit in my lap!  I think I am going to try the marshmallows!

Have you ever talked to Maddy about why her daddy is away so much, and how she feels about that? Maybe she's acting out because she needs and wants more of her father, and is too young to article and vent her feelings properly... so she's just expressing rage toward you. That would be my armchair analysis, for what it's worth.
 
I think that a lot of parents really underestimate the power of modeling behavior. I see so many people who yell and hit/spank when they're upset but don't understand why their children express frustration, sadness, and anger by yelling and hitting. My parents spanked me and my mom was a big screamer. Do I harbor resentment to this day? No. But what did I do when I was a kid and felt any negative emotion at all? Scream and hit people. That's what was modeled to me. Parents are the primary source of information on emotion and behavior for kids under school age. What you do, they will imitate, and more than that they won't know any other way unless you show them another way.