What a waste of 4 years

Yikes, so sorry to hear that, but, and there is always a "But", it's better to find these things out before, and not after.....

I'm so very sorry to hear what you're going thru.  I know what it's like to question almost everything you've believed in.  It hurts very, very badly, but the pain and anger will ease in time.  You may not feel up to planning this right now, but maybe a nice getaway with a girlfriend in the near future.  Again, I'm very sorry you're going thru this.

Ugh. I am so sorry. If I ever meet this man and by some twist of fate recognize him, I'll happily kick him in the nuts for you.

OMG! you are so brave and so strong, I can't express my admiration for you, really I can't.
 
Try  not to let what he did damage you in any way - your self esteem, your ability to trust...... and stay strong.
 
I have been where you are and this brings it back but the pain does pass and as glenda said, stuff really does happen for a reason, even when you can't see that reason right away...... so hang in there!  I'm sending good thoughts your way.

ORIGINAL: Cita

Ugh. I am so sorry. If I ever meet this man and by some twist of fate recognize him, I'll happily kick him in the nuts for you.

 
Ditto
 
I also agree with Glenda that things happen for a reason. I am sure there is a far better guy out there for you and it is better that you find out now then later. Good luck to you, and know that you arent at fault. The guy is just a jerk (and will someday get what he deserves) it has nothing to do with you. You are a really wondeful person who deserves a lot better.

I am so, so sorry. I know how overwhelming it must be to have everyone calling you right now. Just put your phone on silent, you can call everyone back later, and go do something to relax. And please know, that you can always talk to any person on this forum for support. And don't don't don't feel like YOU lost something. He is the one that lost something, don't stop telling yourself that.

What a rotten way to treat you! Tell me where he is, and I'll go introduce him to my frying pan...[]

The way I've gotten through things like this is to take the bull by the horns and take control of my life. Burst into flames and be reborn into a new life you have crafted for yourself!

When one door closes (and I honestly think you ought to SLAM this one, hard!) another one opens!

You can do whatever you want now, take your life in any direction, rearrange furniture, take a trip, talk to girlfriends on the phone any old time, eat banana cream pie for dinner if you want, start a new career, write a book---whatever!

Leave this guy far behind in the dust doing his little dysfunctional thing. It totally sucks that he did this, but you can blow past it to some really good stuff, I'm sure of it!

I'm sorry to hear this! That sounds heartbreaking. I can totally understand the need to avoid the phone for a while... but when you're ready, do let your friends & family help you through this... it's wonderful that they care about you so much.

OMG i am so sorry for what happened. Something incredibly similar happened to me. I was organizing my fiance's bills and his cell hone bill happened to catch my eye since it was around 600 dollars. I saw a reoccuring phone number and looked it up online on reverse 411 low and behold it was his ex's name that popped up, who was and still is a married women at the time of their affair. I went into shock at that moment. you keep telling yourself that its not real and that your mistaken. It took me a couple of days to get my bearings straight. I ended up calling her husband up and informing him of what i knew and then my boyfriend found out through her. It was a whole big mess and they tried to make me feel guilty because she had children and now they wont grow up in a normal atmosphere. I dont know if i made the right choice in informing her husband and to tell you the honust truth i do feel guilty that i upset the kids but i didnt want them to all live a lie. This happened last december and it still hurts so much that i didnt see the signs at the time. I feel like dirt and the pain is still there. I wasnt good enough for him even though i loved him with all my heart. The part that hurts me the most is that i still love him, i still miss him. But i feel like i owe it to myself to move on no matter how much it pains me to do so.
I hope you the best of luck, you will get through this and you will move on. It could take months or years but it is something that you need to overcome and i shed a tear for you knowing how much pain and humiliation you must feel at this very moment. Your worth so much more then you realize and if some idiot didnt see that then i hope that he goes through life regretting his mistake, i hope he realizes one day what an amazing person you were and how much he has truely lost.

I'm so sorry you've been faced with this betrayal -- I can't imagine the heartbreak, anger, embarrassment, and a million other emotions you must be feeling.  I echo the excellent comments so many other folks have offered.  It's most definitely better you found out now rather than after a wedding, and if that woman wants a man who cheats on a fiance, then she can have him, right?
 
The other thing I wanted to say is remember this:  "Living well is the best revenge."  I'm not saying to hold vengence in your heart -- I'm just saying that you will come out of this the better, stronger person.  He'll be the one with the most regret and loss when he sees that you've moved on and remained a strong woman, deserving of much better than he offered you.  Take care, and may your friends and family bring you lots of support and strength.

Thank you all for the support!  I don't think anyone here knows how much it means to me.
 
This morning ex-BF showed up at the door (the locks have already been changed) & admits that he really messed up, but he loves me & will do anything to make our relationship work.  I thought about this for about 5 seconds & then told him he was just to late & I couldn't subject myself to this again.  Then we start discussing how we are going to divide everything.  I hadn't even thought about that, so long story short he was very easygoing & I got everything that was important to me without giving up much.  I did have to admit that I burned some of his stuff but he just shrugged & said that he didn't blame me.  I will have to call my attorney tomorrow to find out what else may need to be done, but the dissolution of our relationship is going much better than I had expected.
 
I decided to take a few days off from work to try & clear my head.  So this afternoon, I packed up the pooches & a few necessities and headed for the beach house.  I was looking for some quiet time to work some things out in my head. (Like what do you do with 1000 wedding invitations?)  But I arrived to Spring Break 2007.  Things are very interesting to say the least.  Luckily, the beach house is located on a secluded part of beach.  I have puttered up & down the beach with the dogs.  Then I went into town for supplies (food).  During my excursion, I bungee jumped, something that I have not gotten to do since July because there is always the concern of me hurting myself & not being able to walk down the aisle.  It was great, there's just no feeling like it (except for sky diving).  Now I am typing from a chair on the porch so that I can hear the waves crashing around me.  I can honestly say that I have been able to relax for the first time in the past 2 days.

Oh, I found this post earlier in the day (but I was having some serious computer issues) I've had you in my mind... and wishing you the best. I'm SO glad to see your update post and that you're doing so well!

You are one strong lady. ... GOOD FOR YOU! Saying no to him must have been hard, but damn if you didn't do it well Good on you for doing what's best for you and packing up and heading for the beach. I got out of a a 4-year relationship and I swore it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. You're doing it with more style and class that I could have dreamt.

Hang in there, enjoy spring break (go join a kegger!! [] ) Hug those pups and let us know what we can do for you.

((BIG E HUGS))

I admire your strength, and of course understand how you feel.  Your get away sounds wonderful. Sorry I dont have much more to add since Im going through something similar... but I agree that you did the right thing. 

Now I am typing from a chair on the porch so that I can hear the waves crashing around me. I can honestly say that I have been able to relax for the first time in the past 2 days.

 
Glenda's advice is good for anyone. You deserve a break. And good luck to you.
 

A nice relaxing few days at the beach sounds just like what you need. And hey, if some 18-year-old college boy-candy wanders your way, your entitled to that too!